On Friendship

Was he mad to be giving it a go? He tried to judge himself as a bystander, imagining what he would say to a friend in his situation – and he didn't like being on the receiving end of that particular piece of advice. What were they doing? Were they just settling for a passionate month together if things didn't work out? He agreed with Rory in some aspects, though, as illogical as it all seemed. A month was not so bad. They could learn something about each other in the way. He thought he could actually live with that. Yeah, at least he would have tried. And then, some of the things Rory said stroke a chord with him, a really meaningful one. They were, in a way, still characters in their own novel. They wanted to know each other at a deeper level, regardless of how bad the situation seemed. They had known the worst side of each other, and still they were there, wanting to learn more, to feel more, to become better. She called him a soul friend. He loved that. He felt that. Was that what their real connection was, and why it had endured the test of time? He also saw their relationship as a soul one, regardless of where life would take them - probably where they would need to go, even if not together. He didn't have a problem settling for something like that. It occurred to him that perhaps it was the only true way to tackle relationships. But he still wasn't ready to go separate ways with Rory – he wanted to live more things, to get to know Rory better, to enjoy whatever precious time they still had together. He rang her early in the morning.

"Hey."

"Hi." She seemed shy.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, actually. Better than in months."

"Did you think about me?"

She laughed on the other side. "Yeah. It worked really well."

"It did? You mean me? So what, I used to not work well before?" he regretted having that conversation on the phone, he wanted to see her. "Wait, don't tell me. Would you tell me to my face?"

"I… could try. Later?"

"I actually need to be in the city today. A writer had a sudden inspiration and wants to share something. And I need to do some other stuff. But, are you working tomorrow?"

"No, today."

"OK, so what do you think about coming to Brooklyn?"

She was slow in replying. "For how long?"

"When do you need to be back?"

"Uhm… Friday evening. I'm opening the diner on Saturday and working there until Luke and my mom arrive. And then… it's New Year's Eve"

"Good, then. Pack your bags."

"Wait! I haven't agreed yet. How will that work? Am I staying with you?"

"Sure."

"Are you mad? Have you been castrated?"

He laughed. "I'll be there around noon tomorrow. If you don't want to go, that's fine, but I think you owe me a road trip, even if it's a short one."

"Somehow I feel your road trips are one-way tickets to your bed."

"Ouch! But yeah. We'll talk later?"

She rang him when she closed the diner. They had texted during the day, talking about light stuff. Jess' writer, who had previously published a decent realistic novel, had appeared with a 500 pages long manuscript for a fantasy novel, hailing it as the next Game of Thrones. Kirk had gone to the bookstore to return his present for Lulu, which had really upset Rory - it was the Kamasutra for Dummies.

"I need to know everything about that book. Like, have they removed all the cool stuff and just left the plain stuff everyone already does, like the missionary?"

She giggled. "Yeah, that and woman-on-top! And then I not only had to picture Kirk with Lulu, but I had to pity him for his poor knowledge. I feel really weird now. Is it bad that I pity him? I tried to recommend something else but he wouldn't hear anything about it."

"You must really care for him."

She doubted. "Yeah, I actually do. The world would be a much simpler place without him. It would be like losing quantum mechanics."

He smiled. He remembered how she had taken care of Kirk the day before Lorelai and Luke's wedding. He liked that Rory. "I'm glad he returned the book, though. Can I get it?"

"I… don't think so. I mean, Andrew would know I got it. And then I have a hunch that you don't need it."

"But, how can you know? I mean, knowledge never hurt anyone! I might have been carrying myself wrong all these years. I might need it."

She snorted. "So, tell me about that fantasy novel. Have you managed to read anything yet?"

"Yeah, I did, he seemed so proud of it. I was ready to hate it, but the first chapter was not half bad. But the names, Ror… Ugh. We need to have a serious conversation about them."

"Are they bad?"

"They are beyond bad. Antanaranella. Hildemunth. And then fucking Jake! How in the world can Jake be in love with a Hildemunth? The things I need to edit sometimes amaze me."

"Yeah? Do you get like really good stuff that has blatant mistakes sometimes?"

"Nah, not really. If it's good the writer has usually a certain control over everything. It's mostly stuff that is hard to understand, or points that don't come across as the writer would want to. And then really long arguments about changing that stuff. But usually if the writer is good the standards are up to a minimum. This guy though… I think he's doing drugs or something."

"So… what are you doing now?"

"I'm talking to you. What are you doing?"

"Ha ha, very funny. I just wanted to picture you on the other side of the line."

"I'm sitting on the couch. But we don't need to do this, you know? Like you could actually see me here tomorrow."

"Yeah… I'll really like that."

"So, is that a yes?"

"I think so."

"Great. I'm looking forward to it."

"Me too."

"Are you nervous? I know I am."

She hesitated. "Yeah."

"Are you excited, though?"

"Are you, Jess?"

"I'm not embarrassed for answering that one first – I am. I had always wanted to spend more time with you. I'm really looking forward to the drive, for example. We could stop for ice cream on a cone. And I'll convince you that you are the one making the music selection when, in the end, I'll skip everything until I get to the stuff I like." She laughed. "So?"

"So, what?"

"Aren't you excited, Ror? Come on, give me something to work with!"

"Yes, Jess, I'm very excited. I haven't been this excited… ever. And scared. But definitely excited."

"What are you scared of?"

She was quiet on the other side. "You know."

"Maybe I don't. Perhaps you'll be less scared if you say it out loud."

"I'm not sure about that."

He didn't want to push her, and surprisingly, he felt comfortable talking to her, so he decided he would do the talking. "You know what? I've been thinking a lot about some of the things you said yesterday. You called me your soul friend. Did you really mean it?"

He imagined her blushing on the other side. "Of course."

"I consider you my soul friend, too, Ror. Like, I always did, but I guess I never thought back in the day that we would need to talk about it to be it, you know? But I think I was an idiot. I like talking to you. I like telling you stuff and you telling me, even if it's not easy. So what I mean is that you can tell me or you can't, whatever you feel like, and I'll respect either choice, but if you do – I'll definitely like it. I'm saying just so you know."

She exhaled. "I'm worried that we won't work… in bed."

"I know what you mean. It's been too long. I'm fucking scared, too. It doesn't seem real, in a way."

"I'm also worried about working too well, you know? It's all really overwhelming."

"Let's make a deal. No pressure. Let's just have fun, and if it turns out we're shit at it, we'll laugh about it together, which will also be fun. At least we'll still be friends. That's very important to me."

"OK. Let's do that."

"But then you can't go tell your friends how shitty I was, promise me. And especially not your mom."

She laughed. "OK. I promise."

"Done deal. So, I'll see you tomorrow at 12?"