A Short Road Trip

It took her the whole morning to get ready. She first showered and shaved carefully, going over the same spots repeatedly so as not to leave any patches. She didn't even know if they would be having sex yet, but she could imagine that the stuff Jess had to do the previous day had something to do with getting checked – she just hoped no doctors were harmed in his fervor. Since she had lost her underwear box she only had plain underwear, and reluctantly settled for a very simple black cotton combination. And then she fretted over clothes. She considered dresses and skirts, but finally decided on a plain cotton shirt and jeans - she didn't want to feel too formal. He arrived to her house at noon. She opened the door slowly and only half-way.

"Are you sure you want to come in?"

"Quick, Gilmore. There's prying eyes."

She let him in and stood puzzled. He smiled and grabbed her face with both hands, kissing her with force. She stood confused at first but gave in quickly, grabbing the hair at the base of his neck with both hands and kissing back with the same hunger. He lowered his hands, tracing her body, until he reached her hips and lifted her. She closed her legs around him and he pushed her against the wall, thrusting against her center. She moaned, and he rubbed against her harder, making her whimper.

"I love how you sound, I had never heard it. I want to hear more." He thrusted again and got the sound he was looking for. He nuzzled her neck and then looked at her.

"What has gotten into you?" She was bewildered.

He shrugged and smiled. "I'm just happy for the trip."

She looked in his face and liked what she found, so she grinned and petted his face tenderly. "You are special. Wild, but special."

He gave her a quick kiss on the mouth. "Then come to the wild side before I tear your mom's house down. Your doctor papers are in the car."

He put her down gently and went to her room to grab her bag. He got a water bottle and a couple bananas, throwing one at Rory. "You should eat some real food, Gilmore. I don't want you collapsing after all the kissing and talking we are going to do. You seem really wobbly after I kiss you."

She put her hair behind her ear and blushed, lowering her head.

"I'm sorry, am I going too fast?"

She shook her head. "No, it's funny… I always thought you would be like this, you know? In my fantasies. I could always tell you were restraining yourself. I wanted to know that part of you. Thanks for showing me." She gave him a shy smile.

"But…"

"But nothing. I'm scared, but I knew that already. I guess it's a side of the coin of wanting you so much."

He kissed her on the cheek. "If it's any consolation, it's the same for me with you. Are you sure you want to go?"

She nodded and grabbed her coat.

"Rory?" She turned. "I've… never been totally like this with anyone. So… you're right. I'm a bit wild. I'm not used to it. I'll try to be less wild."

"I've never been like this either and… you're exactly like I pictured you in my dreams. That's why you are you. I wouldn't want you to hold back."

They talked about music and books. Rory agreed to the banana in exchange of stocking up on Pringles. They stopped for burgers and ice cream on a cone. They bantered like in the old times. Rory enjoyed herself truly for the first time since she found out she was pregnant.

"So… how is it, Ror? Can we talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Being pregnant. How is it? I won't ever be pregnant. I'm curious."

She doubted about going that path, but she could see he was honestly curious. Was that what getting to know each other meant? She decided to give it a go. "It's… fucking weird. There's a baby growing inside me. Inside me! Can you imagine? I feel like that Total Recall alien. At least I stopped puking."

"Thank god. I'm one of those people, you know. I puke empathically. So, can you feel it?"

She laughed. Jess seemed really interested and not at all weirded out. She didn't know if it was wise to be talking about it, but it felt right, so she just let it flow. "I did, yeah, a while back. It was very weird, not like moving, but like a flutter towards my womb but from the inside. I don't even think you could start to grasp what it means to feel something fluttering in your womb."

"OK, explain then."

"Why?"

"I don't know, I find it fascinating. I couldn't ask my mom when she was pregnant with Doula, she was all hippy about it, everything is amazing and angels come and kiss the baby out of you. I was just assessing there if you were as deranged as she was, but your Total Recall reference proved me that you still keep a grip on reality, so go on. I'm really enjoying this. Tell me everything."

She couldn't believe how he could be such a stud and so sweet at the same time. She really liked open Jess. She more than liked him. "OK, so… are you sure? Are you sure you're not weirded out by girl stuff?"

"What do you mean? Like periods and stuff?"

"Yeah."

"Like, I am, a bit, mainly because I feel at the same time bad for and jealous of the cards you've been dealt, but I won't faint. Like I wouldn't mind if I saw your blood or anything."

"What?" She was shocked. She had never ever met anyone like Jess, who wanted to know her every facet. She was fascinated by him. She wanted them to talk about everything and had a sudden glimpse of eternity, of sharing every single detail of life.

"I'm sorry! Is that weird? But I wouldn't! Like it's natural, I don't know."

"OK… You asked for it. So, yeah, wombs. That's…"

"I know what a womb is, Rory. It's the primordial place I strive to get to when pushing."

"Hey!"

He laughed. He seemed very relaxed. She realized she had never seen relaxed Jess. Even his shoulders were relaxed. He looked amazing. "OK, back to wombs. So, how was the flutter?"

"You see, the only times I had felt it was either being really clumsy putting a tampax, like it's very sensitive those days…"

"…Like breasts?"

"Yeah, I guess, and with some… hum, primordial pushing." She moved away from reminiscing about anyone else's primordial pushing as quickly as she could. "It's not pain, necessarily, or pleasure, either, it's just… tenderness. I don't know."

"So length really doesn't matter, then, since there's nothing to tickle there?" She laughed, but avoided making any comments. "Hey, don't be afraid! I'm well endowed, you won't have complaints there." He turned to look at her. She hated how he could make her blush at will.

"Dear girlfriend, I'm really freaked out. I don't know if you want to talk about girl stuff or get in my panties."

"Get in your panties, for sure. So, the fluttering was like a clumsy tampax but from the other side, right?"

"Yeah. But more like soft fingers, well… fluttering."

"Like mine?"

"Maybe… " He could be so cocky. She carried on, she didn't want to feed the beast. "So, anyway, I told the doctor and he told me there was no way I was feeling it yet. Then I asked Lane and she told me that she totally did early on and that her doctor had told her it was normal, so I'm changing doctors. I hate it when doctors dismiss your concerns as crazy stuff, and that was my fucking obstetrician! Like I'm going to get really crazy, he should have been more gracious about it. And I totally get what you say about hippy moms, I still haven't felt that it's a beautiful miracle feeling. I have a hunch it's all a paternalistic ruse to make us submissive when pregnant to contain our crazy hormones."

"I wish I could carry it for you. Are you scared?"

"Brutally scared. But I try not to think about it. I hope the miraculous feeling will kick in at some stage, hopefully before it gets bloody, or shortly after."

"Did you consider… not having it? Forget I said that, it was rude for me to ask."

She actually didn't mind. She wanted to share everything with him. "No, it's fine. I… did. I always thought that if something like this happened, in this situation I mean, like not planned, I would. I even went to the clinic to get info. It's funny, I just… couldn't."

"Well, I imagine it's not something one does happily, and it's good that you had the choice to decide what was right for you. Not that I have a fucking clue in the matter. I'm just mansplaining things to myself here, not to you."

"Are you training for Doula's teenage years?"

"You know what? In a way, yeah. Like a feel responsible, especially since I cannot imagine TJ being very good about these things. I just don't want her to have no one to go if things go bad with her like… well, with me, back in the day." Rory burst out crying. "Ror, what's wrong?" There was an exit to a gas station and he took it. He pulled up the car and hugged her. "Hey, I'm here, did I say anything wrong?"

He was an idiot. He was a complete idiot. He was perfect and he still thought he had screwed up. "You? You are amazing, how could you think that?"

"Then why are you crying?"

"I'm so sorry! I'm sorry you had to go through everything alone and you had no one, and that everyone was so unsympathetic and even if you were a punk the adults around you were worse! They should have known better! They should have been there for you!"

She felt him wipe her tears and kiss her on the cheeks once, twice, and then kiss her mouth until she stopped crying. She didn't want him to hold her anymore, she wanted to hold him, to tell him that everything was going to be alright. She needed him to know that she was there for him. She took her belt off and climbed to straddle him awkwardly, and started kissing him hard. He seemed confused but grabbed her waist after a while. She wanted to grind against him, but there was no way to do it in the car seat. She settled for tracing his chest and arms with her hands.

"Ror, stop, you're driving me crazy, and we won't make it very far if we end up in the police station."

She slowly stopped and went back to her seat. "Sorry. Pregnant meltdown."

"I love your pregnant meltdowns, don't be sorry. Horny seems to be always in the equation, so it works for me. Here, have a cookie." She smiled. He was beyond good. He shifted on his seat uncomfortably. "I just need to calm down for a little bit before leaving." She leaned on the seat and smiled to him. "Don't put that Rory face or we'll be here till midnight. Hey, why don't you show me your infamous Rory stare? I still haven't seen it."