Back to Reality

They spent the day enjoying the ultimate battle of the bookstores in Brooklyn. They took turns to show each other their favorite places, and then had burritos for lunch before heading back to Stars Hollow. Rory tried to convince Jess that she would take the train back but he wouldn't hear anything about it, he was set on driving her back to Stars Hollow, and at 4pm both headed back to her hometown. They agreed on sleeping in the apartment together and Jess leaving very early to spend the day with Doula as to avoid any gossip before Rory could break the news to her mom. Jess was driving and bantering about how her mom's head would explode if she found out when the elder Lorelai herself rang.

"Hey, mom! How is Nantucket?"

"Getting further away as we speak. We're heading home and will be back tonight."

"Oh." She hoped she didn't sound disappointed, which she was. She was looking forward to as much time together with Jess as the day would allow.

"That, indeed – your grandma is coming with us."

She could tell her mom was telepathically trying to send a message she couldn't say aloud. "Is everything alright?"

"You can do better."

"OK, so I need to guess and you will answer yes or no, right?"

"Yeah!"

"OK… is it bad?"

"Huh huh."

"Are… you in trouble?"

"Nope."

"Am… I in trouble?"

"Huh huh." Before Rory could go on she heard her grandma on the other side. "For Pete's sake, Lorelai, stop beating around the bushes, I know what you two are doing there, I was involved in the DAR, if you remember – and let me tell you, you two are secret speech aficionados. Young lady, if you can hear me, we need to have a very serious conversation. I'm awfully disappointed on you." Lorelai stopped her mom. "OK, let's leave it here, we'll see you at home in a couple hours, kiddo. By the way, it wasn't me."

And like that, she hung up.

"That didn't sound like a cheerful Lorelai-Rory exchange, everything alright?"

She hesitated. She had hoped for a bit of buffer with Jess and suddenly the situation was exploding in her face. "They're coming back from Nantucket already – with my grandma. She knows."

Jess looked confused as he drove on. "Did Lorelai tell her? I can't believe she did that."

She knew there were only two possibilities, although she dreaded discussing them with Jess. "No, she didn't."

Jess let out a breath and nodded. He took an exit at an rest area, stopped the car and looked at Rory. "OK. Go ahead." She hesitated, suddenly scared. She looked at him and saw Jess' stern face, but he wasn't angry, he just seemed… sad. She tried to gather her thoughts but he talked before she could start. "Fuck this, Rory. I know we said a month but I don't give a damn, you're pregnant with Logan's baby, there's no erasing that. Go ahead, tell me. You don't need to spare me, it's unrealistic to think that shit is not going to get complicated, and I know that. I knew since the beginning, and I'm here."

He grabbed her hand and she exhaled, relieved. For a moment she thought he was calling it quits. She kissed his hand. "I went to see Logan in London before Christmas, to tell him, and to bring a contract so I could stay… independent in the matter and do things my way. He hasn't signed it back yet. He said he didn't want to do anything I would feel uncomfortable with, but he hasn't signed it still, and that does make me uncomfortable."

"Why?"

"I… dread not being able to do things my way."

"And… what is your way?"

"I want the baby to be a Gilmore and not linked to the Huntzberger money in any way. I want to make the major life decisions." Jess stood, quiet, never averting her gaze. She decided to go on openly. "I want Logan to be in the baby's life in the way my father was never there, like… just there, you know? But not with me. I'm not sure he's going to agree to that."

"Why not?" She didn't know if it was possible, but Jess looked hopeful and defeated at the same time.

"I… I don't want to start a family with him. You know that, right?" The corner of his mouth hitched a little, and she squeezed his hand. "And I know he knows this because I've been really clear about it, but… I don't think he agrees. And it was fine, I think it was fine for him all these years not being officially with me because it meant his family could have his way and have him married with someone more… suitable, and he didn't have to defend me as I was lurking in the shadows, in a comfortable place for him where he could have it both ways, but that arrangement has gone wrong now, and it's going to force him to make a decision between what he would want to do and his family. And I don't want any of those options. I just want to do my thing… without being unfair to anybody, but I'm not sure everything is possible."

Jess shifted on his seat and cleared his mouth. "What do you think he wants?"

Rory looked Jess in the eye and held his stare. She couldn't break it, she didn't want to avoid his judgement, or to conceal her fears. "I…I think he would like to start a family if I was willing. But, since he can't have that… I'm afraid he will try to stay as closely connected to me as possible – even if it means going against my will. Or… perhaps not. Perhaps it's just fear talking."

"OK, let's recap here – what's the worst that could happen?" Rory hesitated. "He can't marry you by force, to begin with. Granted, he could want a bigger involvement, and to be honest, would you deny that, since you've told him and all? The baby would be half a heir of an empire, sure, but it's not like it would be born in a Syrian refugee camp, you know? Worst case scenario, you would share custody with a guy who, as much as it hurts to say, must be good enough to have had your affection all these years – so he couldn't be so bad. Why are you so worried?"

"Well… did you meet my grandparents? Imagine them on steroids – that's my baby's half family. And then…"

"Yeah?"

She almost whispered, afraid of what she was saying. "Well… you."

"What about me?"

"I… don't know. But I know I don't want to make it hard on you, or make you jealous, because there's nothing to worry about on that regard."

"Are you seriously worried about that?"

"I… yeah. I am. I… fuck, this is so hard, we weren't supposed to be talking about this stuff so soon."

Jess gave a dry laugh. "Come on, Ror… why are you so worried?"

She doubted for a second and then decided to make things as diplomatic as possible, she didn't want to put the burden on him so soon. "Well, it's just that I didn't want you to be involved in all of this so we could focus on us. It's been so long in coming – I still feel that there's so much to do before making up for the lost years. But I guess… I guess there's no escaping reality anymore."

He gave her a weird look – he seemed pained, and she wondered if she had said the wrong thing, if she should have told him that she already knew that he was it for her. But it was too soon, she didn't want him to commit to being with someone who was pregnant and had all the family problems in the book so fast, it would have been too selfish – too old Rory. He looked around and opened the door.

"Let's go."

She followed him, confused. "Where are we going?"

He grabbed her hand and pressed on, without speaking. He went around the deserted picnic tables of the rest area and got into the men's toilet, locking the door. She was at a loss. "What are we doing?"

"Making up for lost time while there's actually time."

He crashed against her mouth with an urgency that startled her, undoing the buttons of her shirt roughly. At first she stood frozen, but then she realized that he was right, that there would be perhaps no more time to stay in that peaceful, happy moment they had created, and then she grew as desperate as he was, and got rid of her trousers, leaving them on the sink. He then hoisted her against the wall and pushed her panties aside to penetrate her, and the strength with which he pushed, and grabbed her, and kissed her matched her own, and she knew that he would be fearing, same as she was, that it was the last time he was inside her.

They drove the last stretch to Stars Hollow in silence, Jess caressing her thigh softly from time to time. He dropped her a couple streets away from her house.

"I still want to know, Ror. I still want you to tell me who told your grandmother and why she's angry." Rory sighed, smiling sadly. "And I still want to spend New Year's Eve with you."

"Me too. And I want to tell you – I want to tell you everything, all the time. Nothing has changed for me."

He leaned to kiss her softly. "Just call me whenever you're ready. I'll be at my mom's."

She nodded and went out.