The Right Choice

Jess had always had a great instinct about life changing moments — after all, he had the sensitivity of a real writer — and so what he heard while hiding beneath the trees shook him to the core. As much as he was in pain he was in awe. Those two people in front of him had reached a point in their relationship that he had never experienced, or even dreamed of, for himself. They had fucked up many times, and still they were there, with the pain, the complications, but also the beauty – of sharing the new life they had created together, of becoming better for the sake of the other – while he was there with no remarkable background to speak of. He felt, in a way, like a child that does not have the experience to cope with adult matters, and so, unable to make out what it all meant for him, for his heart, for Rory, he put what he had witnessed in the box of unattainable things, a mental space that contained events that were normal for most people, but unfortunately not for him — the warmth of growing in a nurturing family, the happiness of saying I love you to someone and receive the same words in return, the beauty of getting to know and care so much for someone that no quarrel or setback, however major, can erase that fact.

He hadn't meant to listen. He was getting nervous by the bridge while waiting for Rory, who was really late, and was considering to head back to town to look for her when the briefest of phone calls startled him. It had been Rory, but when he returned the call her mobile was off. He decided to leave, but then, as he was heading back, those crazy stork dancers had appeared in the middle of the woods. They were not dancing anymore, but walking towards town, as himself, while getting away from a lit path in the middle of the woods. He left the storks and followed that eerie path, who knows why, and at the end he made out the figures of Rory and blonde dick. He felt hurt and betrayed at that moment, knowing that it was neither logical nor fair to feel so, as he didn't know what was going on, and decided to step back and give them space to work their things out. But then he heard that Rory was upset and couldn't fight the primal need to watch for her, and so he had approached them silently, kicking himself in the metaphoric gut for obtruding on their private conversation, but unable to leave. He then heard blonde dick talking about him, and Rory yelling back, and suddenly the whole thing was so intense that curiosity got the best of him. He could see in Rory's face, when Logan left and she turned, that he had truly messed up by standing there.

"I'm so sorry, Ror, I didn't mean to intrude. I just heard you were upset and wanted to make sure you were OK, and then… I just couldn't leave. I'm the biggest moron ever."

"No, Jess… I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I was late. You must have been really worried."

They were talking, and they were really calm despite everything, but still he could feel that a wall had been lifted between them, and he was not sure if he had put it there himself or if she was also contributing. "Don't worry, Ror. I know it was important."

She nodded and he thought she looked like a beautiful, gentle forest spirit, the paleness of her face contrasting with the darkness around her. "Are you… OK?"

He forced a smile for her. "Yeah, don't worry about me. I mean, I'm not, but that's not what's important right now."

She looked worried. "Then, what is?"

"You, Ror. You said things that got me thinking."

"Like what?"

"Like what you said about people trying to put you in a box. I hadn't noticed, but I think I do that. Like when I confronted you about being angry at your mom and being with Logan, you know? I judged things on the surface and never stopped to think what you really wanted. I'm sorry I did that."

"Don't be. I've told you before, I've never felt that way about you."

"Perhaps because you never knew how I felt inside, but if you did, I would be on the same package as Taylor, who crowned you town princess."

"You're scaring me, Jess. I don't like where this is going."

He didn't, either, but he had to, for her. "Believe me, no one likes it less than myself, but we need to go there."

"No, we don't, we just need to close this… gap" she pointed at the space between them "like we did back then, at Luke's apartment, do you remember? We just need to get used to each other again, so we can talk about everything, and not be apart."

She took a step towards him, but he retreated instinctively the same distance she had advanced. He was doing it. He couldn't believe it, but he was doing it. "It's better if we don't, Ror. Just let me finish, OK?" She nodded, fearful. "Logan… he's such a great guy. I just realized that I hated him for no reason, when I should have known that, if you had chosen him, and being you, well, you, there must have been a great reason behind your choice. I know that now. The way you love each other… that's a real family right there, Ror. I guess that's where relationships go eventually, you know? It's deeper, perhaps not so exciting, but real. Maybe what we've had this past week, as amazing as it was, looks more appealing now, but that… that looked like the foundation for a great family with Logan, and I can't be the guy that stands in the way of that. I could never forgive myself."

"You've misunderstood what went on there, Jess. It's not like that, and it's not your decision to make."

"I didn't misunderstand, I swear. I'm not saying you were untruthful or that I should decide for you because you're… how did you put it? The perfect blank canvas girlfriend. I just think that you have a better shot at happiness there. And to me, that's all that matters, always. I told you that if I felt, at any stage, that I was going to hurt you, I would disappear, and so I will."

"You're being an idiot, Jess! Stop this bullshit already. It's like… back in the day. Face what you're fearing."

"It's not fear, Ror, and you can't make this decision for me."

Something about that last line defeated Rory, and she nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry. You have the right to decide whatever you think is best. The wording doesn't really matter."

"You don't need to apologize, Ror. We agreed we would try, no hard feelings. I wouldn't change what we've had for anything, but I think it's smartest to stop before we do damage that can't be undone."

Rory lowered her head and Jess could have sworn she was repressing a sob.

"So, this is goodbye?"

"Please, Ror, don't put it like that."

Rory lifted her head and nodded. "OK. I can't really do this. I wouldn't change what we've had for anything either. So, good luck, Dodger. For real."

Jess saw Rory hesitating, as if considering closing the gap for a last kiss, but then she turned and left quickly, almost running. Jess watched her until she reached a street lamp in the distance, and with the assurance that she was safe in her town again, Jess started to cry. He believed he had done the right thing for her, but he couldn't help wishing that she had fought a little harder, that she hadn't been so quick to accept the easy way out he was giving her. At least he had finished it before there was unrepairable damage done. Logan was finally free, and probably still in love with her. Rory's best chance at family bliss was with the boyfriend and father to the baby formerly known as blonde dick, and as much as it pained him, as much as he would have given the world for her to love him back, he was glad he had made the right choice.

"Good luck, Rory. For real."