Fast Forward
January was a tough month. It started as bad as the previous year ended – with Rory crying alone at home, not wanting to disturb her mom, who was in the town's New Year's Eve celebration with Luke. Rory cried herself to sleep, and next morning, when her mom woke her up and Rory told her what had happened, Lorelai was reassuring and tender, promising her that everything would be alright, but surprisingly devoid of advice, as if the situation was too complicated, even for her. Luke was as diplomatic as her mom, and showed his concern through cooking, making sure that everything he put on Rory's plate was appealing enough to will her to eat. Rory wondered if they were thinking what she was – that she should have at least tried to tell Jess that she loved him, so at least he would make his decision with all cards face up. But if they thought she should have been more vocal, they never said. Perhaps they had arrived eventually to the same conclusion as she had when Jess had told her that it was not her decision to make – that it would be unfair to declare her love in her situation, as Jess was an honorable man who would have maybe felt compelled to stay by her side, even if he didn't want to. In the end, it didn't matter what he said was the reason for quitting. He had quitted, and that was all. Perhaps he had decided that he didn't want to be involved with a pregnant woman, and he had a right to get out of the situation as cleanly as possible.
Logan was there for her in many ways, and at least that dreadful night had brought her the consolation that he would be there for the baby. He was with her in the ultrasound that told them the baby's sex, and called her quite frequently while in London. This brought her solace. She was happy that the baby would have a real dad, unlike her when she grew up, and that she and Logan had found a way to be in each other's lives without being romantically involved. Yeah, she could really live with that. The thought of getting back together with him never crossed her mind.
Her appointment with Headmaster Charleston went better than she could have hoped for. He offered her to teach some extracurricular Literature courses and to supervise with another teacher Chilton's newspaper to get acquainted with the school system gradually, and so she was able to quit her job at the bookstore and at the diner, and still have time to kick off her masters. She considered renting an apartment in New York for the time being, but she would be too close to Jess, so on the days she had lectures she drove back and from Stars Hollow. She could have easily stayed at Paris', even if she was away at what she called "the American Surrogate Tour", which was basically a uterus casting across the country for her company, but she preferred not to until they were able to meet face to face. She hadn't broken the news yet to her friend.
Stars Hollow was tough. After much consideration, she decided to tell Babette about her pregnancy and let her spread the word over town, which took her neighbor about fifteen minutes. For a week it was impossible to venture out – everyone had an opinion on her state and love life, but the gossiping, if it didn't die out, was greatly reduced after a while, Rory imagined that thanks to some pleas from her mom and threats from Luke.
If Luke talked to Jess, he never told her, and since she couldn't have him near her to enjoy his wit and bantering, his warm breath on her neck at night, all of him around and inside her, some second hand news were not going to make things easier, so she never asked.
The one thing that gave her focus during that dreadful January was the book. She was pretty close to having a first draft, and by the end of the month, when she felt calm enough, she tackled Jess. She did it, she imagined, with the strength that many writers before her must have put into explaining really intimate and painful facts. It was tough, at the beginning, but then she wore her pain as a badge of the love story that would never come to pass. She struggled, but she went for it and spilled her heart out. When the first draft was finished, and she was able to read the whole thing in one long sitting, she realized she had gone about everything the wrong way – the book was written chronologically, but once every key moment in her life was neatly placed after the other, she started to realize that some things stood out, that some events had affected her character, her decisions and the course of her whole life in a way that defied order. She then decided to let the book rest for a while, and to come back to it later with renewed forces to tackle the whole subtext and chapter organization. She really hoped she would regain some strength soon.