If You Only Knew- Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed and favorited this story. I appreciate every single one of them! Originally, this chapter was going to be the conclusion, but Lucy and Wyatt asked me to tell more of their story. How can you turn down a request like that? Anyway, enjoy this next chapter. ~Kiki

Lucy exhaled with relief that she finally got Wyatt into the car without anything more than a busted stitch in his side. All she needed to do was get him home, patch him up and then head home herself and deal with her own problems. Opening the driver side door, Lucy was met with an unexpected angry stare from Wyatt. "What's wrong?"

"Did I just call you Jess?"

"It's okay; I'm not upset." How could Lucy not have considered this scenario? It was Wyatt and from what she knew of him so far, he did not do "vulnerable" well. He liked to be in control and clearly right now, she had the upper hand. Starting the car, she tried to reassure him with a smile and a "no worries."

"No, it's not okay." Wyatt laid his head back on the leather seat and closed his eyes, clearly embarrassed by his faux pas. "I'm so sorry Lucy, I'm just not thinking clearly right now and my head is pounding."

Lucy slowly reached over to run her fingers through his short dark hair and down the side of his face to comfort him in some way. Speaking with a slight quiver in her voice she said, "Don't beat yourself up, you've been through enough today."

Wyatt opened his eyes slightly and tried to focus on Lucy's supportive voice. He leaned into her touch, absorbing her warmth as she caressed his face. "You are a good person, Lucy Preston. I am lucky to have met you."

Lucy could feel sparks of electricity all over her body when his soft lips brushed over her forearm and wrist. The sudden intense feeling between the two of them scared her and she moved her hand back quickly to break the connection. He was a grieving widower and she had a fiancee that she hadn't even met yet. He was also compromised physically and mentally and by his own admission, "not thinking clearly."

"I'm sorry Lucy, I should not have done that."

Realizing that they both had got their signals crossed, Lucy tried to repair the damage quickly. "Wyatt, please hear me when I say, you did nothing wrong. I understand that Jess was a big part of your life and that she can never be replaced by me or anyone else. However, at some point you must choose to move forward and find happiness again; it is what Jess would want for you. Lucy leaned over to kiss his cheek softly, "You are not alone Master Sergeant Wyatt Logan. Lean on me; I've got you."

Wyatt was stunned by the way Lucy completely explained how he felt. It was as if she was put in his life for this very moment. "Why do I find this so difficult?"

Lucy looked puzzled by his response. "What do you find so difficult, the guilt of moving on?"

Wyatt nodded, but said nothing.

"Here's the bottom line," Lucy explained. "We can't expect others to forgive us, if we can't forgive ourselves first. But you also must be willing to take a risk."

Wyatt wasn't sure what had just happened or what kind of spell Lucy had cast over him, but he suddenly felt better than he had in years. The weight of the blame, the guilt and the shame around Jess was still there, but now he saw hope and a fresh start in Lucy's words and possibly even a second chance. She was right, he did need to forgive himself, and allow himself to move on, but the first step in that direction would be a phone call to Jess's parents. Settling further into the warm leather seat, Wyatt retreated into his own thoughts and finally into a restless sleep.

Lucy glanced over at the passenger seat after a few minutes of deafening silence. Wyatt's head was leaning against the car window with his lips parted slightly. A large patch of condensation was forming on the glass with each breath that left his mouth. "Hey, Wyatt? Are you still with me? How's the pain?" Lucy asked gently shaking the side of his shoulder.

"No," came the delayed reply. "I feel like I've been shot and then carved up."

"Ah, another Wyatt Logan witty comment. I almost forgot how much I missed them."

"Don't give me any grief, I'm just trying to hold it together, so I don't barf in your car." Wyatt let out a small laugh and then regretted it when his head began to ache again. "I've been thinking about the quote you told me about earlier, you know, the one about forgiveness; it really speaks to me. Did you make that up or did you read it somewhere?"

Lucy pulled up to a stop light and took a minute to relax. "I got that quote from inside a fortune cookie."

"Shut up, you can't be serious?"

"It's true," Lucy laughed deeply. "I was in graduate school and my roommates and I had gathered a large group of friends for one of those all night study sessions before finals. Long story short, we ordered takeout from this local family owned Chinese restaurant on campus." Lucy could almost feel her mouth watering as she continued to reminisce. "They had the best food especially after midnight."

"Please don't mention food."

"Sorry. Anyway, I remember emptying the containers onto the kitchen table and one of the fortune cookies rolled off the table and under the couch. I found it a few days later and opened it. I still carry the small paper fortune in my wallet. I think it's a good reminder of how to live." Lucy looked at Wyatt for some kind of reaction but she could tell he was a hundred miles away. Never one to quit, Lucy spoke up a little louder than intended to be sure and get his attention. "A penny for your thoughts Master Sergeant?"

Wyatt's voice was barely a whisper, exhaustion finally wining the tug of war to pull him under. "I was just thinking."

"Really, about what?"

Wyatt kept his eyes focused on the road ahead, "That I haven't really lived since Jess died."

Lucy turned towards him, looking surprised. "What aren't you telling me?"

"I'm responsible for her death and her parents blame me too. I haven't spoken to them since the day we buried her. I have terrible nightmares that alternate with bouts of insomnia resulting in heavy drinking to dull the pain. Do you remember the night we met and our first mission? You asked me if I had been drinking?"

Lucy could barely choke out the words, her heart crumbling into pieces. "I remember."

"I have tried to stay busy with the job. Most days stopping Flynn is all I can think about and somedays it's the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. But I know ultimately I can't let you and Rufus down, so I pull it together and come to work." Wyatt tried to hold back the tears that were falling freely now. "I have lost everyone I care about Lucy and I have no one. If you only knew..."

To be continued.