Just Act Casually

AN: Holy hell this took off fast. Seriously, in less than a day this story got 66% as many followers as RWBYond Vale did in a year. I just hope I can keep up the momentum. I'm not sure I'm up for the task.

Chapter 2: Laying Down the Law

Jaune woke up in a strange place. His body wrapped in a single sheet. It took him a while to remember everything that had happened. It dawned on him that this was the first time he had woken up without Pyrrha nearby in a very long time. Even when they would go on missions it was always together. But that was over. They were over.

He slipped his pants and shirt back on. The barren room felt off. The featureless yellow walls made it feel more like a box than an actual room. He left the room and took a look around the apartment. His stomach whined for food. So, he decided to make him some breakfast. And depending on what his options were, make some for his roommate as well.

He opened the fridge. It was barren, save for a gallon of milk and a bottle of ketchup. The pantry also had very little of sustenance. Ruby needed to go grocery shopping, bad. Then again, he could take it upon himself. He took his scroll out to check his bank account.

"Your current available balance is, three liens and two tithes." The computer said.

"Fuck." Jaune shoved his scroll back into his pocket. That wasn't even enough to buy a loaf of bread. After a moment of deliberation, he chose to wake Ruby up. She was fresh off a mission. Surely, she had money for groceries.

He carefully knocked on the door. He decided it was best to be quiet and careful about this. Ruby certainly would have a hangover after the licking her liver took last night. When there was no answer, he opened the door quietly. She was sprawled across the bed in a sleeveless nightshirt and panties quietly snoring. The scarlet sheet hung around a single leg and half her body.

When Jaune took another step the floor creaked. Jaune's blood ran cold and his heart stopped for a beat. Ruby shuffled and groaned. She put her pillow over her head and went back to sleep. Jaune moved closer and eased his hand onto her shoulder.

"Erngh." Ruby made inaudible noises.

"Ruby." He said softly.

"What do you want?" She groaned.

"I just need to borrow some money to get us some groceries."

"Purse." She moaned out as she pointed to her purse.

"Thanks." Jaune replied.

"Get me some pickles while you're out." She said.

"Can do." Jaune was glad he didn't drink enough to have a hangover. It hadn't had one since Pyrrha's last birthday.

He went back into the kitchen and opened the freezer. An idea had crossed his mind. Of course, she would have one. Jaune took the icepack and wrapped it in the hand towel hanging on the kitchen sink. He went back into Ruby's room and handed it to her.

"Thank you!" She whined as she pressed the pack to her forehead.

"I'll be back." Jaune turned and left again.

Jaune had to walk about half a mile to the nearest store. Without a vehicle, he couldn't get a lot. So, he got the essentials. He grabbed some fresh carrots, spinach, tomatoes, apples, bananas, broccoli, corn, lettuce, cucumbers, pickles and strawberries from the produce isle. He also grabbed two loafs of bread and some meat to grill up sometime. Then he grabbed a few frozen pizzas. Anything else was going to have to wait.

When he got back, his arms full of groceries, Ruby was lounging on the couch with the icepack pressed to her head. Jaune set the grocery bags on the counter and started stuffing the vegetables in the fridge.

"What's with all the veggies?" Ruby asked.

"They're for all our meals." Jaune responded. He tossed her an apple. "I also got those pickles you wanted."

"Thanks." She rubbed the apple on her top. She looked like she was judging him. "So, when there's no food in the apartment, your first thought is to get a bunch of veggies?" She gleamed.

"Well excuse me if I like to eat healthy." Jaune said.

"I eat healthy." Ruby defended. She then took a bite of the apple. "I just don't like…is that spinach? Yeah, basically, I don't like that."

"Well then, more for me." Jaune said. "When I'm able to get more stuff, I'll get some deli meat and start making us sandwiches. Then you'll start liking spinach."

"Yeah…fuck that." Ruby stood up. She kept eating at her apple while Jaune ate a carrot. "Ooh strawberries." She grabbed the package. "You know me so well."

"I knew you'd be pissed if you didn't have those on deck."

"Well, it is one third of a complete set."

"Complete set?" Jaune pondered. Ruby got that look in her eyes. The one where she's about to say something really bad and doesn't care who hears it.

"Cookies, strawberries and wine, the ingredients to a horny Ruby." She said. Jaune sighed.

"Of course, it is." Jaune shook his head with a smile.

"I refuse to believe I hadn't told you that one before."

"You really haven't." Jaune kept shaking his head.

"Yang actually came up with it." Ruby laughed. "It was…" Her face soured. "Um…yeah, him." Ruby sighed. "I had told him all my favorite things when we were still just talking. So, on our first real date, he brought me a bottle of wine, a tray of cookies and a box of chocolate covered strawberries." She popped one into her mouth and ate it. "That was the first night we had sex."

"Now that you mention it, I think you did tell me that much." Jaune said. Somehow, out of all their friends, Jaune was the one everyone, guy and girl, bragged to. Oh, God especially Nora. Jaune always thought that it was because he was the kind to not judge, but also play into the conversation while also maintaining his own relationship.

"Yeah…well, then Yang made a joke that those were the keys to getting into my pants and it's been a joke amongst us girls ever since."

"Yeah, for me all a girl pretty much has to do is ask." Jaune shrugged.

"You've also what?" Ruby smirked. "You've only had sex with one girl your entire life."

"As far as you know." Jaune crossed his arms. Ruby gave him the 'don't play games' look. "Alright yeah."

"Damn right yeah." Ruby said. "Fuck, that reminds me. Saturday night, Junior's Club."

"Party?"

"Nothing special." Ruby said. "Just want to go clubbing. This guy I met on a recent mission is going to be in town." Jaune leaned on the counter with his balled hand in his cheek.

"Is he cute?" Jaune asked. Ruby sat on the counter and patted his head.

"Fuck yeah he is." Ruby gloated. "Got his number and we've been talking a bit since then. Told him to hit me up if he's ever in Vale."

"Have I met this guy?"

"Not as far as I know." Ruby said.

"Have you told me about him before?" Jaune pondered.

"No, haven't really talked to you about guys since I met him. This is the first time it's really come up."

"Have you told him about me?" Jaune asked.

"Yeah bud." She patted his head again. "He knows we're basically like brother and sister and that we're roomies." Ruby explained. "He hasn't asked anything beyond that."

"So, you're going to introduce us."

"That's right boy." She said. "I guess we should talk about ground rules."

"Alright, lay them on me."

"Do I look like I give a fuck?" Ruby said. "Seriously though, just don't up and vanish, put the toilet seat down, knock before entering my room. Other than that, I seriously don't fucking care what you do with your time or money. If it's in the kitchen, it's up for grabs. If it's in the bathroom, don't be gross about it. Just clean up after yourself which I know I don't have to worry about because you always have cleaner rooms than I do."

"Hey, I wasn't the one who always cleaned."

"Jaune, I have video evidence, from Nora, of you using a duster while singing the cleanup song."

"Fucking Nora…" Jaune said under his breath.

"And if Pyrrha's locker was anything to go off, you were responsible for keeping that house clean too."

"Damn it." Jaune said.

"Being clean is nothing to be ashamed of." Ruby put a hand to her chest. "I know you and your sisters grew up in a big house with strict parents."

"Yeah well, I try really hard to keep up this cool guy routine."

"That's your cool guy routine?" Ruby laughed. "I'd hate to see your dorky routine."

"Can we just get on with it?" Jaune whined.

"But I love that pouty face you make when people fuck with you." Ruby said. "It's a serious confidence booster to know that no matter what, I can at least out shit talk you."

"Yeah well…" Jaune tried thinking of an insult. Every time he had tried this it has either not been funny, or she's just rolled with it like it was nothing. "You have a piece of vomit stuck to your mouth." He lied.

"Wait what…." Her hand flew up to her mouth. "Fuck, you almost had me there. Good job. I'm so proud of you." She smirked.

"Alright, serious talk, what if I bring a girl home?"

"Batten down the hatches and prepare for some quality shit talking." Ruby said with glee. "Seriously though, I won't say anything that'll be a complete turn off. So long as you do the same."

"Like, don't tell this Oscar dude that you have herpes or something."

"Yeah, don't lie about stuff like that." Ruby said. "Even if it were true. I told one of Yang's dates that she had crabs and…she didn't get any because of that and she got her revenge."

"As she does." Jaune said.

"So, if you do bring a girl over, just let me know so I can put my headphones in or something."

"Or you could leave."

"Fuck you, this is my apartment too. I don't expect you to leave just because I have a guy over. That would defeat the whole purpose of you living here."

"You really think it's going to be that often." He said disbelievingly. Ruby crossed her arms and sat defiantly. "Slut."

"Pussy." She shot back. She started to crack up. Jaune's face stayed playful and neutral. "Fuck you're good at this part." Ruby said.

"I've had to toughen up. You're nowhere near as bad as Nora. And I've spent significantly more time with her."

"Still, how can you not burst out laughing at this game?" Ruby asked.

"Like I said, lots of practice." Jaune said.

"Hmmm…." Ruby thought. "I think that covers all the rules."

"Sounds good." Jaune walked to the living room.

"We just got to get you all moved in." Ruby said.

"I'll call my sisters." Jaune said. "They'll be willing to meet us up at Pyrrha's place."

"Do you think she's throne anything out?" Ruby asked.

"Nah, she probably thinks I just need space."

"God she's delusional." Ruby said.

"That's a little harsh." Jaune said. "For you to her anyway."

"Fuck her. I pussyfooted around her for your sake, and well, Nora's and everyone else's. But if it's over, I'm done playing her little fucking games."

"Where's all this coming from?" Jaune rose an eyebrow.

"She and I never really got along that well." Ruby shrugged. "Like I've told you before, she had it out for me ever since I got accepted to Beacon. It only got worse from there." Ruby said. "The way she treated you only proves my point."

"Yeah." Jaune sighed. "I can do better."

"Emotionally, a stool can do better. Physically, fat chance. I'm straight as an arrow and I'd still say Pyrrha is fucking hot." Ruby laughed.

"Jealous?"

"Hell no. I just see why so many hotblooded guys drooled all over her." Ruby put her hands on her hips. "And I wouldn't trade this body for the world." She gleamed. "Just enough to grab without it being a pain to deal with."

"Yeah, I can see you saying that."

"You think I'm wrong?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm shutting my mouth. Trust me, there is nothing I can say that isn't a proverbial shovel."

"Good boy." She said. "Wait, did Pyrrha accuse you of sleeping with me?"

"No, why?"

"Just…if she thought that it could explain why she'd been such a pain in the ass for the last year."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense." Jaune said. "Fuck, people are going to think that."

"No one that matters." Ruby said. "They know how we roll."

"Yeah, probably why Pyrrha never thought that…at least not enough to say it." Jaune noted.

"Speak of the devil, we should get going." Ruby said.

AN: Fifty-percent of my sense of humor is talking shit on people. Then there's also innuendos, puns, political jokes and I also find humor when people have mental breakdowns. That's probably why I love Game Grumps. Anyway, thanks for the reviews and follows and stuff.