A quake of shivers and butterflies run through as she can still feel his lips. It almost makes a dizzy spell happen all over again. Her back hits the padded cushion as her eyes lift to the dark ceiling. A shaky breath falls out of her mouth as a light tapping snare drum syncs with her heart beat.
Arnold … tells me he likes me. And I… She bites hard on her lip again shaking her hair this time more heavily. She pictures herself eight years younger, pouring mature lyrics to a naive boy. The sting of his request to label it the heat of the moment eventually was soothed by time. And by his constant generosity and offering of his genuine friendship.
Her forehead creases in deeper thought. Had she allowed her families' rejection to shape her reality and actions. Was it bitterness over her past dealings with a boy? The one she did so much for and didn't receive what she wanted in return? Had she still been that scared little girl all along?
A crash of dishes dropping bring her out of her head and after grabbing her wallet, she's off.
Walking up the streets, randomly kicking an empty pop can, steering aimlessly. The nagging feelings of regret and guilt are becoming more unbearable. The more Arnold's sad frown keeps appearing off and on in her mind's eye.
"Pataki." So zoned out, she didn't hear her name the first time. "Pataki!"
"Huh?" Helga spins in the opposite direction, raking in big hair, red t-shirt, and an unusually tight lip. Her expression goes from surprised to indifferent in a split second. "What do you want Geraldo?"
He strolls closer to her, removing his hands out of his pockets. "Let's talk about Arnold."
With a wrist flick, she attempts to dismiss this conversation and him. "Let's not."
But Gerald doesn't let off at the appearance of her slight temper. "Well, you're gonna hear me out." He ignores that murderous look that earned. "For whatever reason, he's always seen the good in you. Whenever someone would rag on you, it was Arnold that always stood up for you. 'Helga's not a bad person, just give her chance' blah, blah blah. Even after you treated him like the trash, he still would always say those things." His face scrunches up almost in disgust. "But starting last summer, my man has been going beyond just saying simple kind words. I'ma snap if I hear him mumbling about your romantic eyes and smile."
"Romantic eyes...?" Helga mutters under her breath.
"Now you have every right to turn him down if you aren't interested." His eyes narrow. "But I know you are. And it's clear as day the kids' fallen for you. So why are you playing him?"
She steps back to let a kid bicycling by, returning with a scowl. "Hey look, I'm not playing anyone." A loud huff escapes, and she irritatedly looks him up and down. The typical defensive reactions. "What's it to you, anyway?"
His glare fades, and he only deadpans at first. "Newsflash he's my best friend."
Only a huff comes out her mouth for a moment. "Best friend or not, I'm won't listen to a wannabe player about relationships." She starts to walk again, but her path is cut off.
"Contrary to popular belief, I was never courting other girls besides Phoebe last year. I never wanted that reputation once I fall for Phoebe. It just followed me."
Helga's footsteps halt, and her eyes lift to him, her scowl drops. And with a look away from him, reluctantly she nods. "I know." Her attention goes to his face in time to see his eyebrows raise. "Why do you think I never kneed you in the balls?"
His features screw up for a second at the mere thought of that. "But I still messed up by letting those rumors linger - without dispelling them. I was too caught up in my image and my ego." His eyes study hers. "Isn't that what you meant by that vanity junk you said at the party?"
"Maybe..." Her hands clasp behind her back, and her feet shuffle, receiving a knowing look from the young man before her. "but that's not the case here..."
"Whatever the issue is, fix it. Because I know you like that cat, maybe more than just like."
Helga narrows her eyes at the confidence in his voice. "And what makes you so sure?" She back steps, doing a cocky laugh. "What ya got a third eye in that hair of yours?"
"Yes." He answers, not missing a beat. "But that's not how I know."
Blowing out a breath, she tilts her head, looking impatient. "Do tell, all knowing one."
He smirks at the sarcasm but drops that fast; his expression sobers up. "Because I have at times bottled my real feelings, and I can sense when someone else is too. All the things you did for him is no coincidence. I'm not dense as Arnold was, I knew there was more to your motives. I just never said anything because the concept was too weird for me back then."
Her white front teeth chop down on her lip, a nervous tick and sign his theory is correct. She glances away while sighing. "Why do you care about this?" Her arms cross. "I thought you couldn't stand me."
His eyes drop as he bites the inside of his jaw. "You know very well the mistakes I've made with someone that means so much to me. I'm trying to help you avoid all that because honestly-" A deep frown forms, and he turns his back. "Crap you two are driving me nuts." He faces her with eye-roll. "I'm only gonna say this once," there's a long pause before he speaks again. "but I think you could be good for Arnold, honestly. I've never seen him more enthusiastic about a girl before. You seem to make him happier than anyone else." He rolls his eyes again at her quirked brow. "Now are interested in a relationship with Arnold or not?"
"Yes." Helga's head jerks back a tad bit taken aback by her quick response.
"Then what's the problem?"
Well, there's no point holding back. "I was just adjusting to Arnold persistently pursuing me as a friend. When I finally gave in... I tried to hold back my feelings to avoid scaring him off. But shit was hard; you don't know how long I've hoped he would... and then..." Helga lets out a shaky breath, her eyes filled with all the emotions she's tried for years to hide finally locking with Gerald's. "I've been keeping myself from getting hurt...from letting the person I've wanted for so long. to see the real me and reject it. So I guess, I reacted that way to beat him to it." Her eyes squeeze shut. Geez, I must sound like a basket case.
Gerald doesn't blink or look away. Never before had they engaged in a conversation aside from a battle of wit and insults. "I get that; I honestly do. Phoebe got me to understand you a lot better. But, still, this is a brother who wears his heart on his sleeve. He's not perfect, but you don't need to protect yourself from Arnold. And I think you know it. I've listened to him talk on and on about you. He already sees the real you, and it seems, he..." The crease in his forehead deepens. "charities you." His palm eases over to her shoulder, notice her slight tremors. "I can see that you're scared. And I don't know ... I hope you resolve that or at least work it because..." He releases a sigh, seeing a small amount moisture around her eyes. "Ah shit, Arnold would kill me if he knew I made you cry." He says grinning at her.
Helga peers up, daggers in her eyes. "I'm not it's just windy out here. You could never make me cry."
He fully smiles. "Sure-sure Pataki." Gerald opens his arm, beckoning with his hands. "C'mere and give me a hug."
Helga waves him off only to be yanked into his chest anyway, causing her to squeal a bit.
She shoves him roughly in the chest, a laugh fumbles out. "I guess you're not as shallow as you look."
Gerald smirks, shaking his head. "Shallow? Nah I've always been smooth." He looks her and down smugly. "But you - you're just a big ole softy under all that feistiness." He blocks her fist swings around, but he blocks the blow. He props an arm on her shoulder. "Aye put ol Betsey away and let me walk you home."
The sharp ringing of her phone hurts her ears. After clicking the ring volume down, she answers with a furrowed brow. "Hello?"
"Hey Helga, it's Rex."
"Rex?" She sits down on her bed. "Um, what's up?"
"Duh, you asked me to call you once I got back to school."
Helga nods. "Oh, right..." is all she can say since their last interactions were quite awkward because she kept getting flirtatious vibes from him. And it was awkward those feelings she once had, are long gone.
Hearing a weird chuckle, her brows quirk. "Listen, I have to admit something. I... I wanted to get you back the day we hung out. But then shit that friend of yours, Arnold man was he fuming. I almost thought he was gonna sucker punch me or something." Helga burst out laughing at the idea of that. "I knew or at least got a strong impression that if I tried, you would have turned me down."
True. Helga thinks how their rollercoaster relationship, although there were great times, she was happy when it ended. "Oh uh..." Her mutter confirms that for him. There are a few silent moments between words as she leans down to take her shoes off. "Well, I guess you were right since, uh... cause football-head kind of asked me out."
Some snickers filled her ears. "I knew it; guys can always sense these things." Another silence arrives, lasting longer than the former one. "Anyway, I won't keep you; I have to get to work. But you take care and keep in touch, you know," He takes a pause. "As friends, okay?"
...
Helga releases her thick long hair from a top bun; her squinted eyes graze over her reflection in the mirror. For a few minutes, she examines her surface self with the words from an unexpected admirer lingering in her mind. Arnold thinks I'm beautiful?
Slight shock flashes on her face. She's not particularly insecure; she just doesn't dwell much on her physical appearance. That's probably because her mom and sister do all the focusing for her.
It's just unexpected that Arnold would develop such feelings. And from what she's witnessed and heard from Gerald his interest seems to go beyond surface level attraction.
In thinking, Helga doesn't get the impression that Arnold's motives are solely superficial. Overall his behavior felt genuine in getting to know who she is inside.
Duh, this is Arnold.
Her finger circled her lips nearly feeling the softness, the gentleness of the embrace. But she can't deny, the guy sure can kiss. As even days later she still keeps imagining it.
Straying away from her mirror, she moves her dog out of the way to stretch across the window seat, Those pills of regret and guilt resting heavy on her stomach. I'm such a jerk.
To dissolve that and attain what she wants with Arnold, she knows what she needs to do. There's a lot of changes happening to her, in such a short period. And it's both overwhelming and strangely comforting.
Her crystal eyes gaze above at the dark, stormy night sky, listening to the puddles of rain thump against the window. And for those moments, she gains some peace of mind, as short-lived as it is.
Slowly, undressing and slides comfortably under her warm sheets, due to the nightfall. Closing her eyes, she tries to switch off her mind until inevitable dawn.
"Earth to Helga." Her shoulder jumps at the sudden voice and presence of her best friend. And at her tone. How long had she been next to her? "Are you feeling alright?"
A rather sheepish grin emerges, taking in the smaller girl. "Oh, uh, hey Pheebs," A hand runs down her face. "I'm just a little beat that's all."
Phoebe places her weight on her right side. "I can see that." Helga's shoulders slouch and Phoebe knowing what's stressing her and pokes her arm. "Helga, this is simple, it's Arnold." Her mouth stretches open revealing her pearly whites. "He's finally stopped being so dense and realized how great you are. Anyone with eyes knows this to be a fact. You should see the way he perks up when you enter a room only to sulk when you walk away." She lifts her hand and places it up Helga's upper arm. "I know all about your fears, Helga but I think you know Arnold is different from the others, talk to him. He deserves that."
"I know."
With a tiny smile, Phoebe fidgets a bit with her glasses. "He's apparently been driving Gerald nuts about you."
The corners of Helga's mouth lift from the former frown as her head bobs. "Yeah, he let me in on that."
"Oh.. is that so?"
Helga's suspicious eyes shift up and down Phoebe. "We'll talk about that boyfriend of yours later." She stretches her neck to peek into the classroom, and a sigh stumbles out at his eyes immediately finding hers.
Arnold's always one of the first students in the class, and typically Helga's one of the last. But not today.
She steps back out of sight and stares back at a half-grinning Phoebe. "I have to go in here for my daily torture." She peeks in at the professionally dressed woman with her glasses at the tip of her nose. " Wanna bet money she calls on me."
Phoebe shakes her head, giggling while entering the room a few down.
Helga trucks into the class drawing a few side eyes because of her disheveled hair, wrinkled clothes and dark circles.
Stretching one arm out on her desk, on the verge of dozing off when the voice of authority calls her. So her feet drag to the front of the classroom, her paper flat in her right palm. After casting her typical glare at some faces, she begins. While reading, those green eyes on her from the front row. But she doesn't look up from her paper until the last words flowed out. Her gaze darts to Arnold. Her teacher's sentiments fading into the background as their eyes remain locked.
Even as he stares out from heavy-lidded eyes, she can see the question marks. But there's an openness and a definite attraction. It's so obvious and in her face that she wonders how it went over her head. Had she been so blind and insecure? She thinks about her present appearance. I look like a trainwreck, and he's staring at me like this?
"Ms. Pataki, you can have a seat now." The instructor smiles knowing at the doe-eyed girl. "Thank you for sharing."
One-half of Helga's mouth curls up right before she passed him.
When the bell finally rings, and Arnold tries to catch her. Many questions are on the tip of his tongue. But, he slows his steps, watching her long strides. His feelings haven't changed, but no longer would he chase her.
I told her it's on her... and I'll to stick to that.
If Helga weren't all interested, he would be able to accept that, sure it would hurt, but he would move on. But the way she responded physically told a different tale, so did her eyes, as they always did. It is true what Gerald said about Helga's forcefulness and blurting out when she didn't approve of something.
His chin remains lowered while his feet drift slowly in no particular hurry. The fresh memories are replaying in his mind as he takes a pit stop at his locker.
Arriving at his destination, his gaze lifts from the tile and a small gasp escapes his mouth at soft blue eyes staring back at him. Looking shyer than ever but still somehow alluring while leaning on his locker.
"Hey, Arnold." Helga finally manages to say and pushes upright.
"Hi." He keeps his mouth open but says nothing else.
An envelope appears from out of her purse. "Here, this is for you." Those rounded eyes stay on her face as his fingers snake around the material. "Can you read this when you get home?"
Arnold agrees with a nod. "Okay."
Helga gives his hand a squeeze before letting go. His eyes follow her until she turns the corner and in spite of his curiosity, he places the card in his light jacket pocket and shuts his locker.
...
"Hey, Shortman..." Phil eyes his grandson's fast-moving legs. "Whoa, what's the big rush, lad?"
Arnold slows his feet and walks backward, eyeing his grandfather who was peeling an orange. "I-I just have something important to do; I'll be back down soon."
He hears Phil's wild crazy laughing as he rushes up to his stairs.
Getting inside his bedroom, he kicks off his shoes and unseals the envelope, taking out the pink note.
At first, he just takes in writing as a whole, the neat cursive done in purple ink.
Once adjusted in a position on his stomach, he begins to read.
I couldn't be found,
dumbfounded by my surroundings.
Hiding,
in spaces, I thought I couldn't get uncovered.
Captured, I was at the moment,
scared to say another word,
caught, in between my vulnerability
I got lost in essence,
acting out of nonsensical thoughts, leaving the one care most about in suspense.
But I remembered swiftly what my heart had known all along. And the warmth of your aura melts my fears.
No longer am I lost in between my
insecurities. Instead, I know where I want to be.
Hey, Arnold, if you are still interested, come to the Hillwood arts center downtown, in Auditorium B, at noon.
Arnold squints, his eyes shooting straight to the end of the hallway, almost like he is anticipating her rounding the corner.
After a second, he looks up to the ceiling having a good idea of what's ahead. He can't help to smile a mile wide. The confusion and disappointment once plaguing him diminishes, and now, he's just excited.