Chapter 8

The next morning, Kathryn made her way to the mess hall at the appointed time. It didn't take her long to spot Chakotay – he was already sitting down, chatting animatedly with a young crewmember from the station Kathryn vaguely recognized as the woman who had been in charge of processing Voyager the night before. Kathryn tried not to let a sudden envious twinge falter her step when she noticed Seven of Nine sitting across from Chakotay.

Chakotay was the first to spot her and he waved her over.

"Good morning, Chakotay, Seven, Lieutenant," Kathryn acknowledged each of them with a smile. Before she knew it, Chakotay was standing and placing a cup of coffee (which he'd apparently saved for her) into her hand. She gave him a grateful look.

"Captain, I don't think you've met Lieutenant Mora," Chakotay introduced as he sat back down.

"Well, what did you think of our ship, Lieutenant?" Kathryn asked wistfully as she sat. She couldn't help but steal glances at Seven and Chakotay, but both of their attentions were on Lieutenant Mora.

The woman in question grinned and her eyes lit up excitedly. "Truly marvelous, Captain! Ms. Hansen was just explaining to me how the new armor technology you integrated works – it's… out of this world!"

"You couldn't have said it better, Lieutenant," Kathryn replied as she exchanged an amused look with Seven – or was it Annika, now? – at Mora's choice of words.

"Captain," Seven started. "I understand you and Commander Chakotay are expected for a hearing this morning, allow me to wish you luck. And I'm sure you wish to eat before you depart, so we will leave you to it." She turned to Mora as she stood. "Lieutenant, we may continue this conversation elsewhere if you wish." It was an order more than an offer, and the officer acquiesced as if Seven were an actual Starfleet officer, and mumbled a "oh, yes, of course!" as she stood as well.

"Lovely to meet you, Lieutenant," Kathryn smiled as she watched them leave. She couldn't help a guilty twinge as she realized that she hadn't really spoken to Seven for a few days, now – well, ever since her future self had shown up on Voyager, actually – and she now realized that, strangely enough, she had missed her. Whatever was going on between Seven and Chakotay, she couldn't let it come between her relationship with Seven, and she vowed to herself that she would soon remedy all that.

Chakotay then took charge of collecting her breakfast and she smiled gratefully when he returned with a tray full of fresh Earth-grown fruits and berries, with a generous side of waffles – and of course, a coffee carafe.

"How did you sleep?" He asked conversationally as they ate.

"I didn't."

In fact, after she had finished packing her ready room and the last of Lieutenant Mora's crew had left the ship, she had sat for the longest time in her captain's chair on the bridge, lost in thoughts and memories. She wouldn't admit it, even to Chakotay, but she had even spoken to Voyager then, in the dead of night. It had calmed her, but when she had finally gone to her temporary quarter on the station, sleep had still eluded her. So she'd gotten out of bed early and watched the sunlight bouncing off Earth's atmosphere as the first rays of daylight touched the North American continent, trying to find peace in such beauty. It had worked for a while, but now her sleepless night was catching up with her, and no amount of coffee would be enough to get her through the long day ahead.

She expected Chakotay to give her a reprimanding look at her confession, but instead he nodded on a sigh. "Yeah, me neither."

Kathryn let a slow amused smile touch her lips. "What a fine pair of sleep-deprived representatives of our crew we make. The oversight committee will be dumbfounded to understand how it was we actually made it this far in one piece!"

She was rewarded with a quiet, but amused chuckle.

"Does the hearing worry you?" She asked, noticing his subdued reaction.

"I confess, a little. Not for my sake, but for B'Elanna's, and the others."

"It'll be fine," she reassured, hoping that her tone didn't betray her own concerns.

They finished the rest of their breakfast in companionable silence, and before long, the young ensign who had led her crew to the mess hall the day before appeared at their table, and offered to show them the way to their shuttle.

They were quiet as they made their way and eventually took a seat in the shuttle after giving an acknowledging nod to their Vulcan pilot. The shuttle soon left the docking station and Kathryn instinctively leaned forward to get a better view of Earth as they made their approach. Moved by the sight of the blues and greens and browns that took shape as Earth's familiar continental masses and oceans, she impulsively reached out and squeezed Chakotay's arm in anticipation.

His eyes shot to her face, but after his surprise receded, he slowly, almost timidly, rotated his forearm so that his palm was facing upwards; a silent invitation for her to take his hand. Only he was able to make such a simple gesture convey so much – how he was offering her everything, yet asking for nothing.

Touched by his gesture, Kathryn stared at his wide palm and the strong length of his fingers for what felt like a long time before she met his gaze again. His dark eyes were intense and warm, but also belied his vulnerability and uncertainty at what she would make of his offer. She wasn't entirely sure what that was at the moment, but whatever it was, she found herself unable to refuse. Without further hesitation she slid her hand from his arm until it reached his outstretched hand. His palm was warm and his fingers strong and unshaking, and Kathryn drew strength from the simple contact. He gently interlocked his fingers with hers and she shivered when his thumb caressed the back of her hand once.

Heart suddenly pounding against her chest, she wished she didn't have to let go, but after a long moment she gave his hand a final squeeze and he gently relaxed his fingers so she could remove her hand.

They both returned their eyes to the splendid view of Earth as it got closer and closer, but it took a long time for Kathryn to slow down the maddening rhythm of her heart.

~0~

As per usual, Chakotay was walking half a step behind her as they made their way through Starfleet Command. Kathryn desperately tried to overcome her sudden awareness of his presence at her side and regain some composure over herself. She had always felt an attraction toward Chakotay, both physically and intellectually, but she couldn't let that undermine her now. Not when he could no longer reciprocate. The sharp and echoing sound of her shoes as they hit the shiny surface of the familiar grand halls of Starfleet Command provided her with an anchor to the formality of this moment, and more importantly, the ability to get a grip and push aside the sudden pang of regret in her chest.

Despite her emotional turmoil and concerns about the hearing, though, she had to admit it was good to be walking these floors again. She longed for the moment when she would be able to go outside and enjoy the feeling of Earth's sun on her skin and the smell of the ocean in the air.

They were led to one of the council rooms on the third floor, and Kathryn's stomach twisted into a painful knot at how much this room reminded her of an old-fashioned courtroom. However she didn't let her emotions betray her, and it was with the appearance of complete composure that she walked up to the three members of the panel seated at the front of the room.

Chakotay looked as intent and focused as she did, and she lifted her chin in pride.

The panel members included Admiral Hayes, whom Kathryn of course recognized immediately, and based on the nameplates, a Mr. Valdan, and a Captain Hastorf – a woman Kathryn had never seen before, though her name sounded vaguely familiar. They stood and greeted them rather more warmly that Kathryn had anticipated, and even extended their hands for them to shake.

"Commander Chakotay, a pleasure to meet you at last. I was sorry to miss you at the celebration last evening," Hayes told Chakotay with genuine warmth as they shook hands.

Chakotay let The Charmer curve his mouth. "Yes, I'm sorry to have missed it, unfortunately I had some unexpected duties to fulfill on Voyager and it kept me away most of the night."

"Well, let's get started, shall we? Please, Captain, Commander, take a seat."

"This hearing is more of an information-gathering kind, rather than judiciary," Mr. Valdan started as he peered at them from the other side of the panel bench. "We would merely like to address some concerns that several members of Starfleet have expressed regarding the former Maquis in your crew – that includes you, Commander Chakotay, I understand?"

Chakotay gave a brief nod. "It does."

"I see. Their concerns relate to the potential threat that these crewmembers may pose should they decide to resume their previous activities on the Cardassian border."

Kathryn gave a grave nod. "We understand Starfleet's concerns, of course, but Mr. Chakotay and I have agreed to come here today to assuage Starfleet's concerns on that subject. We're prepared to provide you with ample evidence and testimonies from the former Maquis, which will support our claim that they are no threat to Starfleet operations."

The panel members nodded with varying degrees of agreement.

"Very well," Mr. Valdan said, "let's start with you, Commander."

Chakotay shifted slightly in his seat, but when Kathryn glanced at him he looked perfectly calm. "Of course. I'm happy to answer any questions you might have."

"Now, you are aware that the Maquis have been decimated, correct?"

"Yes, we learned as much as soon as communications were established with the Alpha Quadrant."

"How do you feel about that?"

Kathryn had to fight the urge to roll her eyes at such an insensitive, obvious question. But Chakotay was all poise as he replied. "Sad, of course. I lost many dear friends to that conflict. But I'm not sorry that the bloodshed's over."

"How do you feel about the Cardassians now that you've been away for so long?"

Chakotay considered this for a couple of seconds, then looked up. "I have no particular hatred for the Cardassians as a people – my only motive in joining the Maquis was to protect my own people." He took in a breath. "But as to the second part of your question, regarding my being away for so long…" He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. "We – I speak as a member of the Voyager crew now – we've been through so much over the course of our journey. I've learned so much, about myself and about the universe… about the power of unification under a fearless captain. Our struggles and small victories and losses and ceaseless wonder… all of that changed me. Allowed me to find peace." He leaned back into his chair again. "I have absolutely no desire to jeopardize that, let alone for a conflict that ended years ago."

"I understand you still have family residing on the border?" Captain Hastorf asked.

"My sister, yes."

"You're not concerned for her welfare?"

Chakotay gave a small, confused smile. "Well, I trust Starfleet to uphold its deal with the Cardassians. I have no reason to be concerned, now do I?"

"Cleverly delivered, Commander," Admiral Hayes replied with an amused twinkle in his eyes. "And no, you have not."

"Then I'm satisfied."

"Can you speak for your former Maquis colleagues as well? B'Elanna Torres, for example, was one of your trusted officers, I believe."

Kathryn urged to defend B'Elanna and reply that she still was, but the panel wasn't addressing her.

"I don't think it's my place to speak for them – they each have a voice worthy of being heard, B'Elanna's included – but I can certainly testify as to the strength of their characters, their achievements and their good-heartedness."

Kathryn's heart swelled in pride at his statement. It suddenly struck her that she had come to take Chakotay for granted over the years, that she had always relied on his support (even expected it) without really questioning whether he truly believed in her actions and her values. But she was now reminded that Chakotay was no sycophant – he always fought for what he believed in – and that was exactly what he had always done as her first officer. She didn't think it was possible, but her admiration for him actually grew to the point she was afraid it might spill over and be shown to the rest of the world. To him.

"So you can't say for sure that at least some of them wouldn't return to the border?" Mr. Valdan asked.

"I can't. But keep in mind that most of them have nothing to go back to. And many of them, like B'Elanna Torres who herself recently became a mother, have found love and friendship and a purpose on Voyager. It changed their priorities."

"Love and friendship? Unfortunately, that's not an entirely airtight argument, Commander."

"I'm sorry you feel that way." Chakotay leaned forward again, his eyes narrowing. "Look, if you're so concerned, then the responsibility falls on you to make sure that they have no cause to resume their activities, as you say. If I may make a suggestion here – rather than treat them with suspicion, offer them a fair alternative."

"Such as?" Admiral Hayes asked, his interest and curiosity unfeigned. Kathryn was only starting to realize that she might have misjudged the admiral – he truly appeared to have their best interest at heart, and Kathryn felt herself relax a little to know that they had in him an ally.

"They've all gained tremendous experience at their relative stations on Voyager," Chakotay went on, "offer them a position in Starfleet… or a position where they can make sure that the deal with the Cardassians is respected on all sides… or a job that would allow them to develop their scientific or technical prowess… My point is: give them a worthier cause, something that they can feel pride in undertaking, something that would fulfill their desire to do something useful, something just. If you do that, I'm ready to bet that not one of them is even going to think about stirring up trouble."

The members of the panel looked a little sheepish after such a passionate speech, and Kathryn had to bite back a satisfied smile. "Thank you, Commander. We will of course consider your suggestions."

Chakotay gave a nod.

"Captain Janeway," Mr. Valdan started again, shifting his attention from Chakotay to Kathryn, "you weren't very clear in your report as to why exactly you chose Mr. Chakotay as your first officer. Could you enlighten us as to your reasoning?"

Kathryn looked at him with a lopsided grin. "Well, if that right there didn't convince you, I don't know what will!" She replied as she gave him a cool, amused grin. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Chakotay lower his head to hide a smile.

"Captain, please, humor us."

"Fine. Well, even though I didn't know Mr. Chakotay as well as I do now, even then, he struck me as a strong leader, notwithstanding the fact that he had more experience on a starship than most of my surviving crew, with the exception of Mr. Tuvok."

"Yes, Mr. Tuvok. He would have been a perfectly reasonable choice for a first officer. Why didn't you choose him?"

Even though the obvious slight on Chakotay irritated her, Kathryn kept her cool and crossed her legs as she leaned back against the back of her chair. "Of course my decision was in part strategic; we were all stuck together, seventy-thousand lightyears away from home, and in the first few months our two crews didn't necessarily see eye to eye. Tuvok had been working undercover among the Maquis – and many of them didn't trust him. And I knew that by entrusting Chakotay with the responsibilities of a first officer, it would assuage some of our respective crews' concerns. But beyond the tactical advantage, I knew – call it instinct, if you will – that he was trustworthy, and someone worthy of my respect. We quickly agreed that our joint crews would merge into one, a Starfleet crew, which would abide by Starfleet's values and protocols. We always stuck to that. Since then, our shared experiences have brought us all together. It's been a very long time now since I've thought of any of the former Maquis as anything but members of my crew, and my friends. And as for Mr. Tuvok, as a Vulcan he quickly accepted my choice as a logical one." She took in a breath as she narrowed her eyes and leaned forward, her elbows on the table. "And let me add, nothing you can say or ask today will make me sway in my absolute belief that making Mr. Chakotay my first officer was the best decision I've ever made as Captain of Voyager."

Chakotay hid another smile as he stared down at his hands on the table. Mr. Valdan cleared his throat. "Yes, thank you, Captain Janeway."

"Before we move on to the evidence you brought with you, there is one more thing of concern to address," Captain Hastorf stated.

"If you're referring to Seven of Nine-"

"We are."

"Then once again let me reassure you that she has long moved beyond her Borg past, and has proven her allegiance to me and Voyager countless times. And the fact is, my crew and I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for her. She is extremely intelligent and capable, and her knowledge of the universe and the Borg is unequaled. Like the former Maquis, I urge you to give her an opportunity to prove herself to you, and to not let your fears guide your actions. I think you'll find she has a tendency to grow on you," she added in a softer voice, now resisting the urge to glance at Chakotay, despite the fact that she could feel him staring hard at her profile.

There was a stunned silence when Kathryn finished, and the panel members traded looks.

"Very well, thank you, Captain," Admiral Hayes said. "Now, if this panel has no further questions, we will proceed to the evidence and testimonies you offered at the beginning of this hearing."

Kathryn exchanged a look with Chakotay, who handed his PADD to Mr. Valdan as Kathryn stood to her feet.

"Thank you. I'd like to start by telling you more about each of the former Maquis crewmen and women that have now become part of the Voyager crew…"

oooOooo

"Why Mr. Chakotay, you are a force to be reckoned with!" The captain teased as they stepped outside Starfleet Command into the late afternoon sun. "I'm glad you're on my side – well, most of the time," she added with a cheeky grin. Chakotay hadn't seen her this lively for a long time now and it filled his heart with warmth to see her so excited.

Her light-heartedness was contagious and Chakotay grinned, embarrassed at her compliment and the obvious admiration in her tone. "I'm always on your side, Kathryn – even when I disagree with you. But, please, allow me to return the compliment," he replied as he gave her a bow of his head.

Kathryn laughed at his formal gesture and she took his arm affectionately. "They were utterly defenseless, they never saw us coming!"

"You think it was a success, then?" He asked as he tucked her a little closer into his side as they walked.

"Oh I do."

"So what do you say? Isn't it worth celebrating?"

"By all means! You did promise me drinks on the Pier, if I recall…"

Chakotay grinned. "I remember. Let's go then," he suggested, secretly loving that she was still holding his arm. They walked in silence for a while, both lost in thought and in the elated feeling that came with knowing that they had been successful in their goals. Still riding on the adrenaline rush, Chakotay was hyper conscious of the moment; the beautiful hues of the upcoming sunset, and the scent of salt on the cool breeze that whipped his face.

"I loved what you said about each of the crewmembers having a voice – it was… remarkable," Kathryn commented as they walked toward the water, her tone genuinely impressed.

"I only spoke the truth."

She squeezed his arm. "I got to say, though… Love and friendship?" She added, her tone returning to its earlier playfulness.

He made a face. "Too cheesy?"

She gave him a dubious look.

"Well, maybe it was," he conceded. "But I stand by what I said anyway. I do believe that love is a powerful drive for change, and that it changed many of us in ways that we couldn't predict. Just look at Tom and B'Elanna!"

"Oh I'm not criticizing the notion – in fact I wholeheartedly agree with it… just the wisdom of bringing it up at an official hearing."

Chakotay grinned. "Don't fool yourself, I'm pretty sure that's what brought that stern-looking Valdan around to my cause."

She half-chuckled half-snorted and Chakotay grinned again. He seemed to be doing a lot of that all of a sudden.

"Maybe you're right! You know," she went on conspiratorially, "I know for a fact that Admiral Hayes is happily married, but I'm pretty sure the everyone else fell just a little in love with you in there…!"

Chakotay laughed out loud, even though his first thought was: including you? It sent his heart racing with wild, irrational hope.

He gave her a mockingly suspicious glare. "How can you know for a fact that Admiral Hayes is happily married, Captain?" He teased and she gave him a mysterious grin in response before she couldn't hold it anymore and laughed.

By then they had reached Pier 39 and Chakotay looked around eagerly, taking in the ambiance. He'd heard that the place had barely changed in 300 years, and he could easily believe it. It was still a place where street musicians, traders, tourists and wanderers converged into a strange but coherent whole. The sound of old-fashioned instruments filled the air and the delicious blend of aromas that filtered from the various dining establishments made his mouth water in anticipation.

They chose a dining option and made sure they had a view on Alcatraz Island before they sat down to order food and drinks.

"So tell me," Kathryn asked once their glasses were filled with wine and she rested her elbows on the table to lean a little closer, her expression eager and playful. "How has love changed you, Commander?" The question was innocent enough given the thread of their conversation and the teasing undertone of her voice, but Chakotay was still taken aback by the bluntness of it. He thought he understood what she was really asking, and he absent-mindedly placed his napkin on his thigh as he thought of the best way to answer her.

"I think… in many, many ways." He inhaled and met her eyes seriously, brows knitting together. "Kathryn, I think we've been circling around the elephant in the room for a while now, so let me put an end to that now."

She tensed at the seriousness of his voice before she could school her surprise. But now she looked at him with a mix of curiosity and dread. "Seven," she let out on a soft, raspy voice.

"Yes." Chakotay nodded. "I'm not going to lie, there was something between us for a while."

She blinked but her expression didn't waver. "Was…?"

"It's over now."

"Was it serious?"

Chakotay's gaze darted to hers briefly. "Yes." He swallowed. "I would have never…let the relationship evolve if I didn't think I felt... But, it was a mistake. It didn't take long for us both to realize that."

She took in a long breath as she took this in. "I have to say, I'm surprised at you, Chakotay."

The comment stung, but he had expected it. He knew he'd hurt her on some level, and some anger was not unexpected. "I know. I disappointed myself," he went on with a painful frown as he tried to put words to his feelings. "I disappointed her, too. I could never love her as much and as well as she deserves." He paused to inhale, before plunging in. "Not when my heart already belongs to someone else."

He briefly glanced at her again to meet her eyes, expecting her to ask the obvious follow-up question. She was staring at him, her expression open and unsettled, her eyes searching his face. Her response was stalled by the arrival of their food, and they both had to willfully tear their gaze away from the other to acknowledge the waiter.

They thanked the waiter and Chakotay took the opportunity to take a sip of wine while Kathryn stalled by carefully placing her utensils by her plate, as if it was the most important thing in the world. With her eyes and face cast down, he had no idea what she was thinking now, but he could tell by the heightened rise and fall of her chest or the way her fingers shook that she wasn't indifferent to his words, or his meaning.

When the silence stretched for a little too long, Chakotay leaned a little forward, stomach in a tight knot. While he had endeavored to rekindle their old camaraderie over the last few days, she hadn't really given him any hints that she would welcome attentions of a more romantic nature – barring the hurt he'd seen on her face when she found out about his relationship with Seven. But he couldn't back down now, not after he'd come this far, and especially when he recalled the significance of today's date from Captain Chakotay's log.

"You're not going to ask me who it is that my heart belongs to?" He asked at last, voice barely over a whisper as he willed her to look up.

She finally did and her expression was a guarded mix of relief, hope and humor. He blinked in surprise, but then he relaxed against his seat again, letting his lips curve in a crooked smile as he watched her.

"Do I know her?" She asked in a playful tone that contrasted starkly with the intensity and guarded hope of her gaze. This was an old distraction technique of hers, using humor long enough to distract her interlocutor from noticing that she was more affected than she let on. He knew it too well to be fooled, but he would play the game if that was what she needed.

Chakotay nodded. "Yes, you know her very well. Better than anyone."

She gave him a contemplative look, biting her cheek. "Hmm. Young?"

Chakotay narrowed his eyes playfully. "Youngish."

She gave an amused scoff at his diplomatic reply.

"She's beautiful," he went on, enjoying how this banter allowed him to compliment her. "Very curious, and very smart, and very wise. She can be as fierce as she can be caring. A little stubborn and self-righteous, sometimes, but I happen to love that about her." After a moment the amused curve of her lips widened into a full-blown, bright smile, and her eyes shone with emotion. Unable to resist anymore, Chakotay exhaled and extended his hand, palm up, and to his relief she didn't hesitate before reaching out to grasp it.

"She sounds like a handful," she replied with a coy smile as her fingers interlocked with his. "Sounds like she'd need someone strong enough to be able to ground her. Someone who'd temper her curiosity and tendency for self-importance with principles and spirituality; gentle but passionate enough to offset the recklessness..."

Moved by her description, Chakotay bit back a smile before he arranged his expression into a quizzical look. "Doesn't sound like anyone I know."

She released a chuckle and squeezed his hand. The twinkle in her eyes and open expression pulled him in like a magnet, but as much as he wanted to lean over the table and kiss her at that moment, she was still his captain, and until she gave him permission to do otherwise or he officially resigned, he would continue acting as such. Besides, while she seemed pleased by his admission and recognized that there was a bond between them, he was acutely aware that she hadn't reciprocated his feelings just then, not really. Not explicitly. As frustrating as it was, he forced himself to be patient and push his own desires aside, and instead settled for slowly bringing her hand to his mouth and gently pressing his lips to her knuckles as his eyes met hers. Leaning her chin on the palm of her free hand, she met his eyes with a mix of bashfulness, pleasure and something that looked a lot like puzzled wonder. And desire. He felt his pulse quicken, but let go of her hand with a smile.

He couldn't help throwing glances her way as they attacked their meal in earnest. She still looked flustered as if he had completely thrown her off balance, so he decided to ease the tension by changing the subject.

"Have you given more thought to your promotion?" He asked.

She nodded eagerly, apparently happy for the distraction. "I spent a lot of time thinking last night, sitting in my captain's chair on Voyager, literally staring into space, weighing my options. I think it's still too early for me to say with certainty, but I'm leaning toward accepting." Her lips curved into a slow smile as she leaned forward conspiratorially. "I kind of like the sound of Admiral Janeway, actually. What do you think?"

"I like the sound of anything Janeway," he retorted with a grin, before returning a more serious gaze on her. "But it's your decision, Kathryn. Whatever you decide, I'll stand by you. Always."

She gave a grateful smile, before she returned to her meal. "And you? I don't suppose you'd reconsider my proposition?"

"About a promotion to captain?" Chakotay shook his head. "I don't think so. Kathryn," he started more gravely as he set his fork and knife down on the table, "The simple truth of the matter is… I want you in my life – but not as my captain, and certainly not my admiral. Far from me to sound presumptuous, but I don't think we could have a fulfilling relationship if I stayed on as a Starfleet officer. And I'd like all the odds to be in my favor."

Realization flashed through her eyes. "You told me you were thinking of resigning. Is that why, then? To be with me?"

She sounded reproachful, but Chakotay needed to be honest with her. "It's part of the reason. I meant what I said before too – I just don't think Starfleet is what I want or need anymore. Actually, I would much rather teach and undertake my own archaeological research as a civilian, if given the opportunity."

After a long moment she nodded slowly as she leaned back in her chair. "I understand."

"You do?"

"Of course. Just because I can't imagine life without Starfleet doesn't mean I can't understand how you might find it appealing. You have so much more to offer the world, the universe, Chakotay – I'm starting to realize that all these years on Voyager – we were holding you back, constraining you to a set of limiting duties. What you said earlier, about the crew needing something that would fulfill them… I'm just realizing that it applies to you as well."

Chakotay frowned. "I didn't mean it like that – I certainly never saw my place on Voyager that way. In fact there isn't a day that goes by without me feeling immensely grateful for the opportunity you've given me, to be a part of it all. I meant what I said earlier, at the hearing – those seven years have allowed me to find peace, and I wouldn't change that for anything. It's just time for me to do something else. But all things considered, it was a pretty amazing journey, wasn't it?" He added with a wistful smile.

The bright smile that curved her lips reached her eyes, and she lifted her wine glass as she leaned closer over the table. "To warriors at peace, and to an amazing journey," she toasted, and he gave an embarrassed grin at her reference to the warrior legend he had made up so long ago, amazed that she'd remembered it. He lifted his glass and clinked it with hers, holding her gaze.

When they put down their glasses, Chakotay realized that they had both finished their meal. "Dessert?"

She shook her head as her hands covered her stomach, as if she'd overindulged. "Let's walk for a bit."

The sun was low on the horizon by the time they left the restaurant, but the sky was still an impressive palette of pinks and purples as the first stars appeared above them. They walked in companionable silence for a while, Kathryn's arm once more looped around his. They walked by an old-fashioned ice cream stand, and Kathryn stopped. "Oh I could eat some of that."

Chakotay grinned as he took them to the stand and they each ordered their respective cone. Soon they were walking again, busy making sure that the ice cream didn't melt onto their hands. It was rather a cool evening to be eating ice cream, but if it made her happy, then Chakotay was in no position to complain.

"Hmm, that beats replicated dessert any day," Kathryn groaned in pleasure and Chakotay chuckled. They walked to the end of the pier and leaned on the rail as they gazed out at the Bay. It was beautiful, and it reminded Chakotay of all he'd nearly lost. If it hadn't been for Annika, and Captain Chakotay…

"You died today," Chakotay suddenly said, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them.

"I beg your pardon?" She asked as she wiped ice cream from her mouth with her napkin.

"In that other timeline, the one Annika came from… Today was the day you died."

She stared at him, all the pieces falling together in her mind at last. After a moment her face fell in sympathy and she stepped a little closer, leaning her shoulder against his until their arms touched. "What happened?"

Chakotay shook his head as he shifted his weight on the balls of his feet and back to his heels. "A stupid accident really. I don't want to get into it."

He felt her step even closer, so close that her face was almost leaning against his shoulder and her warmth spread through his side. She placed her free hand on his arm and let it settle there.

"That other Chakotay…" he went on, "he never really recovered. But he wasn't the only one who suffered from the loss. And I think – that's what set in motion a series of terrible events."

They were both silent for a few moments, Chakotay lost in the story that his future self had shared with him.

And then… "I'm here, Chakotay, and I'm okay."

Chakotay let out a raw chuckle as he glanced at her, the emotion reflected on her face. "I know. And you have no idea how incredibly lucky that makes me feel."

She leaned her cheek against his upper arm briefly, offering him the simple comfort she somehow knew he needed: her presence – her tangible, real, softly breathing, presence. His hand reached out to cover hers.

"Do you wish you hadn't learned all these things?" Kathryn asked eventually.

"A little, maybe. His log put images in my head that are never going to go away. But in a sense, I'm glad he showed me, because now I can really honor Annika's sacrifice, and his, too. And I understand what I nearly lost. It makes me appreciate it all even more." He turned to her then, and she let go of his arm so that she could still face him, her expression grave.

"I hope you'll share what you learned with me," she said. "It's not fair that you should be the only one carrying that burden."

Chakotay gave a half smile. "Thank you. Maybe I will, someday. When those possibilities are far, far behind us."

One corner of her lips curved upward. "Fair enough."

She returned her gaze to the Bay and Chakotay imitated her a second later. They were quiet for a while as they finished their ice cream, until she spoke again, her voice soft and almost wistful.

"You know Chakotay, I couldn't have imagined a better way to spend my first day back on Earth, than standing here like this, eating ice cream with you – in the cold," she added with a wry grin.

Chakotay smiled. "I'm glad. And for the record, neither could I."

He felt her shiver next to him. "Oh you really are cold! Let's head back to Starfleet Command." He wished he could put his arm around her and rub her arms and back, but he didn't dare act on that level of comfort just yet. It still didn't feel like he was allowed to get that comfortable with her.

She nodded and they walked, faster this time, back the way they came. It was completely dark by the time they made it back, but the main hall was bright with artificial lights, and loud with the many voices that bounced back in echoes against the walls and high ceilings.

After their hearing, Admiral Hayes had told them that they, as well as the crew, had been assigned temporary quarters in the next building over from Starfleet Command, which also served as housing for Academy cadets and staff. All they had to do was check in at the front desk to figure out the location of their assigned individual quarters. As they made their way to the front desk now, Chakotay suddenly spotted B'Elanna, Tom, Tuvok, Harry, and a few others, chatting not far from the desk. Looking around the room, he suddenly realized that it was the entire crew of Voyager that filled the hall with chatter and energy. The excitement of their recent transport to Earth was almost tangible.

He exchanged a delighted look with Kathryn as they walked up to greet the senior officers.

"Captain, Commander. How was the hearing?" B'Elanna asked as she gently bounced Miral on her shoulder.

"Oh it went just fine! I have to say, though, it's been… quite a day!" Kathryn replied with a sly glance in Chakotay's direction, and he bit back a smile. "I take it you all made it safely, then?" she asked as she looked around.

It was Tuvok who replied. "Yes, Captain. We were the last to transport," he gestured to the bridge officers, "but it appears that everyone is accounted for, and pleased with the overall arrangements."

Kathryn nodded. "Good."

While she conversed with them, Chakotay got both their rooms information, and learned that their personal effects had already been transferred to their respective quarters. He had to give it to Starfleet, they could be surprisingly efficient, sometimes. Chakotay returned his attention to his friends and shipmates and silently handed Kathryn her room information. "Some of us are going out to celebrate," Harry was saying, "if you would both care to join us?"

Kathryn threw Chakotay a quick, amused glance, but gave a kind smile to Harry as she touched his arm. "Thank you, Mr. Kim, but I'm afraid I won't be able to join you. After the last few days' excitement, I think I need an early night in. Rain check?"

"Of course, Captain." Harry nodded in understanding. "What about you, Commander?"

Chakotay hesitated – he was reluctant to leave Kathryn after the day they had spent together, and the things that were said… and those that remained unsaid. Far from him the wish to rush her, he was happy to let things unfold at their own pace and give Kathryn the time she needed to come to terms with what he'd told her. Yet he couldn't dismiss his longing for her company or his desire that this day never end. Eventually she touched his arm. "Go on, Chakotay, go celebrate with the kids. We can resume our conversation tomorrow."

Chakotay gave her a studying look, but her eyes were soft and her expression open as she looked up at him. Hope flared in his chest. There was a promise in her look that made his pulse quicken in anticipation, but he understood her need to catch her breath. "Breakfast, then?" He suggested.

"Sounds like a plan."

"Alright, then. I'll join you," he said to Harry. He felt restless, and if anything, a night out with the officers would provide a nice distraction.

"You mentioned Seven had already retired to her room?" Kathryn asked Harry curiously, with some concern in her tone.

Harry nodded. "She said she didn't want to leave the kids alone on their first night on Earth. But I have to say, she looked a little…I don't know… upset. Almost like she was the one who was frightened at the prospect."

Kathryn nodded as she looked up at Chakotay. "I should go and talk to her. I wish you all a wonderful evening!" She said as she walked away, throwing a last smile for Chakotay's eyes only.

Chakotay cleared his throat and schooled his smile into a more neutral expression before he returned his attention to the officers. "So, where are we going?"

oooOooo