Every thing in my life before now, every moment, every decision, and every plan had somehow brought me here. My life as I knew it was over. My agonizing about letting Eric go was no longer an issue, he couldn't take any part in my life anymore unless I intended to drag him into this strangeness with me, and I would never do that to him. I wondered for a moment if I could simply walk away. I trusted Bella, but would it really put everyone in danger if I went back to Forks and just kept my mouth shut for the rest of my life? Then I thought of the Brazilian woman's casual mention of making me disappear. Her careless tone and bizarre red eyes, and the vision, the darkness. I didn't ever want to be near her again. She would give me no choice. If I returned to my family, she would do whatever she thought necessary to ensure that my story would not be told. I supposed I could still fulfill my dreams of travel and research if I chose to be like them. Faster, more powerful, and had they said immortal? I might be able to continue pursuing my intellectual dreams instead of holed up in some remote village for my own protection. What kind of life would I make for myself there? It would be no different from remaining in Forks, but without everything and everyone that made it home. I was still full of desire, had a burning need to fill my soul with knowledge and travel. And those wolves! Perhaps I could learn more about them too. I had no idea what I was in for, but I had made my decision.
I broke down for a moment. I wept for my family, friends and Eric. I wept for how much I would miss them, how terrifying it would be for them to loose me, to never know that I lived on somewhere far away. I wept for my college plans and the travel plans Jessica and I had made that would never happen. I wept until there was nothing left, then with my broken voice croaked out a weak, "Bella."
It was barely a whisper, but she was instantly at my side, laying her hands gently on my shoulders. She took me into a cool embrace and kept murmuring "sorry" while I struggled to find my voice once more. "I'm so sorry this is happening to you."
"I choose to stay with you and your family. I can't lose everyone I know and be lost in some remote part of the world. I want to be strong and travel, continue my education. I could still go to school right, in a different area?"
"Yes," said Bella looking hopeful for me but still serious, "but not right away. You'll eventually have all the time you need, but I need to tell you about the curse."
Vampires. I couldn't have expected that. She told me all about the transformation, the blood, the bonds, and the powers. The weakness that I would have to overcome if I wanted to remain integrated in the human world enough for school and group research. She told me about her family, the way they chose to keep their humanity and promised to help me follow the same path. She offered me support, friendship, family and eternal life. I was shocked, but I had made my decision. I was ready to move on. Now that there was nothing to go back to, I was ready to see the old Angela die because I needed closure for the part of my life that was already lost. I was ready to start a new adventure, with a new family, because this space in between lives was more unbearable than I could stand.
They would start the transformation tonight. Carlisle, the head of the family, whom I'd met earlier, would do it as he'd had the most practice. I lay on a comfortable sofa, staring at a blank white ceiling. I thought I was ready for the pain. I wanted the physical pain to wash away the pain growing in my heart. I felt quick pricks on my neck, wrists and ankles for only a fraction of a second. There were a few silent heartbeats when I felt nothing. I thought of all I was giving up and what new direction my life would take. All the opportunities lost and gained as two hot, human tears rolled down the sides of my face for the last time. Then there was agony, burning and crushing. The weight of my decision crashed into me fully as my old life was torn away. One last stretch of darkness before my mortal life was gone and the sun rose on the eternal day that would be the rest of my existence.