A/N: Hello all! Sorry this took so long! I'm not 100% satisfied with this, but it's as good as it's gonna get and you guys have waited long enough. Thanks for all the wonderful support you guys have given me, whether it was a follow, favorite, review, or just reading! I love you all!
It had been a long day. Steven was very grateful when he finally fell into bed and curled up. Hoping for a deep, dreamless slumber, Steven fell asleep.
But of course it wasn't that easy.
Steven was floating, but it didn't give him the same, happy, lightweight feeling of floating. He felt sick and scared and… angry. Stormy gray clouds swirled around him, mirroring his feelings.
"Hello?" he called, voice muffled by the void. "Is this a dream?" he wondered. "It kinda feels like it." A sudden bright spot drew his attention in the distance. Steven swam toward it and his stomach twisted when he realized what it was.
A butterfly.
"Oh no."
Before he could react, the lone butterfly began to multiply into a massive swarm, completely surrounding the small boy, and eventually solidifying into three distinct shapes: Bismuth, Jasper, and Eyeball. Steven looked around in a panic.
"I know! I know I feel guilty about all of you! But let's get to the point!" The butterflies started moving again, eventually turning into one, huge Rose Quartz.
Rose glared down at Steven in resentment and disappointment. Steven stared back, bravely trying to keep his tears at bay.
"You were supposed to better than me Steven, but look at you. You keep hurting people!"
"Well so did you!" he yelled back.
"You couldn't even live up to me, much less be better." Then came the kicker. "I should still be there."
"You are here! You're part of me and I hate it!" he cried.
The swarm descended on him, surrounding him in bright white light, when suddenly, it cleared. The clouds were gone and he was still surrounded by white, but it wasn't the butterflies. A couple meters in front of him stood his mom.
"Do you really think that Steven?" she asked quietly, glancing over her shoulder. "Do you really hate me?"
"I-I-" Steven was at a loss for words now that he was, quite literally, face to face with his problems. "I hate what you did," he finally said.
"As do I, but I also realize it was necessary."
"Necessary? Was it necessary to shatter Pink Diamond? Was it necessary to keep Bismuth bubbled for 5000 years?"
"I've… made mistakes," Rose admitted.
"And left me to deal with them," Steven muttered surprisingly bitterly. Rose turned around, surprise evident in her face.
"No! Steven, that was never my intent! That shouldn't be your burden to bear."
"Well it is! Whether I like it or not, this is my life now, an-and I keep messing up!" He clutched his head in frustration and paced around. "I couldn't get through to Bismuth, Jasper wouldn't let me heal her, Eyeball tried to murder me and I had to throw her into space! I-I keep messing up and it's all because people think I'm you."
"Steven-"
"But I'm not you. I'm me! But I can't be seen as just me, because you're still here!"
He froze as a power seemed to course through him. There was a resounding crack and everything went black.
"What's going on?" Amethyst cried as she ran into the living room. Pearl and Garnet were huddled over Steven who was convulsing in his sleep.
"I don't know!" Pearl shrieked. "He's having seizures or something and he won't wake up!" Amethyst joined them, but was afraid to get too close. Steven's gem was glowing brightly, almost blindingly so. Making a decision, Garnet pulled Steven into her lap and held him close. His gem was hot to the touch and his entire body felt feverish. She took a deep breath in… Here comes a thought.
She opened her eyes and she was no longer on the couch, but in the dream with Steven. Directly in front of her was Steven, doubled over in pain, one hand clutching his gem, the other grasping his hair. Behind him was none other than Rose, hovering worriedly over her son, unsure what to do. Her eyes plead with Garnet to help.
Seeing Rose threw Garnet for a loop. Her mentor, her general, her first friend, was here, but it didn't last more than a moment before everything in her screamed HELP STEVEN.
"Steven," she said, crouching down next to him. "Steven, can you hear me?"
"It hurts," he moaned. Tears streamed down his face.
"Steven, you need to tell me what's wrong," she begged.
"He doesn't want me here," Rose said. Garnet looked at Rose and saw her form flicker. "He feels bad, like he can't be good while I'm here and maybe he's right." She groaned as her form distorted, then returned. "He's so much better than me Garnet, he's done so much and grown so much and it's all him, not me. I just wish he could see that."
Garnet could feel part of her freezing up. What could she do that could possibly help Steven?
"Steven, Steven, please look at me." She brushed away her glasses and placed gentle hands on Steven's shoulders. He looked at her for a moment before doubling over in another fit of pain.
"Steven. Whether you like it or not, Rose Quartz is a part of you; how could she not be?
"But this is the important part Steven: you are NOT your mother. You are someone much more than your mother. You are kind and compassionate and work so so hard to be your best. But you're still growing Steven, and you can't if you don't let this go." A butterfly landed on Garnet's hand, but she didn't even spare it a glance, all energy focused on Steven. "It doesn't matter what other people think you are. That is their problem. You are not the problem Steven."
Steven looked up at her, eyes filled with tears, pain, and maybe just a little hope.
"I-" he started. "I feel lost. Like-" he grimaced. "Like there should be a right way to do things, but I can't find it."
"Sometimes… there's not," Garnet admitted. "Life isn't always black and white," she explained. "Or, red and blue," she said, closing her third eye. "But I've learned that more often than not things, are purple," she said and opened the other one. "All we can do is try our best to be our best and you're doing that Steven. You are learning how to be your best self and we are so proud of you Steven, because that is all you."
Steven's face crumpled as he leaned into Garnet and sobbed. She held him close and whispered to him.
"But you are not alone Steven. You have us and your dad and Connie. You are not alone in this Steven. Please, come back to us. Let us help."
Steven didn't say anything, but nodded into her shoulder. It was enough. Garnet allowed herself a final glance at Rose and saw her softly smiling, tears running down her face. Thank you, she mouthed. Holding back tears of her own now, Garnet closed her eyes and brought her and Steven safely back to reality.
"Oh thank goodness," Pearl cried as Steven opened his eyes. She and Ameythst threw themselves on him, causing all three of them to end up in Garnet's lap, reminiscent of their second trip to the moon.
"Are you alright?" Pearl asked, pulling back. "What happened?"
"I'm fine," Steven stammered. "Or I will be. Thanks Garnet," he murmured, giving her a hug. Garnet cuddled him back, reluctant to let him go.
"Hey," Amethyst said after a minute. "How 'bout we make some pizza and watch that Crying Food show or whatever. To cheer you up!"
"Amethyst-"
"That sounds great," Steven said. "Let's do it." He sat up and stretched, rubbing the leftover sleep and tears from his eyes. His shirt rode up and, though no one saw it, there was a hairline fracture, deeply set in his gem. One would have to look hard to notice it.
The Crystal Gems spent the night laughing and crying and being there for each other and in that moment, everything was okay. And in the morning, everything seemed a little bit brighter.