(Me in early November: "Hey, I should make a chapter about Bruce and Selina pulling a heist. GOTHAM hasn't done that yet." GOTHAM mid-season finale: Bruce and Selina pull a heist... Me: *sigh* "Everytime..."
Sorry about the long wait for the chapter. I wanted to publish another chapter around December 6th, but that was right in the middle of finals week. Almost immediately after that, I went home for winter break, found out that one of my classmates had died on the journey home, and I entered a month-long writer's block that was so bad I couldn't look at my computer without feeling drained and uninspired. But now, two months from when I posted my last chapter and on the last few days of my winter break [of course], I am ready to write new things for the new year! [I also wait for lulls in uploading before updating my fics]
Thank you to all the people that follow, favorite, review, and just read this story in general. This story is my most popular one (almost 2,700 people have read it) and I couldn't be happier about it. I thought this story wasn't going to receive much attention, but here we are. Again, I apologize for not getting these chapters out faster, but I try to value quality and quantity over quickness.
I hope you enjoy this chapter [I can't help but worry about the quality of all my chapters], one that shows where Bruce is at relative to his goal of understanding criminals. One thing GOTHAM does not seem to do well is grow their characters [this is my opinion, this may not be yours], and I intend to show how Bruce will grow during his time with Selina in this story. As such, the first two chapters are introductory chapters to help get you used to the world, and this set of four chapters [Pop Some Tags, So What, Buying Black, and Birds of a Feather] are going to show you were I put Bruce's and Selina's skills and emotions based on the things they know up to this point. I am committed to showing their growths as characters, as well as broaden the Gotham Underworld, which GOTHAM never seems to do unless it's a surprise [again, this is just my opinion, it is most likely different from yours].
Anyway, enough of my senseless ramblings, let's get on with the story!)
Disclaimer: I do not own GOTHAM or any of its characters OR the song "So What " by P!NK. I also... can't think of a witty contrast right now... Huh.
So What
Bruce looked to Selina, worried about their plan. "Selina," he said quietly, despite the silence in the alleyway, "I do not feel comfortable about this, especially about what might happen to you."
Selina looked down at her short, black dress. It didn't have that much sparkle as it did ruffles, both near the neck area and near the bottom area of the dress. It didn't have sleeves either, only straps, so she was forced to wear her jacket over it in order to maintain a little bit of warmth. The fabric wasn't thin or showy, but it was sheer around her midriff. Selina had styled her hair in a way that made her look like an uncaring, hip punk rocker, and tiny, silver wrist cuffs lay clipped around her wrists, reflecting some of the moonlight. She looked back to Bruce and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't see anything wrong with it."
Bruce huffed and gestured to her dress. "The dress is much too short for my liking, and it gives people the wrong impression!"
Selina glared at Bruce, who was comfortably wearing jeans, an old Pink Floyd T-shirt, and a black zip-up jacket. It was bad enough that it was a bit too chilly for it to be an October night and that the alleyway they were in smelled like the sewer. She did not need Bruce to complain about her wardrobe five seconds before they started their heist. "Bruce, this is part of the plan."
Bruce muttered something under his breath. Selina sighed as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Okay, Bruce, here's the first part of your test. Repeat the plan back to me, just so I know that you listened to everything I've been telling you for the past few hours."
Bruce nodded, straightened his back, and placed his hands behind his back just like a certain butler would have done. "We are pulling a heist at a bar called 'The Creaky Joint.' You will go in and sing Pink's 'So What' in order to draw attention away from me. I will go in and pick the pockets of the patrons. Overall, this is a test for me in order to show how much I have learned in the few weeks I have lived with you. And because the Stash is nonexistent." Bruce groaned and rubbed his hands absentmindedly. "And so that I don't have to fight your cats for food."
Selina smiled. "Good. But why am I singing a rock song and why am I wearing this dress?"
Bruce stood there thinking for a moment. "So you can distract the patrons with your body?" he said hesitantly.
Selina rolled her eyes. "You make it sound like I'm going stripping. I'm going to sing a rock song in this dress because there are more men than women in this bar, and because a loud rock song can cover the noise you might make. You aren't really skilled when it comes to pickpocketing, so if you make more noise than you intend to, the loudness of the song will cover your tracks." She pulled out a compact mirror from her jacket pocket. Last chance to add anything to her look.
"A rock song also help pumps up the crowd and gets their blood rushing, and a 'screw everything' kind of song helps them make the decision to spend more of their money, making it easier for you to swipe more stray cash," she said as she looked for anything out of place that she might have missed earlier. She snapped her compact shut and looked at Bruce. "Despite what many people think, there is a sort of science to crime."
Bruce shrugged. "I never really thought about it before."
Selina shrugged her shoulders and checked her watch. "Alright, I got a minute until showtime." She grabbed Bruce's arm and lead him to the front entrance of the bar. Before she stepped inside, she turned back toward Bruce. "Think about it from a scientific perspective." Her eyes narrowed and frowned. "And you better get some good things for me to pawn," she said seriously. Selina then took a deep breath and entered the bar, the doors closing softly behind her.
Okay, Bruce could do this. All he had to do was pickpocket a few patrons, and he would pass the test Selina had made for him. After all, he had learned a lot in the few weeks they had been living together. It wasn't like he was completely inept.
He took a deep breath. He could do it. It would be simple; go in, swipe some stuff, and leave a few seconds before Selina ended her song. As soon as Bruce steeled his nerves, he stepped inside the bar.
Selina was already on the other side of the room, talking to the stage manager. The stage manager wore an obscure rock band T-shirt and had hair so long Bruce was sure it would cost a small family's fortune to shampoo it clean. Both of them weren't waving their arms wildly, so it was safe to assume Selina wasn't going to start or get into a bar fight anytime soon.
Bruce studied the rest of the room. Patrons littered the counters at the bar, yelling at bartenders and jostling each other out of their ways. There was a small dance floor set up for those that wanted to dance to the music (though Bruce had heard from Selina that it was a way for men in the crowd to get a closer view of the performer). There was a weird smell in the air, and Bruce looked to his right to see a smoking lounge near the stage. The place was mostly dark, and Bruce could probably guess why. He looked over at the booths where people were sitting and caught a tiny growth of mold littering the ground near the booth. Before Bruce could cringe at the wild growth of mold, he caught a drunk man near the bar vomiting onto the floor. Overall, it was definitely not a place for a boy billionaire. Or a billionaire. Or a boy. Or anyone in general.
Bruce held back his urge to shudder as he felt his shoes stick to the floor and focused on the stage. He sat down at a nearby empty table and watched as Selina stepped onto the stage. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, and regretted it almost immediately. He could taste the tar-like smoke in the air. "Showtime," he remarked as he tried to ignore the taste in his mouth.
Selina held the microphone up to her mouth. "Na na na na na na, na na na na na na!"
Well, the upside to this place was that it had somewhat decent acoustics. The mic didn't whine or crackle, and Selina sounded amazing from where Bruce sat. He heard her repeat the "na, na" part and then move onto the first part.
"I guess I just lost my husband / I don't know where he went."
Alright, time to move. Bruce stood up from his chair and headed toward the bar. Selina told him to think of crime like a science. Fine, he could do that. The bar seemed like a good place to start; people were looking to spend money and they probably already had their money out. He walked over to the bar as quickly as he could without looking suspicious.
"So I'm gonna drink my money / I'm not gonna pay his rent."
At that line, Bruce saw a few people lift their glasses to Selina, a kind of "Hallelujah!" to the truth of the song. Those same people then turned and held out their money for another drink.
Selina was right. It was like she was buttering them up before she fried them up like lobsters… This probably wasn't the best time to be thinking about Alfred's cooking…
Bruce studied the people at the bar and tried to pick a target. Hm, on the far left of the bar was a man sitting alone, and he had a wallet poking out of his back pocket. Okay, he could do this.
"I wanna get in trouble / I wanna start a fight!"
Bruce kept his eyes to the floor and hunched over slightly, like he saw Selina do. He crept up to the man and quickly pinched his fingers around the corner of the wallet.
The man shifted in his seat and Bruce quickly pulled the wallet from his back pocket. He turned around, walked a few feet away, and opened the wallet. He grabbed the cash and few of the credit cards. He then turned back around and tried to put the wallet back into the man's back pocket.
"So, so what? / I'm still a rock star / I got my rock moves / And I don't need you!"
As Bruce tried to put back the man's wallet, the man shifted. "What the hell is wrong with my back pocket?" he said, reaching for the pocket.
Bruce dropped the wallet and quickly rushed off toward the smoking lounge.
"Uh, check my flow, uh." Selina watched as Bruce hurried to the smoking lounge. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, but then inwardly shrugged. He was just getting into the crime thing after all. He couldn't be expected to clean the place of its cash on the first heist he pulled. She inwardly sighed. She'd probably need to pull a few jobs when Bruce wasn't looking to make up for the lack of money he'd bring in, but if he wanted to understand criminals and she had the ability to help him, then maybe she could live with a little more work. And with Bruce not spouting his "Be A Good Person" sermon everytime she brought home something expensive.
Maybe she could give him a little more help. Selina tried adding simple dance moves to her act and hoped that that would keep people distracted from Bruce.
Bruce heard Selina start the second verse of the song (and hear her swear like she wanted to when she first picked the song), and quickened his pace. He slipped between patrons as he tried to single out a target. There were few people at the lounge, however there was a large group of people near the edge of the smoking lounge. There were a few men there, and there were two girls with them. Next to the girls sat large, knockoff purses. Okay, one of the girls' purses was at the edge of the booth. If he grabbed the purse, then he could pull out the wallet and swipe the cash and cards. Simple. Easy.
"What if this song's on the radio / Then somebody's gonna die / I'm gonna get in trouble / My ex will start a fight."
Bruce hid at the other side of the booth, waited until everyone at the table was distracted, then pulled the purse to his side. He quickly pulled it to his hiding spot, then opened the clasp of the purse.
The inside of the purse was an utter mess. Two cartons of cigarettes leaned against an iPhone (which Bruce was sure was a knockoff) that had a gold watch wrapped around it (definitely knockoff, these people couldn't afford something like that). There was more makeup in this bag than in a Mabelline ad, and there were more than a few "feminine products" that Bruce knew about but was still a little grossed out to touch. Receipts were everywhere, and the wallet the purse held was enormous and bulging.
Bruce heard Selina start to repeat the chorus. Crap, he barely had time to do anything. He unclasped the wallet and found an inch of cash trapped inside. Bruce swiped the cash out as quickly as he could before fumbling with the credit and debit cards. He slid them out of the pocket and quickly shoved the wallet back into the purse. He glanced at the people sitting in the booth, waited for a distraction, then placed the purse back onto its spot next to the woman. The second his fingers left the purse he bolted away from the smoking lounge.
"You weren't there / You never were…"
Bruce bit his lip as he thought of where he could go next. He just left the smoking lounge, and he wasn't the best dancer (except when it came to ballroom dancing, Alfred was very much his army-commander, putting-my-foot-down self during that period), so where would he go next? He could try the bar again, but this time he could head to the opposite direction of the bar from where his first target was, that way he wouldn't be recognized by his first victim. A small smile made its way onto Bruce's face as he casually walked to the other end of the bar.
"I gave you love / I gave my all…"
Crap, the song was almost over and Bruce knew that he hadn't gotten enough, at least by Selina's standards. He scanned the bar for a target before seeing something that set his blood boiling.
A heavyset man, completely drunk based on the way he was using the side of the bar as a crutch, leered at Selina as she sang and danced. He wore clothes that were covered in filth, not that his skin looked any cleaner. He looked her up and down in a way that made Bruce physically sick. The worst part was that the man had the hungriest looking grin on his face.
"So, so what? / I'm still a rock star / I got my rock moves!"
At that moment, the man chose to shout out, "I'd love to see those moves after your show, whore!"
On stage, Selina rolled her eyes, but continued singing. There was always that one guy or girl. Sure, a bar was a place where you would expect drunk people to be, but there were always a few people that took things way too far and ruined everyone's time. Like this guy. Best way to avoid him was beat it out the door with Bruce as soon as she was finished, and if things got bad, kick the guy's ass into next week and leave an anonymous tip for the GCPD. It wasn't something she couldn't handle.
Off stage, Bruce's fingers curled into fists and he gritted his teeth in rage.
The boy stormed over to the drunken man, who was currently making obscene gestures at Selina. Bruce nudged past people as he zeroed in on his target. This man was not going to get away with disrespecting Selina and threatening her honor.
He stopped just in front of the man, barely containing his urge to throttle the drunkard where he stood. The drunk male looked to his side and saw Bruce with a murderous expression on his face. "Whadda ya want, booy?" the man asked, slurring almost all his words.
Bruce shook as he shouted above the music. "Do not make those type of gestures and comments at her. It is rude and it makes her look terrible in front of others."
The man drunkenly laughed and stumbled slightly. "Oh, so you wanna a taste too, eh? Heh, guess the little whore gets around-"
Bruce's fist slammed into the man's face before the drunkard could say another word.
Almost immediately everyone on the dance floor and near the bar stopped listening to the song and formed a ring around Bruce and the drunk man. Someone was about to get their ass kicked, and that was a lot better entertainment than a girl singing a rock song.
The crowd around the two of them chanted, "Fight! Fight! Fight!" in a hypnotic fashion that only served to raise Bruce's anger and adrenaline levels. The boy watched as the drunk lifted his head and spit blood at his feet. "You're dead boy," the man growled as he swung his right fist at Bruce's face.
Bruce held up his arms, just like Alfred taught him too, and tried to block the punch as best he could. The force of the punch was a lot stronger than he would have guessed, and Bruce was sure he would have bruises on his arms the next morning. Before he could think of an efficient counter-attack, the drunk threw another punch at the boy's face. Bruce barely ducked out of the way in time.
Bruce ducked again as another punch sailed over his head. Not a split second later and the other fist hit Bruce's stomach. Bruce grimaced as the hit connected, but it didn't hurt as much as it would have had the drunk man not been flailing his fists around. Bruce ducked out of the way in order to gain some space from his enemy. He couldn't fight with the drunk that close to him. If he could just get some space-
Bruce was now a few feet from the drunk man, who was starting to pant with exhaustion. Perfect, the man was weak, now was his chance to strike. Bruce took a few steps forward and slammed his fist back into the man's mouth again. A stab of pain shot through his fingers and Bruce shook his hand out from his punch.
The drunkard reeled back and gave a screech of pain. Bruce watched as he leaned over and spat out blood. When he looked back at Bruce, he gritted his teeth, proudly displaying the space where one of his canines had been. He roared as he lunged at his opponent.
Bruce backpedaled to the side and watched as the man crashed headfirst into a crowd of patrons. He grinned smugly as the man came back around and the ring closed back around them. He could definitely win his fight. The man was drunk and that made it easier to predict his moves.
"Come on, you slobbering drunk!" Bruce taunted, his adrenaline making him almost light-headed with giddiness. He spread his legs to keep his balance and put up his arms. "That all you've got?!"
The drunk came at him, still quick, but not a bum rush like last time. Bruce saw the man's fist head for the left side of his head, so he leaned his head to his right-
The punch stopped midair and Bruce felt an iron-toed boot slam into the open space between his legs.
Funny, it looked a lot less painful in cartoons. And in comedy movies. And in real life when it happened to some other poor shmuck that wasn't yourself.
Bruce sucked in air as his hands shot to his crotch. He bent over double and fell to his knees, his eyes tearing up in response to the pain. He had never been kicked in the crotch before and holy crap did it hurt like hell.
Bruce looked up to see the drunk man standing over him, with almost the exact same smug grin that had been plastered on Bruce's face not more than a minute ago. He laughed. "Whassamatta boy? Can't takekit like aman?"
Bruce tried to stand, but cringed as he moved. He bit his lip and doubled over, his face bright red with shame and pain.
The bar was silent for a moment. Suddenly, a loud pitch came from the speakers, one so loud it made everyone in the crowd cringe and cover their ears. It continued on for a moment before a mike, still connected to its cord, slammed into the back of the drunkard's head. His eyes rolled back into his head and Bruce dodged out of the way as the drunk man fell face first onto the floor.
He stood up slowly and looked to where the mike had come from.
Selina stood on stage, coolly rolling up the cord. She glared at the crowd after she go the mike back into her hand. "Just so you know," she said to the ring of people surrounding Bruce, "it's really rude to interrupt a girl's song just so you can watch two idiots have a discount boxing match."
A guy from the other side of the bar shouted, "Yeah, well, you weren't that good anyway!"
Selina took a step forward and started to loosen the coil of cord in her other hand. "Yeah, well, I'm a hell of a lot better at whipping this microphone at you, so if you don't shut up, you'll get hit so hard you'll hear the feedback for a week!"
The man backed down at that threat.
Selina rolled her eyes. "Thank you everybody! Hope you all find some respect and manners at the bottom of your bottles." She walked off stage and handed the mike to the stage manager, who had a very angry look on his face.
"You know Selina," Shaggy said as he grabbed the somewhat damaged mike, "that isn't really how we handle sound equipment, or how we talk to the customers at this bar."
Selina shrugged. "Hey, my friend was starting to get his ass kicked and my whip trick ended everything pretty quickly. Mike should be a little scratchy, maybe dented from hitting the guy on the back of the head, but nothing you can't fix."
The stage manager narrowed his eyes. "Fine, but if you ever come back here, show me how to do that whip trick. It looked hella epic from my side of the stage."
Selina smirked. "Why, you want to damage more sound equipment and anger more customers?"
The stage manager laughed. "Look, I'll give you a week to get money for the repairs to the mike, and if you teach me how to do that whip trick, I'll let you perform again. Just don't attack anymore customers."
Selina sucked in a breath threw her teeth and pretended she wasn't relieved by the offer. "I don't know Shaggy, a meal and drinks add to the entertainment of my next performance…"
The stage manager lost all expression. "Get out," he deadpanned, probably done with everything that had happened in the last fifteen minutes.
Selina smirked again as she walked away. "Girl's got to try," she called back to Shaggy, who in turn rubbed the bridge of his nose.
Bruce was waiting by the entrance, clutching his stomach. Now that his adrenaline had gone down, his body had started to ache. He saw Selina walk towards him, and he lowered his head in shame. "Selina…"
Selina shook her head. "Nope. Never discuss your results in a place that you haven't marked as safe. Back to my apartment, then we'll discuss how you did."
She headed out the entrance and Bruce followed slowly behind her, trying desperately to quell the choking feelings of embarrassment and shame.
"Alright."
Bruce sat on the couch with an ice pack on his crotch and his arms over his stomach. He watched as Selina dragged a large white board in front of him, one of her more recent finds that was really helpful for planning out the specifics for a heist.
"Let's go over your performance for this heist," she said, uncapping an Expo marker.
Bruce groaned. "Selina, I did terrible and most likely failed the test. We don't need to go over what we already know."
Selina kicked one of his outstretched legs, getting his attention. "Haha Bruce, but if you don't review what you did, you won't get any better at learning the Street Rats' criminal ways. Now, sit up and explain to me what you did."
Bruce sighed, but listened to Selina. "When you started your song, I headed over to the bar, quickly but not quickly enough to warrant suspicion. I was also hunched over slightly, and I kept my eyes downcast, like I saw you do on the tag-along heist."
Selina drew a slightly off-center T-chart and wrote "Good" on the left side and "Wrong" on the right. She wrote "Posture before heist" in the Good section before turning back to him.
"I went up to this guy," Bruce continued, "and my first instinct was to pick his pocket. Sure enough, there was a wallet in his back pocket, and I took it out."
Selina scribbled "Pickpocketing guy at bar" onto the Good side. She then opened out her hand. "Wallet please," she said to Bruce.
Bruce grabbed the cash and cards in his jacket pocket and handed them to Selina. He hoped that what he could get was enough.
Selina raised an eyebrow at the wad of cash and cards, but took the loot. She immediately threw the cards to the floor and held each bill up to the light. Bruce watched with confusion as she neatly folded the bills and placed them in her jacket pocket. Then, without speaking, Selina wrote "Taking items from wallet" into the Wrong section. "Tell me what you did wrong here," she said to Bruce, who was still looking at her with confusion.
Bruce raised a finger. "I got the debit and credit cards, aren't they worth something?"
Selina picked up one of the cards from the floor and showed it to Bruce. "Okay, now I get to teach you more of the basics. First off, the problem with credit and debit cards is that they are trackable. Any purchase that we make could trigger the bank to make a phone call to our victim, cancelling our purchases and putting us in debt to those we bought from. The second thing about these cards is that they are like lottery tickets." Selina studied the back of the card for a moment. "Thing is, not a lot of people in Gotham have a lot of money in their bank account, so it's a bit of a risk to use these cards. Debit cards, if they don't have enough money on them, can be declined, and while credit cards are based on credit, we have no idea how good the credit score is to that person. If a person with a good score has it go down dramatically, they'll alert the bank, and we'll be back to the same problem with the debit card."
Selina dropped the card to the floor. "Cards really aren't worth your time. Secondly, you took the cash from the wallet when you weren't in a safe place."
Bruce nodded. "Then, what was I supposed to do?" he asked slowly, mentally taking notes.
Selina shrugged. "Wallet's already holding the money, and you don't risk having the cash spilling out of your pocket when you just take the whole thing. Wallets can be bulky, but then again, it boils down to how you hide the wallet. But that's a whole other thing altogether." She took her Expo marker out from under her arm and tapped the white board. "Alright, so you got the guy's wallet and took cash and cards, what happened next?"
Bruce moved his ice pack to his knuckle, which had actually been cut open in his fight with the drunk man. "I tried to put the wallet back in his pocket, but he noticed so I dropped the wallet and walked away from the bar to the smoking lounge."
Selina wrote "Tried to put wallet back" onto the Wrong side. "Think of this like a night of Halloween. There are bowls of candy at every door and you have a limited amount of time to trick-or-treat."
Bruce chuckled. "I think you're thinking of somewhere else. Bowls of free candy, that wouldn't last long in Gotham."
Selina rolled her eyes but gave Bruce a little smile. "Fine, then think of it as a Halloween night in a little suburb where there are innocent little kids, insane soccer moms, white-collared dads and cats that steal your laundry you hang out to dry, or whatever happens in the suburbs." Her face became serious again. "You see a giant bowl of candy, almost filled to the brim, and decide to take a handful instead of two pieces. So you grab a handful, but, do you stop and survey what you got, or do you run back to the car driven by your PTA parent and have her take you to the next neighborhood with candy bowls?"
Bruce thought about it for a moment before answering. "I would look at what I got, but I'm guessing the right answer is to take it and run."
Selina smiled and clapped. "There you go, now you're getting it. When you stay behind to survey what you got, you put yourself in a place where you could get caught, and if you are on a limited time frame, that may also mean that you are sacrificing more candy with every second you waste. Another analogy would be bank robbers: they aren't going to stop and track how much money they're putting into their bags, they're going to shove everything they can into their bags and divvy it up when they get to a safe place."
Selina thought about something for a moment before speaking up again. "The only time where you might want to survey what you grab is a jewel heist, or something to where there is a large amount of the same thing and you've gone there for specifics." She waved her hands at herself. "For example, if I was robbing a museum of their fifty gemstones and could only grab twenty-one in the time that I have, then I would need to spare a second to take a closer look at the gemstone. If there are two rubies and I need to grab a specific one, it would benefit me to look for any markings of identification, instead of wasting time and other gems trying to grab both." She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts, but then spoke up again. "Oh, and by the way, don't try and put the wallet or any of that stuff back where you found it. People notice it more when you try to put it back and it's out of its original place."
Bruce leaned back on the couch. It really was a science when it came down to it. "Okay, so next time, just take the wallet and run. Got it."
Selina waved at him to continue the story.
"I walked away from the bar and headed over to the smoking lounge, where I found a group of men and women sitting at a booth. One of the women was sitting on the end and had her purse near the edge of the seat. I hid behind one end of the booth and grabbed the purse." He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I now know that I should have just taken the wallet and ran, so we don't need to review that."
Selina tapped the end of her marker against her mouth. "What was in the purse?" she asked calmly.
Bruce shrugged. "A wallet with a whole lot of cash in it, makeup, feminine products, a knockoff iPhone, and a knockoff gold watch."
Selina didn't hold out her hand like she did last time. Instead she asked a simple question. "How did you know if those things were knockoff?"
Bruce rolled his eyes. "Selina, those people couldn't afford that stuff… unless… they stole it…"
That dawning moment of realization that came at the worst times was really annoying.
Selina smiled and held out her hand. Bruce forked over the stack of cash he had taken from the girl's wallet, and Selina immediately held each of them up to the light.
"Counterfeit, counterfeit, real, counterfeit, counterfeit, counterfeit, real…" she said as she dropped the fake bills to the floor.
Bruce watched as she handed him back the stack of bills. "We'll teach you the difference later," she said, tapping her marker on the board.
Bruce nodded. "So to sum up the entire lesson in a few words, next time I need to just steal everything I can carry?"
Selina grinned. "I'm more particular to stealing everything that isn't nailed down. Stealing all you can carry really clutters up your arms and makes it hard to open a door or hold more stuff."
Bruce cracked a small smile as Selina wrote "Knockoff or not" onto the Wrong section.
Selina's smile grew as she turned back around to Bruce. "Now we get to my favorite part."
Bruce groaned. "I got my butt kicked into next week. Next time I need to control my emotions and try not to start a fight."
Selina waved her marker at him. "First off, you were doing really well until you got cocky. Second, yes, while it is good not to let some drunk idiot making dumb comments about me set you off into a blind rage, you will get into a few fights now and again, whether you start them or not."
Bruce nodded. "What's the abridged version of the lesson for the fight? It's really late and I know that you like to get as much sleep as possible."
Selina held up two fingers. "One, don't fight drunks. Despite the dulled senses, alcohol can make them unpredictable and they can give you a surprise attack. Second," she said, grinning like a madman, "don't get kicked in the nuts. And if you do, try to shrug it off, it's a very popular move in the Underworld."
"Besides," she exclaimed as she looked Bruce right in his eyes. "We can't have those Wayne family jewels of yours getting damaged now, can we?" She gave him her slyest smile and whispered, "And you know how I feel about jewels, don't you Bruce?"
The look on Bruce's face was worth every single moment of the extra jobs she needed to pull. The boy billionaire was so embarrassed he shot up from where he sat and bolted for the bathroom, tripping over his own feet in his hurry. "SorrySelinait'sreallylateI'mgoingtoshowerandstuff!" The boy bolted into the bathroom before slowly coming back out a moment later. He went back over to the couch, lifted up one of the pillows, and grabbed his pajamas and his towel before heading back for the bathroom.
Selina laughed as poor Bruce stepped back into the bathroom, his ears as red as his face. Alfred taught him well, he was way too much of a gentleman to try anything like that. That was one of the things she liked about Bruce, he was always kind of like what Selina wanted to be, someone who wasn't corrupted by Gotham's poisonous ways. Someone who could resist temptation no matter how tempting it was. Bruce may not have his parents, but he still tried to be a nice person and stand up for what he believed in.
That, and Home Depot had to see the color of Bruce's face when he was super embarrassed. It'd put the red colors in the paint section to shame.
Questions I need to answer: 1) I don't know anything about Pink Floyd, I just see everyone wear their shirts, so please don't ask me about them. 2) If you thought Bruce ate cat food, you may have forgotten that I made Selina give her cats tuna in the first chapter. Cue image of Bruce trying to push cats out of the way so he could eat their tuna... and being chased by cats. 3) Selina is turning into Lady Exposition at this point, but she is my only way to introduce you to the Gotham Underworld until I can get in some new and old characters into this story. For now she is Lady Exposition, next chapter there will be a different person in the Exposition spotlight.
The next chapter, Buying Black (for those of you that were thinking that I would only mention it and not have the characters use it), will be about Bruce and Selina exploring the Low and High Black Markets. You will finally get to see what I have been mentioning in most of my other Gotham stories. Along with the description of the Black Markets, a wild OC will appear and Bruce may or may not get into another fight (I'm still debating this one). You will also be introduced to a few gangs, Street Rat traditions, and the infamous Auction Stage. This also may take a longer time to get out, because I can just see my future word count go higher and higher with each new teaser piece.
Or, if it takes too long, I will insert an Interlude to help keep you guys entertained.
Speaking of teaser pieces, a user by the name of TheOnlyKing sent me a review for A Joke the World Will Know asking me to update the completed story. At first, I was frustrated that the COMPLETE tag was not obvious enough, until I got to thinking. And really got to thinking.
I have a new story idea, and the story will be multichaptered like this. It has 22 chapters planned and may have the length of a novel when finished. This story will be about Jerome morphing into the Joker (like that really hasn't been done before!), but this story will not included any sappy or cliche OC romance and the focus, the majority of the time, will be on Jerome. I like to follow the comics, so many of the elements in there will be comic-related, and if I don't know what else to do for something, I will insert the Arkhamverse personalities. If you enjoyed A Joke the World Will Know and/or want to have more Joker, then keep an eye out for my upcoming story, Wild Card. The downside to this is that I will be struggling to keep both this and Wild Card updated and produce more new stories for the other Fanfiction categories I write for. So, while there will be a new Joker story coming up, it may not be updated as often as you may like it to be.
Thank you again for giving this fic a chance. I never thought my stories could be popular, and I am really glad that you guys proved me wrong. If you want to read more of my other stories while you wait for Buying Black, check out my bio and don't forget to follow, favorite, and review. Until next time... (I know these intros and outros are too long, but it's the only way I can really talk to you guys and give you any upcoming news.)
XD