Part 3: Spring 1945
Weeks melted into months, even though the snow outside did not. Liesl watched time spin around her as her fellow scientists and doctors clamored with excitement over Bucky's development into a super soldier. While his body swelled with muscle, the remaining patients died from illness or lack of care. Liesl saw Bucky getting physically stronger every day, but in his eyes, she saw horror and pain.
Most evenings when she came to visit, Bucky was dazed and lethargic. He couldn't always respond to her, let alone interact. His sudden decrease in control worried her, but she wasn't sure what to do. As she saw it, there were two options: kill him (but risk her own life in the process) or escape with him (but risk freezing to death in Siberia). Neither option was ideal.
She wanted to be brave, for her gut to tell her the answer, but her primal need to stay alive spoke louder than her knowledge of right and wrong.
Until one night when Bucky fought back.
Liesl was at her desk working quietly when she heard Bucky's roars. The sounds of his struggle were background noise in the chaos of the HYDRA facility, so at first, she didn't think much of it. She heard the scientists struggle to sedate him, then throw his body onto a stretcher. She made a note to bring him muscle relaxants later.
"Liesl!" Bucky's voice was unmistakable. "Liesl, please!"
The hair on her arms stood as her throat tightened with nerves. Heavy footsteps accompanied his yelling, and a second later, Emil had grabbed Liesl by the arm and was dragging her into the operating room.
"Why is he addressing you this way?" Emil demanded.
"I don't know," she lied weakly.
Emil did not respond, but his stony face told her he was furious. When they entered the room, Emil tossed her like a ragdoll towards Bucky, who was tied up so tightly against the bed that his limbs were turning red. Liesl tumbled over her feet, barely steadying herself with a grip on Bucky's leg.
"The patient has been asking for you," Zola's voice haunted her ears. "Please, administer this at once."
When she stood, Zola handed her a thick syringe with a yellowish liquid inside.
Liesl tentatively took the syringe, her hand shaking. She asked, inspecting the device, "How much?"
"The entire dosage, Frauline," Zola said gently, though the fire burning in his eyes told her he felt otherwise.
His use of the word miss, also, made her skin burn—she was a qualified scientist just like the rest of men. Still, she held her tongue.
"What is it?" she asked.
"None of your business," Zola bristled, though he still smiled eerily.
"As a scientist, I cannot give our patient anything that may harm him."
The room burst in stifled laughter. Liesl felt her face grow hot with embarrassment.
"Are you saying you do not want to help HYDRA?" Zola asked, annoyed.
"No, not that, I just… it's irresponsible of us to do this if we don't know—"
"It's called experimentation," another scientist cut her off. "It's your job. The medicine should calm him."
"Or torture him," she countered.
"You know the goal of this experiment, Frauline. Now be a good girl and do as you're told!" Zola shoved her towards Bucky, whose eyes were wide with protest and fear.
The room was so quiet Liesl could have heard a pin drop. Her normally quick brain was silent with nervous humming. She yearned to make a decision—rebel or comply—but she was frozen with fear. Bucky stared at her with equal concern; she gently grabbed his metal hand, intertwining their fingers. He squeezed her hand so fiercely she thought it might shatter.
"Now, Liesl," her father boomed.
The room felt like it was closing in on her. She lifted the syringe as if to inject him when she thought—if she missed, he might die. Maybe she'll miss. And if she kills him, they kill her. That'll be that.
Liesl took a deep breath. She tried to make it look as if she was considering the best injection site (given that his left arm was impenetrable), but her hesitation spoke loudest of all—the others knew that she wasn't loyal to HYDRA, that she cared for Bucky Barnes.
"I'm sorry," she mouthed to Bucky. Then, acting if she was closely inspecting his neck, she bent over and kissed his bare neck. Bucky didn't move or make noises in reply.
She raised the syringe purposefully, and without thinking, jabbed it into Bucky's neck. He screamed, pained, horrible screams, as Liesl quickly injected the liquid and removed the needle. His neck bled from the injection site as Bucky thrashed in pain beneath the restraints. She couldn't move or take her eyes off of him as he wailed, agonized; her hands shook as it settled into her brain that she had done this to him—had caused this horrible pain. Two scientists grabbed her by the arms and led her out of the room. Before she could get her bearings, one of them struck her so hard her vision went black.
When Liesl woke, she was in a bare, dark room save for a thin mattress on the floor. Her eyes couldn't adjust without any light, so she closed them. She felt her way around the room slowly until she felt a door handle and pulled with all her might. The locked door didn't budge beneath her grip, so she pounded on it with her fist until her hand ached.
"Hello?" she yelled. "Vater?"
Nothing.
After what felt like a few hours, Liesl rested on her new bed. She wondered how Bucky was doing—if he was still alive. She thought that she had injected him harshly enough that something in his neck should have burst and he would have bled out. If he was gone, then he was at peace—she'd done her job as a scientist to preserve his quality of life… even if it meant he didn't have one anymore.
Her heart was a torrent of emotions—relief that Bucky should no longer be suffering, fear as to what came next for her, and regret that she hadn't done more for him sooner. She was surprised by her sudden ache of longing—considering the circumstances of how they met, a crush seemed completely inappropriate. And yet, when she remembered his bright eyes and kind smile, her stomach swooped uncomfortably.
But even if they did escape, could they feasibly live together? Grow together? Love together? She needed to get her head on straight. But on the other hand, chances were that her heartbeats were limited. So it didn't hurt to indulge in fantasies.
Time passed, though at what rate, she was unsure. Occasionally, her door would open to reveal hastily sliced bread and a cool cup of tea. She ate slowly, hating every bite, but the idea of starving herself sounded too gruesome to bear.
One day, her door opened to reveal her father and a lamp big enough to illuminate his face. Her eyes took a few moments to adjust, but they relished the light.
"I need you to know," he said, closing the door behind him. "That you put yourself in here."
Liesl was unwilling to argue. She was tired and achy and cranky; if they were going to kill her, she just wanted them to do it already.
"What time is it?" she asked instead.
He ignored her. "What have you gained by falling in love with an invalid?"
Her heart jolted at his reference to love, but she could only think of one person. "Is that how you think of Mother? An invalid?"
His face softened. "No," he said after a beat. "I don't."
They sat in silence for a moment, observing each other. The lamp flickered, splotching light onto her father's face.
"I remember the first time I met your mother," Emil said, "She was my doctor's daughter. She used to file papers in his office and answer calls. When she handed me my bill, I was so startled by her beauty that I couldn't even stammer a thank you. She was stunning, your mother."
"And a Jew," Liesl added acidly.
"I knew that, and I loved her anyway."
"How noble of you."
"Annelise!" Emil snapped so viciously her body shook with fear. "Enough. I am trying to help to you."
"How?" she snapped.
"To make a choice," he explained. He placed the lamp on the ground at his feet and pulled a small gun from his pocket. She stopped breathing. "HYDRA is unwilling to forgive you. You have let us down time and time again."
She didn't respond, her eyes intensely watching her father's fingers on the gun.
"The only reason they haven't killed you yet is for me," he said. "I cannot let them. You remind me too much of your mother. She didn't have a chance. But you…"
Emil offered her the gun. She tentatively took it, her fingers shaking.
"Take the coats in the hall," he said softly. "Barnes is in his cell. And run."
"He's alive?" she said breathlessly. When her father nodded, she ran her finger down the barrel of the gun. "I cannot kill anyone."
"Maybe not," he said. "But he can."
Liesl considered his offer. Either way, she would most likely be dead, so she may as well be free.
Emil left the door open behind him. After a few moments—enough for him to distance himself—Liesl flew out of her prison and down the familiar halls. She grabbed two heavy coats and a knife before running into Bucky's cell. He was asleep, but woke suddenly when he heard Liesl opening the door.
When he saw her arms were full, he asked, "What are you…? I thought you were dead."
"I could say the same," she said quickly. She dropped the coats at her feet and quickly sawed through the restraints keeping him on his bed. When the last one snapped, she gave him a coat and the gun. "Follow me."
Bucky didn't need telling twice. He stumbled for the first few steps, leaning on her to stabilize his pace. Liesl led the way through the twisted labyrinth of HYDRA. The sensation of his warm skin against hers made her brain dizzy.
Liesl saw her father standing at the exit door, his hands on the passcode. When he entered it, the door swung open, revealing the bitter Siberian spring.
"Run," he said again. "And don't look back."
Liesl nodded, and Emil smiled. It was, to her knowledge, the most friendly exchange they may have ever had.
Once they stepped into the wind, Liesl clutched her coat around her. Bucky stuck the gun in his pocket and said, "Let's go."
They moved as quickly as they could, though the wind worked against them. Liesl swore she could hear shouting behind them, but Bucky pulled them along farther and farther until she couldn't feel her face or hands. The sounds of something zipping by them—like a fly—unnerved her, but she trusted Bucky to lead the way. Occasionally, he returned fire. She knew they were in danger, that they would most likely die, but she felt as safe as ever with him.
When they were both panting, their legs aching, Bucky pulled Liesl into the snow next to him. Too cold to say anything, she leaned into his embrace, and he held her gently.
"We'll never make it," he said sadly, his breath warm against her ear.
Liesl knew this was an objective truth, especially now that the sounds of footsteps and bullets grew closer. "I know."
He pulled the gun out of his pocket and said, "I can do it. Quick, painless…"
Liesl shook her head. "Bucky…"
"It's either our gun or theirs," he explained logically, "We have no food, no water, it's freezing out here…"
Liesl knew he was right. She took a deep breath that burned her lungs. Even though her hands were freezing, she cupped his face and brought their lips together, still warm despite the raging storm around them. Part of her expected Bucky to pull away, to insist on ending it, but he surprised her by reciprocating. They kissed for a few moments, enough for her ears to ring so loudly she thought it might shake the ground.
When they parted, she told him, "Okay, Soldat."
Bucky cocked the gun and then pressed the barrel to her temple. She stared into his sad blue eyes as he said, "I'll see you there, Liesl."
"In our happy place," she agreed.
When she closed her eyes, her ears rang loudly. After a beat, she felt a sharp pain pierce her shoulder. She collapsed into the snow, unable to move her right arm. The sensation literally stunned her, making her immobile.
"They found us!" Bucky hissed. He tried unsuccessfully to rouse her by shaking her, though she could feel the blood seeping from her wound. "Liesl, Liesl… Can you hear me?"
She heard a second shot and the sound of Bucky's body hitting the snow. She willed herself to move, but she was frozen to her spot.
Liesl's vision was blurred when she opened her eyes. She tried first to move her arms, but quickly felt they were restrained in addition to her legs. She opened her mouth to scream, but she had gauze pressing against her tongue. Her eyes darted around her, trying to establish where she was, when she saw her father's crumpled body laying in a corner, blood spilling from his head.
She tried to scream again—still unsuccessfully. Zola entered at the sounds of her thrashing, a slick smile on his face.
"Frauline," he cooed. "How good to see you."
He pulled a lever, charging the contraption she was trapped in. Just like that, she knew it was her memory eraser.
"There are consequences for your actions," he said. "Your father was a good man. He didn't need to die."
She wailed beneath the machine, but the straps hurt her more than she hurt it.
"Barnes is alive as well," Zola continued. "We've noticed a connection between you two. You'll make an excellent team."
Zola lowered the crown around her head. Liesl was panting and panicking so much she thought she might pass out.
"This is goodbye, Liesl," he taunted. "I can't say I'll miss you."
When he pulled the lever, Liesl felt a sharp jolt of electricity shoot through her body. She blinked, and everything went black.