Disclaimer: none of these characters belong to me. This story is non-profitable and is meant for entertainment purpose only.

Trigger warning: aftermath of rape!

Regina was clutching the sheets with trembling fists, her breathing coming in fast, nearing hyperventilation. She didn't like to admit it, but she was terrified, absolutely shaken up from her latest nightmare. She could still smell the odors of wine and old cheese, further worsening her almost constant nausea. There was no way she would be able to sleep again tonight. Her breathing started to slow down and Regina slowly rolled onto her back, the sheets were sticking uncomfortably to her bare legs. For the first time Regina realized that it was hot, very hot in her bedroom. She stood on shaky legs and slowly moved to her window. The soft august breeze felt deliciously refreshing on her hot skin and Regina sighed softly. She left the window open and padded her way back to bed.

She hadn't sought out any contact this week, not with anyone. There was no desire to even get out of the house, not even to see Henry. But maybe that was due to the fact that it would just hurt too much to see how happy he was with the Charmings. It would only bring back memories about how miserable he was when he'd lived with her in her mansion. Regina let her eyes glide over the pictures that stood on her bedside table. Henry had been an adorable baby, round cheeks and big eyes. God, how she missed those times when it was just them together. Her little boy had loved her so much back then.

Regina quickly pulled her gaze away from the photographs. They would only serve to make her cry, especially with her emotions all over the place. God, she hated this, hated being pregnant, hated being here right now, alone in her bedroom in the middle of the night, missing her son. This was not the way her life was supposed to turn out, not the way she'd imagined it when she'd allowed herself to think about her future whilst wrapped in the arms of her stable boy, her Daniel, the boy she was meant to marry. It was moments like this that she missed him so much, she felt her breath being stolen from her. Her beautiful Daniel, always the optimist but oh so naive when it came to her mother. She could vividly remember his look of cold shock when her mother plunged her hand into his chest and ripped his precious heart out. He hadn't even had the time to comprehend what was happening to him before his whole life had turned into a handful of dust, getting taken away by a gentle breeze much like the one Regina had been enjoying mere moments ago.

Her life had been set in stone from that moment onwards. Before she knew it, Regine had been forced to marry the old King, playing nursemaid to his insipid daughter by day whilst being the King's personal whore by night.

Regina sighed, brushing away the tears she hadn't even realized were falling. How come her life had become such a tragedy? Who had she pissed off?

Her mind wandered off towards thoughts of Henry again. Would Henry still be willing to stay with the Charmings if he knew what had happened? She had been asking herself that question for days now. But she knew there was no way Emma, or Snow for that matter (because Regina was sure the woman knew something), would tell Henry the real reason why his biological mother, his real mother was so sad and his adoptive mother was cooped up in her home, looking like death. But truth be told, Regina was glad their heroic nature, god that was nauseating, wouldn't keep them from telling lies. She absolutely did not want him to know. Better Henry living in a lie then him knowing the horrors that had transpired that fateful day the Curse was broken. Which he probably thought of as the best day of his short life. The day they finally conquered the Evil Queen herself, breaking her Curse and therefor defeating her once and for all. Little did Henry understand that she had felt defeated, been defeated since the day she had taken her first breath. Mother had made sure of that.

Her hand slowly came to rest on her stomach, the skin still smooth and flat. Though not for very much longer, Regina guessed. It would soon be growing with a little half-Charming. When mother comes through to this world, and mother will come through, Regina was sure of it, she would probably be so disappointed. Her lips would curl up in that dangerous sneer of hers and it wasn't hard to imagine what she would say.

'How could you allow that simple peasant to lay a hand on you, let alone rape you, you pathetic child?!'

Regina's breath hitched, pushing all thought of her mother from her fragile mind. Instead she focused her gaze on the ceiling, hot tears sliding down the sides of her face, disappearing into her hairline. 'Calm down, Regina.'

The sun was nearly up when Regina finally cried herself to sleep.

It was 7:55 AM when Regina slowly made her way to her car. She was tired from her sleepless night and slightly nauseous. Her head was pounding from the lack of caffeine, but she would manage, she had to. She'd survived the first thirty-three years of her life without a drop of coffee, she could figure out a way around it for the next seven months.

Desperate times call for desperate measures and Regina had no other choice but to make her way to the store at this ungodly hour, there was no way she would risk being seen by anyone. The grocery store would open at 8 AM and it was a five-minute drive, her timing was perfect.

At 8:15 AM Regina allowed herself a relieved smile, she was the only one in the store this early. Perfect. Rounding the corner to the aisle containing the cleaning products, she quickly grabbed what she needed and put it in her basket. Apparently, after all the excitement following his wife's return and waking up from his Sleeping Curse, Charming had decided to absolve himself of his promise and she was once again allowed to do her own groceries.

"Regina?"

Regina inwardly groaned, instinctively pulling her light trenchcoat closed around her midsection, not that there was anything to be seen, but still. She turned around slowly, a mildly annoyed look painted on her features. "Snow White," she drawls out, the name sounding like a curse coming from her berry-red lips.

From just looking at the former Queen, no one would ever know that tragedy had befallen the woman not yet three months ago. But Snow was not particularly surprised about that fact. Regina had always been a strong woman, always wearing that mask of indifference, even during their time together as mother and daughter. Snow could clearly remember the last time that she'd seen an honest smile on Regina's face. It had been when they'd first met and Regina had taught her about True Love in all its wonder. "I'm glad to see you out of the house," and Snow was glad. She had worried about her former step-mother. She'd absorbed a Death Curse and had then gone off the grit for a week.

Regina wanted to punch the knowing look right off Snow's face. But she'd promised Henry she would try to be a better mother, even when he didn't want her to be his mother any longer, so a non-committal 'mhmm' is all she's able to muster. She reached for a loaf of bread and placed that in her basket also. She had no desire to talk to the Princess, she had no desire to talk to anyone. She just wanted to get her groceries, go home and spent the rest of her morning lying on her bed with the drapes closed. Was that too much to ask?

Snow however, was oblivious as to Regina's unwillingness to join her in their one-sided conversation. "It's nice to finally eat something other than Chimera meat after two months," Snow was smiling softly, sympathy bordering on pity apparent in her eyes and Regina couldn't stand it. "I really missed Granny's take out."

'Please stop talking about food' Regina was silently praying, her hand curling into a tight fist. God, was the woman serious? She had to get away. Regina didn't answer, instead side-stepped the younger woman and made her way to the frozen food aisle, wanting to get some ice-cream, but then quickly realizing that Henry was the only one in their house to eat the sugary treat. And he was no longer living with her.

"Regina, wait," the sudden hand on her shoulder had the brunette flinching as if she was being burned. The younger woman quickly pulled her hand away, stuffing it into the pocket of her light green coat. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," the guilt on her face was palpable, Regina could almost taste it.

Her little admission only served to confirm Regina's suspicions that Snow was aware of everything that had happened between the Savoir and herself. It caused goosebumps to raise on her skin and blood to pound in her ears. White, hot shame filled her body, drowning her in the need to run away, away from Snow and away from every other person that lived in this goddamned town. She didn't want Snow to know, she didn't want anyone to know.

"Stop talking, Snow, now," Regina bared her teeth, spitting the words at her former step-daughter. "Stop this ruse and just stay the hell away from me."

Snow was looking at her with wide eyes. "I – I don't think I can do that, Regina," the Princess sighed softly, trying to catch the older woman's eyes, but it was no use, Regina didn't want to look at her. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you, if you want to talk, or even if you just need someone to scream at," she furrowed her brow. "What Emma has done, I can't make any excuses for her and I won't even try. But please just know that you are not alone."

Regina swallowed the lump in her throat. Part of her wanted to accept the help, to just give into the first person who showed her some understanding, even if it was Snow White of all people. But that spark of distrust that had always been there ever since the young Princess had betrayed her trust so many years ago, ignited into anger even now.

"I'm always alone, Snow White. Don't even bother trying to change that."

Emma was nervously biting her nails, a habit she had picked up since returning from the Enchanted Forest. She was sitting on her chair, and when had she begun to think of anything in this apartment as hers, in the corner of the kitchen. There was a bowl of cereal in front of her, the sweet, multi-colored loops drowned in more than enough milk. But she liked it that way and Henry had known that when he'd offered to grab her some late breakfast also.

Henry…

He was sitting on the other side of the small table, munching on his cereal whilst reading the newest edition of 'The Avengers', Emma didn't know where he'd gotten that, but she wouldn't be surprised if it had come from the boy's adoptive mother. God, she couldn't even look at him, the boy Regina had raised, without feeling an immense sense of guilt washing over her. And so she tried to ignore eye contact as much as possible, but at the same time she couldn't help but stare at him when he was engrossed in his comic book. He looked so young right now, so sure of himself and his sense of right and wrong. He was stubborn about his views that Regina was bad and she was good, and all the while confused with his own feelings of love towards his adoptive mother.

His whole world would be turned upside down if he knew what she had done to the brunette.

But Emma was a realist, and so she knew that he would eventually find out. There was no way around it, not now that he was going to be a big brother. The thought nauseated her, Regina was pregnant. She had done this to the former Mayor, with magic... It was so wrong that Emma still couldn't fully comprehend it. More than that, she couldn't even believe this wasn't just some horrible bad dream and that tomorrow she would wake up in Mary Margaret's spare bedroom again. Not knowing about all this fairytale bullshit and instead the most incomprehensible thing being that she now apparently had a ten-year-old son. She wanted to go back to that strange tension she had with Regina, that fiery, bordering on sexual tension, instead of this hate she had now felt radiating off the brunette.

But as she said, she was a realist. There was no way Regina would ever look at her like that again. Emma understood that those hateful stares would never reverse themselves back into those sinfully gorgeous fake-smiles Regina had always put on.

"Emma?"

Fuck, she had been caught staring into the distance.

Henry put his comic book down with confusion clear on his face. "Emma what's wrong? You've been staring at that wall for the past five minutes as if it'd going to hurt you," his eyes were large, eyebrows high in a questioning expression. He wasn't stupid, even though everyone around him seemed to think so. He'd noticed that they were lying to him when he'd asked about his adoptive mother, but he just didn't want to question it further. He tried to keep his distance, but not seeing her this whole past week had been difficult for him. He didn't understand it completely, she was the Evil Queen, how could he miss her? But it was hard for him to think of his mom as the Evil Queen when all his mind was showing him when thinking of the woman were images of her kissing his scraped knee better, or her making him his special chocolate chip pancakes on his birthdays.

And so he'd let it slide, not wanting to think about his mom all alone in their house any longer.

Emma in the meantime had shifted her gaze back on her cereal. "It's nothing, kid," she mumbled softly, trying to shoot him a comforting smile but it came out more like a grimace. She could feel it tightening the skin around her mouth and she was sure she looked ridiculous. Joker-like ridiculous. It was obvious that Henry was not reassured in any way. Well, she tried.

They were saved from any further awkward conversation by Snow White herself walking into the loft, arms filled with groceries, kicking the door closed with her foot. Henry was up in a flash, helping his grandmother (who was younger than his birth mother) with the heavy paper bags. Emma felt a flash of pride at his manners, before she realized Regina was the one that raised him to be a little gentleman, not she.

Prince Charming chose that exact moment to step out of the bathroom, hair still wet from his shower, dressed in sweats and a t-shirt.

Well, the family is complete. Her thoughts were mocking her.

She released her spoon letting it drop back into the bowl, before coming up to help her mother clear the groceries away. Henry was already distracted by his comic book again as he grabbed it from the table and let himself drop down carelessly onto the couch. Emma sighed, pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. Snow was smiling at her in that pitiful way that Emma couldn't bear to have directed at her person.

"Do you think you can handle this, Emma?" she smiled softly, her hand waving towards the bags containing the groceries. "I just have to talk to your father for a moment."

"Ah," Emma's eyes went wide with confusion. "Sure, no problem," she tried to sound casual, but she was failing at it miserably.

Charming smiled reassuringly. Snow had told him about what had happened as to why Emma was feeling so down at the moment and though he definitely held no sympathy in his heart for the Evil Queen, he couldn't help but feel for the woman who had acted as his friend during the short amount of time he'd been awake during the Curse. He'd seen the effects from these types of trauma with his own eyes more times than he could count. Living as a peasant in a small town under King George's rule had certainly not been peaceful. They'd been the targets of bandits more than once and everyone knew what happened to the women during those violent raids.

David inwardly shuddered, he still couldn't believe his little girl had been capable of something like that. And he meant he really couldn't believe it. He'd listened carefully to Snow when she'd shared the story. About how Emma couldn't precisely remember anything after the moment that Regina had confessed to the Curse being true. And he thought that was slightly strange.

His thoughts were halted when Snow softly grabbed him by his bicep, leading him away to create some form of privacy.

Emma was awkwardly trying to focus on putting away the groceries, trying not to listen to the conversation between her parents. Anxiety flipped in her stomach when she accidentally picked up some bits and pieces. 'Regina' and 'not doing well' were the two things she could clearly make out. Emma had tried to avoid any form of conversation about the woman this past week, but she knew she couldn't continue that tactic forever.

Snow and Charming were quick to return, shooting a glance towards Henry, who was still reading in his comic, looking like he hadn't heard a thing. But Emma knew how sneaky he could be when he wanted to and it was obvious he'd caught the same things Emma had.

Her mother suddenly smiled brightly and if it was anyone other than Snow White herself, Emma would have thought it to look incredibly fake. "So Henry," she sat down next to the boy, catching his attention. "I was thinking that maybe it would be a nice idea to pay your mother a visit?" she threw Emma a cautious look, clearly telling her that she was talking about just Henry and herself. Which was more than fine with Emma. She had no desire to see the woman she had forcefully impregnated with magic.

"Why?" he sounded uninterested, but every person in the room saw how much he missed his mother. It was apparent on his face, even if he didn't want it to be.

Snow didn't falter a bit. "Well, I thought it would be nice, you haven't seen her all week Henry. I'm sure your mother misses you."

"Uhm, sure. I guess," he was unsure as to what was going on here. Since when was Snow White so eager to go and visit the Evil Queen? "Can Emma come too?

There was a pregnant pause as all three adults were suddenly unsure as to how they could work their way out of answering Henry's question.

It was Emma who finally spoke up. "I can't kid, I'm sorry. I have… stuff to do at the station."

It was a little white lie to protect him, she shouldn't feel this bad.

Henry frowned at the lie, but nodded slowly. It was clear that he wasn't so easily fooled. "Alright," he turned to his grandmother who was still nervously twisting her fingers in her lap. "When are we going?"

Snow put on that blinding smile again. "How about this afternoon?"

It was three in the afternoon and the August sun was still shining brightly overhead. It did nothing to change the cool air of desperation that seemed to surround her. Regina felt tired, so fucking tired.

She was sitting in her foyer, coat still on her shoulders, heels still on. She couldn't even get herself to take them off. Her sight was blurry, her head was pounding. How long had she been sitting here? Time had been lost on her, she remembered all but fleeing home after her unwanted encounter with Snow at the grocery store this morning. It had taken too much out of her, images had been attacking her mind when she'd finally dropped her purse on the floor and allowed her body to drop down onto her pristine white couch, at the exact same spot she was still occupying. That had been hours ago…

Her stomach made an obscenely loud noise, signaling its displeasure at being ignored all day. Regina had to work on taking care of herself better if she wanted her child to become healthy.

How she could care at all was still beyond her, but she couldn't help but think about this baby as her child and hers alone. It was strange, it wasn't even a child yet. Regina shook her head, not wanting to dwell on it any longer. It was no use anyway.

There was a sudden knock on her front door and Regina could feel her heart skip a beat at the noise. She scolded herself for being so jumpy and quickly pushed her body up off the couch. Her legs were shaking on her heels as she slowly made her way to the front door, wondering who had been insane enough to disturb the Evil Queen's peace.

Peace… Regina scoffed. If only.

"Regina, Regina please open up!" Snow was frantically knocking on the door. She was starting to get worried, she had been standing here for five minutes already. Turning around to quickly shoot a reassuring smile Henry's way, she resumed with vigor. "Regina open up!"

There was a hollow echo of heels on hardwood, announcing Regina's arrival. "Go away, Snow!" Regina didn't even bother to open the door, her voice was still hoarse from her earlier crying and Regina didn't have to wonder how horrible she looked right now.

"Henry is with me, he wanted to see you, Regina," she knew she was using Henry, but she also knew there was no other way to otherwise get to Regina. And the former Queen shouldn't be alone right now.

There was a silence that felt to go on for hours, before the door was slowly opened, revealing Regina, dressed to the nines but eyes red from crying. Those eyes immediately locked on her son's form, who was standing slightly behind Snow, a small smile curling his lips. "You really wanted to see me?" she sounded so hopeful and young that Snow's heart broke just a bit.

"Yeah mom, really. I haven't seen you all week," it was clear to Henry that his mother needed him right now, though he didn't exactly understand what had happened to her. But still, he didn't want her hurt even though he now realized he had been the main cause of her pain over the last year.

Without thinking about it any longer, she opened the door further. Her arms were shaking and she remained rooted to her doorstep even though all she wanted to do was pull her little boy into her arms. "Henry," the name was said in a breathy whisper and tears formed in her dark eyes. "I missed you so much, my little Prince."

His smile grew until it was bordering on goofy. He didn't understand, but he felt the urge to run into her embrace. And that was exactly what he did, almost pushing his grandmother out of way in his haste to get to his mother who didn't look a thing like the woman he remembered. She was pale and looked close to being sick and it worried him for reasons Henry didn't understand.

Though maybe he did, but in his black and white sense of right and wrong he simply just didn't want to.

Right now though, he didn't care. She was just simply his mother. Nothing more, nothing less.

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