Authors note: Yes, it's true I'm back. And with an enormous amount of guilt. Sorry you guys, this was truly a terribly long wait. And I can't promise the next chapter will be fast, but it will be faster than this one. I just need to concentrate on my exams right now and after that I will have all the time in the world for about three months. So wish me luck and hopefully I'll see you all again soon.

...

The faint glow from the open refrigerator was the only light in her kitchen. It burnt Regina's sleep-depraved eyes as she scanned the rows of food and the different kinds of bottles standing on the glass shelves. She was looking for something, but it wasn't clear to her as to what that was exactly. She felt hungry even though she should still feel full from the late dinner she and Henry had three hours ago. After dinner she'd called Snow (on her cellphone, she did not want to risk Emma picking up the landline) and voiced Henry's desire to stay the night. Snow had agreed of course, probably out of pity, and Regina had to bite on her tongue to stop herself from saying that she didn't need approval because Henry was still legally her son.

After hanging up, she and Henry had watched one of his superhero movies (she thinks it was Captain America, but she couldn't be sure) and when Henry was safely tucked in his bed, Regina had tried, and failed, to fall asleep too. At first it was the constant nausea that kept her awake, but after she had finally succeeded in ignoring that, the dreams had started. Just as she had expected. They were always the same, after all. Every. Single. Night.

The buzzing sound emitting from the chrome refrigerator numbed her brain, the cool air doing the same to her skin. She was barely wearing anything, the silk nightie ending just below her behind. Surely not made for the purpose of standing in front of a refrigerator in the middle of the night.

"Mom?"

Her heart stopped a beat, her hand flying to her chest as she whipped around in surprise. "God, Henry!" She panted slightly, her other hand pushing the door closed behind her back. "You frightened me, honey."

Her little boy looked extremely guilty and Regina immediately regretted her reaction. She didn't want to make him feel bad for something that was absolutely out of his control. In fact, that was the last thing that Regina would ever want.

"I'm sorry mom, I didn't mean to, I swear-"

"No, no, no, honey I'm sorry. That was my fault, I shouldn't have gotten caught up in my thoughts." Regina tried to put on a brave face as she pulled the teenager into her arms. "Don't think you did something wrong, okay sweetheart? Don't you ever think that."

He nodded against her chest, his arms wrapping around her middle. "Aren't you cold, mom, you feel cold." He lifted his head of her chest, his eyes staring straight at her.

"Oh no, I'm fine sweetheart, I promise." She smiled, her hand softly rubbing through his wild hair. "But the real question is; why are you not in bed, mister? I do know that you need to be at school tomorrow."

"Yeah, I know." His eyes twinkled as he mischievously bit his bottom lip. "But I heard you go downstairs and when you didn't come back up I got worried." The twinkle disappeared, replaced by worry mixed with a hint of fear. Something Regina absolutely hated seeing, especially if it was directed at herself.

"You don't need to worry about me, Henry." She said softly, her lips barely touching the skin of his forehead as she leaned down for a kiss. "I wouldn't want you to worry about me. That's my job, remember? I'm the mom."

"Yeah, I know." He smiled tightly, looking over her shoulder to stare at the refrigerator. "What were you doing?" The teenager changed the subject, stepping out of the embrace as he leaned back against the breakfast bar. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, a grin appeared on Henry's face. "Were you hungry?"

Trying to stomp down the flush that was growing on her cheekbones, Regina crossed her arms, hands rubbing at her arms, suddenly wishing she had put on her robe before going downstairs. "Perhaps." She smiled softly and reached over her son's shoulder to open the refrigerator again. "Maybe you would like to join me in a midnight snack? But you have to promise me that you will go right to sleep after and won't be late tomorrow."

He comically looked up at the ceiling, pretending to be in thought before grinning and nodding his head. "I promise."

...

Henry had fortunaly kept his promise and the morning rolled by. They didn't have to tell each other, but it felt comforting. Like way back, when mornings like these were the most common thing in their world. Now mornings like these were hard to come by and Henry felt guilty. But when he told his mother as much, she just smiled at him, that easy, warm smile she'd probably spent years perfecting, and told him that he shouldn't because maybe things were better now.

Henry understood that his mother was lying through her teeth. Things weren't better now, at least not for her. Her son had left her to live with a woman she couldn't stand and said woman's daughter had... done a terrible thing to her. That was not better, it was way, way worse. And Henry didn't dare tell his mother for she would most certainly deny it, but he felt somehow guilty for that too. If he hadn't been so stupid and angry, Emma Swan would've never stepped foot in this little seaside town.

"Did you brush your teeth, sweetheart?" His mother asked with a motherly smile, breaking him from his weird trance.

He grinned broadly, showing his clean, white teeth. "Sure did, mom." Henry answered, then zipped up his backpack. He jumped of the chair and swung the book-filled bag over his shoulder. Then he turned to his brunette mother again. "Are you sure you want me to go, mom? I can stay and help you around the house or something." He tried because he truly didn't want to leave her alone in this big, empty mansion.

She chuckled, deciding to not let on she knew he was worried about her. "I am sure of it, Henry. I promise I will be fine and I'll give you a call tonight, alright honey?"

That brought a frown to his face. "You mean I have to go back to grandma and grandpa?" Her boy sounded so disappointed and it broke Regina's heart. She did not want him to go, the opposite in fact; she wants to wrap her arms around him and never let go. But she also knew she was in no shape right now to be the mother he deserved. Henry had caught her on a good night. Most nights she would be crying, screaming and punching pillows. She would be letting the horrific memories get to her and collapse. It wasn't healthy, Regina knew, but it was how she coped. She had done the same thing to get her through her marriage so many years ago, and she would be able to get through this too.

She just had to, for the child growing in her womb. And for the child that was currently staring at her with big, dark and confused eyes.

"We talked about this, Henry, remember?" Regina tried to put on a brave face and smile but she was desperately failing at it. "I explained it all to you, sweetheart."

He sighed and dropped his eyes to the floor. "I know, but I just thought that you were doing better. Seeing you smile and things like that. I thought that perhaps I could come back... home."

Oh dear god, how that last word brought her both immense joy and immense sadness all at once. Henry finally looked at this mansion where he'd grown up in as home again after a year of hating it, hating her. It filled Regina's heart with warmth and her belly with butterflies. But she had to stick with her earlier decision. She had to do what was best for her son even though said boy didn't agree with it. And so she got down on one knee in front of him and tried to catch his eye. "You can't possibly understand how happy it makes me feel that you want to stay here with me, Henry. But I have to be firm. You may think that what you saw today, and yesterday was me getting better, but I'm going to tell you the truth, even though I really don't want you aware that things like these exist in the world. I'm not doing better, Henry. I'm just as - as hurt, for the lack of a better word, as I was a few months ago. And I know you can't understand that, and believe me when I say that I am immensely grateful for that fact everyday, but I need you to just accept it, at least for now, alright?"

He nodded quietly, not saying a word, worrying that if he did, the tears would come.

"Good." Regina smiled tightly, getting up and wrapping her son up in a firm hug. "I love you, Henry. More than anything in the whole wide world." She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Just remember I'll be here whenever you need me, and I promise I'll do my best to get better as soon as I possibly can."

Henry closed his eyes, burying his face in her chest and inhaling the familiar, soothing scent. "I love you too, mommy. More than anything in this world, and any other."

...

"Ah, Regina. I had been wondering if you would finally reschedule that second appointment." Archie said, in a way that surprisingly did not make Regina want to rip his heart out. "I must say I'm glad you've decided to come back. I had to feeling that we let things... well, unresolved the last time I saw you." He stepped aside to let Regina enter the office and then closed the door behind her. " I was just putting on some tea, would you like some?"

Regina shook her head and politely responded with a quiet no, thank you. After that she sat down on the comfy couch. "I haven't been feeling all that well, so I would like to apologize for canceling so many appointments." She smiled tightly and rested her hand in her lap.

"Oh, it's fine, it's fine." Archie quickly responded. "I can understand, truly, Regina. But I am sorry to hear you're not feeling all that well. Is the little one already giving you a hard time?" He smiled softly and pushed his round glasses farther up his nose. He then turned his back to her and started on the tea. Only once the steaming mug was placed on the coffee table in between the couch and his chair, did Archie sit down. He picked up his little notepad and ignored the brown file that was lying next to him. "So, how are you doing these days, Regina?" His tone was light, non-judging as he genuinely looked interested.

Regina decided to start the conversation of with something light, so she began telling the therapist about her day with Henry earlier this week. "It was the highlight of this week, I suppose. I cooked him dinner and then we watched a movie together." It might not seem like much to most people, but to Regina it nowadays meant the world to her. After everything that has happened these past couple months, and actually the year before that, spending an evening alone with just her son brought her an immense joy that she couldn't quite explain. "He- he said he wanted to come home. To me." One tear dropped down her cheek and Regina was quick to blame it on those blasted hormones of hers.

Archie smiled kindly, then picked up his tea from the coffee table. "That's wonderful, Regina. You surely must be happy about that." He sat back in his chair and took a careful sip.

"I was- I mean, I am. But I couldn't let him stay more than one night." Her throat tightened and Regina regretted not accepting that tea when he had offered. It would've helped her smooth the lump away. "As I explained to Henry, I can't be the mother he deserves right now, not when I'm... like this." Her hand wiped another tear from her cheek and she scraped her throat clear before sitting upright like the Queen she used to be. "That's why I am here, doctor. I need your help to fix this- to fix me. I told you how I dealt with it back when I was married to that despicable man, and I remember you telling me that it had not been all that healthy. I understand that it has damaged me, I suppose. And I don't want that again. I need to come out of this unchanged. I need to be the same for Henry, I have fought to be the mother he deserves and I do not want him to think I've changed, understood doctor?" Her voice had turned stern, her eyebrows furrowing. Nothing would change, she would be the same mother Henry remembered. The only thing that would be different was that he now got a baby brother or sister.

That, and the fact that she could not so much as hear the Savior's name.

Archie's expression had turned to a resemblance of sadness during her rant. And he put his mug and his notepad down before leaning forward and opening his mouth. "I understand why you want nothing to change Regina, you just want to forget it ever happened and move on. But as your therapist, I won't lie to you. This will change you, Regina. There is no way around that. You can't just forget this, especially not since you are planning on raising that child, Regina. This will change everything, the relationship you will have with Henry, but also the relationship you will have with the baby." He quickly interrupted when Regina's mouth opened, ready to spew denials.

"I'm not saying you won't love it, Regina, because I am absolutely sure that you will. But it will be hard. On you, but also on Henry, and the baby further down it's life, and perhaps even on Miss Swan." He was smart enough not to say Emma, but Regina still tensed up at the mention of the Savior. "Henry has a close relationship to the woman who hurt you, and that complicates the whole thing even more. He loves you, Regina. But somewhere, deep down beneath the hatred he now feels for the Savior, he also loves his biological mother. And that will eventually break him up. Just as much as trying to deny this ever happened will break you up."

He kept quiet then, letting the words sink in, staring at the woman that was facing him. She looked tired, oh so tired. Dark circles under her eyes and sickly pale skin. It was clear she was at her wits end. But it was also clear she was a survivor. Her balled fists and her tightened jaw told him that much. She was a fighter through and through and Archibald Hopper had nothing but respect for her. After all, what she'd told him back when she first got into therapy after her late fiancé's second death, still brought him chills.

Yes, there was no doubt about it, Regina Mills was a survivor. And that was exactly what would get her through it this time around.

...

It's clear that we're nowhere near the end with this story, but just to let you all know, there will be a goddamn end. Pinky promise. So if you liked, please leave a review!