Authors note: I'm officially on vacation with very limited access to wifi, but somehow I still managed. Even though this chapter alone took about five days to write (I have to say there's a lot of dialogue). Which to some may not seem that long, but I usually take about two days to write (some may think, then why does it take you so long to post?!, but that is when I actually do write. And there hasn't been a lot of that as of late). I could write about a thousand apologies, but I won't bother y'all with that, so let's just stick to, I'm sorry. Hope you all enjoy the chapter and I'll see you next time! ;)

Trigger Warning: Some very heavy mental stuff in this chapter, so be warned if that's triggering in some way!

...

Becoming a Stepford mom had always come easy to her. Perhaps it lay in the way that Regina would always try to make things seem better than they actually were. Putting on a mask to make the world think she was happy (or downright evil to the bone) had somehow become as natural as eating. She almost looked at it as a necessity. Which was probably the reason she hadn't broken down when she saw Emma Swan strolling down Main Street.

In the last few weeks, Regina had tried to avoid leaving her house as much as possible. But one does need certain things after a while. Especially when pregnant. So, ever cursing her cravings, Regina put on a brave face and marched to the only grocery store in town, like she would to war (and mind you, she has gone to war). But, laying eyes on the Savior had immediately quelled those urges for chocolate and whatever more her body felt like it required. In fact, the shock of the moment had been that great, that Regina had in fact almost turned straight back to her house.

But the small piece of Evil Queen that could never truly be squashed into non-existence, was repelled with the idea that she would run. She, the one who had inflicted more fear and terror than either of her villainous friends. No one was terrified of a dragon who had been unable to breathe fire, or a sea witch that appeared only once in every century. But Regina, she had been an active threat to everyone who dared betray her, insult her, or make her feel small in any way. That little piece of her had forced her to keep on walking. To not cower.

Especially not for a girl who had taken advantage of her in one of her weakest moments (a thing she herself had done countless times before, the voice filled with self loathing screamed at her) and has been put on a pedestal for it by most of the town- those unthankful peasants.

Emma had looked surprised at first upon noticing her, but that expression quickly morphed itself into something more painful, filled with an obvious amount of guilt that made Regina feel slightly better, which was strange, she thought, and absolutely not acceptable. The fact that the Savior felt guilt, showed that she wasn't a terrible human being like Regina wanted to believe. And that would just not do. At all.

As the distance between them reduced and reduced, Regina more and more got the feeling that Emma was going to say something. The blonde's clenching fists were a dead giveaway. She was clearly trying to muster up the courage to maybe voice her regrets, or perhaps apologize. Which Regina knew would cause her to break down in the middle of Main Street.

Fuck that woman (pardon her language) and her constant need to fix things that can't be fixed.

"Regina..."

Ah yes, there it was. Now the apologies and the pathetic need to be forgiven came along and Regina could not deal with that right now.

"Save it." She snapped, trying with all her might to make it sound regal, to make it sound like she was fine, that what had happened between them- what the woman had done to her hadn't effected her at all. And, for a small moment there Regina was convinced it had worked. She had already picked up her pace again when she felt a hand touching hers.

It wasn't as if it was violent, that she was harshly pulled back, it wasn't like that at all. In truth, Emma probably didn't even grab her. It was more a brush, like she wanted to, but pulled back in the last second. Unfortunately though, that little brush of skin contact was all it took to set Regina off.

"Don't you dare touch me!" She yelled, louder than she would've liked as the few people that were walking down Main Street looked up.

Emma pulled her hand back as if she'd gotten burned."I-I..." She stammered, eyes wide as she stared at Regina like she'd just set off a bomb.

"Keep your filthy hands to yourself, it's bad enough you have to touch my son with them!" Regina could feel the spit flying from her mouth, could feel the pure rage bubble in her throat like molten lava. It was too much to keep in.

Emma cowered further and further into herself as Regina went on. Tears filled her green eyes and she flinched as if she'd been slapped. Hard.

Good, Regina thought, her fists clenching until her skin turned a ghostly white color. "Do yourself a favor and just stay out of my way." And with that their brief conversation (if you could really call it that) was over, and Regina resumed her way, carefully avoiding any more contact with the Savior.

She'd done her shopping with the intense need to sink into the ground and to just disappear.

Disappear and let everything dissolve along with her.

...

The encounter with Regina had left Emma shaken. She was on her way to her evening appointment with Archie, not expecting a single soul to be on Main Street this late in the evening (well, late for Storybrooke-standards). In fact, the few dog walkers were already a surprise. But seeing Regina there, that had not been the plan. It wasn't as if Emma had deliberately been keeping tabs on Regina- that would really be all kinds of wrong- but Emma was both worried (ironic, wasn't it) and anxious. Also, the concern that by now seemed permanently etched into Henry's face wasn't exactly unnoticeable. As much as she knew that she wasn't really mother-material, she could at least understand that Henry was under a considerable amount of stress. She also knew that that was very unhealthy.

She wanted to hit herself in the head for being the cause of it.

And so, she'd arrived at Archie's with a considerable amount of self loathing and shame. The usual way she started every session, if she was completely honest. Which she wouldn't be. Or couldn't be. It was hard to figure out these days.

Archie had welcomed her the usual way too. With the right amount of kindness (which he always did) and the right amount of insight ("I won't ask you questions I know you're not ready to answer"). Wasn't it ironic that Emma had never really noticed that Archie is actually a really great guy? Not until she needed him. (God, she really was sucking at being a decent human being- but then again, wasn't that a trait of all human beings in the twenty first century?). Nowadays everyone was sucking at being a decent person (but not everyone had raped their son's adoptive mother, Emma. You fucking moron. There's no comparison).

Which is also what Archie was telling her in this exact moment, even though it wasn't really set in the same tone.

"There's no comparing the law here, Emma. The Enchanted Forest and this world are just too different. In every way you can possibly imagine, not only in law. What you did Emma, and I'm terribly sorry to say this, but it has to be said, what you did- it wouldn't be a crime back in my land, at least not as serious as it is in this land. Which doesn't mean I'm alright with it, it doesn't mean that at all." He clarified, eyes bright and understanding behind his round spectacles. "Which is why I think Regina is reacting the way she is. I won't go into details with you, but I know you can also guess that this is all very confusing. For the both of you. You wonder why you haven't been placed in jail, and Regina probably wonders why she hasn't put you in jail yet, or even worse; killed you."

There fell a silence, allowing Emma to really soak everything up. There was a certain hurtful truth in Archie's words that clashed with her own sense of reality and morality. It was totally different from what she thought the world should be like and what she thought the world could be like. It was hard to explain but those words seemed to solidify her believes, as much as they sucked strength from them.

"It has everything to do with the world Regina came from. I know you understand that women weren't regarded as a gender that was fit to lead, or to even make decisions for themselves. They had no rights. Over there, there was no such thing as feminism. There has never been and would never be a group of women that would stand up for their gender. Simply because they had been taught, almost from the moment that they were born, that they actually were the weaker sex, that women couldn't lead, and that they could not be trusted to make decision for themselves because they were not as powerful, or a smart as men were. Some would go along with this terrible doctrine- because that was basically what it was- without any resistance. But there were also women- like Regina, who knew that what they were taught was wrong and who knew things needed to change but couldn't because they just didn't know how. Other women would think they were insane, and if their husbands or parents caught wind of the fact that they were not thinking the way women should think-"

"They got punished for it." Emma finished, voice meek as she stared at her boots. "I'm not as ignorant as my mother believes me to be, I can imagine what Regina went through when was growing up of when she was married to my... grandfather." She hated to think of that creep as her grandfather.

"Then you understand why there is confusion at all. Things here in Storybrooke are different. From either in the Enchanted Forest or the rest of this world. It has somehow established its own law structure. One I'm not saying is completely right. But it's also a step up from the system we had back in the Enchanted Forest. How messed up this one is, it can get worse."

Emma sighed, bringing her hands up to her face and rubbing her palms into her eye sockets, cleaning away the sleep and the grimy feeling crying left behind. "I understand that. I know it can get worse, it's just... I didn't grow up with your laws and your standards. I grew up with this one, and I know what I did was wrong, and I know what I did means that I should be behind bars right about now."

"But, Emma," Archie sighed, his hands clasped together on his lap, "I think you need to understand that you're not going to jail. And when you finally understand that- even though you're convinced it's messed up and wrong and everything else that you feel- it can finally allow you to right things, to make up for your mistakes and to try to live with yourself again. And if it's Regina's forgiveness you need, you should work for it. And if Regina won't give it to you- which is in her own right and you can't fault her for that, then you need to deal with that too. As best as you can."

There had been nothing more to say after that, and so Emma left with a lot to think about. And still carrying that backpack filled with self loathing and shame.

...

The panic had started when she was back in her big mansion on Mifflin street. Tears slit down her cheeks in what seemed like a never ending waterfall. Her breathe came in sobs and Regina felt pathetic. She could already imagine what Mother would say. What she would utter in that tone she always reserved to scold.

"You silly girl, you allowed them to break you."

It seemed to echo off the walls, closing in on her from all sides. It was close to swallowing her entirely, before Regina buried her hands in her hair and finally managed to snap out of it somewhat. In reality, Regina knew that she needed to push all thoughts of her mother from her mind. But years and years of drilling, and what she'd later come to realize was physical abuse, had infested Mother's manipulation into her fragile mind. She was tethering on the edge of sanity, and it was clear to all she was about to tip over and crash into the ice cold whirl that was reality. At least for her.

She tried to calm herself down, knew she would faint if this went on for very much longer. Long nails buried themselves into the thin skin of her head, nearly drawing blood as she tried to stop hyperventilating and slow down her heart rate, which by now was up to an irregular booming in her throat.

"You silly girl, you allowed them to break you."

"Shut up, Mother!" She cried out, hands shaking, her whole body shaking, as she finally pulled them out of her hair. "Just shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!" She was yelling at no one, only thin air, and she knew it. It made her feel insane, stupid, silly, and all those other things people had called her more than once in her life. Either when she had been a child, or a wife, or an Evil Queen.

"Chin up, Regina, you're behaving like a commoner. Is that what you aspire to be? Is it?! Answer me, you stupid girl!"

"No! No I'm not!" She was crying now, screaming and hysterical. Her heart was beating so fast, she feared it might explode. But at the same time, she didn't really care if it did. Her hands were clenched tight, her head slamming backwards against the wooden door as she continued to yell that no, she did not want that. That mother was mistaken, she was a Queen, there was nothing higher on the social ladder for a woman. There was nothing after that.

Except there was, and she told Mother so. Even though it came out in sobs and her nose was dripping and her eyes were almost swollen shut, she told Mother. There was a whole different world of opportunities, and she'd received the most wonderful of all even though she hadn't treated it right.

She gotten the chance to be a mother.

And Mother's voice echoed in her mind;

"And you mucked it up."

...

Phew, time to take a breather and write a review, don't ya think?