She was glad to be back at home, in the comfort of her own bed after two weeks. She was still distraught from the fact that she would remain childless for the rest of her life. At least she had Ethan. He had been tending to her every call and he had awkwardly, in his own cute adorable way, admitted his feelings for her.
Until this moment, they still hadn't done anything further than that stage. Connie had given her a month off with pay but Lily craved to work. To feel the hospital bustle with life around her. To take her mind off of her own pain filled life. She quickly sent a text to Connie informing her boss of her return to work the next day. Connie had replied with 'no' but Lily had called her and convinced her that she wouldn't do anything strenuous. Even she could take up admin or mentor the new F2 who was due to come in when she was back. Lily begrudgingly agreed to mentor the new doctor as admin would probably keep her tucked away in an office or at home. At least she could treat patients.
Smiling she replied to a text that Ethan had sent.
'Just on my way to work. I'll stop by after work and give you the chocolates I promised. Ethan x'
'I'll be waiting x'
She placed her phone back on her bedside table and got out of bed, slipping her robe on. She made her way downstairs and into the kitchen to check what was to offer in the fridge. Everything was off, typical.
Sighing, Lily grabbed the land line and ordered pizza. At least she'll have something to munch on whilst she was doing admin in the evening. She also made a mental note to restock the fridge or get Ethan to do it. He was into health foods and she figured some could help her recover quickly. Yeah, that's what she needed to do... recover.
...
"Dr. Chao, may I introduce you to Alicia Munroe, our new junior F2 doctor." Connie said the next day as a bubbling blonde with pink tips smiled brightly at Lily.
Lily merely nodded and winced a little as she leaned over to collect two patient files. "Nice to meet you, Dr. Munroe."
"Nice to meet you too, Dr. Chao. Are you alright?" Alicia asked, concern written on her features.
Lily waved it off and smiled as Connie nodded at her and left. "Right, you better keep on top of things because this is the Emergency Department and it is metaphorically like a jungle. It will eat you up."
Alicia's eyes widened a little as she bit her lip and nodded.
"Right, our first patient is a pregnant female who was involved in a minor RTA. Nerves are not a place for an ED so again, stay on top of things."
"Understood, Dr. Chao."
Hours ticked by and Lily's day seemed to worsen even more. Alicia was being a nervous wreck and getting in the way of everything. The pain in her stomach increased no matter how many painkillers she took. Ethan was being a pest asking about how she was. Robyn was being annoying by offering to help her by making teas or dealing with patient notes. She sighed a breath of relief when she finally had a bit of time to herself. Her shift was due to end in two hours and her phone suddenly rang during her break.
It was her mother. She never called.
Looking around the nearly empty staffroom, she stood up and went to one of the on-call rooms before locking herself in there and answering the call.
"Mama?"
"Lillian..."
Everything went numb after that one word. Words came through the speaker but words never went in. The words became quieter and quieter until silence and the whole world stilled.
She was brought back to Earth when there was a knock on the door.
"Lily?"
Connie. How did she know where she was?
"Mama, I'll-I'll call you back. Stay strong." she whispered in her native language.
Lily sniffed and hung up, wiping her tears. She quickly fixed her face with the mirror stuck on the wall and stood up, opening the door.
"There you are. You can go home if you want. We've pretty much got things covered here." Connie's eyes softened when she saw Lily's red ones.
"No. I'm alright. I've taken my medication so it shouldn't be a problem any more. Where's Dr. Munroe?"
Connie sighed. "She's waiting in the staffroom. Go easy on her, okay? It's nearly the end of her first day and she's done pretty well throughout."
Lily was scorned. Alicia seemed to be getting all the invites to go out and praises when she and Ethan had done all the work on the pregnant woman.
"Pretty well?" she repeated. "She seemed to be a wreck and got in the way most of the time."
Connie raised an eyebrow. "Lily... not everyone can hide their fear like we do."
Lily gulped, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Whatever. I'll get back to work now."
She walked away from her superior, tears threatening to fall. Nobody ever said good things about her. Not even behind her back. Praise was all she wanted. Why couldn't she get it? The one person she ever wanted to pleased was now dead and she wasn't sure whether or not she felt relief or grief.
Opening the door to the staffroom, Lily spotted Alicia and Ethan laughing about something over mugs of tea. She quickly wiped her eyes and stood in front of them. "I'm back so we can go and treat our next patient. Try not to mess this one up as well." she bitterly said, shocking Ethan, Alicia and even herself.
Alicia sighed and nodded before placing her mug in the sink and leaving. Lily was about to follow when she was stopped by Ethan locked the door and standing in front of it.
"What, Ethan?" Lily sighed, her eyebrows raising.
"What's wrong with you lately?" he asked. "You've been on and off. And-and being rude to Alicia. You're downright bullying her!"
What happened next, he wasn't expecting. "You're right..." she croaked out, tears cascading down her cheeks as she sobbed.
"Li-Lily is everything alright?" Ethan asked hesitantly as he took a few steps towards her. He reached his arms out but she took a step back.
"I don't deserve your hug. I don't deserve anything because I'm worthless." she whispered. "Nobody cares about me, nobody loves me..." she went on.
"Lily? Has something happened?" Alarm grew in Ethan's voice as he kept walking towards her backing figure.
"I'm a shame. An embarrassment. All I do is make people unhappy. I want to d-"
She tripped over the coffee table and waited for the impact to come but it never did. She was clutched tightly in Ethan's arms and was sat down on the couch with his support. "Hey, Lily... It's okay, you're okay." he whispered, kissing her head as she sobbed louder.
"He's dead."
"Who?"
"My father... he died this morning. Mama only told me ten minutes ago. I was the last to know because all I brought him throughout his life was disappointment and shame."
Ethan's heart lurched. Why had this happened to Lily? This wasn't the strong, independent woman he knew. No, this woman before him was broken, depressed, a wreck. These past couple have weeks, Lily found herself fighting for survival when all she wanted to do was die. She also found herself grieving when all she felt was relief. At least now she wouldn't hope to live up to her siblings. Her lawyer brother. Her CEO sister. They'd both dropped out of university to help their mother when she was sick. Later in the years the went on to graduate after their younger sister, Lily making her the first to graduate university and medical school. Yet, she was the one that they were all disappointed in. Why? She never knew.
"Lily... I'm so sorry." Ethan found himself finally saying. "I'm sure your father wasn't disap-"
"He was. He never once told me how proud he was of me. Neither did Mama. They'd always talk about their 'successful' children yet, I was the one without praise. It was like I was invisible to them! I never stood for anything with them. Gabriel and Roseanne always got praise and-and what they wanted. I had to slave to get what I want. All my parents did were throw insults and life lessons at me and not once did they say, 'I'm proud of you'. Not once. I wonder how my mother will feel when she finds out I can't even give them grandchildren. I'll be more of a disappointment then." her voice broke.
"Why didn't you tell me all of this before? Why couldn't you tell me how you felt?"
Lily scoffed. "Because you wouldn't understand. I hate to say it but you just wouldn't. You probably had it all. The Western System of parenting."
"Had it all?" Ethan repeated slowly. "All I had was a father who hated me and a mum who needed me. I spent most of my life living in Cal's shadow because I was the younger brother. And even when I did better than him academically, my father wouldn't even give me a second glance. My mum always told me that it's because he wasn't all that clever himself and that I shouldn't take it to heart. But honestly? I wanted my father's praise just as much as you wanted yours. I never even got it because he died when I was 18."
Lily's eyes widened. "I-I never knew." she whispered. "Do you know why your father hated you?"
"I looked like his father. His father who used to hit him whenever he did badly at school." Ethan whispered just as quietly.
He heard a small gasp. "I'm so sorry."
"I guess we're both screwed up, huh?" he smiled lightly.
"Help me? Please?"
"Only if you'll help me."
They sealed the deal with a hug.