A/N: Okay, so first of all, so sorry about the four month hiatus. Second, part 2 of Similar Situations and Shared Griefs will probably be the next chapter I publish, but it's just not quite done yet, so this one will be first! (It's not a part of Similar Situations and Shared Griefs.) Third, this started as a very simple drabble about Julian appreciating Emma training, but then things happened, and it became a bit more than that, but I still like it, and I hope you all do, too! :)

P.S. I wrote this while listening to the song "Landscape" by Florence + The Machine (AKA my favorite band of all time), and it was also very much inspired by it, specifically the line at the beginning of this chapter, so I would recommend listening to it while reading—it's a really great song.

Landscape

A Blackstairs fanfic, by OTP-addict

"She's just like the weather, can't hold her together." — Florence + The Machine

To Julian, watching Emma fight was like watching a professional dancer. The way she turned and spun and jumped, and the way she swung Cortana, the blade blazing like the sun, amazed him. He liked to paint her like that, her hair swinging around her face like uncontrollable strands of white-hot wire.

She twisted her body in a way that normal people couldn't. And if anything, Emma was extraordinary. No one fought quite like her. She had a specific style that Julian knew by heart, and above all else it was graceful. She might be slaying demons, but she didn't in the slightest look like it was something that concerned her much.
She looked like she was doing the performance of her life and was enjoying it immensely. And in a way, fighting was performing to Emma, Julian knew. This was what she was best at—the thing that made her stick in people's memories. And in Julian's.

No matter how hard he tried, Julian could just not stop the overpowering feelings he had for his parabatai. Loving Emma, Julian thought, was like driving too fast, and knowing you were driving too fast, then slamming on the brakes only to realize that you were stepping on the accelerator. He knew how he felt about her, and he knew that she felt something, at least something for him that went beyond the boundaries of the traditional parabatai bond.

But then she had to go and say she didn't. That she loved Mark. And Julian thought he knew why, but with every fibre of his being he also felt that there was more to it; something he didn't know.

Either way, with every attempt to dull down or repress his feelings, they burned brighter, went deeper, and every passing day he found that he longed to touch her again, like he once had.

Now, as he stood in the training room watching her move around the room with Livia and her saber, he knew he would soon have to kiss her again. If he didn't he might as well perish.

"Ouch," Livvy exclaimed, having fallen to the floor.

Emma strolled over to where her sparring partner was sitting, rubbing the arm that had taken a blow from the flat side of Cortana. "Sorry," she said, an apologetic smile on her lips as she held out her hand and helped Livvy up.

"Damn right, you're sorry," Livia muttered under her breath, and Julian chuckled.

Unfortunately for him, this alerted the pair to his presence. They both turned their heads in perfect sync, which under other circumstances would have amused Julian. From his hiding place behind the door to the training room, he made a face and moved to flee, but Emma's voice stopped him.

"What are you doing?" she asked. He could tell that she was speaking with an ever so slight tinge of sympathy to her voice, as she had been with nearly every word she'd said to him the last few weeks. He had told her that he would not give up on her, and she had made it clear when she started seeing Mark that she very much wanted him to give up. But that didn't discourage him.

"Nothing," he said, the hint of a challenge in his voice. "Just watching you train."

Emma looked suspicious, but said nothing in response.

"Okay," Livia said slowly, "so, can we continue?" Emma turned back to the saber-wielding girl.

"Sure," she said brightly. But as usual, Julian could hear the falseness of her cheery tone.

As he was walking down the hallway, away from the training room, he saw a smudge of bright gold out of the corner of his eye. His brain automatically thought, Emma, and having just gotten his hopes up, he turned—and saw Mark. Hard as he tried, he couldn't quite conceal the look on his face; hurt, anger, betrayal.

To his surprise, though, Mark's face was an expression of quiet sadness. This only angered Julian further. What did Mark have to be unhappy about? Mark was with the girl Julian could only dream of. Mark didn't have any laws against him. Mark didn't have a whole family of four children to worry about.

"What?" Julian asked, a bit more harshly than he meant to.

Mark said nothing for a while, he just took a few steps closer. Then he took a deep breath, and as he let it out, he stepped around Julian and continued on his way, leaving Julian staring in the opposite direction of his brother. The surprise temporarily added to his features eventually faded, and he bit his lip, shook his head, and took one last glance into the training room. Sweat was gathering on Emma's skin like little, bright pearls, and her hair shone as a star on the verge of a supernova. And Julian told himself that things would look up. Soon.

A/N: In case you're wondering, Mark doesn't say anything because he's promised Emma that he'll lie to Julian, but really he wants to tell Julian that he knows about what's going on between Jules and Emma, so he's just really frustrated :P