Jackson

It was almost nine and Jackson had promised to stay until the toasts and then he could finally go home. He was holding it together decently well, considering he had to walk a woman down the aisle an hour after he signed divorce papers.

The wedding had gone perfectly; the bride and groom had been misty eyed and in love. While, the reception was at a warehouse down by the marina, with an open dock and twinkle lights across the ceiling. Beautiful in retrospect, but at the moment, it was Jackson's personal hell.

Ben kept looking over at him across the table, waiting for him to snap.

"Stop staring at me," Jackson ordered his friend.

"I'm not staring," Ben exclaimed, looking offended. "It is not my fault that your big head is in the way of the pretty dancing."

"I'm fine, okay?" Jackson stated once again.

"Sure, you are. Who wouldn't be fine after signing divorce papers and then going to a wedding where everyone is lovey-dovey and talking about how love springs eternal?"

"I am here for Tatiana. I am fine. I'll stay to the toasts and then we go," Jackson finishes his fourth drink.

"If you say so," Ben looks dubious.

Clink clink clink.

'Thank God,' Jackson thinks. Ben was right. He couldn't handle much more.

Tatiana stands up in front to start her speech. She was glowing and a smile hadn't left her face all day. Flashes of April's face on their wedding day keep seeping into his psyche. He shakes his head, disrupting those thoughts, and focuses on Tatiana.

"Three years ago something terrible happened. I really thought my life was over. I was ready to hide away forever. I was done. But something amazing happened. A wise doctor told me that life is worth living and I was still worth loving," Tatiana raises her glass towards Jackson and he returns the gesture. "Two years later, a tall handsome human rights lawyer stole my coffee order as well as my heart. Here is the thing about life: it will surprise you and everything happens for a reason. Now, before I get all cheesy and sappy, I am going to let other people get cheesy and sappy about me."

Jackson felt for the speech in his pocket. He knew that the bridesmaids and groomsmen would be speaking first, but he wanted to be prepared. He looked over the speech, words like love and trust and support jumped out at him. Suddenly, Jackson was feeling nauseous and his breath caught in his throat. What the hell could he say about love? He loved April more than he thought possible. He had built a life around her. He thought he found the one. And it didn't work out, so what was the fucking point anymore.

Jackson needed air. He got up from the table and walked back towards the dock. Ben attempted to follow, but Jackson shook him off.

"Just getting some air, I'll be back." Jackson whispers.

He makes his way to the back dock that overlooks the marina. No one was outside. He could hear the room laugh inside, enthralled in the heartwarming speeches. He furthers himself from the noises and walks to edge of the dock, where it was finally quiet. Jackson leans against the barrier and looks down at the dark freezing waters below.

Jackson was never very good at talking about his feelings. While, his mother was the queen of talk-it-out, he had gone spinning in the opposite direction. Standing on this pier, Jackson was overwhelmed with so many emotions, he wanted to scream. He was angry, that was one he could pin point. He was angry at everyone. He was angry at the universe, at himself, at April, at his mother, at Osteogenesis Imperfecta, at that fucking lawyer, at his deadbeat father, at the happy loving couple inside. He was really goddamn angry. He was also so sad that any time he took a second to think about today, about what he lost, his chest felt like it was collapsing and it became harder to breath. As a calming habit, Jackson used to fidget with his ring, but he remembers he had taken it off this morning, unsure of the proper divorce protocol. However, when he saw April wearing both the wedding ring and his post-marriage engagement ring at the signing, he felt guilty. He had kept in the inside breast pocket of his dress shirt all day. He takes it out and stares at it in his palm.

"Do you have vows?" The minister asked. Jackson shakes his head, he was so focused on the planning of the wedding part, he had forgotten the details of it all.

"I do," April beamed.

"No, that line comes later," Jackson jokes. She playfully rolls her eyes at his terrible joke, but squeezes his hand as she becomes somber and serious.

"You got to say your vows at the barn, it's my turn," She smiles, her beautiful glowing smile. "Jackson, I love you. People will call this rushed or out of the blue or a hundred other things. But you and I (and God) know that this is right. All these years we've known each other and all the years to come, I've loved you, I love you, I will love you, always. I can't wait to start a future with you. Me and you."

"Me and you," Jackson whispers back, as he stares into her brimming hazel eyes.

"Do you, Jackson Harper Avery, take April Marie Kepner to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do," He has never been so sure of anything in his life. April slips on the wedding ban on to his finger. He wants nothing more to kiss her, he isn't sure he can wait even a few more seconds.

"Do you, April Marie Kepner, take Jackson Harper Avery to be you lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," He slides the ring on to her slender finger.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Jackson says giddily.

"I can." She returns, confidently. Not even waiting for the okay from the minister, Jackson kisses her. The world disappears.

Jackson stares at the ring. They had gotten it engraved, with the date of their wedding and Me and You around the inside. He closed his fist around the ring. He could throw it in the marina. It would sink to the bottom and he would never have to see it again. Jackson holds his hand over the edge, readying himself to drop it. Maybe it would be cathartic? Maybe he could get an ounce of closer?

Come on, just open your hand and drop it. He thinks to himself. Just do it.

Nothing.

"COME ON!" He yells. But his hand won't budge. It is remains closed and frozen, unable to give in, unable to move forward.

Jackson pulls back and slides to the ground. His head drops and he can no longer hold back the tears. As they stream down his face, Jackson has never felt so lost. He had hoped that maybe some good would come of this, some relief from the constant pain he has been in, but just like his hand over the marina, he is frozen. It is a few minutes before he gains back control, before the tears finally stop. He takes deep breaths and centers himself. I asked for this. I needed this. This is how it is.

He puts the ring back in his breast pocket. Apparently, he isn't ready for closure just yet.

"Jackson?" He raises his head to see Ben standing a few feet away. "You okay, man?"

"Yeah yeah. I am fine…Or I will be." Jackson stands up and dusts himself off.

"Okay. Well, your speech is up next. But I can tell Tatiana that you are indisposed or something?"

"No... It's fine. I can do it." He walks back into the reception. Tatiana is hugging a crying bridesmaid and looks at Jackson, relieved.

"Oh. Great, last speech tonight is from Doctor Hero."

Jackson walks over to the front of the room and takes the mic. He doesn't look at his speech, those are empty words. Instead, he decides to speak from the heart.

"Hello, everyone. I am Jackson Avery. I..am…was Tatiana's doctor. The only reason she is calling me a hero is because I didn't let her trip on her face this morning. All the other stuff, that was... That was all her. Um. Speeches are not really my thing. But… well, I just want to wish Tatiana and Timothy all the luck in the world. It's tough out there. You know that. But when you have someone beside you, someone there with you, through the thick of it, that is all anyone can ask for. It is a blessing, so be sure not to take it for granted," Jackson feels like the ring in his pocket is burning a hole through his shirt, a constant reminder. "Like Tatiana says, life is gonna surprise you. It is going to throw some punches, but there will be some moments, some days, some years, where you will never believe how happy you can be. Love is…everything. Don't forget that. Cheers to the couple, I wish you all the happiness."

The room followed his lead, raising their glasses towards the newlyweds.

"Alright! Thank you, everyone. Now it is time for dancing!" Tatiana gestures to the band to begin playing.

Tatiana then walks over to Jackson and without saying anything, she pulls him into a big hug.

"You have to go." She says calmly when they pull away.

"I have to go." He nods.

"Thank you for being here today," She straightens his tie. "Always putting other people first."

"Not always."

She gives him an unconvinced look.

"Goodbye, Dr. Hero.

"Goodbye and good luck." He gives her a peck on the cheek and watches as she joins back in with the festivities.

Jackson and Ben walk silently to the car. Ben seems to have accepted that Jackson wasn't going to open up about anything tonight. He gives him a pat on the back and tells him to get home safe and he'll see him tomorrow. Jackson nods and gets in his car. When he finally arrives home, he sits in the parked car for a few minutes. He is suddenly exhausted. This has been one of the longest, most difficult days of his life. At least after Samuel, he still had someone to go home with, someone to go home to. Now, he was just alone.

He walks into his dark hotel room, unable to even exert the energy to turn on the lights. There is one thing he must do before falling into the necessary coma. He stands in front of the dresser and opens the drawer. He takes the ring from his breast pocket and places it carefully into his change box. He closes the drawer slowly. His finger feels naked. As lies down on the bed, Jackson wills for this day to finally be over.

April

"According to the test this morning…yeah. Actually, I think I am." It was the first time she had said out loud. It was suddenly very real and April couldn't help but smile. This day had been one of the longest days of her life. On her drive home, she had been crying so hard that she had to pull over. But sitting on the side of the road, she suddenly saw this beautiful future ahead of her. Things didn't seem so bleak when she thought about the baby. She had wiped her tears and hadn't felt like crying since. It was a new day. After being lost in her thoughts, April finally looks over and sees Arizona's shocked face.

"I… You… What. Are you happy about it?" Arizona settles on the most important question. April never loved her friend more than at that moment.

"Yes. Yes, I am so so happy," she laughs.

"April…" She can tell that Arizona is ramping up to something, but interrupts her.

"Arizona, I feel like this is meant to be. I feel like God gave me this miracle. I know this isn't the perfect time. I know that everything is complicated. I know that I will have to deal with a million questions, but tonight. I am happy. I am so happy because this is my baby."

"April. What about…What about Jackson?" Even hearing his name hurt. All April can do is shrug, helplessly.

"You didn't tell him." Arizona finally begins to understand the whole picture. "April, did you find out before you signed the papers?"

"Arizona, this has been the longest day. I think I just want to shower and go to bed." April didn't want to focus on the complicated. She wanted to just be happy.

"April," Arizona looked confused and ready to pounce.

"I know a million questions. I'll answer them tomorrow, I promise." She gets up to walk Arizona out.

"Okay, tomorrow. So, I am going to sleep on the couch," Arizona takes off her jacket to get more comfortable.

"Arizona. I'm fine," April knows what Arizona is trying to do.

"Okay, you sleep on the couch and I'll sleep on the bed. If you insist." April had forgotten what a queen of deflection Arizona, really was.

"Arizona." April could feel her annoyance grows. How does one get their overbearing good-intentioned friend to leave her apartment?

"It was a joke!" Arizona continues on, oblivious.

"ARIZONA!" April finally snaps. There is a beat, before she regrets her reaction. "I'm sorry. Look, I know the things you are going to say. And I know the things that I have to do. But tonight. Can I just have tonight?"

"It's okay. I understand. I do." Arizona looks like she wants to say more, but decides against it. "I'll go."

"Tomorrow," April promises her, Arizona nods and leaves. And April turns back to the empty apartment and sighs. She just needed some time to think. She couldn't answer any of Arizona's questions because she honestly didn't know the answers. There was so much up in the air. To take a breath without other people's expectations. Just breathe. The other things, the details, those will work out.

April changed into her pajamas and readies herself for bed. She had her fair share of emotional whiplash today and she was presently exhausted. It was a day to remember, the good and the bad. These past weeks and months, there was this darkness hanging over her, but now there was light. Even on the longest day of her life, her head ached, her feet hurt, her back pained, but she felt better than she had in weeks. This baby was her miracle. This baby was something to live for and she never felt more grateful. April didn't know what tomorrow would bring. She didn't know how this would all turn out. But she knew that she would love and protect this baby with everything that she had. She couldn't protect Samuel. Even inside her, where he should have been the safest, she failed. But she wouldn't fail again.

This baby was going to have an exceptional life. That was one promise she would keep. April fell asleep with her hand resting on her stomach and dreams of first smiles, first steps, first words, and the future to come.