need to buy new books tbh

Chapter Eight

Over and over

Clutching onto the paper cup for dear life, I settled into the chair on one of the tables in the library. It was a good thing that it had two floors. The second one was reserved strictly for readers and students who didn't want to be disturbed, and the first one was for checking out books and sitting down for a chat.

I felt my muscles relax a bit as I took off my jacket and placed it on the seat across from me. I bought two coffees, although hers will probably get cold by the time she arrives, since I came here an hour early. Honestly though, who comes an hour early? What the hell is wrong with me? But I was just so excited to finally be able to talk to her that I completely forgot to do anything else. I didn't have breakfast, I didn't have lunch, I didn't study at all for tomorrow, I didn't even touch my phone or laptop or anything. I just sat there imagining all possible outcomes.

But even though I was happy to talk to her and meet her in private like this, I wasn't optimistic at all. I didn't expect anything more than her telling me to fuck off and never approach her again. But even so, I was happy just to be able to sit down and have a normal conversation with the woman I love.

If I were to be honest and confess, I wished I could prolong this waiting period, because I seem to be happiest like this. Sitting down on a table and waiting for a girl that I bought coffee for. No interruptions, nobody trying to steal her away, no yelling, no misunderstandings. Just a boy waiting for his girl. The feeling of excitement calms down my pessimism, and I can't help but sip my coffee in complete bliss, waiting for the creature of my fantasies to come to life and walk through those doors.

Every time the door opens, my heard skips a beat and I feel my palms get sweaty, only to be disappointed when it's not her, but some other random person, even though I'm well aware it's still too early for her to show up.

I decided to take my time and look around the place, since I almost never come here. I left my things on the table, and surveyed the shelves, trying to find something that looks even remotely interesting. I won't lie, I'm a horrible reader, and the only time I pick up a book is right before I put it down.

I picked up a book I had seen Lucy reading before, and stared at it quietly for a while, as if it were some sort of thread that could link me to her. I took it back to the table with me, and started reading it from the very beginning. I was three chapters deep, when the sound of somebody dropping their books pulled me out of my trance. I glanced at the clock on the wall, and noticed that it was already 5:23.

I tried to shake off the funny feeling that she wasn't coming with reading, but I couldn't concentrate enough to read one sentence without forgetting the previous one. My mind couldn't function properly and I swallowed down the rest of my coffee. I felt my foot swing back and forth under the table, an uneasy feeling creeping up on me.

Fifteen more minutes passed, and she was yet to show up. I had sent her a few texts already, squirming in my seat as though that was of any help. After moping around for five more minutes, I started assuming the worst. What if something happened to her? It wasn't impossible. After all, she was a young pretty girl, and not to mention outrageously hot. Anyone would want a piece of that, including me. Hey, if kidnapping was legal, I would've done it ages ago.

And what if she got into some sort of accident, or something worse? What if something really bad happened that prevented her from coming? What if Sting went to her place again?

And then the feelings of fear melted into depression.

Maybe she just didn't want to see me. Maybe she said she would come just I would leave yesterday. Maybe she was at home right now, laughing at my misfortune, and how pitiful I must be to her. I looked up again, eager to see her small figure enter the room, but I didn't.

I kept telling myself that I was overreacting, and something probably happened or she just forgot to come. Yeah, that was a reasonable-enough explanation. I mean, I'm not any sort of factor in her life, so it's only normal for her to forget about the promise.

But even though I was trying so hard, I just couldn't make myself feel better about it.

I was stood up.

I accepted my fate, but that little bit of hope still lingered within me as I got up to leave. Almost 6PM and no sign whatsoever. I kept waiting for her to run in, apologizing about her being late, going on and on about how the traffic was awful, and how she tried to get her as fast as she could. I would pat her on the said, saying that I hadn't been waiting for long, and she would smile happily, glad that I wasn't mad at her. She would squeal out in joy when she'd see that I'd bought her coffee, and we'd finally sit down to talk about the next step in our relationship.

Ah yes, the never-ending dreams of a foolish young man.

If I were more realistic, I'd probably expect her to just barge in, look around and sigh when she sees I'm still here, then walk up to me and say something like—

"You're still waiting."

Yup, just like that. Just like this blonde girl is doing right now. Ah, but I wish—

Wait a second.

I rubbed my eyes, and focused my vision on the girl standing right next to my table, towering above my sitting form. I blink in surprise, not expecting to see her just as I was about to go home. I dropped the jacket back on my chair, and watched in amusement as she sat on the one opposite me, setting down her bags on the ground. She must've seen how confused I was, and instead of the bitter tone she always used when addressing me, her voice softened this time.

"To be honest, I was expecting you to be gone."

I was still unable to reply, feeling my tongue stuck in place as she unwrapped her pink scarf from around her neck, taking off her jacket to reveal a wooly sweater. Even in this, she still looked amazing.

"I'm not going to hit you with the standard 'I got stuck in traffic' excuse." She said, taking off her mittens, "And I'm not going to apologize either." Packing up her stuff in one of the bags, she took the other one up on the table, "Truth be told, I didn't want to come." I felt some sort of hand clutch my heart, making it cower in pain, "So I walked around town for a while, deciding to clear my head a bit." My eyes went back and forth from her brown ones, to the bag she was clutching, "After realizing that you might probably still be waiting, I came here right away, even though I didn't want to at first." Her hands moved to take out some sort of paper box, "I just couldn't stand the thought of leaving anyone alone like that." Even though she could be harsh at times, she was always kind, which was one of the things I liked most about her.

"Anyway," She continued, her mouth curving slightly upwards in an almost invisible smile, "I felt bad and came here right away, but I was almost certain that you would've gone home by now. You must've been waiting for a long time," her expression softened, "I hope you didn't come earlier than planned."

"No I didn't," I sent her a reassuring smile, watching her eye me with worry. "Wait, I lied." I suddenly blurted, "I did come early. I came here almost an hour earlier that we were supposed to." Her eyes widened in surprise, "I wanted to see you really bad." My brain sent frantic commands to my mouth to stop talking, but no avail, "I wanted to apologize for whatever I did to make you hate me, and for filling your phone up with messages even though you never reply. And I—"

"It's alright." She mumbled, opening the box. "I'm guessing you starved to death."

In my face she shoved a big chocolate-glazed donut, and I couldn't help but stare at it in awe. She bought food? How perfect can she get? I accepted it with open arms, glad to see that there were plenty more where that came from. And as if I'd suddenly remembered, I pushed forward the cup of cold coffee toward her. "I also got you something. But it's cold now." She looked happy, and started drinking and eating.

I have never seen a more beautiful creature in my entire life, and I would die a happy man right now, since I'd been a witness to her cute chewing. She caught me staring, and looked away bashfully, something I'd imagined countless times before. Damn, I'm a pervert.

"Oh," she exclaimed, staring at the book I completely forgot I'd taken, "I've read that one!"

"I know." I said, watching her blush a bit more.

God, help me get through this.

"So you and Sting aren't dating?" I asked, curious as ever.

"No, we aren't. He came to my house out of the blue and said that his scooter broke down or something, I don't know."

"And you just let him in?!" I accused, a bit harsher than I wanted to.

"Well, yeah! What was I supposed to do? Leave him standing outside in the rain?!"

"That idiot probably did a rain dance just so he could pull that stunt!"

"What are you talking about?"

I watched her roll her eyes, and take another bite of her donut before continuing this battle.

"Look Natsu," I couldn't help but pause to take in the lovely sound of her calling my name, "who I let in and out of my house is none of your business."

"It's definitely my business." I slammed my fist on the table, "You're my business."

"Stop acting like you own me!" She shouted, earning a scolding from the librarian, "you have zero right to barge into my life and do as you please. I let Sting in because I felt sorry for him. And besides, I knew he was safe since he knew my neighbor Porlyusica."

"For heavens sakes, of course he knows your neighbors, Lucy. I know all your neighbors. It's basic stalking information!"

"Takes one to know one." She shot back, and I opened my mouth to reply, only to close it when I realized she was absolutely right. Even though I'd had this inner battle countless of times before, I still couldn't get myself to stop following her around and acting like she's fucking mine when it's so clear she isn't.

The sudden moment of sanity almost killed me, but I took the blow like a man, and didn't say anything.

We sat there in silence for a couple of minutes, before she finally spoke. "I got really scared for a moment." Her fingers ran through her hair, "I remembered hearing all those awful things about him, but he was so nice to me!" Mist shrouded over her eyes, "I almost thought I'd found someone I could be myself with." I was ready to commit suicide when I noticed the light in her eyes disappear, "But he turned out to be a selfish jerk who posted a picture with me the second he left my house."

I wanted to say something to her, but I didn't know what. Was I supposed to comfort her or something? But she didn't look hurt. I mean, she's known him for only a while now. It's not like she had any time to develop feelings.

"I know what you're thinking." She suddenly started, "And it's not that. I don't like him. I just liked the idea of liking someone."

Tired.

Tired of hearing things like this. Tired of seeing her look anywhere but at me. Tired of watching others stare at her. Tired of not being able to claim her as my own and show her off to the world. Tired of being pushed away. Tired of running.

"Then like me."

Her eyes looked up to meet mine, a brief second of sincere emotions before she breaks it away, and gets up. "Anyway," she started, "Now you know the information you came here to uncover. In case you missed it, let me summarize it for you: I'm not dating Sting, and I hate him for posting misleading pictures like that. I will ban him from my club, as well as from my home."

I opened my mouth to reply but she cut me off. "Don't. Just shut up." She put on her coat, mittens, scarf… I made a move to get up as well, but the look in her eyes told me otherwise. "Now don't toy with my emotions and let me leave out of here in peace." Toy with her—? What!?

"One more thing," she looked my way as she was about to leave, "Don't follow me."

I look down at my hands, not knowing what to reply to that.

"Ever."

Ready to go home and drown in my own misery, I was stopped mid-walk by someone's hand on my shoulder.

I turned around abruptly, half-expecting to see Lucy, but was easily disappointed.

"Gajeel?" I mumble, watching my rough friend lower down his hand, as he gestures me to follow him into a black alley.

"Shut up and follow me." He said, his gruff voice even rustier than usual. "I have something I need to tell you."

Author's notes: writing about Natsu being sad is torture ;-;

I just want to rush this fic and make him happy again! but oh well, that's not how things go.

Thank you for all the lovely reviews last time, especially Natsuto Dragneel. you rock!

kisses for everyone, let me know what you think

~With keys, through flames! Aye!~