Servamp is life goals tbh

Chapter Nine

The best dance

Point of View: [Lucy]

Never. I think I will never understand just why that boy keeps trying to reach out to me even though it's so obvious I want nothing to do with him. In fact, I don't want anything to do with anybody. I just want to live a quiet life hidden behind my everyday tasks.

Thinking back on my life, I had always done things that made me stand out, and I've had it. Everybody knew me, and I knew everybody. There wasn't a single person in my hometown that hadn't heard of Lucy Heartfilia. And as though it may seem like a good thing to be known and have lots of connections everywhere, it is also the worst possible thing in the world, since if you ever make even the slightest mistake, you are forced to face the consequences ten times over.

Since everyone knows you, it only takes one person to spread around some rumor and turn you into a laughing stock the very next day.

For that reason and that reason only, I decided to remain as anonymous as I could when I moved here, and only make friends with the more quiet types. But my strong will to overpower everyone got the best of me, and I ended up being the top student once again, and even joined a few clubs. I am part of the school's swim team, and I also host the reading club. I raise my hand whenever there's a task that the teacher needs doing, or whenever there's something to be organized.

And so I managed to stand out once again.

But since I had already experienced something like this in the past, this time I am determined not to make another mistake again. So naturally, the Sting ordeal got to me and scared me pretty bad, but I was happy to see it get resolved. I had asked him to take down the picture, and he did, even though a lot of people had already seen it. And anyways, that wasn't even close to the scandal I had once experienced, that drove me out of my family's home, and into the clutches of this city I know nothing about.

No mistakes. No flaws. No slip-ups. No errors.

I will be a perfection walking on two feet. The spitting image of organization. If you opened a dictionary, under the word 'splendid' you'd see a portrait of me. I will rip up this city's heart and tear it to shreds, making everyone remember the completeness that is Lucy Heartfilia.

I cannot allow myself to shame my family's name any longer, and I will most certainly not permit myself to make any more careless mistakes like back then; mistakes that ruined my life.

As of the moment I stepped into this city, I became perfect. And I will do anything in my power to keep it that way.

"Thank you, please come again," I said, watching the old lady leave the store with a book in her hands. I sighed loudly, feeling a bit weird being in the large shop all by myself like this.

I decided that since there seemed to be no customers around, it was a good time to come up with ideas for the New Years' Dance. Since we did a masquerade ball last year, I thought that we should go with something different for this one. But my idea jar was empty, and by the looks of it, I wasn't going to come up with anything soon.

Running a hand though my hair, I raked my brain for any sort of feedback, but no avail. Dry as a desert.

I was just about to google it like any other person would do, when I heard the door to the shop swing open at a rapid speed. Before I even got to say 'good evening', a blurry lump of red blocked my vision, and I was soon being held by the hands of a familiar young lady.

"Jellal's… girlfriend?" I mumble, my mind unable to think straight enough for me to remember her name.

"Bingo." She muttered, letting go of my arms to stare at me dead in the eyes. We held eye-contact for a solid minute, not even pausing when another customer entered the shop and started looking around. If it weren't for the counter separating us, I'm sure she would've killed me by now.

"How may I help you..?" I blurt out, surprising both of us. She raised a brow, before puffing out a cloud of air as if mocking me for doing my job even at a time like this.

"You can't help me." She said, "But you can help yourself." The pause she made was so long I wanted to ask her what was going on, but she beat me to it. "Help yourself, and tell me what you did to make Natsu so depressed."

"How would that help me?" I dared ask, trying to put on the toughest expression I could make.

"Well for instance, I will not bash your head on this counter." One look at her face told me she was not joking. I considered my options: 1. Try to act all high and mighty and get beat up, or 2. Give her a satisfying answer and maybe survive to see tomorrow.

"Where do you keep your watercolors?" The man that had entered earlier spoke up, and I thanked whoever was up there for interrupting the moment I shared with the red-haired she-devil. But my happiness was short-lived. I pointed out the direction to the customer, and returned to the girl patiently waiting for me in front of the counter.

"Well," I started, not sure what I should tell her. I decided to go with the truth after all. "He keeps bugging me even though I told him I'm not interested."

"He's just bugging you because he cares."

"Well maybe I don't want him to care?"

"Everybody wants somebody to care, Lucy."

"Not me!" I couldn't keep my voice down, "I just want people to mind their own business. Natsu as well. I don't want him to get involved with me in any sort of way. I know he's just trying to become my friend and all but—"

"Your friend?" Her eyes widened, and I think I saw some amusement inside. "You think he want to be your friend?"

"Friend or comrade or whatever, something like that. I know he has like a ton of friends and all that, and I don't plan on being one of them. It's nice of you to try and come here and force me to do it, but unfortunately, that won't work. I've decided a long time ago that I don't want to associate with him or anyone else for that matter. He should stick to his friends and I will stick to mine."

"But—"

"And you will stick to yours." I finished my speech.

But instead of the defeated expression I imagined her having, she smiled. "Isn't that what I'm doing right now? I'm sticking to my friends. And Natsu is one of them." Her angry expression softened, and she leaned her hands on the counter, "I can see that he wants to talk to you, but you keep pushing him out. He's a really nice guy, and he's been in a bad mood ever since yesterday. You saw what he was like in school today. That's not our normally cheerful Natsu."

"Erza, if I tell you to go eat a chicken soup, and eat it every day at least once, would you do it? Probably not. And I don't have the right to force you to take something you don't want. And what I don't want is Natsu's attention. So you can't make me take it." I saw that unresisting glace that notified me she had given up on trying to convince me.

"You're right." She smiled dryly, finally headed towards the door. "But answer me this: if it were some other person, would you treat them differently?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, thankful to have resolved this in a rather peaceful way. "No. Sting tried conversing with me too. And a lot of other people. But I just don't have the time for something like that right now. Why would I befriend people if I don't have any time to offer them? Wouldn't that be worse than what I'm doing right now?" I asked, getting a slight nod in approval, "My goal right now is to succeed in all the fields I'm interested in." I looked away from her, "And socializing is not one of them."

The door closed with a click. No angry slamming, no yelling, no shouting. My thoughts had finally reached her.

"Sorry for the wait sir; that will be $9,99."

As always, I ignored the countless texts Natsu had sent me, and instead focused on my homework the minute I got home. No time for resting. I have to make my family and myself proud, and I'm not going to achieve that with lying around.

I concentrated on the different uses of the quadric formula, trying to ignore the voice in the back of my head nagging me about the mistakes of my past.

I am not the type to dwell on the what ifs, but I'm not the type to completely forget who I was either.

I know it's wrong, but I feel only resentment and hatred when I think about the me from back then. I used to be so happy to be surrounded by people that I never really stopped to think if they were happy to be with me. I thought the positive energy I carried was enough to fill them up, but I never really knew just how empty they were. But some people like it that way. They like being empty. And as soon as someone filled with joy and excitement wants to fill them up, they start feeling bothered.

I never knew that all those people I called friends were actually glad whenever I screwed up. They were happy if I failed. Happy to see the 'walking perfection' stumble before their eyes. It made them feel good to see that I wasn't always the professional I pretended to be.

They envied me.

I hurt them just by being close to them. I hurt people by being myself. I thought I was brightening up their day when I was in fact darkening it. Whenever I shone bright they would be overshadowed by me. Nobody saw their fleeting light.

But that might be a too conceited way to put it.

No, they just wanted to see me fail, as if that was an evidence that nobody was perfect.

I was just a project for everyone to see how upside down somebody's life could turn in one minute.

One moment you're the cutest nicest, sweetest girl in town, and the very next you're… disgusting.

Thinking about it just makes me feel disturbed by my own self.

Disregarding my homework, I rushed to the bathroom to take a quick hot shower. I want to wash off the disgusting feel of my body. I want to scrub away all the disgrace I feel when I look at myself in the mirror.

No, I am not a person that dwells on the what ifs.

But am I a person that forgets them?

Not in the slightest.

This is all my fault, I think to myself as I stare at the blank paper before me. I was the one who volunteered to organize the New Years' Dance without giving it a second thought. I had zero ideas when I started and I have zero ideas now, even though I've been sitting alone in the classroom for half an hour. All my classes ended, and today's the last day I have for submitting the theme to my homeroom teacher. I just have to come up with something quick on the spot, and go give it to him in the teacher's office.

But no matter how hard I try, no idea comes to my mind. Am I preoccupied with thoughts about who I used to be that I can't focus on who I am now? No, that's why I came here. To forget. And I was doing so well… I was doing so well until he tried talking to me. I was fine until he waited for me after class one day in the beginning of this school year, and asked—

"How are you?"

I was surprised. Any normal person would answer 'fine' or something like that, a few seconds after they'd hear the question. But to a person full of regrets like me, even something as small as that can trigger my emotions. I had barely kept quiet that moment. I was about to brake. But I didn't.

"I said," I rapidly turn my head to look towards the door, "How are you?"

Leaning on the doorframe, his hands crossed on his chest, and his head looking to the side hiding his embarrassment, he showed up once more. Why? Even though I warned him. Even though I talked to Erza… What will it take for him to leave? What will it take for me to push him away?

"Hey", I mumbled, looking down at my hands.

"Hey", he replied, the sound of his steps echoing in the empty classroom as he pulled a chair to sit across from me. I looked up right on time, to notice the dying rays of the setting sun shine a bright red on his skin, illuminating the eyes that had bored holes into mine lots of times before. His soul is shouting out questions that are tearing me apart. I don't hear them from my ears, I hear them through my eyes. I can hear the sounds of his mind working hard, trying to figure out what I was.

Instead of answering the questions his mouth was yet to ask, I decided to use one of my own.

"Why are you here?"

It's a small miracle that I am able to tear my eyes apart from his, and instead focus on the empty sheet on the desk. I watch his hands play with the pen I had left from the lack of inspiration.

"I volunteered to help you plan this party, didn't I?" He asked quietly, and I nodded. "I also have something I want to talk to you about."

"I see." I mumbled, bothered by his latter statement. I couldn't seem to catch a break. He seemed to notice that I wasn't feeling quite so up to the interrogation he was planning to give me, so he smiled instead.

"But first, let's plan the best dance this school will ever have."

Author's Notes: Oooooh it's getting exciting.

What did Gajeel tell Natsu? Why is Natsu here? Is he finally going to give up on Lucy? Who knows~? I do hohoho

I hope you liked it, more is coming soon!

Thanks for reading,

~With keys, through flames! Aye!~