Elliot walks back up the stairs, ignoring his neighbors' bemused looks as he tries his best to dodge the debris on the ground. As he climbs the stairs he can't help but be a little proud of himself. He told her how he felt. How he feels.
Sure it was in the middle of the street while he was barefeet and after his daughter had just caught them in a compromising position but even though it wasn't worthy of a scene from a Nicholas Sparks novel, he was happy he did it.
As soon as he hits the threshold of his door, his daughter is waiting with her arms folded and an amused expression on her face.
"I don't want to hear it Mo," he hobbles to the chair looking down at his feet to see what he stepped on.
"Dad. Oh my god. That was Olivia. You and Olivia were making out on your couch," she shrieks with the enthusiasm of a teenager. Paying her no mind, he removes the penny from his foot and makes his way to the bathroom for a towel with Maureen hot on his heels.
"I mean it looks like you guys were about to-"
"Maureen!" he turns abruptly, instantly stopping her sentence.
She throws her hands up in surrender but the silence is short lived. "Sooooooooo….."
Elliot wipes off his feet, locates his slippers and walks back into the living room. "So about your key."
Grabbing the remote, he sits down on the sofa making himself comfortable and trying to look overly busy so he can ignore his nosey daughter. The basketball game has gone off, a soap opera on instead. Even he can't act interested in that.
"You told me you and Pippa had broken up. I can't be held accountable because you bounced back so quick. And bounced you did."
His stomach starts to growl, the aroma from the sandwiches she had brought over catching his attention. He begins to unwrap one still trying to avoid her questions but he makes the mistake of glancing over at her and his smile is inevitable.
Maureen is on the edge of her seat literally looking like a child who can't wait to open her Christmas presents.
Resigning himself to his fate, he chuckles and shakes his head. "What do you want to know?"
"What was she doing here? Are you guys together? She forgave you? Oh my god was this the first time you guys were-"
"Whoa whoa whoa," he puts his hand up to stop her and then takes a bite of the Turkey club. "Don't get beside yourself. I'm willing to divulge but I'm still your dad and there's only so much you and I are going to discuss."
"Ugh fine. So tell me what you can tell me." She wipes her hand on the napkin and listens intently.
Elliot blows out a deep breath, skimming his mind on what is and isn't appropriate to tell his child about his "love life."
"She wanted more of an explanation about why I was gone and why I didn't keep in touch. I was as honest with her as I could possibly be. I even told her how you guys wanted to reach out to her but I told you to give her some space."
Maureen's eyes cast down and he knows she's reliving one of the few disagreements they had about their contact, or lack thereof with Olivia. She takes another bite of her sandwich, and sips her soda as she listens to him talk.
"She told me about how she felt and I really think I got through to her. That she understands why I stayed away."
"Apparently," she replies sarcastically, quickly covering her mouth. "Sorry."
"Anyway and that was that."
Maureen throws her napkin onto the table, settling back into the chair opposite him and crosses her leg. "So what was that mad fifty yard dash about just then?"
The smile on his face gives him away but he doesn't divulge the details. "I just had something I forgot to tell her. That's all."
Maureen smiles back seeing the obvious happiness on his face. "Good for you dad."
"Thanks."
"She looks good. I don't know what I was expecting considering," her eyes cast down again in discomfort. "But either way she looks good. I can't wait to see her again."
Elliot chuckles, shaking his head in amusement. There was no use in trying to talk her out of it because he was sure that her mind was made up. If anything he just hoped that it wouldn't be too much for Olivia. His goal was not to overtake her life especially when he could tell that she was vulnerable. "Hey, do me a favor."
"What's that?" she asks removing the mustard from her lip.
"Just take it a little easy with her. She's got a lot going on between balancing her work and Noah and just everything. Ok? I don't want you and your sisters bombarding her."
"Us?" she held her hand to her chest in mock offense. "Would we ever do something like that?"
The obvious delight dancing in her eyes and he chuckles again.
"Maureen?"
"I hear you dad. Seriously. I won't bother her. I'll give her a little while. Test the waters a little bit you know? Don't you worry. I got this. So what's her phone number?"
Her confidence was hilarious. Elliot lays his head on the back of the sofa, his arm draped over his face. "Oh god."
"You may as well give it to me. I would hate to have to hack your contacts and get it."
His head lifts in disbelief, eyes squinting at her. "Hack my contacts? How would you manage that?"
"It's called iCloud. You know nothing about it but I'm the one who set up your phone remember? I know all the passwords so just make it easy on yourself."
Defeated, he lays back on the sofa again while Maureen goes through his phone programming Olivia's number into hers.
His mind starts to wander back to those moments before. Right here on this couch. It had all escalated so quickly. One minute he was looking into her eyes and the next-
Jolting up instantly, he scrubs his hand down his face trying to rid himself of the memory. The last thing he needs is for his body to react while his daughter was sitting across from him. Speaking of his daughter…
"Wait who are you calling?" he asks reaching for her phone when he hears it ringing but she dodges him and stands up. "I told you not to bother her right now."
"I'm not," she squeals and holds his hand back off her as he approaches. "Hey Katie."
Elliot exhales in relief momentarily while Maureen walks to the fridge and grabs a bottle of water and hands him a beer. "Here. Calm yourself a little."
Pulling the receiver back to her ear she continues to talk and Elliot pops the cap to the beer. "You will never guess what just happened. Dad was making out with Liv on the sofa. I walked in and caught them pawing at each other. Yep. That Liv."
He rolls his eyes at the exaggeration but maybe it wasn't an exaggeration after all. When she was beneath him as much as he had tried to maintain some control and revel in the moment, he felt his restraint slipping.
Elliot scoffs as he hears his daughters talk back and forth with Maureen eventually putting Kathleen on speaker. "Dad, give us details how long has this been going on? Are you guys together now?"
Maureen speaks up before he has a chance. "Oh please don't say those words or he gets all worked up. Despite the heavy makeout sesh it looks like they are taking it slow. Am I right?"
"Jesus when did I become a part of a teenage girl slumber party. Is this what you guys do? Sit around and break down every little detail?"
They both giggle and she slaps his knee. "Actually there would probably be nail polish, Ice cream and an alcoholic beverage or two involved."
He takes another swig of his beer shaking his head. "Okay well it was nice talking to you Kathleen."
"Nice talking to me? Ha," she blows him off and he can hear the shuffling in the background. "Mo how much longer are you going to be there?"
Maureen looks at her watch. "I can hang out for a bit. I don't have much else to do." The sound of her feet on his coffee table echo across the room and he swats them down.
"Perfect," Kathleen responds. "I'm going to grab some Ice cream and I'll be right over."
Maureen hangs up the phone and continues to eat her sandwich completely ignoring Elliot's prying eyes. "You two aren't serious."
"About what?" she asks innocently.
"Do you really think we are going to sit around, eat Ice cream and talk about my love life?"
"Do you want me to call her back and tell her to bring nail polish too because I thought you weren't into that sort of thing."
Elliot laughs again, a truly hearty laughter that was slowly starting to enter his life again. The affection for his children filling his heart. This relationship he had with them was like a new beginning in and of itself. Those years in SVU, the moments he missed. They were continuing to rediscover each other all over again. The past couple of years had been good to them but he still never took for granted any chance that they initiated spending time with him. There had been various moments that triggered impromptu get togethers but this time was something else.
More.
His kids had gone through their own grieving process over the years at the change in him and wanted to reach out to Olivia. Not only when he was in distress but when they heard she was as well. For all the dark times they endured over the years both separately and together, now Olivia had managed to bring joy not just back into his life but the lives of his children. In her own way she had managed to save him once again. By helping him to build the bridge that led him back to the ones that he loved most.
It should've been a crime really. No one that has been shot, stabbed, thrown through glass, knocked out and every other injury she could think of and middle aged should look as good as Elliot.
Damn.
Every edge and contour of his chiseled chest was embedded in her memory. The imprint of his fingertips still burned hot on her skin. Her face flushed red, a mist of perspiration lining her brow. Her drive back to the 1-6 was marred with feelings that traveled through every inch of her body radiating to her core so much so that she had to clench her thighs a few times to stop the ache.
It all happened so fast. She hadn't meant to come over there and for anything to happen other than to get answers. Her therapy session had put more on her mind as if she wasn't already on overload. Her brain close to short circuiting.
Then he said those words.
He loved her.
Correction. He loves her.
The feeling wasn't completely surprising if she was being truly honest with herself, but the declaration certainly was. Elliot was always a man of few words. Brooding. Introverted. Qualities not unlike her own even though she manifested it differently.
To actually hear the words mixed with his overt physical desire for her was staggering. Paralyzing.
It was a fog when she needed to see clearly.
An obstacle when she needed to dart straight through the course.
No matter how good he made her feel she had to keep her focus. There was one decision she had made. Elliot would continue to be in her life. It's in what capacity that was the question. And not one that needed an immediate answer.
Dr. Lindstrom's words echo in her head.
It's okay to put yourself and your well being first. That doesn't make you a horrible mother. You can't be a good mother, a good squad leader or a good anything to anybody if you aren't good to yourself.
Having sex with Elliot would be good. Damn good. Every fiber of her being told her that. Now and even years ago when she didn't have the right to think about it she couldn't help the fantasies that crept in more often than not.
But taking that step now may do more harm than good. And she was still dating someone else. Or something like that. The whole situation with Ed was in the air as well.
Pulling into her assigned parking spot, she rests her hand against her forehead and exhales.
Why did he have to have such an effect on her? Mentally and physically. She had been so wet for him. So ready. So vulnerable.
Her body awakened in a way it hadn't been in years. The opportunity was there with Ed but it was obvious to her that she didn't have the level of physical attraction to him she has with Elliot. There was something there otherwise she wouldn't have continued to see him. The companionship and stability that he offered something she needed in the wake of losing the people close to her and-
Shit. Now she was comparing them. As if the situation couldn't get any more uncomfortable and bizarre.
She opens the door and works to clear her head as she walks into the building. The second she got off the elevator she was met by Dodds.
"Hey we just had a call come in. I just sent Rollins and Carisi on it."
Olivia looks down at her phone as he follows her into her office. "Why didn't I get a call? And what was it?"
"It came directly to me," he answers and she stops in her tracks awaiting a further explanation. "I was already on a call with one of the guys from the 2-7 about something else, the crime was reported by one of their officers and-look anyway it was a rape and possible burglary. No forced entry. There are two other roommates who we can't find at the moment."
She begins to walk again ignoring the tension between them. Working with the son of the Deputy Chief was something she was still trying to get used to and Dodds impending retirement made her feel a little better that maybe he wasn't stacking information against her.
"So we have the name and descriptions of the roommates I assume?"
"Yes they should be calling me back with the details anytime now," he looks down at his phone that begins to vibrate.
"Put it on speaker," she commands.
"Hey Rollins I'm here with the Lieutenant. What we got?"
Rollins runs off the details. 22 year old victim Pilar Sandoval raped and strangled. The perps tried to make it look like a robbery but it's clear that it wasn't. Something they've seen a million times. Inside job no doubt. "Let me guess. Both roommates in the wind?"
"Well no not exactly. One of them 21 year old Mia Rodriguez works at a cleaners and up until an hour ago she was actually there. The other one Stassi Kimball. No sign of her."
"Ok you guys finish up there. Dodds, you and Fin go check out where Rodriguez works. I'll stay here and dig up what I can on Kimball."
Dodds gives her a strange look for a brief second but nods his head in compliance. Hanging up his phone, he's at the threshold of her door when he turns around and watches her for a moment.
Olivia looks at him over the top of her glasses. "Everything ok?"
"Yeah," he stumbles for a bit. "Is everything ok with you? I mean you know that call coming in to me was no big deal it was a coincidence really."
She shrugs. "No I get it. Something else bothering you?"
His posture is a little more stiff than usual. "It's just that usually you are ready to get right out there with us. Just a little shocked you are hanging back that's all."
In the midst of everything she hadn't really noticed the change. Due to being short staffed she had been in the field way more than Cragen but then again before Nick left and she was fully staffed she still preferred to be out there in the thick of things. That's what she was used to. Today she wanted to sit back and delegate for a change. She was just as useful there behind the desk as she would've been out there. Her squad was more than capable of handling whatever they needed to.
"It's called delegation. Hey, I had to learn it sometime right?"
Dodds gives her an understanding smile and heads out.
Before she gets started running names through VICAP and doing the research she's
done a million times before she picks up her phone to make a very important call.
It rings twice before she hears a voice on the other end. "Hey Lucy. What are the the two of you up to?"
Noah is babbling in the background and she can hear what sounds like blocks toppling over. Her living room is constantly covered with them and she snickers to herself hearing what she assumes is Lucy bending down to pick them up. "He's playing with his favorite blocks and we just finished going through his book of words. He's getting really good at identifying everything."
Olivia's mouth is in a thin line and she swallows back a drop of disappointment. It's something that the teachers at his daycare and Lucy has been working with him on. She's had time once or twice to help him but once again her schedule got in the way.
"That's really good to hear," she answers simply and ignores the little piece of guilt that threatens to creep up. "Can I talk to him for a second?"
"Sure, hold on. Here's mommy."
After a second she hears Noah shuffling around with the phone. "Hi sweetie."
"Hi Mommy. I play with blocks," he says excitedly.
"I heard. I miss you. Are you being a good boy for Lucy?"
"Yep!"
She giggles at his quick answer which usually means the opposite. "Ok well Mommy will be home later okay?"
"Ooookayyyyy," he drags out.
"I love you. Be good."
"I love you. Be good," he parrots her and she laughs again. Despite her fears about being a bad parent these are the times she needs to just breathe and give herself a break. He's healthy. He's happy. He's thriving. And in Eliot's words that bring a smile to her face, he's alive. It's all ok.
An hour later, Olivia is deep into pulling everything she can on the suspects and thinks she finds something interesting when her phone rings.
"Benson."
"That's the only greeting I get? Thought you missed me."
Laughing, she removes her glasses setting them down on her desk. Leaning back in her chair and crossing her legs, she switches the phone to the other ear and gets comfortable. "Barba. Just where the hell have you been?"
Author's Note: Barba's here! And thanks again to everyone for all of the kind words in the reviews. Means a lot.