The next day, Mia Rodriguez was found at a friend's house a mile away from the cleaners. Fin and Rollins questioned her for hours with Olivia watching the interrogation. Mia revealed that she and Stassi had dated at one point and broke up because of her relationship with Pilar. Pilar moved in with them and she and Mia became involved behind Stassi's back but recently decided to be In a relationship. Stassi was still unaccounted for and Mia had an alibi for the crime.

"This is a mess," Olivia comments turning down the volume to the interrogation room.

"Lesbian love triangle," Barba shakes his head. "The press is going to have a field day with this one. So we really think Mia had nothing to do with it?"

"Look at her she's completely distraught," she says sitting down at her desk. "My gut tells me no."

Carisi and Rollins walk in from interrogation with a folder on Stassi's background. "Crazy hunh?" Amanda says handing the folder to Olivia who puts her glasses on to read. "Stassi Kimball born in Louisiana, a few priors for simple assault. Nothing big."

"So what are we thinking? Stassi hired someone to do this?" Barba asks.

"Apparently she has some sheisty connections to a gang here locally. Mia says there were some guys in and out the house a lot and her and Pilar were thinking about moving into their own place," Rollins reports.

"I should hope so," Barba replies with his usual sass. "Can she identify any of these men?"

Carisi nods.

"So we have nothing basically?" He asks and everyone looks at him apologetically. "Welcome back indeed."

Olivia instructs the team to keep looking for Stassi and have Mia work with a sketch artist. There was no DNA at the crime scene and the fingerprints could be explained away if the men were in the house on a regular basis.

"Never gets easier does it," Barba remarks looking at the crime scene photos. "This was brutal. They ripped this woman apart. All possibly because of a stupid love triangle. How hard can it be to just make a damn decision about who you want to be with?"

Olivia stills for a second and it doesn't go unnoticed.

"You ok?"

She takes the glasses from her head, her bottom lip sucked in while she thinks over what to say. It's only been a couple of weeks since she's seen him and so much has changed since then.

"Yeah," she sighs.

"Come on," he puts the folder in his briefcase and grabs the brown jacket that perfectly matches his slacks and suspenders. Always dressed to perfection.

"Where are we going?"

"Let's go grab a quick drink. Usual spot. By the time we get back they should be done with the sketch artist."

"And Mia?"

Looking over to the distraught woman he answers, "Cut her loose. She has an alibi. We can't hold her."

Olivia exhales and sits back in the chair, her fingers interlocking behind her head.

"Umm did you hear me? Let's get out of here."

"You saw this. This case is all over the place. Now's not the time to leave."

"That's actually what makes it a perfect time. Come on."

Barba starts to walk out ahead of her and she smiles as silhouette disappears towards the elevators. He doesn't know her more than anyone else but he knows her well enough to know that she will follow. And she does.

Twenty minutes later, they are sitting at Barba's favorite bar where he orders his usual. Bourbon on the rocks.

"And what will you have Miss?" The bartender asks placing a napkin in front of her.

"Just water for now."

Barba's eyebrow flies up. Bemused, he sets his cup down and watches her closely. "Water? After what we just heard in there today? I would think you wanted something a little stronger."

She shrugs off his statement.

The bartender places a small tumbler of water in front of her. "Thanks."

Barba's eyes bore a hole into her profile but she keeps her eyes straight. Trying to focus on anything but him.

Talking about her problems is never easy for her. It was even hard for her to open up when she sought therapy. After awhile she got used to spending an hour three times a week in the comfortable chair in Dr. Lindstroms office, spouting off any and everything that happened to be on her mind that day. Thankfully he guided the discussion to focus on one issue at a time

For as much as she and Barba got together they didn't talk about much that was personal. The conversation revolved around cases and the fallout surrounding them. But tonight, she wanted to talk to him on a different level.

Staring down at her fingers, she finally spoke up. "Do you think I drink too much?"

His mouth freezes on his glass for a fraction of a second, but he quickly recovers. "Do you think you drink too much?"

She shrugs, turning her body slightly to meet his eyes. "Sometimes. I don't know."

He nods but doesn't say anything else. She waits for him to ask why? Or ask anything but there's something in his silence that she can't quite read. It pushes her to talk more.

"I've been seeing Tucker."

Barba sputters into his glass and she can't help but laugh at his reaction.

"Wow. As in Ed Tucker from IAB?"

"Yeah," she sighs taking a drink of her water.

"As in Ed Tucker from IAB who has gone after pretty much every member of your squad including you. That Ed Tucker," he says more pointedly. The disbelief sprawled across his face.

"As in Ed Tucker-"

"Yes," she rolls her eyes. "That Ed Tucker."

Maybe this was a mistake. They weren't going to be able to talk about this and he remain objective.

"Ok yeah," he lifts the glass of brown liquid to his lips again. "I do think you drink too much."

Her head jerks to look at him in shock and disbelief and she sees the small smile dancing on the edge of his lips. "You sonofabitch."

Barba snickers, draining the rest of his drink and sets the glass down on the wooden bar. He motions to the bartender again. "I'm going to need another drink if you are not only going to talk to me about something personal but something personal with Ed Tucker."

Olivia exhales in relief. He was joking around with her so that was a good sign. Ed was never going to win any popularity contests with anyone she worked with, the result of a long and complicated history that she tried to ignore but was staring her in the face the more people she confided in.

"So what's the deal? Trouble in paradise?"

"Well-"

"Wait. How long has this been going on?" he asks stopping her in her tracks, pivoting his body completely to face her.

"A couple of months."

"A couple of months?" he repeats. "How have you managed to keep this a secret?"

She shrugs again. "How does anyone keep anything secret I guess? We just kept everything at work very professional."

He grows quiet again and she can see the wheels in his head turning. Not around for much of her and Ed's tumultuous past, his strong reaction makes things even more clear.

"That's not even the worst part I guess," she gets the bartender's attention and orders a sweet tea. "My old partner is back in town too. He was dating Pippa and then I ran into them when they were meeting for a date and now we have...reconnected I guess."

"Reconnected?"

Checking her phone to make sure she hasn't missed any messages, she continues. "Reconnected as in his daughter walked in on us about to have sex."

Barba scoffs and shakes his head. He knew of Elliot. A few rumors in the DA's office and moreso during Lewis' trial when he used it to taunt her on the witness stand. "Only you would decide to go sober at a time like this. I don't see how you are doing it."

It's meant as a joke. It's obvious by his tone that she has been able to read over the few years they've known each other but it's a serious matter to her. All things considering.

"I don't see how either but I need to. I need to show myself that I'm not relying on drinks to dull anything I don't need to feel completely."

"Liv I didn't mea-"

"No," she puts up her hand to stop him. "I know you didn't mean anything by it. It's just important to me because of reasons," she doesn't elaborate. They've never talked about Serena and she doesn't think they ever will. He knows there is more to the story but doesn't push her on it and she respects that.

"Ok so dating Tucker, almost sleeping with your old partner and worried about possible but not probable alcoholism. Anything else I miss while I was out?"

That earns a hearty laugh from her. "Nope that about covers it."

"Well I guess I don't have to tell you about all the conflicts of interest or issues that could come of you dating a Captain in IAB. I assume you two haven't disclosed."

She gives him a knowing look.

"Ok then. And there is also the small detail of him being your ex-boyfriend's boss," he reminds her and she rolls her eyes.

"Ex-boss. Brian doesn't work in IAB anymore."

"Well yeah but still. I'm assuming Brian doesn't know...or anyone?"

"Elliot knows."

"Well of course," he replies. "And he's dating Pippa."

"Used to date," she corrects him holding up her index finger. "He broke it off with her."

Barba laughs and shakes his head in amusement while sipping from his glass. "Damn. You definitely keep things interesting. I'll say that." They sit in silence for a few seconds before he speaks up. "So I'm guessing since you almost slept with Elliot that things aren't working out so well with you and Tucker."

That's the understatement of the year.

"Something like that. It's all just a mess I guess."

"You guess?" he challengers her. "You told me yourself that Tucker had it in for you and him back in the day. If they meet up or something that could be a disaster."

"There's no reason they would," she convinces herself. Would they? No. There's no reason the two of them would have to cross paths.

They continue to talk for the next hour about her concerns with balancing the squad and motherhood. He listens intently, the appreciation for her opening up something about herself written all over his face. Their friendship was valuable to him, a camaraderie that grew over the years and solidified during the Lewis trial. At one point she had been scared to death that Lewis would get off yet again but it was Barba who was able to finally put him away.

"So what's your advice?" she asks checking the time again knowing she has to get back to the station house soon.

"My advice. You don't need advice from me. I think you know what you need to do. You're a smart cookie."

Olivia presses her lips together, obviously not satisfied with his advice. "After everything I've laid on you tonight that's all you have for me."

"Honestly. I don't know how you've done it for as long as you have with everything you have on your shoulders. And then I just remember you are you. You've survived much worse and you always pull through," he says the words so simply as if it's nothing but it means everything to her. "If you were an alcoholic or something you would know. If it makes you uncomfortable to drink right now then don't but it doesn't mean you can't have a glass of wine or two to unwind. Hell with our jobs it's damn near a prerequisite," he jokes.

"Yeah," she mutters beginning to collect her belongings.

"As far as Noah and everything you are doing fine there too. He's a happy kid. Do you really think he's better off in the orphanage than with you? I don't have kids so I can't give you much advice on that."

"Elliot says I shouldn't put so much pressure on myself and that every parent feels like a failure at some point. That it's normal," she explains. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she crosses her leg at the ankle thinking back to their conversation in the car.

"Sounds like he gave you some good advice," he assures her. "What did Ed say?"

Olivia looks guilty for a moment and begins to fidget with her phone again. "I haven't talked to him about it."

"Why not?"

There were a ton of reasons. It had actually never dawned on her to confide her vulnerabilities and concerns to him although he was the main person that endured the consequences of them it seemed. He was with her all those nights in the bar when she drowned her stress a little too much in glasses of wine.

Ed was the only person outside of work that she had been spending time with but still he knew nothing about the turmoil that lay beneath the surface. He assumed it was all about her PTSD and in a lot of ways it was. But some of it was just life and how it tied in with her recovery or lack thereof.

"I just haven't I guess. Didn't want to kill the mood," she simplifies the reasoning. "I just needed the escape and to have fun with someone without all of the real life creeping in."

"So that's what it is? Just something to have fun. Ed doesn't seem like a real fun guy."

She snickers. "He has his moments."

"I bet," he counters sarcastically.

Truly he was just a distraction. A nice distraction, but a distraction nonetheless. Maybe it was something she had always known but at that instant it had become crystal clear. While he had not been the nicest to her over the years, his tactics less than above board, she still didn't believe he deserved to be used. And if he did she wouldn't be the one to do it. The guilt of almost sleeping with Elliot while he was still in the picture was already weighing on her. Committed to him or not she wasn't going to make matters worse.

"Well anyway. Thanks for the talk," she pats him on the back.

"Thanks for talking."

Later that evening, Olivia sits in her car outside a small Italian restaurant. Her vision is more clear. Her talk with Barba mixed with everything else making what she needs to do inevitable. The rain beats down on the car, almost obstructing her view of everything. At first she was waiting for it to slow down a bit before she went inside so she wouldn't get soaked. Then she realizes there is no need to go inside and sit through an uncomfortable dinner. She has a strong feeling that what they need to discuss may not be suitable for inside close quarters.

Getting restless, she pulls her phone out of her coat pocket and texts him to let him know that she was still inside the car and there was an empty spot next to her. He responds almost immediately to let her know that he was pulling in.

Two minutes later, she barely sees his blue Ford four door pull in next to her. Her nerves begin to take over and she takes a deep breath, blowing the air out throw an O shape she forms with her lips. His hands touch her door handle and he scurries in to avoid the rain.

"Shit," Ed curses as he slams the door harder than he intends. The water glistens across his silver hair and slides down the back and sides of his black coat. "It's probably going to be awhile before this ends. Aren't you hungry? We can make a run for it."

Olivia shakes her head and wills herself to meet his eyes. This shouldn't be difficult. It was only a matter of time. But there was something about ending things in her life that seemed more difficult than they used to be. Her breakups with Kurt, Andy, Nick and other men she dated for a short period of time were short and to the point. The breakup with David was hard because she had began to fall in love with him so it made sense. But since Lewis, ending anything not just relationships seem different. More permanent. More indicative of something bigger, but necessary all the same.

Finally she meets his eyes and he squints them for a split second, huffs and puts his head down.

"You have no intention of going in there do you?" he asks and she hears the defeat in his tone.

"We need to talk."

Ed chuckles bitterly and shakes his head in understanding. Never one to mince words, he gets right down to it. "Just say it Olivia."

"We need to end this," she responds softly.

Sighing, he lays back against the headrest for a second to gather himself before jolting back up to look at her again. "You're choosing Stabler. Should've known."

"No. I'm not," she declares confidently. "I'm choosing me."

He laughs sarcastically and pulls his coat tighter. "Choosing you? So ending things with me does that how exactly? Are you really going to sit here and act like Stabler has nothing to do with this?"

There was no use in lying. "This isn't all about Elliot. I don't know what if anything will happen with that but I can tell you that right now I need to focus on me. I've got a lot of shit I need to work out."

"Like what? You told me you were going to therapy after what happened with Utley. You told me you were fine."

"But I'm not," she tells him and the tears well up in her eyes. Quickly, she blinks them back. "Not really but I'm getting there."

"Why didn't you tell me? How was I supposed to know?" he rasps and she can hear the frustration and hurt in his voice. It's almost too much. As irrational as it seems, there's a part of her that's bothered that he didn't just know her well enough to know there was a problem. She had been drinking more than normal, her smiles not meeting her eyes. But logically there's no way he could've known. They've known each other for almost twenty years but they didn't really know each other. There was a distinct difference.

"I just couldn't talk about it. I've been seeing Lindstrom again and-"

"When did you stop? You had to see him to get cleared to return to work right?"

"Yeah but I stopped once I got cleared," she explains. "I started going back because everything just got….too much."

Olivia clears her throat and starts to gather her thoughts. She's not explaining this as clear as it is in her head.

"Ed when we started this it was out of nowhere. I didn't expect to like you especially after...everything."

He sighs audibly and scrubs his hand down his face. "So we are back here again?"

"No," she counters. "It's not about that."

"I thought we moved past that," he continues as if he hadn't heard a word she said. "I was doing my job. I know it came off like I had a vendetta against you and Stabler-"

"You did though. You did." She wasn't going to go there but If he was going to press the issue then she has to address it. "I'm not saying it was just us but there's something that makes you out to prove that people are just always lying to you or covering something up."

There was a flash of something on his face but it was gone in an instant. "And you've already admitted that you handled things with Elliot differently because you felt he was holding me back. This isn't grade school where you pull my pigtails and push me down just to show me you like me. You put us through hell," her voice rises.

"I know sometimes it came off harsh but I never came after you guys just out of the blue. When that whole situation came up when I arrested you there was DNA evidence. DNA evidence Olivia," he slaps his hands together to emphasize his point. "I didn't just arrest you for no reason."

"Yeah there was DNA evidence but you lied to me about Elliot turning against me, you taunted me about therapy and possibly being sexually assaulted as a motive and instead of having me surrender paraded me through the squad room floor for all of my coworkers to see."

"Are you serious Olivia?" He jerks his head to the side and squints his eyes in disbelief. "Are we going to go through every single incident where you feel like I wronged you and Stabler?"

"No we aren't because if we did it would only make matters worse and you would come out on the losing end," she defends herself. "Besides quit making this all about Elliot. You sent Brian out on a damn suicide mission while he worked for you."

"Ok you got me," he holds his hands up in surrender. "I'm a cold hearted son of a bitch. You happy now? That make you feel better about ending this? About kissing your old partner when you and I are supposed to be seeing each other?"

Olivia freezes and her eye contact breaks from his for a second. Just long enough for him to notice.

"Are you sleeping with him?" He asks quietly.

"What?" She asks as if it's so unbelievable especially considered what happened the day before. "No I'm not sleeping with him. This isn't about that."

"You're right. It's about strolling down memory lane of every wrong thing I've done to you over the years."

"No it's not," she clarifies. The last thing she wants to do is relive every run in they've had for years. Not only because it was counterproductive but also because it would make her feel like more of a fool for getting involved with him in the first place. Some things you just can't or shouldn't ignore. "It's about the fact that I need to get my life together. Period. I never dealt with everything that happened to me. Not the right way."

It's the best explanation she can give him without going into too much detail about how she got Noah and then everything else just got shoved to the side.

Ed was shutting down and it was clear he didn't want to hear it anyway.

"Well," he sighs bitterly and pulls his keys from his pocket. "I hope you deal with it all the right way," he repeats. Although there is a hint of sarcasm it also seems genuine.

"Thank you."

They sit for a few seconds that seem like minutes when she finally notices the rain has stopped.

Ed smacks his lips together and reaches for the door handle. "Well I guess that's it."

Her mind whirls as if she should say something else. Anything. Maybe thank him for being what she needed at the time but didn't know. A welcome distraction from life and companionship when she thought she needed it. But the truth was there was nothing left to say.

"Yeah I guess it is."

His back turns to her as he gets ready to exit the car before he stops again and faces her. "Take care of yourself Olivia."

She presses her lips firmly together in a grateful smile. "You too."

Olivia watches as he gets into his car and pulls off. Leaning her head against the headrest she lets out a sigh of relief. It hadn't been awful. Awkward for sure, tense at times but that was to be expected. A weight had been lifted. In spite of his antics over the years she had no intention of leading him on when there wasn't a hope of a future between them.

She sits a few minutes longer just being.

Breathing.

Taking the time for herself that she continues to revel in. It's just a few minutes. Not much. But something she so desperately needs. Fleetingly, she people watches a little while at the couples going in and out of the restaurant. Some happy, some looking as if they are just going through the motions. It reminds her of stakeouts years ago when she and Elliot would sit back and make random comments about people to pass the time in the car. Focusing on anything else to avoid talking about something else. Something much bigger.

Now she sits in her car alone watching the world pass by but something's changed. She doesn't feel the least bit lonely.

Pulling her phone from her pocket she dials the first number in her favorites list.

"Hey Lucy...yeah change of plans I'll be home earlier than I expected," she tells her while starting up the car. She hears her son babbling in the background, full of energy even though it's getting late. Hearing his voice brings a smile to her face.

"Tell Noah Mommy's on the way home."