Sometime Between the Collectorship and Reaper IFF Missions of Mass Effect 2
"My father got me the best genes money could buy. Guess it wasn't enough."
It didn't come as a surprise to Shepard that Miranda had brought up her genetic tailoring again. The way the conversation they had been having was going, it was only a matter of time before she did. He had stopped by Miranda's XO quarters to have a one-on-one chat with her. It was something he made an effort to do with all of his squadmates in order to build a friendly rapport they could take into battle together. This particular conversation started off with Miranda apologizing to Shepard for the initial doubt she had made no effort to hide regarding Shepard's ability to command their mission against the Collectors. She even commented that she wished that Cerberus had recruited Shepard sooner. Shepard silently wished that she wouldn't have said that. It made it seem like he was working for Cerberus, which was far from the truth. He took that moment to remind her that while he did trust her, he still didn't trust Cerberus because of what he saw in the Cerberus bases he shut down during his hunt for Saren. Unfortunately Miranda still wouldn't change her view on Cerberus. Shepard admired her loyalty but he wished that she would see she was putting it towards something terrible.
The conversation turned towards Miranda's genes when Shepard commented that the best thing the Illusive Man had done was put her on his squad. After replying that Shepard would have done fine without her, Miranda admitted that she was beginning to believe she didn't have the fire Shepard had that made people willing to follow him into hell itself. It was a strange sight for Shepard to see Miranda doubting herself. He could only guess her doubts were made even stronger by the fact that her personal mission to rescue her sister Oriana had nearly failed because of the unexpected betrayal committed by her close friend Niket. From what Shepard could tell from Miranda's last statement, she was now starting to believe her father's attempts to make her perfect through genetic modification had failed. Shepard hated to see any of his friends like this and knew he needed to do something fast to build Miranda's spirits up. The best way he could think to do that was to find out what it was that really bothered her about her modifications.
"You always bring up your genetic tailoring," he said while he got up and moved behind Miranda who was gazing out her room's window, "it really bothers you doesn't it?"
"This is what I am Shepard," Miranda answered while she bowed her head somewhat ashamed, "I can't hide it. The intelligence, the looks even the biotics. He paid for all of that. Every one of your accomplishments is due to your skill. The only things I can take credit for are my mistakes."
Now it all made sense to Shepard. Miranda's doubts were coming from the fact that she credited her successes to her father because he gave her the skills she used to accomplish them. Considering how much she hated what her father did to her, having to give him credit for all she had accomplished with her life would definitely frustrate her. This was the opening Shepard was looking for to help Miranda get her confidence back.
"I can't admire your body or your mind?" he asked. "You give your father too much credit. Yeah he gave you gifts but you can be proud of what you've done with them."
Miranda's head slowly rose back up as she said with a slightly surprised tone, "oh, thank you."
Shepard smiled. His pep talk had worked. Miranda now understood that she was the one who was responsible for her successes, not just her mistakes. Convinced his work was done, he started to excuse himself. Before he could get a word out though, Miranda had turned to face him and spoke first.
"Perhaps I wouldn't mind if you admired my body," she teased.
The smile on Shepard's face vanished quickly and his facial color almost turned completely red with embarrassment. The conversation had taken a turn to somewhere he had no intention of taking it. While he did think Miranda was an attractive woman and he had grown to care for her as a friend, he couldn't take their relationship further than that because his heart longed for someone else, Operations Chief Ashley Williams. Miranda no doubt knew of the relationship Shepard had with Ashley before he had died and was brought back to life by Cerberus two years later. She was even there on Horizon when Shepard had met Ashley for the first time since his resurrection. The reunion was a less than happy one. Shepard tried to keep a straight face after they left Horizon but it was possible Miranda could tell that Ashley had broken his heart when she called him a traitor and chose not to join him on his mission. He figured that was why Miranda seemed to be pursuing him. As far as she and probably most of the Normandy crew knew, Shepard's relationship with Ashley was officially over.
Then Shepard's mood eventually improved. The crew thought it was because he was now focusing solely on the mission and putting what happened with Ashley out of his mind. The truth however was that Shepard had received a message from Ashley sometime after Horizon. In it she apologized for the things she had said to him and explained why she was initially hesitant to trust him. She wished him luck on his mission and asked him to stay alive. The email had given Shepard hope that there was still a chance for him and Ashley to be together and he was going to see to it that he survived his mission so that he could go back to her and try to pick up where they had left off. Unfortunately his decision to not tell anyone about the message was coming back to bite him as he now found himself in the awkward situation of having to turn down Miranda's advances so that he could do just that.
"I'm sorry," he stammered, "I didn't mean it that way. We need to stay professional. Keep our focus."
Miranda seemed surprised by Shepard's reply but responded with a professional tone, "yes, you're right. This is too important for anything to cause…friction. Thank you for coming by Commander."
Shepard felt as if he couldn't get out of Miranda's office fast enough. He took a breath to calm himself down once he was out of the room. While he wanted to believe that Miranda was being truthful when she agreed to keep their relationship strictly professional, a gut feeling told him that she took his rejection harder then she let on. When she thanked him for stopping by, she said it rather quickly like she too wanted Shepard to get out in a hurry. Shepard hoped that she wasn't in her office crying at that very moment. He wanted to go back in and tell her the truth but quickly decided against it. She probably didn't want to see him right then. Maybe he would talk to her later, or maybe he should stop visiting her for one-on-one chats. He didn't know. Deciding that there was nothing he could do about the situation at that moment, Shepard walked away from Miranda's office to continue making his rounds.
Shortly Before the Suicide Mission
How many times had Shepard proofread the message? It was probably worth it though. If the mission through the Omega-4 Relay didn't go well, this was probably going to be his farewell message to Ashley. However he did his best to ensure it didn't come off as such.
Shepard felt bad that he was only now responding to Ashley's earlier message but finding time to sit down and send a response proved impossible with everything he needed to do to prepare for the final battle against the Collectors. Now the Collectors had forced his hand by abducting the entire Normandy crew minus Joker and his squadmates. Every minute the crew was in the Collectors' hands lowered the chances Shepard had of being able to find them alive. He needed to take the fight to the Collectors' homeworld now. Not even a warning from the Illusive Man that he should not launch the assault prematurely was going to stop him. The Normandy was fully upgraded and his squad was fully committed to the mission. As far as Shepard was concerned, the Normandy was as ready as it could ever be.
The only thing he had left to do before they hit the relay was to send his message to Ashley. After proofreading it one more time, he hit "send". He leaned back in his chair and breathed a relaxing sigh. There was nothing for him to do now but wait for Joker to let him know when they reached their destination. Most commanders would probably be going over their attack plan one more time but Shepard didn't see the point. Any plan he could come up with would probably get thrown out the window once they got to the Collector base and saw what they were actually dealing with. The only parts of the plan he could set in stone were his three experts. Kasumi would handle any tech obstacles that got in their way, Jack would be his go to person for anything that required biotic skills and, should the team need to split up during the mission, Garrus would be in charge of leading the second team. Other than that, there was nothing more Shepard could do until the mission began.
Shepard decided the best thing he could do was lie down and get some last minute rest. If he was going into hell itself, the more rested he could be the better. He got up from his chair and headed for the bed but was stopped when he heard a knock coming from his cabin door. This caused him to shake his head and let out a frustrated sigh. It always seemed to be when he didn't want to be disturbed that someone would either stop by or call him. He figured it was probably Garrus and Tali wanting to once again offer him a final drink together before the mission. When they made the initial offer, Shepard politely declined saying he wanted to be alone. Still he had to give his friends credit. They were always there for him, even when he didn't think he needed them. When he opened the door however, he was surprised to find that it was neither Garrus nor Tali who was waiting on the other side.
"Miranda?" he said, "is everything alright?"
Without waiting for Shepard to invite her in, Miranda entered the cabin and moved past Shepard towards the couch. She took a seat and didn't look up towards Shepard as she contemplated what to say. Shepard's concern grew as he joined Miranda on the couch. Finally Miranda locked eyes with Shepard and spoke.
"I can't do it Shepard."
"Can't do what?" Shepard replied.
"I know you said you wanted us to be professional for the sake of the mission but I can't do it. I care about you Shepard and I think I'm even falling in love with you. I could have been on this ship when the Collectors abducted the crew and the one thing I would have regretted was not telling you how I felt."
Shepard should have seen this coming. He hadn't talked with Miranda privately since he awkwardly left her office after their last conversation. Since then Miranda didn't show any signs that the conversation had a negative impact on her. Shepard assumed that she had taken his rejection better than he thought. Now here she was in his cabin saying she was falling for him. He tried to speak but was cut off when Miranda took his hands and continued.
"At first I didn't know what this was. It could have been just stress or me wanting to blow off steam. Eventually I couldn't deny what it really was anymore. Shepard, just because we're about to go on a suicide mission doesn't mean we can't be together. I know the odds of us coming out of this alive are slim and this may not seem like the best time for love but I don't care. I want to be with you."
She then leaned forward to kiss Shepard. Before her lips could reach his, Shepard let go of her hand and put a finger to her lips stopping her from coming closer.
"No," he said quietly, "I'm sorry Miranda but I can't. I do care about you but I'm not interested in you in that way."
"Why not?" Miranda asked confused. "Is it because I'm with Cerberus?"
"Of course not. It has nothing to do with you."
"Then why?"
Instead of answering right away, Shepard got up from the couch and gestured for Miranda to follow him to his desk. Once there, he turned on the picture frame sitting on the desk's corner. The frame lit up to reveal a picture of Ashley.
"It's because of her," Shepard said pointing to the picture.
"Chief Williams? I don't understand. She refused to help us and called you a traitor. Why would you still want to be with her after that?"
"I can't blame her for acting the way she did. I probably would've acted the same way if I thought the person I cared about was dead and then two years later they appear out of the blue with a group that I didn't trust. It certainly didn't help that your boss intentionally leaked word that I was working for Cerberus even though that was far from the truth. She had every reason to question if I was the same person she knew before. But I will admit that a part of me was heartbroken after what happened on Horizon and I thought I'd lost Ashley for good. Then she sent me an apologetic message and I realized there was still hope for us. If she didn't still have feelings for me she wouldn't have sent the message at all. I'm sorry Miranda but Ashley means a lot to me and if there is still a chance for us to be together when this is over, I have to take it."
Miranda bowed her head sadly. Shepard even thought he could see a tear forming in her eye.
"I see. I better go. I'm sorry to have bothered you."
She turned to leave the cabin when Shepard reached out to stop her, "you don't need to apologize Miranda. This is my fault. I should have told you the truth back when we talked in your quarters."
"No Shepard, I should have seen the signs."
"Well nobody's perfect." Shepard said in attempt to cheer Miranda up.
He realized it worked when Miranda mustered a small smile, "I hope Chief Williams realizes how lucky she is to have someone like you who cares for her. And don't worry Shepard, this isn't going to affect how I do on the mission. I'll meet you on the bridge when we reach the relay."
With nothing more to say, Shepard walked Miranda out of his cabin. When he walked back in, he rubbed the back of his neck as he thought about how he should've handled the situation sooner. He was just grateful that it didn't end as bad as it could have. Miranda was a tough woman and he knew she was telling the truth when she said she was still going to bring her best to the final battle.
His attention then turned back to Ashley's picture on his desk. He moved back towards the desk and leaned forward resting his hands on the surface. For several seconds he stayed in that position just looking at the picture.
"I'll come back to you Ash," he thought, "I promise."
After taking a moment to crack his knuckles in an attempt to further pump him up for what was to come, he took one last look at Ashley's picture and turned to leave the cabin. Maybe Garrus and Tali would still be willing to have that drink.
For the remainder of the Collector mission, Miranda and I maintained a professional working relationship and she didn't bring up her feelings for me again. After the mission was over, I didn't see her again until she first asked me to see her on the Citadel during the Reaper War. When I saw her, it seemed like she had moved on for the most part. Every time I met her on the Citadel, she didn't talk about anything except her sister Oriana and her growing concern that her father was working with the Illusive Man. I had no doubt that she knew you and I were still working out the kinks that were keeping us from getting back together so she had plenty of chances to try and make a move. But she never did.
I got worried she was going to bring up her feelings again when I met her for the third time and she said she had something she needed to confess to me. Part of my worry came from the fact that I was pretty sure she was in the apartment that overlooked Apollo's when you and I had our date and saw us reconcile. I know she would never have rooted for us to not get back together but she did seem down when we talked. It turned out she wanted to talk about how she felt guilty for wanting to put a control chip in my brain during the Lazarus Project when she had spent the majority of her life fighting to free herself and Oriana from her father's control. Maybe it was her feelings for me that made her tell me that but now I think it was because she thought she wasn't going to get another chance to do so given how dangerous her personal quest was. Considering what we saw when we found her and Oriana on Horizon, she was right to be concerned.
The last time I saw her during the war was after our battle against my clone. She came to see my new apartment and later we met at the Silversun Casino for a friendly night on the town. It was a bit awkward for her as she didn't really know how to relax and enjoy herself but we still had fun and she seemed to have a great time during the party we had with the rest of the crew. Except all through that time and every time I saw her after the end of the war, I could see she was still hurting over the fact that she wished we could have been together. You said that you saw it yourself though I figured as much given all the jealous looks I saw you give her whenever she and I talked alone. She took it especially hard when I told her about our engagement. I was beginning to worry she was never going to get over me. Then, as you recall, we danced together during our wedding reception.
The Night of Shepard and Ashley's Wedding
Shepard and Ashley's wedding reception on the Normandy's crew deck had been in full swing for at least an hour. All of the guests were out on the dance floor enjoying the upbeat music. At least, they were enjoying it when they weren't too busy watching Shepard attempt to dance. Even Ashley, who probably should have been embarrassed that her newly wedded husband looked ridiculous, was getting a laugh out of watching Shepard.
"I think you're going to need a few more drinks before people will stop questioning why you dance the way you do," she laughed.
"If I did that then there's a good chance I might start stepping on your toes when we slow dance," Shepard shot back.
The playful smile on Ashley's face turned to a frown, "okay forget I said anything. You and I worked too hard to make sure you could at least slow dance well."
"I would say that based on the way the crowd applauded after our first dance that those lessons paid off."
"Yeah and now they're wondering how you could go from slow dancing gracefully to….this."
Their conversation stopped when they heard the current song stop and switch to a slow one. The guests around them were already starting to pair up for a slow dance. Shepard smiled and bowed to which Ashley curtsied in response. Shepard then reached out to take Ashley's hand when suddenly he heard someone clear their throat behind him. Before he could turn to see who it was, Shepard noticed that Ashley was looking at the person behind him with a mean look he had seen her give several times. As far as he knew, she only reserved it for him, her sisters and…..her. Sure enough when he turned around it was Miranda standing behind him. She was wearing the same red dress she wore during their get together at the Silversun Casino.
"Miranda," he said, "are you enjoying the reception?"
"Yes thank you," Miranda replied as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a credit chit, "I don't suppose you two are allowing the tradition of the credit dance?"
Miranda was referring to the wedding tradition of the money dance. The name was changed to the credit dance after credits became the chief form of currency in the galaxy. According to the tradition, wedding guests could pay for the chance to dance with the bride or groom. Sometimes the money would be used to either fund the couple's honeymoon or be used as extra cash for setting up housekeeping. The tradition had lost its popularity over the years but some weddings still observed it.
Shepard and Ashley had not explicitly said they were not allowing the credit dance at their reception. Even so neither one of them really wanted to dance with anyone else. Shepard especially had a feeling that even if they did, Miranda would be the last person Ashley would have wanted him dancing with. She made that point all too clear with what she said next.
"Sorry Miranda but MY husband's dance time is not for rent. You'll have to find another partner."
Normally Shepard would have scolded Ashley for talking like that but he didn't want to ruin the happy atmosphere. He quickly pulled out the charm that he had used many times on criminals to get them to surrender peacefully.
"Now Ash," he said calmly, "there's no need to act like that.
Ashley was about to protest when Shepard held up his right hand to silence her and continued as he took Miranda's credit chit, "it's just one dance. I'll dance with her for this song and then I'm all yours and I'm not talking about just for the rest of the night." He then held up his left hand and pointed to his wedding ring. "You do remember what I promised when I put this ring on right?"
The tear forming in Ashley's eye told Shepard that he had made his point. The truth was Ashley always hated the fact that she got jealous so easily but it was hard for her not to since Shepard was a legend and heartthrob to every woman of nearly every species across the galaxy. What she didn't think about when the jealously overtook her that time was how one of the things she loved about Shepard was that he was a man of his word. He promised only a few hours ago during the ceremony that he would love and cherish her and her alone. She had no reason not to trust Shepard to be alone with Miranda for one dance. She gave Shepard a kiss and took the credit chit from his hand. Before turning to leave the dance floor, she smiled at Miranda as she put the credit chit back in her hand.
"Keep your credit Miranda," she said, "this one's on me."
Once Ashley was gone, Shepard took Miranda's hand and brought her in close and the two began to slow dance. They didn't say a word for a few seconds and then Shepard finally got the courage to ask Miranda the question that been on his mind since he saw her in the crowd during the ceremony.
"Are you okay Miranda?"
Miranda looked at him while trying to force a small smile but finally gave up and bowed her head sadly, "I would be lying if I said I was entirely okay with this. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for you and Ashley and I wish you both a long and happy marriage. But I know it also means that there is no hope for us anymore. Not that I was hoping for you and Ashley…"
"It's okay Miranda. You don't have to explain. I know how much you wanted us to be together but you have to move on. Ashley may be the one I chose to marry but you are still a friend that I care a great deal about. The last thing I want is for you to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been."
Miranda nodded, "you're right Shepard. I can't promise that I will stop having feelings for you but I will promise that I won't let them run my life. I'll do my best to move on."
Shepard smiled, "I know you will. You've always been good at succeeding at whatever you put your mind to."
Finally a smile appeared on Miranda's face, "thank you Shepard. Now let's not talk about this anymore. The song will be over soon. Since this is likely the last time we will dance together, let's just savor this moment and then you can go back to your wife."
Shepard pulled Miranda in closer so that they were now dancing cheek to cheek. With no more words to say, they continued dancing until the song came to an end.