It's unnaturally humid outside despite the cool weather. The harsh juxtaposition in weather is just what Elliot needs as a distraction. The flimsy styrofoam coffee cup he's holding nearly disintegrates beneath the tension in his hands. Tucker is long gone thank God and even though he still can't stand him, he feels where Olivia is concerned he will actually be fair. The logistics of the shoot didn't give him much leeway to pin anything on her but old habits die hard. Tucker has done more with less.

A few beads of sweat gather at his forehead quickly cooled by the chilly air as he fidgets with his phone. It's nearly 4am and his bones are beginning to ache from physical and mental exhaustion. The city is uncharacteristically quiet. Every once in awhile his thoughts are interrupted by people not unlike himself who look worn down and worried walking into the hospital entrance near where he stands. Their emotions border from frantic to inconsolable. He imagines he looked somewhat similar to them several hours ago and closes his eyes letting the relief flood through him.

She was alright. She was safe.

After a few texts to Maureen and Kathleen assuring them that Olivia was okay, Elliot stayed outside to give her time alone to visit with the squad.

Her family.

They deserve to have their time with her and despite his need to be selfish and curl up into her reminding himself that she was okay, he relented. They've been there for her when he wasn't. And although he can't change that now he can give them the space and respect to see for themselves that their family member is okay. The time alone also gave him time to ponder his options after the call he made to Christine. He wasn't going to be able to get out of this trip. He could postpone it for a week at best. Once again he finds himself in the all too familiar position of having to choose between his family and his job.

Taking one last sip of the cold coffee he tosses the cup in a nearby trash can and makes the short trip back to her hospital room. When he opens the door the weight of it all hits him square in the chest. She's asleep. Peaceful. In the flurry of activity she must've found the time to brush her hair, looking a little more put together than she did when he left. The beeps on the machine are low and the room is uncharacteristically quiet which he assumes won't last considering the ongoing rotations of nurses in and out. He couldn't wait to get her home. It was going to be a battle for her to give in and let him help. Considering her injury and despite their fight earlier he wouldn't cave on this. She needed help.

"El?" She asks her voice raspy.

He walks to the side of her bed taking her hand in his. "I'm here."

"Noah ok?"

He smiles, kissing her on the forehead. "Yes. He's doing what every toddler does at 4am. Sleeping." Returning his smile, she pats the space next to her for him to lay down. As she scoots to the other end of the bed she winces from the pain in her shoulder. "Careful Liv. I can just sit in the chair."

"No," she insists. "I want you to lay here with me."

Elliot shucks his shoes and carefully maneuvers into the bed trying his best to avoid the various machine wires. "Ok," he says as he lifts his arm and she cuddles into him the best she can. Letting out a sigh of relief, he feels more calm than he has in days. They are both silent, the need to speak not necessary, the silence comforting. He is content being with her and does his best to put away thoughts of what could've happened and how he won't have much time to help with her recovery if he has to leave. He could find another job, he has money saved up that would last several months. All of the kids except Eli were older now and not as financially dependent on him. He didn't need to work as much as he used to.

"What did Christine say?" Olivia asks cautiously. He sighs and laces his fingers with hers across his abdomen. Of course she knew that he would call and try to get out of it. "I may have a cou-"

"Knock knock," the perky female voice says as she opens the door. "I need to check your vitals and give you more pain medication." Olivia groans as the nurse checks her temperature and blood pressure while Elliot checks his phone in case he got an email from work. The nurse quietly excuses herself and he crawls back in bed beside her. He hasn't gotten fully back into position before she speaks up.

"So you were saying?"

Elliot lets out a frustrated sigh, caressing her hair. "I'm sorry baby. I tried to get out of it. They said they could postpone but….probably no longer than a week at the most."

Olivia is silent and snuggles into him closer. Fuck it. He'll just quit his job. With his experience and connections he could find something else.

"I could quit. Y'know I could find something else."

Olivia gently tugs his arm. "El," she says softly looking up until he meets her eyes. "You should go to Denver."

{-}

She couldn't believe the words the second they left her mouth. Did she really tell him to leave? But they were better now. Dumb arguments aside and growing pains of the new state of their relationship, it was okay for him to go.

"What did you say?" he asks again, confusion etched in his features.

She tries to fight the smile on her face. "I said you should go. I'm going to be fine."

Elliot sighs again rolling his eyes.

"No no this is not my normal I'm fine," she pulls his hand closer. "I mean I have the squad to look after me, I'm sure you've already put in calls to Kathleen and Maureen." The bewildered look on his face is priceless and she can't help but smile. "I'm willing to accept the help. I'm just sorry I didn't realize it sooner."

"Are you sure your nurse didn't say you were running a fever?" Laughing he holds her tighter placing another kiss on her forehead. "I guess we've been apologizing to each other a lot lately hunh?"

"Who knew it would take me taking a bullet to finally come to our senses?"

"I'm sorry that we spent the last couple of days arguing. We could've been doing something much more productive," she says suggestively, her hand moving dangerously low near the waist of his jeans.

Elliot groans in frustration. "I'm really sorry that you aren't going to be able to give me a proper goodbye."

Olivia laughs into his side, placing a kiss on his chest. Her fingers play along his torso while she thinks about how much she's going to miss him. There's so much she needs to say that normally she would keep to herself. Maybe it was the pain meds making her a little loopy or his imminent departure but suddenly she felt the need to say things she had been holding back. "I'm sorry that I haven't said as much as I should. When I should. It's always been...hard for me….to say things," she admits and Elliot stiffens beside her. "I know that I have a wall up but if there is anyone worth me tearing it down for it's you. I'm sorry if I haven't made you feel that way."

Thankfully she's not looking into his eyes or she would lose all her courage. Focusing on his T-shirt while feeling his heartbeat beneath her fingers and the uneven rhythm of his breathing makes it that much easier.

"I'm sorry too that I didn't talk when I should have. There's been so much I wanted to say over the years Liv. After Gitano, I should've explained things better. Hell...I was just so wrapped up in my own head that I let you walk away from our partnership."

Olivia doesn't take the time to absorb the words before she's speaking again. "I'm sorry that I was so mad at you when I came back from Oregon. I just...didn't know what to do with my feelings."

Finally, she has the courage to look up at him. Into the eyes of the man she's loved for so long and trusts as much as she could ever trust anyone.

"I'm sorry that I shut you out of parts of my life when I shouldn't've. I confided in Rebecca about my dad when I could've confided in you."

Olivia's heart races a mile a minute at his revelation. Why couldn't he talk to her? Probably the same reason she couldn't talk to him. She hates that Rebecca got to see that side of him. Got to know things about the man she loves that she didn't. The resentment starts to clog her throat and she clears it to try and speak. "Why didn't you?"

"For the same reason you didn't always open up to me," he says staring at the ceiling. "It's easier when there isn't so much at stake I guess."

That makes sense. She never wanted him to see her as anything other than strong even on the rare times she did break down in front of him.

"Why did you let Porter help you with Simon instead of me?"

Good point.

"Same reason I guess. I know I told you how desperate I was to be a part of a family but I guess I never wanted-" She shakes her heads trying to find the words.

"I get it," he responds squeezing her hands. Sliding away from him, she leans back and her hospital gown begins to slip down. Instantly his eyes are on her chest. She smirks at his less than subtle attempt to stare until she realizes the difference in his expression. It isn't lust or desire she sees behind his eyes put pain. He's seen her before, all of her. But under the sharp scrutiny of the dim light above her hospital bed she knows exactly what he's looking at. Time has faded them somewhat but they are there.

They will always be there.

The scars.

His eyes go from her chest up to her eyes and she hears him swallow.

"I'm going to tell you about it El. I promise. Just not yet," she rasps as a tear slides silently down her cheek. Elliot is frozen, unable to speak. "I'm going to tell you about him and Harris I just need a little more time okay?"

She doesn't miss the way he tenses up at the sound of Harris' name. They haven't talked about him and she left it very vague almost ten years ago when it happened.

What happened in the basement?

I'm fine El.

But now that they are in a relationship she's decided to take Dr. Lindstrom's voice. He should hear it all. And one day soon she will tell him.

Holding their clasped hands together he brings them to his lips and kisses them softly as tears brim his eyes. They are quiet for a bit longer, just the sounds of the beeping machines in the background.

Elliot shifts a little turning onto his side to face her. "I'm sorry that I was a coward..about us. When Kathy and I separated that was our chance to see-maybe we could've…."

"No," she says rubbing her hand along his chin. "If something would've happened between us when you were separated I would've always wondered if you wanted to go back home. It would've ruined us."

"You don't know that," he whispers.

"Yes I do. I thought about it a lot back then. I wouldn't have wanted to feel like I was coming between your family. You needed to know for sure that your marriage was over. I needed to know that."

Nodding silently he stares back up at the ceiling as if it's his refuge.

"I'm sorry that I downplayed what you were to me when you left," she says softly.

"What do you mean?"

She exhales, putting her hand back in his. "There were some things that came up after you left...Nick leaving, a case with a cop who was covering for her partner because she was in love with him." The words whatever that was were circling her conscience. "I was hurt and I just said stuff that I shouldn't've."

Elliot nods his head. "I get it Liv. Really I do. You don't have to apologize for that."

The silence looms between them again. Their past hovering above. Even the time he was gone seems to disappear before her eyes. It's like he had been with her all along.

"Remember what I said the night we talked about Eli? Dr. Lindstrom once told me everything works out the way its supposed to. I thought it was some psycho babble at the time considering everything we've both gone through," she says and Elliot turns to look at her, a slight frown marring his face. "But I really do believe that. I don't know if our relationship would've been as strong as it is now if we would've gotten together back then."

"Even though you were dying to have sex with me?" he jokes and she laughs despite herself. "Oh really is that how you remember it?" she jabs him in the side lightly.

"Yep. While we are apologizing, I'm sorry that you had to strip down to entice me when those animal smugglers were after us."

Oh god, that felt like a lifetime ago. She feels like she was another person then. Actually she was.

"I wasn't trying to entice you I was trying to save your life."

"Well you did a great job considering I got shot a few minutes later."

She rolls her eyes and he pulls her closer. "I swear when you came out in that bra and called me daddy I thought I was going to pass out."

"That was much harder for me than you realize. I was expecting a hard time about that after the fact, I can't believe you let it go."

He shrugs. "I'm also sorry that you wore that dress when we had to go undercover to the sex club. I swear you were trying to kill me."

Olivia arches an eyebrow at him. "So you liked the dress? You didn't say anything that night."

Elliot smirks and it makes him look ten years younger. "I was on such thin ice at that point. Any wrong move and I thought I would blow everything to hell. I wanted you so much Liv you have no idea."

"Well while we are talking about things we would've done differently. I'm sorry that I texted you to meet me downstairs when I wanted to make up with you after the Sennett case. I said some pretty shitty things."

Elliot shoots her a confused look. "You didn't want to apologize to me?"

"Of course I did. But I meant I should've just told you I was on my way upstairs instead of telling you to come down."

"Hmm." The hum is deep in his throat and his lips ghost over hers lightly. "This is a very risky topic of conversation to have right now when I can't have my way with you." He gives her a quick kiss on the lips and puts a little distance between them as if he can't be near her. "Besides like you said. It all worked out the way it was supposed to."

"Yes, it did," she agrees leaning a bit to give him an innocent peck on the nose. She closes her eyes, the drugs beginning to take her down. All of their words begin to mold together in a bit of a haze, so much happening that her brain can't hold it all.

He's mentioned before about wanting to change fate but she's learned over the years that as cruel as the world could be it had all lined up to teach her valuable lessons. To bring her relationships in her life she sometimes thought she was never capable of sustaining. Her mother was a raging, abusive alcoholic. It made her hard to love. Hard to trust. Shit. It was the same old story really. A story she had told a few therapists over the years and Casey one night at a bar when she begged her to plead out Carrie Eldridge, and replayed it over and over in her head. She heard it so much but she was ready to repeat the story all over again.

To him.

For him.

To make him understand as if he didn't already. But as soon as the words were prepared to leave her throat he spoke instead.

"I have to show you something." Reaching into his back pocket, he pulls out his worn brown leather wallet. There were old and new pictures of his kids that she recognizes and then he settles on one in the back. He's with a brunette woman, similar in height with a yellow flowy dress and matching clutch. Elliot's face was impassive as usual but her smile was bright.

"If you're choosing right now of all times to tell me about the women you've dated when we were apart then you're about to be glad you're in a hospital."

Elliot smiled for a second but it quickly died on his lip. "This isn't my ex girlfriend. This is Julia...Stabler. Well Murphy now. Stabler is her maiden name."

Olivia's eyes quickly focus back down to the picture and she wants to kick herself for not noticing it sooner. Those eyes. How could she have missed them? The same misty intense shade of blue as his. Not as heavy or dark, but like his all the same.

"She's my sister. She's been...sick. Breast cancer. Got diagnosed bout a year ago. I went to visit her a few months ago and planned to take the kids again soon but I'll have to postpone that now."

Before she could comment he was flipping to another picture, this one with him and two other men. One was shorter than him and the other was taller. One looked a lot older than the other...but both looked like Elliot. "This is Thomas. This is Jonathan. Tommy is just right at a year younger than me. Jonathan is five years older."

There are no words. She's completely speechless.

His family.

Brothers and sisters that she knew he had but never came up over the years. Like so many things between them.

"And these two knuckleheads," he announces proudly going to the last picture with all of them together, "are Sarah and Sam."

"Twins," she finally manages to speak, rubbing her hand across the photo as if to make sure it was real.

"Yep. Twins. They are the youngest. The biggest pains in my ass even to this day although they live out West. They don't visit as much as they should.. But shit who am I talk?"

"Look at them." She is in awe as she takes the pictures from him and look at them closer. "It's your family."

"Yes they are my family and so are you Liv. You always have been."

He leans in to kiss her and she swallows back the emotion. "So, tell me more about them."

Somehow she manages to stay awake longer as he tells her stories about them growing up. How he and Jonathan always got in trouble and Julia covered for them and they always ganged up to give Sarah and Julia's boyfriends hell. She's enamored hearing him talk about which of his kids is closer to which aunt and uncle. All tales so much different than what she knew of his life. It wasn't all darkness despite his mother's illness and his dad's infidelity. There's more story there about his father just as she had other stories about her mom to tell him but tonight wasn't the night for that. It was about finally getting to know the other side of Elliot Stabler. The basic simple nuances of a man that had always seemed so complex. His playful anecdotes, complete with hand gestures and impressions continue for another half hour until her body finally succumbs to the pain medicine. Wrapped in his arms and bathed by the steady sound of his voice she peacefully falls asleep.

{-}

Author's Note: If you're wondering where the siblings come from check SVU wiki lol. I try to stay as close to canon as I can.

Also, this one is winding up only two more chapters to go before it's a wrap. Thanks again for the continued support and don't forget to leave a review ;-)