Author's Notes: I'm reeeeeeeeaally sorry this isn't that long, I've been trying to focus on some helpful feedback I've received from a reader! So maybe, this makes more sense now and I'm improving. I hope so, anyway. Weh. If not, I'm sorry this is probably the best I can do. ;3; I did try.

I think I do confusing things when I write in the first person, so I think I'll go back to the third person. Unless my story needs first. ;w;

Anyway, my poor baby Nagisa. He just really wants to know what's going on in his own head and Karmas. He's so scared.

Next chpt hopefully we'll get somewhere with their awkward friendship. It depends on Karma. He's awful with his emotions.

I hope you enjoy this regardless! I love hearing your comments. As always, love you all and thanks for the support!

Nagisa's POV

I'm hurting…
I'm alone…

I feel blank, like a broken tool that has been used to scrape gum off the floor. The tool has lost its purpose, but it keeps getting remoulded to become abused again. This idea is circling my head alongside me getting beaten up. Over and over it's fuelling how worthless I feel. It's feeding the monster called anxiety and the parts of my mother I still have inside.

I don't know how I managed to get home, I suppose it's down to pure willpower... I just need to be away from everyone again…
Each step I took, another deep breath is taken away from me. I must control my breathing if anything...

I feel drained, emotionally and psychically.

We are standing inside what feels like the house… I can only tell by how there's no chill against my new wounds from the battle. I shudder from the change of temperature.

My mind is focused on the darkness that has engulfed me. The figure in front of me is trying to speak, but I can only hear white noise… I can't even tell who the figure was anymore, I looked away noticing how the person's gaze was on me.

My dark imagination is trying to play familiar tricks on me… Imagining it was my mother. Imagining I'm standing inside my 'home' and I'm in trouble for being late again. Like usual, my mother is coming to punish me. I can't look into those disappointed eyes... My heart is shrinking telling me this is okay. I need more punishments.

I want to move forward and escape, but I can't. My body shudders again from goosebumps, my feet feel frozen. I feel isolated in a cage.

I can't disobey her.

My mother is coming closer to me. I winch, expecting another hit. I feel my lungs desperate for air, as I deep breathe and close my eyes.
I deserved it, didn't I?

I feel my body embrace the pain she'll bring me… My face emotionless as I'm used to it.

But instead…
I feel swirls of movement in my darkness… It feels much different than before?
I feel lightness trying to help me escape.

This person isn't my mother…
Am I not going to suffocate now?

My hand reaches for the familiar light. I suddenly hear new sensations… Sensations I'm beginning to remember.

Warmth..?
A heart beat…?
Breathing…?

My darkness is disappearing...
I know this person…
They're going to rescue me again…

My darkness is beginning to vanish so I can feel reality again. I notice that we are inside the new home and I'm not at my mother's.

My walls that hold me up and make me strong just… collapse..I feel fragile against his body and tears begin to blur my vision…

I've had enough…
I can't keep hold of this pain any longer…

My body can't keep its weight up, as I collapse onto my knees. My head resting on his neck, feeling him catch me.

I feel the pain irrupt from my heart and rush throughout my body as warm salty droplets fall down my cheeks and onto him. I could barely find time to breathe as I hyper venerate into him.
I feel my body jerk and tremor in those secure arms. My hand punching the ground in frustration.

Why did I let this happen?
Why do people like to hurt me so much?

I feel my eyes sting as time made the tears fall harder. My roar of my pain bounces off our silent house and I clench onto his back throughout my pain.

I feel terrified.

My whimpers echo in our house, showing him just how damaged I am. Choking at how violent the pain ripped through me, my hands tried to grip him harder, making him know I really don't want him to leave.

I'm sick of it.
I'm so isolated by not being controlled.

I want to speak, I want him to know. I want to bellow out why but my voice is caught like a lump in my throat.

"I-it f-fucking hurts..." My voice cracks, barely audible to him.

What am I meant to do?
How can I survive?

Karma is silent during our embrace, but I can tell he's choking back his own emotions in how hard he's keeping hold of me.

We spoke a little for the rest of the day.

Karma doesn't want me to feel alone… I can tell by how he occasionally gave me food or how he'd try small talk.
Karma had once again pulled me out of my darkness... If anything, Karma is my saviour.

My counsellor had recommended I write my emotions out when it becomes too bad and then we can discuss it during our next session. So throughout the time I spent away from Karma, I continued to write about how my emotions were treating me…

"I feel so little compared to everyone around me
Like I am nothing like I am breathing without any no purpose
I never had control

My mother led my life, my ex-partner did…

But now by trying to act selfish and have control,
I am leaving those who care in the darkness...

I am no longer the boy who was cherished and loved.
I am no longer who I thought I was...

And I don't know how to or where to find him again"

It has taken me all day to figure out how I feel, I only knew this because Karma had once again popped his head through the door to give me a nudge for pizza arriving.
I sighed, maybe I should join him…

I was avoiding him all day on purpose, to try and not involve him... I thought maybe it's becoming a hassle for him to handle.
It must be, right?

I nodded at Karma, getting up to follow the boy down the stairs. My legs are feeling stiff from sitting in one position all day. I haven't moved, now that I thought about it. I'm relying on Karma again to either care or help me.
As I came to the bottom of the stairs, I noticed how Karma had youtube up with the pizza on the coffee table.

"You don't have to join me, I understand" He exclaimed before we entered the kitchen. I understood from his eyes and his gentle expression that Karma wanted me to feel comfortable. But it looked like it was making him nervous.
Something had changed between us…

"No, you deserve my company" I want Karma to feel at ease. So I smiled reassuringly at Karma, waiting for him to go through. He's hesitant to say something, I can tell by how his mouth opened but then closed. Then again, judging from his eyebrows furrowing, he wasn't expecting me to stay.

Regardless, we both sat on the sofa beside each other and Karma started playing his favourite YouTubers. We shared both the pizzas and started laughing at skits, games and music. We ended up watching more videos for another hour after the pizza, forgetting the time.

I then realised how we should probably speak about everything. I need to clear the air, I needed to understand why Karma was doing this. And as much as I didn't want to realise, Karma was becoming dangerously close to me.

We sat watching the next video in silence as I thought about our situation.

I don't want this to end.