4 Estaciones de Soledad

They were sitting on their living room floor. The fire was blazing and they were so comfortable. They'd been playing a board game and had grown uninterested. Miranda was between Ben's legs and was completely satisfied. But nervous. Was marriage something she wanted—did she want to jump into something so permanent? Their wedding was in less than sixteen hours. "Tell me something," Miranda said with a yawn.

"Something like what?" Ben responded.

"Something you've never told me or ask me something." Honestly, she wanted him to distract her from her worries. She yawned again.

"How about… stop yawning in my face?" The two of them laughed loudly.

She looked up at him and poked out her bottom lip. "I'm serious."

"Um, let me see." He yawned. "Excuse me. Uh…" He made a sound. "We've known each other for a very long time."

"So make it something good."

"So many demands," he said in a kidding tone. He sighed. Uh-oh, Miranda thought. What was he about to say? Did she really want him to confess something? "You were my first real kiss. Like French kissing."

She turned around a little. "You're lying." Ben shook his head. "Really? How is that possible?"

"Would it be cheesy if I said I didn't want to kiss anyone who wasn't you?"

"No," she admitted. "I'd be flattered."

"Then—I didn't want to kiss anyone who wasn't Miranda Bailey." Her stomach flipped and her heart sped up. Sometimes she couldn't take his adoration of her. He was such a sweetheart. "Now, it's your turn."

She blew some air out of her mouth. She put her head back on his shoulder. "I wish my dad… I wish he was here," she said suddenly. The confession was new even to her. Her father had passed away months ago and while it had hurt, tremendously, somehow she'd gotten through the wedding stuff without really remembering that he wouldn't be able to walk her down the aisle, wouldn't be recording her special day like he had every other important day in her life. She inhaled. "I miss him."

"Me, too," Ben told her. "Your dad was always cool with me."

"He thought you were a knucklehead," Miranda said with a smile.

"He was not wrong." They laughed again. Ben danced his fingertips on every part of Miranda's skin that was available to him.

"I know he loved you, but I'm glad he really liked you." Her fiancé smiled down at her. He touched her hair a little and pulled her head back again, kissing her. She accepted the kiss, her hand on his thigh. When they pulled away, she said: "Your turn." She hoped that the conversation would turn away from the solemn topic.

"Do you think we would be as happy as we are with other people, in different relationships?"

Miranda shook her head. "I can't believe that I would be. You?"

"Hell, no." She grinned. "Besides, if I was with someone else, I might get my way sometimes and who would want that?" He scoffed and she elbowed him. "See?"

Miranda turned around and giggled. She put her legs on either side of him and moved close to him. His arms wrapped themselves around her waist. Home. "You know. I might get bored of you."

"Think so?"

"Yeah."

"How so?"

"Theoretically, we'll never have sex with other people."

He made a face. "Not even up here?" He tapped the side of his head.

"Not even up there, you weirdo!" She said moving closer, her body touching him seductively.

He moaned. "I-I'm good with that." She moved again, causing more friction. "God, baby. If you don't stop..."

She cocked her head to the side. "Something wrong?" Miranda teased. They hadn't had sex in six days and to divert her own sexual feelings, she toyed with his.

"Nope," he shook his head. "Not at all." He pulled her closer and kissed her passionately. His tongue in her mouth aroused her and suddenly the tables were turned. She was the one being teased. She moaned into his mouth and felt him rise.

"We'd better stop," she whispered. He growled with annoyance. "That's not helping, Benjamin."

"Miranda."

"Let's just g-get another game to play," she offered with her body throbbing. She needed to focus on something else. It was her idea to abstain from most sexual activities. She'd said it jokingly sure that Ben would dismiss the idea, but he'd loved it. Now on the last day, they were both paying for it.

"Go play with yourself," he grumbled and moved away from him. She licked her lips and smiled. She was way ahead of him there. "Yeah, I heard that, too." He laughed.

"Run it by me again," Miranda said to her mother and Raven as they got ready for the wedding. Miranda saw them exchange glances. "And I saw that."

"You'll be fine, Mandy," Raven assured her.

"I know. Just…"

"Give her the short version, Raven," Elena told her. She touched Miranda's cheek and pushed hair out of her face, putting her veil on. Miranda tensed up. "Relax."

Raven smiled at her younger cousin. "The reverend will speak. Probably say something from the Bible. You two will say your vows. Your moms will cry. I will cry. The rings will go on the fingers and bam! You're done," she finished.

"That's it?" Miranda asked.

"Well, there is the being married every day after that and you two loving and driving each other bat shit crazy thing, but that starts in a few hours," Julia said coming into the room and making them all laugh. The three women made a fuss over Miranda who sat there and tolerated it.

After a while, she waved them out of the room. "Okay, okay, okay. I need a few minutes."

"Fine," Elena told her. Raven and Julia agreed. They closed the door a little, not shutting it all of the way.

Miranda stood in front of the mirror. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Raven's youngest son, Shakai, run past the door. "Kai, come here." The little boy strolled in the room.

"Yes?" He stood in front of her and shifted his weight between his feet.

"Why are you running?"

"EJ told me I should."

She grinned. "Why?"

"Because someone is following me."

Miranda got defensive. "Someone like…?"

"A girl. And EJ told me to run because she was going to kiss me." Miranda laughed loudly. She backed up to the nearest chair and sat down, still laughing. "It's not funny."

She looked at her little cousin. How long ago was it that she was the one running into Raven's bridal room complaining about the same thing? "Don't run from her, Kai."

"She won't stop following me."

"She might like you."

"No way!" He said shaking his head. He spied some candy in a bowl on a small table near the window. "Can I have some?" She nodded and as she watched him, tears started to form in her eyes. "Don't cry. Want some candy?" She shook her head. "Are you okay?" He asked, his mouthful of chocolate.

She exhaled. "Yes, I am." Shakai ate some more candy. Miranda looked up to see a little girl walking down the hall. "Is that her?" She pointed.

"Yes!" He started to run beside Miranda and stopped. He went to the door. "Hi!"

"Hi!" The girl said. Miranda watched her cousin blush and leave the room. "She's pretty. Is she getting married?" She asked as they walked away.

"Yeah, that's my cousin," he bragged.

Raven came back into the room. "How are you making out?"

"Pretty good."

"What's with the tears?"

"They're happy tears."

Raven used a tissue to wipe the corner of Miranda's eyes. "I just saw my son walking with the cutest little girl." Miranda smirked. "Reminds me of you and Ben."

"Doesn't it, though? We've known each other practically all of our lives. He's the only boy I've ever really loved."

"And today you get to make it official."

"How's marriage, really?" Raven shoved her younger cousin. "I can't back out now so spill it."

"The best thing ever."

"That's what I need to hear."

"Although you two have practically been married since you were seventeen." She touched Miranda's face.

"Shush! We haven't."

"Yeah, okay," Raven said and she left Miranda. "We're like fifteen minutes out, so sit still, try not to get sweaty and don't be so nervous. It's only love."

"You're no help at all, get out." Miranda paced around the room once and then sat down remembering Raven's advice. A knock on the door made her stand up again. "Who is it?" She called.

"Baby, it's me," Ben said frantically.

She rushed to the door and touched the knob. "Ben!? What's wrong? Is something wrong?"

"Miranda! Stop! Don't open the door yet. Just… t-turn around."

She smiled. "What are you doing, Ben?"

"We've been doing so well, I don't want you to see you in your wedding dress or however the thing goes."

"You want me to take off my dress?" She asked, tempting him.

He laughed. "There'll be time for all of that," he responded behind the door.

"Come inside. I'm tired of talking through wood."

"Okay, well, move away from the door. I'm going to walk in backwards."

"So weird."

"You've been calling me that since we first met." The door opened and she could hear him moving into the room.

She laughed. "Because you are?"

"I am," he said backing into her.

"Ow."

"My bad, babe."

They laughed. He searched her body for her hands. She held onto him. "S'okay." They were quiet.

"I just wanted to hold you before…"

"You're making me a lucky woman," she told him, squeezing his hands.

He sniffed and took one of his hands back. When he put it back into hers, it was a little moist. "I am so ready for this."

"You'd better be," she told him seriously. He shook with laughter.

Another knock on the door pulled them from their intimate moment. "Hey, y'all. Ben they're looking for you," Eddie said. "It's time."

"Okay," Ben said. "Baby, I want to kiss you before I go. Eddie, can you help me?"

"Sure thing, brother," Eddie said moving Ben around her.

"Don't open your eyes, okay?" She whispered.

"Don't open yours either," he said smiling before kissing her softly. When she finally opened her eyes, he was gone.

"OH! Babe, my feet hurt and my body aches," Miranda said as she and Ben crawled into bed that night—that morning, really. It had been such a long and beautiful day that had gone by in a flash. And she was beyond exhausted. Her eyes closed and she sighed.

"No, no, we're supposed to be naked and making love right now," he said touching the hem of her shirt.

"If you don't get your paws off of me, I'm going to fight you, Benjamin Warren." She swatted his hand away.

"I might like that," he responded. She lowered her eyes at him making him grin. "Miranda Bailey-Warren."

She blushed and raked his beard. He was so handsome. He'd definitely grown into the man she'd always wanted. She hoped she was the woman he wanted. "I am so happy right now."

"Ditto," he said pulling her close to him.

"And tired."

"Ditto."

"I love you," she said scratching his back lightly.

"Ditto," he said with a huge smile.