I would just thank to say that I'm incredibly sorry for the long hiatus that I took in writing this story. The last year and half has been rough to say the least, and writing was the last thing on my mind. I don't know what came over me yesterday, but I just sat down and started writing again. I always had every intention of finishing this story, and I WILL. I guess I just have to hope that everyone who was reading before hasn't lost hope in me! I'll hopefully be updating frequently now, although I won't make any promises on that. Who knows what life will throw at you, right?

I hope everyone is doing well, I've missed writing this and hearing from you! :D

-Angie

It was perhaps a full minute that Monica stood outside, eyes shut tightly against the pain, before realizing that she was quickly becoming soaked through with rain. But she couldn't move. She could not open her eyes. Her mind was reeling. What had she done? The words had just fallen from her mouth before she had time to think them through and now … was it too late to take them back? Did she even want to? What was going to happen to her? What would she do? She hadn't meant this. Had she? She could already feel the changes in her physical form, however slight they were. She had already been human and experiencing things like fatigue, thirst and hunger but this was different. She was acutely aware of the fact that she could no longer feel any sort of connection with the Father. Before this moment, she had been trying desperately to block Him out and ignore any urge to speak with Him. Before now, she was absolutely sure that it was not possible for her to feel less alone. She had not expected this pain on top of everything else. The hole in her chest, the place where her heart had been ripped from her, opened up again with such fierceness that it left her nearly breathless. The only thing that held her together in that moment was her own grip on herself, her arms wrapped tightly around her chest in an effort to keep standing up straight. The urge to fall to the ground in defeat was dauntingly strong but somehow, she managed to stay on her feet. She took a steadying breath and finally opened her eyes.

She needed to get herself together. There were things to consider now that she was no longer an angel, things to take care of and arrange. She would no longer be provided for. She would need to get a job, some way to pay for her apartment and anything else she needed. Now that she was thinking about it, she had no idea what she needed. She had never had to worry about a place to live, money, transportation … thinking of all this made sinking to the pavement a comforting thought. But she forced herself to focus. The first thing she needed to do was find a job. But what would she possibly do? She had done so many different jobs while on various assignments but was hit again with the painful fact that choosing to become human erased all the knowledge that she had accumulated. She was essentially without any skills to offer the working world. She shivered at the thought and took a deep breath. She was really getting cold now and decided that she could just as easily work out what to do with her new life inside as out. She turned to her right to head back into the coffee shop and as soon as she stepped through the door and caught Jason's bewildered eye, an idea struck her. Not giving him any time to question her, she opened her mouth and asked the question.

"Jason," she started slowly, suddenly extremely nervous that he would think her a psycho and not want to hire her, "I uh … I was wondering if maybe I could possibly work here? If … if you wouldn't mind. The thing is, I just … I lost my job just now and I need something soon." She figured that was the easiest way to put it, although it wasn't entirely true. "I know a lot about coffee …" she offered weakly.

Jason stood and stared at her for a few moments, water dripping from her clothes and forming a puddle at her feet. She looked absolutely pitiful. He was dying to know who that angry man was and what he had said to her but he could wait to ask her for that information. There was no question that he would hire her, the decision was made the moment she asked.

"Monica, of course you can work. This is perfect actually; I just lost a few employees last week and have been needing some help around here," he said warmly, "why don't you go home, get cleaned up and come back in an hour to fill out some paperwork? You must be freezing …"

"No, really it's okay, I would rather just get it done now, I'm already here," she said quickly, trying to hide the panic in her eyes at the word 'home.' She wasn't entirely sure that the apartment would still be hers. She wanted to find out when she was alone and didn't need to come up with an explanation for anyone if it wasn't. She was incredibly grateful that Jason was refraining from asking the questions she knew he must be wanting to. She hoped that he would hold off long enough for her to gather her bearings with her new situation. She had never been quite this terrified in all her existence and she feared that talking about it aloud would be the point at which she broke down completely. For now, she decided it was best to try and push it from her mind and concentrate on the reality of her life now – job, place to live, life necessities. She was breathing slightly easier now that she'd actually gotten this job but she knew that it was sheer luck to have anything at all, what with having zero work experience and nothing to offer anyone.

"Alright," Jason said hesitantly, trying to read the look in her brown eyes, "come on back and we'll get started." He had to physically bite his tongue to keep himself from saying something to her about the events that had transpired within the last five minutes. A thousand emotions were going through his mind, from curiosity to anger to sympathy and everything in between. He guessed correctly that she was in no shape to talk about it anyway and so kept his mouth shut. "Ok, um let me see your driver's license and social security card so I can make a copy of it. Don't worry about filling out an application, that's usually just a formality anyway. As soon I get those copies, I'll get you set up on the computer so you can start the training modules …"

Monica tuned him out. A new brand of panic was beginning to settle in her stomach. Driver's license and social security card? Damn, she thought, another thing to add to the list of worries. She instinctively checked her pockets for a wallet that would contain these items and to her amazement and relief – she found them. She examined them quickly and recognized the Colorado State ID card, with the name "O'Malley, Monica Katherine." Of course the Father would not have left her with nothing, but she offered no prayer of thanks in return. The pain was still too raw to be thankful to Him for anything, least of all, an identity. It occurred to her that she should be thankful because without these things, she would be in a world of trouble with no idea how to get out of it. But that, along with a myriad of other unwanted emotions, was pushed from her mind. Jason was going on a tangent that was something about "training you myself, the computers are not so reliable or accurate" and it sounded important so she tried to focus on him and his words. They went over the Employee Handbook and she filled out tax forms and several other things for around an hour. By the time they were finished with the paperwork and going over the different manuals, it was nearly noon. Monica was utterly exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally. All she wanted to do was sleep, but she knew this was important and so she pushed through the exhaustion.

"Ok, I'll put you on the schedule to start tomorrow. Can you stay for a while longer today to get some hands on training?" She nodded and he continued, "It's going to be a little overwhelming at first but as soon as you're familiar with the recipes and the espresso machine, you'll be a pro." He went on to explain to her and show her all the different stations behind the counter – the hot bar, the cold bar, the pastry case and heating oven, the brewed coffee, and the ice machine. He showed her where to get cups, plates, insulation sleeves and extra pastries. After he deemed that she was familiar enough with her surroundings, he started to show her how to work the espresso machine. This was the only part that she really paid complete attention to. "This is super easy," he began with a grin, "I know it looks a little complicated, but it's really not. This is a smart machine and does everything for you. All you have to do is pour the espresso beans in the hopper and push the button." Monica could tell that he really loved his job. He explained everything in amazing detail and with a look of joy in his eyes. He had her pour two shots of espresso so she could taste the difference between a good and bad shot. "This is very important," he said earnestly, "you don't want to give a customer a bad shot in their beverage. It ruins the set flavor profile and just doesn't taste good." He continued through all the areas behind the counter for another hour and by that time, to say that Monica was exhausted would be an understatement and Jason could see that. Her clothes and hair had finally dried through but he knew she must still be extremely uncomfortable. He made it a point to walk her to the door.

"If you can work tomorrow, that would be great. You did really well today, I'm impressed with how easily you caught on. I think one more training shift should be enough for you and then you'll be able to swing by yourself from there. Go home," he said warmly, "you've had a rough day."

If you only knew, Monica thought sadly. For all she knew, the rough part hadn't even started. She still wasn't aware if she had a place to live, not to mention the fact that she had no food or water and only the clothes on her back, which happened to be stained with rain water. If she hadn't been so miserable, she might have laughed at the absurdity of the situation. She chose not to acknowledge the fact that this was all her own fault. She exchanged goodbyes with Jason, agreed to come in the next morning at six to continue her training, and started towards her building. It was freezing outside, the rain turning to snow and the streets starting to freeze over with the sheen of black ice. Her thin coat was doing little to keep her warm and her body began to convulse with shivers as she walked. She was extremely grateful that her apartment was only a block from the coffee shop. As she neared the front steps and passed the group of gangsters and drug dealers on the sidewalk, she took a deep breath to help combat her anxiety. She reached into the front pocket of her jacket to retrieve her key and was pleased to find that it was still there. A few moments later, as the key slipped into the door's lock and the door swung open, she could have cried with relief. She shut the door and moved across the small room quickly to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to find a jug of water and some grocery items. It wasn't much, but it was enough to last a few days. It was enough to get her going.

Now, she really did cry in relief. She had been holding in this anxiety for hours and she finally allowed herself to let it out. As the hot tears spilled from her eyes she made her way to the tiny closet in the corner, certain of what she would find and at the same time not daring to believe that she would be provided with clothes. She again breathed a sigh of relief to find that there were clothes hanging in the closest, if very few. There were two pairs of black pants, two white polo shirts and a pair of non-slick black shoes – the uniform she now needed for work - a pair of jeans, a long sleeve black t-shirt, a pair of sweatpants, a hooded sweatshirt and a pair of tennis shoes. Again, it wasn't much, but it was enough for a few days until she figured herself out. She was so emotionally run down and physically exhausted that she once again could not bring herself to change clothes or shower or anything. She just crawled under the sparse coverings on her uncomfortable bed and wished for an escape from the pain and uncertainty of the past few days. Her mind would not stop reeling. She couldn't breathe evenly, she couldn't get relaxed. Finally, after hours of lying awake and wishing for sleep she started to drift off. Just before she did, a thought crossed her mind that she pushed away almost as soon as she thought it – that though she had turned her back on the Father, He had not forsaken her.

Andrew, who had once again been sitting in the dark living room of his luxurious bachelor pad, knew immediately that something was wrong when Tess walked in. This was a look he recognized but didn't see often. This wasn't just sadness or hurt or confusion, it was all of those things but … no, something was wrong. He rose from his seat and crossed to her in two long strides. Instinctively, he knew it was about Monica.

"What is it?" He asked lowly, his eyes narrowing. When Tess said nothing he asked again, raising his voice, "WHAT is it?"

"I …" she began, not sure how to tell him what she had to tell him, unable to find the right words, not sure if she could believe it herself, "I don't know how to tell you this, I don't know how she--" but her voice cracked and she couldn't finish. Andrew had never witnessed Tess crying and he feared that he was about to. This must be something bad – to render Tess unable to speak and close to tears was a difficult thing to do. Andrew placed his hands on her shoulders gently and changed his tone from demanding to pleading,

"Tess … please tell me. Whatever it is, I have to know."

Tess swallowed the growing lump in her throat and continued, "I've just been to see Sam, he called me into a meeting. Ruth was there too. They thought they should let me know that …" she paused to take a steadying breath. Saying it aloud would confirm its truth and although she had a hard time believing it, it had come from the mouths of Ruth and Sam and so she knew it to be true. "They didn't want me to tell you, they thought it wouldn't be good for you to know. I think they feared that learning what she's done would make you want to do the same thing."

She didn't need to say anymore. He understood, he got it. His eyes grew wide as he took it in, his mind the one reeling now, trying to comprehend this news. He shook his head slowly in disbelief, wishing with every fiber of his being that he was asleep right now and having a terrible nightmare, that he would wake up and Tess would not have delivered these crushing words … that he could retreat from this agony back into the mere misery of before that was becoming familiar. Not this, on top of everything else, this could not be happening.

"Andrew," Tess said softly, "this is not a good thing." As if he didn't know that, as if he was unaware of how not-good this was. He looked up to meet her eyes and nodded in agreement, his stomach churning with unease and distress. "I can't begin to understand what made her want this," she continued, her voice projecting a stronger front, switching suddenly from the soft motherly tone to one more suited to a supervisor with a delinquent charge. She missed the incredulous look that crossed Andrew's face at her words. "This is not the way to--"

"Not the way to do what?" he interrupted bitterly, his voice rising with an anger he didn't recognize in himself. "What exactly did you expect from us after all this? Complete cooperation, bright smiles on our faces? You say you don't understand and you know what? You're right. You don't understand this, you can't understand. And if you can't understand why Monica would do this, then you don't know her at all. I know her inside and out and I can tell you honestly that I'm not surprised at all."

"Andrew …" Tess started gingerly, "You're not trying to tell me that you would consider doing the same?" She was not expecting the answer she got.

"Until today, no. Now I am," he said simply, looking away from her astonished gaze and trying to gather his thoughts so he could present them in an organized fashion, "Two months ago, if you had asked me this question hypothetically, I undoubtedly would have said that I would chose nothing over being in the presence of God and working in His favor. There is no greater reward for an angel; any of us would say that. If you were to ask me this question today, right now … what would I say? I would like to think that my answer wouldn't change, but I'm not so certain about that. I used to have one great love in my existence and that was serving God and fulfilling my purpose as His angel. Now I have two great loves and they are in conflict with each other. Even before I loved her this way, she was the source of most of my joy in working, the reason I love what I do so much. Her joy was mine. Not having her by my side robs me of any desire to put my whole heart into my work because half my heart is missing. I'm not ashamed to admit this. I know that I should have been looking to God for this comfort and encouragement all along, but there you have it. I am flawed after all, we all are."

Andrew sank back into the seat he had occupied before Tess had arrived and dropped his face into his hands with a defeated sigh. He felt like he'd fallen to the ground only to get up and be pushed down again. It was a lose-lose situation for both of them. They either had to renounce their feelings for each other or become human in order to be together. Did he do what was considered right by the rules or do what was right by his heart and act on the free will that he had been given by his Father? Should he chose to lose Monica forever and continue working or chose to leave the presence of God and live a human life with her? It was an impossibly hard choice to make but Andrew knew, deep inside that it would come down to deciding what he could live with and who he couldn't live without.