AN: So, I read through Chapter 4 after posting it . . . and I didn't like it. I'm sorry I do that, guys. But I fixed it. I like this a lot more. It's not completely different, just did some tweaking here and there.
Leia woke up early in the morning to the sound of her alarm dancing on the nightstand. She opened her eyes with a groan, already dreading this day and all that it was bound to bring. Rieekan wanted her to get checked out by a med-droid and Leia couldn't begin to describe how much she hated medcenters and med-droids. She especially hated it when the time came every few months to renew her birth control, when the droid would stuff the tab underneath her skin and she was supposed to sit still and not hyperventilate. Vader had destroyed her when it came to simple situations as these. He destroyed her peace of mind and placed her fear in her heart where it didn't belong. Logically, she knew she had nothing to fear, but the mere thought of medcenters or needles or even some pills sent Leia's stomach diving and made her head fill with white noise.
But she would be just fine, Leia promised herself, trying to push these thoughts as far from her mind as she could. Thinking about it would only make it worse. Instead, she focused on getting ready. She took a brief shower in the sanisteam, dressed in a light blouse and dark slacks, then searched her kitchen cabinets for a quick morning meal. She scavenged a small breakfast, her stomach fighting even that much at the thought of her coming appointment. She forced a single ration bar down her throat, though, and walked to Medical with Luke.
The medical department had always made Leia uncomfortable. Ever since her time on the Death Star, needles were more than a child's fear. When the med-droid pricked her arm, she had to keep her eyes closed and Luke held her firm to keep her from thrashing out. It was over quickly, and Leia was proud of herself for how well she handled it. She pulled her sleeve over the bandage and sat still and patiently as a doctor continued her own inspection.
What was supposed to be a regular routine check-up had turned into a rather long series of tests at Rieekan's request. Leia knew it was only fatherly love that lay behind his request and Leia appreciated that. She let the droid do its work, sitting there quietly. Luke left shortly after the shot; that was all she'd needed him for and Rieekan had wanted him to get a check-up too as if his hand were still just a stump bleeding profusely all over the decks of Home One. Leia supposed she could understand his concern about Luke, but Leia had assured him that she was unharmed and this appointment only worried Leia that Rieekan was considering her emotional and mental health. The last thing she wanted was to get stuck with a psychological therapist and have to talk about her life and explain that- despite the loss of her home, family, friends, possessions, her time of torture on the Death Star, losing her lover- she really was just fine and it was nothing she couldn't handle. Rieekan seemed to believe otherwise. Leia just let him have his way because she'd learned how futile it was to fight him on such matters.
With a single flash of light blue light in its photoreceptors, the droid indicated the end of her checkup. Leia smiled her thanks, slid off the medbunk, and grabbed her clothes from the counter. She went into the refresher to change, then left to return to her quarters. She took the extra long way as to avoid as many people as possible, just envisioning the mound of work sitting on her bed, waiting for Leia to bury herself in it. A distraction, Leia chose to think of it. And one she desperately needed.
Once in the comfort of her own bed, Leia snuggled herself under the blankets. Then, she debated whether she was really in the mood to work or not. Her 'I-could-kick-a-Jawa' mood, as Luke called it, was returning and Leia fancied the idea of showing up to High Command's meeting tomorrow with her broken datapad, dressed in sweats and with her hair in a single ponytail.
Soon, she felt tired and drifted off to sleep. As had become the new normal, images of Han suffering in his slab of carbonite occupied her nightmares. Leia tried reaching for him, tried to find the buttons to unfreeze him, to release him from his frozen prison, but every time she came close, a chain would suddenly appear around her neck and she would get dragged off. Farther and farther away from her lover.
When the repetitive nightmare ended, her last nightmare was a shorter scene; Han lied with her, had her wrapped up in his arms. Leia recognized that there were in the comfort of his bunk on the Falcon and that only made her happier in addition to the extreme comfort of being with Han. The lights were out and Han held her close, his lips hovering over her crown. He whispered soft-spoken assurances to her and Leia just smiled, relishing the sound of his voice mixed with the feeling of his body pressed against hers. But Han stopped muttering comforts and Leia looked up to see if he was alright. His body turned cold and, starting from his toes, he started to freeze over. Han moved a hand down to her hip and brushed his thumb over her stomach. "Take . . . care . . . " he whispered, his voice fading.
Leia pressed her hands hard against his chest, trying to stop the cold from spreading. "Han? What do you mean?"
He repeated, kissing her lips one last time. "Take . . . care . . . not just for you."
With Han's last words, Leia's abruptly woke and sat upright in her bed to see C-3PO standing at the foot of the bed, staring at her. "Princess Leia, you're awake!"
Leia nodded, trying to catch her breath which had mysteriously left her. "Yes. Threepio, is there something you need? I'm really tired."
"Of course, Princess. It's just that the med-droid sent a message to your personal comm and I wasn't sure if I should wake you or not."
Leia growled, pulling the blankets over her head. "Threepio, if I'm ever sleeping, don't you dare wake me."
"Oh. Of course, Princess Leia. Now that you're awake, would you like me to share the message with you?"
Leia sighed. "Fine. What did the med-droid say, Threepio? That I'm perfectly fine? There's hardly even a bruise on my body. The only thing that's wounded is my spirit-"
"Actually, Princess Leia, the med-droid has reported escalating levels of estrogen and progesterone in your system. 2-1B suggests that a likely conclusion would be that you are pregnant. Dear heavens, that can't be true!"
Leia sat bolt upright in her bed, nearly throwing the blankets to the floor. She had the sensation of blood rushing to her head even though she was sitting up. "What was that, Threepio?"
"Well, Princess, 2-1B seems to be under the impression that you are pregnant. Would you like me to request that 2-1B reevaluates your results?"
"Review my . . . my results?"
"Yes, Princess Leia. The results from your appointment checkup that say-"
"I know what you mean, Threepio. I just . . . I . . . "
"Are you feeling alright, Princess-"
Leia stopped for a long moment, scrolled back to Threepio's earlier words, and tried to make sense of it. 2-1B suggests that a likely conclusion would be that you are pregnant.
No!Leia thought, shaking her head. No, that can't be. How . . . She knew how. She was mildly sure she even knew when, but she couldn't let the full thought hit her because if she did, then there was no denying it. There was no going back and Leia wasn't sure if she was ready to deal with that.
Could it be true, though? Was she . . . Leia dropped her hands to her stomach, holding them there. Was she pregnant?
Leia jumped from her bed and hurried to her 'fresher where she kept a tidy track of her cycle on a flimsi beside the door. Leia found the month's marking and went pale at the sight. "Kriff," she muttered, unsure of what else to say because her thoughts were flying at kilometers per minute, but, simultaneously, she couldn't think straight to even comprehend what this all meant.
"Princess Leia," C-3PO droned on, rather worried for Leia. "Princess Leia, if I may inquire, are you alright?"
She froze, letting a silence hang during which Leia processed it all through her head. Her hands fell to her stomach and the realization wanted to truly dawn on her, but she couldn't let it. In an instant, Leia had turned into a skeptic and she needed more proof. She needed to see it, feel it. She couldn't believe it even though she already knew it. Somehow.
"Threepio, tell 2-1B that I am on my way back. I want to review my results."
"Of course, Princess Leia. He must have made a mistake."
"Yes," Leia muttered. "This must be a mistake."
There was just something about flimsi that Leia loved. Something about the scratch of a writing tool on flimsi or even a stylus scribbling away on a datapad, marking an artwork of words, that soothed her. She'd admired its talents and beauty for so long, having filled several journals just since her three years of fighting with the Rebellion. But when she wrote now, it seemed to have the opposite of its usual effect; with every word she typed, her anxiety only grew.
I've been writing all about Han the last few days. He's all I can think about. He occupies all my thoughts like a constant whisper in my ear. I can't let go of my fear for him or the anxiety I get from wondering what on Coruscant is being done to him.
But today, a new thought has managed to take root and it's a terrifying thing to think about.
On that long trip to Bespin, Han and I had a lot of time and a lot happened during that time. It's funny how other Rebels have long since guessed it, but it's true. First, we kissed. That single first kiss opened up the rest of the world to us and things happened very quickly after that. We kissed and it all fell into place. We were in love; I with him and he with me. I remember we talked a lot. I mean a lot. We talked about the future we wanted. We talked about our hopes and dreams and each other. And I only fell deeper in love with him.
We didn't always talk, though. There were long kisses that sometimes ended in arguments when Han reached out to take a step I didn't want to take.
Okay, it wasn't that I didn't want to take it because I did. Really badly. But Han's threats of leaving the Rebellion haunted me. Eventually, I finally told him that that was why I couldn't do it. I still had my flower and I feared giving it to Han Solo if he was only going to leave me.
After I told him my terms, it was a few days before he responded to it. I remember I was curled up in Chewie's chair in the cockpit. I watched the stars gleam and twinkle in the sky. I was surrounded by silence until Han joined me. He settled into his chair and was silent for a long moment, so I kept my gaze on the stars. His hands fidgeted in his lap, crinkling up a flimsi sheet. Finally, he looked at me, holding out the sheet. "Here," he said, seeming nervous. "It's for you."
I took it in one hand, watching him carefully. "What is it?"
"It's just something I wanted to give you."
I opened up the sheet and nearly gasped aloud when I saw that it was a Rebel Alliance recruitment form. And Han had filled it out.
I stared at him
"I filled it out a while ago. I guess it's just a matter of turning it in. Look, Leia, I've always wanted to stay. That's why I've never left. But after this trip and what's happened with us already . . . I'm ready to say it, Leia. I love you, Princess, and I won't leave you. I swear it."
Maybe it was because I was already aware that I had no words to compete with that, but I didn't respond with words. I threw myself into his lap, kissing him. He carried me to his bunk and we consummated our love just over a month before we arrived at Cloud City.
Now, there has come a new result from that and I don't know what to do. I can't even get the simple words off my tongue because I'm afraid that this isn't a dream like I'm hoping and saying it aloud will mean it's real, it's happening. I don't think I could ever handle that.
The chime at the receptionist's desk rang and Leia jumped in her seat, nearly dropping datapad and stylus. Her gaze flashed to the desk and the droid standing there waved. "The meddroid has reviewed your results. She is ready for you."
"Thank you," Leia quickly said and hurried back to the small office she'd been in earlier for her checkup. The meddroid directed her back to the simple medbunk while a machine started pushing out a printed copy of the droid's tests. The droid wheeled herself in front of Leia and said in a synthesized mellow and high-pitched voice. "You are here to review your results from your previous appointment, correct?"
"Yes," Leia nodded. "Some of the results I received . . . I just wanted to make sure they were completely accurate."
"May I assume you are speaking of the pregnancy diagnosis I gave?"
"Yes. I . . . Um, are you sure about that?"
"Princess Leia, I assure you that I reran your test results and they came out the same as they did the first time I ran them. They have been confirmed, Princess. You are pregnant."
Rieekan couldn't lie to himself; he was worried. Leia had been expected at another High Command meeting, but come two hours later and she still hadn't arrived. The whole time, Carlist had been itching to leave and check on Leia, but Mothma would cut his hand off if he so much as reached for his comm during the meeting.
When the meeting was adjourned, Rieekan pulled out his comm and called Leia.