He finds the strength to fight the cold and an hour later, Adam is in front of her building. It's maybe two or three in the morning but the alcohol in his blood has erased that fact. Ruzek stays here, watching the street lights littering with intensity. For a while, he's captivated by the precious ray of light vanishing into darkness before coming around again and then, his dark eyes focus on the building. She's up there, somewhere and he needs to step up before it's too late, before his consciousness tells him to take a few steps back and never coming here ever again. He approaches the door and stops. He's thinking again, everything seems clear in his head but his muscles refuse to move. He wants her. He doesn't have the right to want anything from her. He longs for her. He is supposed to be in bed, sleeping besides his fiancé. A headache is coming, he can feel it when he passes his hand through his hair, quite awkwardly. He shouldn't be here. And when he turns around, he sees a shape walking towards him and then...
"Ruzek? Is that you? Do you realize it's two in the morning?", and Adam looks at Kim with this smoldering look, only him can do. He can't speak and the fact Burgess is now very close to him paralyses him in a way he wouldn't have thought possible before that day.
"Eh, Adam, are you okay? Did something happen?", that worried tone is going to be the death of him and the fact she calls him Adam makes him shiver but it is clearly not from the cold. He intents a smile but fails massively when her hand touches and squeezes his arm. His eyes meet hers and for once, he is speechless. She is a pure beauty, Kim is natural, she doesn't need to apply any make-up on her face to be the perfection she is. He loves her that way. In fact, he loves everything about her. And that hits him even more than Olinsky's words.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I shouldn't have come, it's not a big deal, Burgess, I'm... I'm sorry I bothered you." She has run, maybe for hours, he can see the tint of pink on her cheeks, her breathing still a bit hard after the race and damn, he can't even think straight and leaves before it's too late. He just can't move.
"Don't be silly, we both need a coffee anyway and now you're here, I think you owe me an explanation, don't you think?" He smiles even if the only thing that comes through his ming is that damn kiss of ours, several days ago. She acts like it never happened, they both agreed they would forget but that arrangement sucked all the way for him. He follows her in the building and he knows he has to behave like himself, being Adam seems like a curse any other day but that night, it is a duty. The stairs are not too difficult to overcome so he can allow himself some words.
"Did I tell you what happens next in the monks story?", and a ravishing smile appears on his face when she turns around to look at him, quite interested. "I don't think you did. Actually, you didn't even tell me the story itself if I remember correctly", and she opens the door of her flat and invites him in with a grateful hand gesture.
"So what about it, then?", she closes the door behind him, takes off her coat and looks at him with a genuine smile, like she always do when he's about to speak.
"Well, I told you how the moral of the story is to never carry around your problems with you and just move on? The two monks never really applied it to their case. In fact, they forgot it on their way home. They met a woman and they asked her to tell them a little story about her and her past. Three stories later, the two monks asked her another and then another, it was endless. Some people say, they both fall in love that day.. That might be the truth, who knows? Anyway, they carried on their journey and when finally, they got home... They just stopped praying. Do you know why?", Adam could tell by the way she looked at him that she was truly captivated by his story. She shakes her head, finds her way to the couch and sits, waiting for him to join her. He finally does and looks at her chewing his lower lip in anticipation.
"They didn't need to anymore. They had found love. They had found happiness, even if it was fleeting or passing by them... They carried the memory with them, they never moved on. They never could. So, yeah, I suppose you never should keep your problems on your shoulders but the memories of it, the feelings that came with it? Cherish them. Never get past them." And in his head, Adam speaks about them. Him and her. Their kiss. He can't forget, he cherishes the memory like it's gold and she wants it to be gold in her head to.
"Wow, you are getting better at that, aren't you? But... Why do I have the feeling it came to you during the last-minute?", she laughs a bit replacing a lock of her hair behind her ears, looking away from him for a few seconds.
"How would you know that? Are you in my mind, Burgess?", his playful tone is back again and he starts feeling like himself again until she speaks...
"I wish I would be. At least, I'd understand what's going on with you, I'd know why you're here and why the monks are speaking on your behalf, if that even makes sense...", she stopped laughing the minute before and Ruzek is still puzzled by the unfortunate change from her.
"If only I know myself...", he mumbles the words before touching her hand, trying to make eye contact with her, "I better go, you seem... I don't know...", he is not so good with words all of sudden and Burgess removes her hand before rising up.
"What are you doing here at two in the morning? Tell me the truth, Adam, the real truth, I won't tell, you know I'm your friend, right?", well, he knows and that is kind of his problem these days. He rises up too and faces her, only inches from her.
"Are we friends? Do you know, for sure, we are? It doesn't seem to me we're the friends type.. I mean, I don't know but I'd say, Olinsky and I are friends, You and Atwater are friends. You and I? What do we know about each other except the obvious fact we don't know how to act around one another ?", it's cold, he doesn't mean it that way but he can feel Kim tense in front of him, without knowing exactly why.
"You came here because we're not friends then? Sorry, I don't understand why you'd freeze to death in front of the building if we were not friends in the first place. I was here to listen to you but if you don't wanna talk about it, why bother come? Why?" she's the exact Kim she's used to be. She speaks with a warm voice. Even if she's hurt, Adam doesn't see it.
"I... I just...", he knows why. He knows the reason but the words don't want to come. Adam refuses them to be real. If they become real, he would be a cheater, a traitor... But he would not be a coward anymore. He can't talk so he does the thing he's the best at: acting on a true impulse. He approaches Burgess, puts a gentle hand on her cheek and looks at her with this longing look he can never deny. Maybe she will punch him for that but frankly, he doesn't care. He just catches her lips and enjoys it while he can. He wants her. He will always want her, no matter how hard she pushes him away or he tries to avoid her. He needs that. He needs her but is it enough?