Jess swallowed - now that she had gotten over the initial shock of being in the presence of the holy trinity, she felt incredibly shy and certainly full of guilt.

What where biggest sins?

Hmm...she'd definately say neglecting her grandmother and her anger if you were to ask her.

The grief of these transgressions followed her everywhere, every day. She was far too shy to ask for forgiveness...though she was physically strong - especially when enraged, in a spiritual sense, she was incredibly weak.

She didn't deserve forgiveness anyway since she couldn't forgive Barry.

She jumped out her skin when Barry suddenly cleared his throat.

"So...what do we do now then?" he asked.

"Well, you don't have to to anything. You can do anything you like." Jesus smiled.

"Perhaps you would like a drink?" Sarayu offered.

Both Barry and Jess nodded, but Jess's heart began hammering as she started recalling the bible.

"Water of life" came to mind and she felt cold and shaky as she imagined the spiritual meaning of God giving them a drink, even though in reality, they really were just being offered a simple drink.

Her anxiety refused to calm though, and Jess realised that she had started to sweat and tremble...pain rose in her chest, and quickly she looked around the room for 5 things she could touch - this was a proven method to calm anxiety and stop a panic attack.

She counted as she went: fireplace, chair, flowers, table, Barry...

Suddenly bile rose in her thoat.

She despised the very idea of touching Barry.

She only ever did it when she had to, such as helping his up or get dressed.

A sickening wave of nausea now hit her, and her breathing started to become eradic.

"Jessica, please be calm - you are safe, far from harm." Jesus said calmly and clearly.

After a few seconds, the message finally got through to her brain, and slowly she looked at him.

He was standing just feet away from her - from his expression, it was clear to Jess that he wanted to offer a consoling hand on her shoulder, but had known touching her would make her worse...the thought of the gesture was touching though, and she finally began to calm down.

"Have a drink, it will help." Jesus stated, offering the cup to her.

Immediately, her anxiety rose again, but in a moment she caught his eye.

It was...breathtaking...in his eyes, Jess could see everything.

She could see the light, the stars, the planets, the people, the animals, the heavens...

Blinking back tears, she gulped and took the cup from him.

"Thanks." she whispered.

He nodded kindly.

Now Jess felt entirely undeserving...to her the drink was more spiritual than quenching her thirst.

But at last, she gave in a drank, and found it to be utterly delicious.

In just a few mouthfuls, her entire body and even her mind relaxed and returned to normal - even her anxiety left her.

Her eyes widened and she looked back up at Jesus.

"Thank you." she said again, this time with far more gratitude and emotion.

"You are welcome." he nodded, eyes bright.

Beside them, Barry shook his head in disgust.

"You're not that grateful when I get you a drink." he said pettily.

Fury englufed Jess again, but she didn't say anything.

She spotted the bathroom and quickly locked herself in it.

She gritted her teeth to try and calm herself, and when that didn't work, she scratched her arm with her fingernails.

It took her over, and in a craze, she carved out 4 letters deeply into her arm.

Hate.

The pain was soothing, and at last the anger started to subside.

She breathed out relieved, and gently covered the new scratch with a wet wadd of toilet roll.

Then, as usual, she felt guilty.

God, Jesus and Sarayu were out there, and her whole existance had been a gift from them, and here she was damaging her body.

She really was ashamed, and ashen, she allowed a few tears to escape - it was the first time she'd really cried in years, but she wouldn't allow herself to become hysterical. She allowed the tears to fall for a few minutes, then wiped them away and washed her face.

Suddenly, a sickening pain in her abdomen took Jess by surprise, and it was so bad, she grabbed it and fell to one knee, crouching her body forwards to try and numb it.

She had one hand on the sink and groaned as waves of pain surged through her.

Tears fell freely now, and real fear rose.

What was happening?

She groaned as the pain became more and more intense.

She closed her eyes tight.

"Please help me." she whispered desperately.

Like that, there was a knock on the door.

"Jess?" a voice came.

It was Papa, and honestly, Jess had never felt more relieved in her life.

Papa opened the door and her eyes filled with pity.

Jess felt akward to find herself kneeling infront of God, but in all honesty, she cared more about the horrific pain she was in.

Papa gently crouched next to her and placed her hand on her abdomen.

In seconds, the pain vanished.

Jess's breathing returned to somewhat normal.

"What was that?" she breathed, panting a little.

Papa sighed.

"I think it would be better if Jesus explained this one to you...but can you wait just a little?"

Jess nodded silently - she was just relieved the pain was gone.

"Well, we're going to have dinner in a few minutes - would you like to join us? Papa invited.

Once again, anxiety flooded through Jess, but it vanished again at once.

Papa had her hand on Jess's shoulder, and Jess realised that as long as she was with Papa, and maybe even Jesus or Sarayu, then she would be ok - not perfectly fine, but ok.

"I'd love to have dinner with you." she responded honestly, if not a little meekly.

"Come, sit at the table." Papa smiled, standing up and holding her hand out.

Now feeling childish...but in a good way...Jess took her hand and followed her into the dining room and to the table.

She respectfully waited until she had permission to sit.

"Go ahead and make yourself comfortable honey." Papa invited with a knowing smile.

Jess grinned and sat down.

Jesus was already sitting with Sarayu, and Jess felt shy again, but not anxious - this was quite an improvement she reasoned with herself.

As she was thinking, Barry cleared his throat.

He looked akward as hell, and Jess couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

"Sorry about before, it was stupid." he muttered quietly.

Jess swallowed and nodded.

"It's fine...are you uh, joining us? she asked.

Barry looked around sheepishly.

"You are more than welcome." Jesus informed him warmly.

Barry looked relieved, and Jess cocked her head to the side a little - this behaviour was strange coming from Barry and she wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Can you give me a hand down?" he asked.

Jess did so, quiet and composed.

When she sat back down herself, she fell into deep thought, trying to make sense of everything that had happened in the last hour or two. She barely noticed when Papa sat down.

"Jess?"

"Jess?"

"Hey!"

Jesus gently pinched her arm, making her jump back to reality.

"Ow! Oh sorry!" she laughed.

She looked at Jesus and saw her was grinning at her, and all at once she felt giggly, like a school girl.

She let a few laughs out, but tried her hardest to surpress herself in respect to get the meal started.

However...the more she tried to NOT laugh, the more she felt the urge to, and it was getting harder and harder to hold back.

She decided it would be better to look anywhere but at the holy ones.

Big mistake.

She caught sight of Barry, and realised that he too had been caught in the trap of the giggle and was desperately trying to remain calm.

When they caught each other's eyes, it was too much and they burst out laughing.

Jess laughed harder than she had for years!

She laughed so hard her belly ached, and tears of glee rolled down her face.

After a good 4-5 minutes of laughing, she at long last began to calm down and got control.

For about a minute, there was still small bursts of giggles, but they too stopped.

Jess took a deep breath and sighed out happily.

Now, she could look at Papa, Jesus and Sarayu.

They were watching quite contently, smiles on their faces.

Jess was still grinning.

"Wow..ahem...sorry - should we uh - start the meal?" she asked happily.

"Indeed." Papa laughed, and so that is what they did.

It was truly delicious - the best food Jess or Barry had ever eaten!

It was a far cry from the usual processed food they were used to eating, and Jess was very grateful.

A good meal always was good for the soul as well as the body, so not only did it taste amazing, it also made them feel good and energetic inside.

When theywere finished, Jess sat smiling to herself - she had literally never felt so happy, and though it overwhelmed her, she liked it. She liked it a lot, and she realised that she truly was at peek joy when she was with the holy trinity.

She had to get over her shyness - and what was she even being shy about anyway?

God had seen literally billions of people in tears, on their knees...on their FACES sometimes, confessing the very worst sins imaginable, and sharing the worse pain imaginable, the worse fears imaginable, and on a more wonderful side, the most powerful love imaginable.

Jess breathed out, touched at these thoughts.

Then of course there was the fact that all of it was possible because the trinity had decided to create the world.

Humanity had messed up and always sinned, yet God was always there to forgive, and love, and teach.

Then there was sacrafice - God did not want humans to suffer in sin, and always wanted a close relationship with them, so Jesus had willingly lived as a human and suffered so much as payment - he had been beaten, humiliated and crucified, all so humanity could be at peace, yet they threw it back in his face...Jesus had done it - the same Jesus who was sitting just feet away from her!

Jess glanced up a little and spotted Papa's hands, and wonder filled her.

How long had it took for those hands to create everything? Every single detail, molecule, atom, every design so lovingly thought of, then given life with her breath.

As she thought this, Jess felt a rush of cold surge through her when she spotted Papa's wrists...

They had scars on too, clearly from large nails been driven through them.

She gasped silently.

Papa had been with him...every second.

She had felt every ounce of pain with her son.

Raw emotion filled Jessica now as she finally understood the incredible love the trinity had for humanity.

She couldn't even describe the level of gratitude she felt, and was almost afraid to breathe.

How could she not forgive Barry?

Jesus and Papa had shown her what price had been paid so that humanity's sins were forgiven, and if they went through all that and they could forgive Barry, then why couldn't she?

Now she felt truly ashamed of herself.

Yes, he had caused her so much pain...but it was nothing next to the crucifixion.

Jessica felt a few tears fall slowly, but did nothing to hide them.

She almost wanted to feel vulnerable and exposed, to show Papa and Jesus and Sarayu how powerful and amazing they were for teaching her that lesson.

Of course, they were mature about it all, and tactful.

"Hey Jessica, it's almost sunset. How about you and I go on the peer and watch? Then we can look at the stars? I know you like them." Jesus invited softly.

She looked up at him and blinked.

"I'd love that very much." she answered just as softly.

Well, come on then." he invited kindly, standing up and holding his hand out.

Feeling like a child again, but again in a good way, Jess tok his hand and felt her heart hammer when she touched him.

It was deeply spiritual, but this time, she wouldn't shy away. She would accept it, no matter what.