A/N: Sorry for the short chapter. I promise there is more of a plot. And it begins next chapter. Sort of.

Thank you to those who reviewed and followed this story! It makes me happy that people are reading it!

PART 1A FIVE: Not Really Living

Elle

You're not really living if you don't do what you love. You're just breathing. Existing. That's what I said before, and it's true. Life isn't worth it if you play the part of a puppet. It's much more interesting to live the life of the master. That way, you control your life, not anyone else.

Unfortunately, I'm not feeling that way at Wayne Manor. I'm not really living. A part of me – a large part of me – wonders if it was worth it to say yes to adoption. I'm not living any more here than I was with my foster family. I do my best to stay out of everyone's way, that's all. And I'm quickly growing tired of watching the same episodes of Batman over and over. There are only so many out there, after all.

There is nothing in the house or my room to show that I belong here. It's like I don't exist. I certainly don't feel as if I do. I'm invisible. Or maybe I really don't exist.

I came here so that I could live better, but I've found that I'm not really living at all.

Thursday, June 28

I'd lived at Wayne Manor for a week and nothing had changed. I still did my best to stay out of the others' way. I still felt like a stranger living in a guest room (and I was starting to wonder if it actually was a guest room). I still had nightmares almost every night.

I'd left the house once after asking Alfred if he could drive me to the library. Luckily, he wasn't busy and was able to do so. I got myself a library card and a stack of science fiction and dystopian books (like 'Hunger Games,' 'Uglies,' and '1984'). At least I wasn't as bored. And now I had ten books in my bookcase, even though it was only temporary.

I'd also gone to the grocery store, again by Alfred driving me. I only bought some small necessities – hair brush, shampoo, soap, toothbrush, tampons, underwear, bras, stuff like that – but it was nice to have some items to call my own in my bureau and my connecting bathroom. My closet, though, was filled with some of Tim's clothes, some of Dick's clothes, and some of Barbara's clothes. I wanted to ask about her, but ultimately decided against it. I didn't need someone else to basically look over me.

Other than briefly going out that day, though, I was still just existing. Bruce worked during the day – whether he went out to an office or whatever or if he stayed in his own private office at home, he was still working – and Tim was busy doing whatever he did. I was left on my own a lot, which scared me.

I was reading one of my library books when my bedroom door burst open and Dick jumped onto my bed. I cried out in surprise and fumbled with my book, hoping to save the page (I didn't). I looked at Dick and raised an eyebrow.

"Can I help you?" I asked dryly.

Dick pouted. "I came for a visit and that's all you can say to me?"

"Yes."

Dick grabbed my book from my hands, ignoring my startled, "Hey!"

"Oh, no, not another bookworm!" Dick teased. "We already have Tim for that!"

I ignored the hurt I felt from that. It was true, after all. Tim was the designated bookworm slash nerd of the Wayne Manor. Then who was I supposed to be?

"Give me back my book," I said, reaching for it. Dick held it away. I sighed. I didn't want to play this game with him. "Why are you here?"

"I'm visiting for a few days," Dick explained, finally handing back the book. I placed it on the nightstand. "So, you like to read?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. So?"

"Nothing," Dick said. "Just getting to know you, sis."

I shot him a look. "Don't call me that, please."

Dick stared at me for a moment before realization dawned on him. "Oh. Did someone in your family call you that?"

I didn't answer the question. Worried that Dick might try to push the subject, I said the first thing that came into my mind. "When do I get to meet Jason?"

Dick's expression darkened a bit. "You don't."

I rolled my eyes. "I want to meet him. He really doesn't seem as bad as everyone makes him out to be." Of course, I was slightly biased. I liked Jason. And, to be honest, I agreed with his method of controlling crime. It made sense to me. Not that I would tell anyone that. I'd probably get locked up in a heartbeat.

Dick frowned. "Real life is different."

I shrugged. "Still. He's a part of your family. And if I'm going to become part of your family, then I deserve to meet him, and he deserves to meet me." Even if he probably wouldn't care. Or try to kill me. But I really shouldn't make assumptions.

Dick shook his head. "You don't want to meet him. Trust me."

"I wish everyone would stop treating me like I'm a child!" I snapped angrily. "I'm seventeen years old! I know what I do and don't want!" Dick stared at me in surprise. I bottled down the rest of my anger. Embarrassment and shame became my prominent emotions. I looked away. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Dick said gently. "It's okay to be mad. We want you to be comfortable enough around us to be able to yell. Or cry or come to us if you need help."

I shrugged. "'Kay."

"Elle," Dick said softly. "Ellie, look at me." I did so reluctantly, ignoring the new nickname Dick had given me. At least he wasn't calling me 'sis.' "You don't have to be polite and nice all the time. Be mad, be sad, be grumpy, whatever. Don't hide from us. We're family."

Not yet, I thought.

Dick sighed and stood. "If you ever need anything, just ask." He leaned over and gave me a hug. I stiffened. I didn't relax until Dick let go and finally left the room.

Friday, June 29

I was restless and bored. Not as bored as before. After all, I had my laptop and books. But I was beginning to feel trapped in the house. I didn't have any chores, which made me feel useless. I didn't like not having anything useful to do. And I was starting to feel like a lazy bum.

It was still early when Dick and Tim told Alfred that they were going for a run. I perked up. It was a way to get out of the house. And exercise was important. I knew that I was out of shape and could in no way keep up with Dick and Tim, but I still wanted to tag along.

After some persuading, I followed Dick and Tim as we ran. I felt bad and embarrassed that they had to slow down their pace to stick with me. I'd have let them run ahead, but I didn't know the way. As soon as I saw Wayne Manor come back into view, though, I let them leave me behind as they raced.

Out of breath, I came to a huffing stop. I was definitely out of shape, but I had refused to stop for any reason. I watched Dick and Tim run at full speed, laughing and taunting each other. I tugged self-consciously on my – er, Tim's – shirt. I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't strong enough. I was agile enough, and I had a good reaction time, but those didn't really count. I didn't belong here, with the Batfamily.

I told myself that I would be better at fitting in. First thing's first: get in shape. But I didn't want anyone to know I felt left out, so I didn't ask for help. I ate less at lunch and dinner than I normally did. I ate one plate of food at each, plus a very small dessert. Usually, I'd eat closer to one and a half plates. Hey, every little bit I didn't eat counted.

I decided to try some sit-ups and push-ups in my room so that no one would see me making a fool of myself. I only managed to get to twenty sit-ups and three push-ups. That needed to change. I made a goal that by the end of August, I would be able to do one hundred sit-ups and twenty push-ups. That evening, I went for another run. The sun was still up, so I could see where I was going. I knew the path after doing it once, so I went alone, only telling Alfred where I was going. I didn't want Dick and Tim to come with me. What if they made fun of me?

I refused to stop for any reason. I pushed myself until I did the entire course. By the time I returned to the house, Dick, Tim, and Bruce were all in the Batcave, getting ready to leave for patrol or whatever (they didn't tell me anything).

"Miss Elle, I am worried about your behavior today," Alfred told me.

I blushed as I drank a glass of water. I decided to tell him the truth. I trusted him not to tell the others. "I'm out of shape," I said. "I want to be able to keep up with them when they go running."

"It would not do anyone any good if you passed out from exhaustion," Alfred replied sternly.

I shrugged. "I know my limits. I just want to … be up to par with them, I guess." I glanced in the general direction of the Batcave. "Don't tell them that, though."

"Tell who what?" Alfred replied, giving me the slightest of grins before walking away.

I wanted to ask him if I could do something in the house, but knew he'd say no. I headed back up to my room. I still felt out of place and like a burden. What was the point of me even staying there? This had been a mistake. Maybe I should just leave and save everyone the trouble.