A/N: Later on, I write how to block a punch in detail. Please note that I have no experience on how to actually do so.

Warning: language

PART 1A SEVEN: Live to the Fullest

Elle

Going back to what I said before, about the difference between living and simply existing, I have to say that I also support living to the fullest. It just doesn't do if you want to make a change, but not too big of a change. Maybe you look a little too long before you leap until you psych yourself out or don't leap as far as you'd intended. But that means you didn't make it to your goal.

So it's best to just jump right into things. Maybe look for a split second, just to make sure you're not going to jump off a cliff, but then just do it. Don't think about the consequences because then you'll forget why you ever wanted to jump in the first place.

In real life, people do this all the time, and they end up hating themselves for it. For instance, you might decide to become an English professor, so you declare your major. But then you start thinking about it too much – all the work that you have to do, maybe, or perhaps you think you're not good enough, or you simply change your mind but it's too late – and you never make it past a bachelor's degree.

You lose your motivation and wonder why you ever wanted to be an English professor, and suddenly you're stuck with a major that really doesn't do any good unless it's to become a teacher. So you have to settle for something else entirely – a job at a grocery store, or maybe you somehow become a guidance counselor, but you don't want to do either of those things, and you never get around to making that extra hop towards being an English professor.

That's what a lot of life is – settling for something that you're not happy with. You need to take those chances that you're scared of, regardless of where you end up. Don't overthink it or you'll never make it. But don't settle. It makes life boring and you'll quickly grow tired of whatever it was you settled for. Why bother existing if you're just doing your second-choice or third-choice or last-choice job, or life, or school, or hobby, or whatever else there is out there?

Life at Wayne Manor was a leap for me. I used to think that just meeting Bruce and the others would be enough. Instead, I managed to get farther, and I believed it was enough. But the longer I stay, the more I realize that there had always been the desire to do something more, to be better, to live life in a more exciting way than just plain living.

I told Jason that I'm not a Bat, and I think that was when I realized what I was missing. I didn't take the largest leap I could. I doubt Bruce would let me help with fighting crime, but I think that's what the remaining hop is. Because I've found that I'm settling for just living in the manor, but what am I doing? Why bother?

I need to change my attitude and follow my own advice – live to the fullest.

Monday, July 2

I had to resist the urge to yell at Alfred when he woke me up at seven in the morning. Luckily, I didn't have a nightmare last night, so he didn't see me crying or whatever it was that I did in my sleep. I glared at Alfred through sleepy eyes since I'd only gotten a few hours of sleep.

"We start making breakfast at eight thirty, miss Elle," Alfred told me.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes. Why did he have to wake me up this early, then? Alfred left the room. Glancing at the time on my phone, I decided to do some more push-ups and sit-ups. After doing so for forty-five minutes and recording how many I'd done, I showered and changed. It was around 8:15 when I went down to the kitchen.

"So, what are we making?" I asked Alfred, who was getting ingredients out of the fridge.

"Fried eggs on toast, buttermilk and blueberry pancakes, and fried ham," Alfred listed. My mouth watered just hearing it.

I walked up to the sideboard. "What do you want me to do?"

"Do you know how to make pancakes?"

"If there's a recipe book, then sure."

Alfred got out a recipe book and turned to the page he wanted. I got to work making the pancakes from scratch while Alfred did the rest. I stacked pancake upon pancake on a serving dish and went to set the table. Dick was already up and lounging in a chair.

He looked at me, surprised. "You're cooking?"

I blushed. "Yeah."

I set the table while Dick watched, teasing me a bit. I ignored him and went to help Alfred bring out the food. Tim and Bruce both entered the room as we did so.

Tim looked at me, then at the food. "I hope this doesn't poison me," he deadpanned.

I shot him a small glare when he wasn't looking. "Just eat it," I sighed.

Everyone complimented me on the pancakes. I was so happy that I hadn't messed up. And I finally did something. I wasn't useless, at least that morning. That was better than every other day I'd stayed at the manor. And Alfred even let me help wash the dishes. Most people would think I was insane for wanting to do chores, but it made me feel better.

By the time the dishes were put away and the table and kitchen were cleaned up, it was nearing eleven. Alfred went to do a load of laundry, so I was stuck doing nothing. I read more from the library books, but I was quickly running out of them. How was I supposed to get through a week without electronics?

Feeling brave and more comfortable, I wandered the building. Maybe I could do as they'd suggested and actually try talking to them? After all, I had to admit that I was a big reason I felt like an outsider. I didn't even try to get to know them. How must that look? And they claimed that they wanted to know me, too, so maybe we could play a game or something. Like Twenty Questions. Or even just a board game. At least with a board game or a card game, I'd get an idea of what sorts of things they liked. Did they even have those kinds of things here?

However, after lapping the building twice – and getting lost once due to the fact that I never really went anywhere besides my room, the kitchen, and the living room – I couldn't find anyone. I knew Alfred was doing stuff, but where were the others? And then it hit me. I wanted to slap myself. They were the Batfamily. Where did I think they were?

I hesitated at the entrance to the Batcave. Tim had shown me down there once, but Bruce didn't seem to want me there. What if they didn't want someone who wasn't part of the Batfamily – which, to me, included Alfred – to see? I almost turned away to go lie on the couch, but I took a deep breath and resisted the urge. If I wanted to fit in, then I had to be the one to make an effort, seeing as they were only doing what they thought I was comfortable with. With that thought, I finally headed down to the Batcave.

Dick was over on the bars, doing moves that I could never hope to achieve. I watched him with fascination and interest. He really was as agile and fluid as the cartoons had perceived him to be. I turned to Tim and Bruce, who were sparring. I couldn't keep up with the moves, but it looked fun. And hard. But fun.

No one had noticed my entrance. Or, more likely, they had noticed – they were Bats, after all – but had elected to ignore my presence. Which I was more than okay with, seeing as their training was entertaining. I sat on the last stair and watched Bruce and Tim.

I was reminded of when I was a little girl and I wanted to learn karate or kung fu or some other form of martial arts, but there weren't any places nearby who could teach me. And suddenly, those feelings I'd had about martial arts – about learning to fight and having fun and just plain defending myself – came back at me, full force. I hadn't thought about learning martial arts in years, but watching Bruce and Tim brought it all back.

When Tim and Bruce ended their sparring match, I took a deep breath and spoke up. "Can you teach me how to do that?"

"What, spar?" Tim asked, surprised. I forced down my anger and frustration. I might be shy and insecure, but I still wanted to learn. Or maybe he was just surprised that I'd spoken. Maybe I was taking things out of hand. Not trusting myself to speak, I nodded.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Bruce said. I looked at Tim, who shrugged.

"Please? Just really basic-basic stuff?" I pleaded. By 'really basic-basic' I meant a simple punch. Or a kick. Or, just a bit further but still basic, how to get out of a chokehold. Or something. I didn't expect to be good, or even to get it down the first day, but I wanted to try. I'd be able to mark it off my non-existent bucket list, at least.

"It's hard work," Tim told me. I shrugged.

"So? I still want to try."

"No," Bruce said. "You'll get hurt."

I couldn't believe I was hearing this. "I'm not fragile. I can handle it. Please?"

"I'm with them on this one," Dick said, flipping onto the ground. "Sorry, Ellie."

"No, it's fine," I said, perhaps a bit too harshly. I wondered when I'd gotten a short temper. Or maybe I was just getting worse at hiding my anger. I stood up abruptly and headed back upstairs.

Lunch was awkward. I refused to speak to anyone, not even Alfred. I wasn't a child. At the same time, I wasn't expecting to be perfect or amazing. I just wanted to try. Was that so much to ask? I understood their point of view; that I would get hurt and they didn't want that. But I just wanted to learn. I wanted to fit in a bit more, too, but that was just a little added bonus.

Maybe a part of me also wanted to earn their respect, but neither they nor I had allowed that to happen. I'd hidden up in my room a lot, run off, and then I suddenly want to get to know them? I could've planned that better. I hated how I'd started off living at the manor. I was trying to change it, but how could I?

Suddenly not hungry, I excused myself from the table and went to my room. I knew I was being unfair, but every little thing seemed to set me off now. Why couldn't they just teach me how to block a punch, even? I was sure that even Jason would do that.

Jason. That was it. Maybe he would teach me some stuff. I mean, he wouldn't care if I got hurt, and he didn't care at all about what Bruce thought. Perfect. I was still grounded, but I figured that it was about time that I became a bit of a rebel. I found the paper I'd written my runaway note on and flipped it over to the blank side. I simply wrote 'went for a walk.'

Of course, I knew that being grounded meant that I couldn't leave the building. But at least they wouldn't panic if they noticed my absence. I opened my window and looked down. I was on the top floor, but there was an overhang below me, a little to the left. I bit my lip and took a deep breath to calm myself down. I was scared of falling, but I wanted to do this. I climbed out of the window and shimmied over to where the overhang was. I stood on the overhang for a moment before climbing down a nearby tree.

Without a second thought, I ran off. I didn't know my way around Gotham, but I knew the main street that Tim had shown me, and I knew where Jason lived. I walked quickly through the street, trying to remember where he'd driven me on his motorcycle so I could retrace my steps. It took a couple of hours – I got lost a lot, plus Jason was on the other side of the city – but I finally made it to Jason's apartment.

I knew it wasn't a good idea to not only sneak out, but also to ask Jason to teach me some sparring moves. But I couldn't bring myself to care. I liked how I was slowly but surely becoming more sure of myself. I knocked on the door, hoping that Jason was there. And that he wouldn't kill me.

To be honest, I expected the gun that was pointed at my face. It still scared me, though. When Jason saw it was me, he threw the gun onto the couch and rolled his eyes at me. I crossed my arms, waiting for him to move aside so I could enter.

"What are you doing here, kid?" Jason asked, annoyed.

"I want you to teach me how to fight," I said before I lost the nerve.

Jason raised an eyebrow. "It isn't a game. Go home." He tried to close the door, but I managed to slip inside.

"No," I said defiantly. I knew what I wanted. And I wasn't going to let another person put me down.

"What, Bruce not good enough for ya?" Jason collapsed onto the couch.

"He won't teach me."

Jason stared at me. "And you thought I would?" he mocked. He sat up. "Listen, kid, do yourself a favor and leave the fighting to the big boys, yeah?"

I glared. "What about Barbara?" I challenged. "She can fight. And it's not like I want to go crime fighting. I just want to learn. For fun."

Jason let out a bark of laughter. "Fun? Fun? You want to learn to fight because it's fun?"

I blushed. I suddenly felt very small.

"Well, listen here, kid," Jason said darkly, standing up. I took an involuntary step back. "Fighting is more than just 'fun.' It's a lifestyle. And you don't want that lifestyle. Trust me."

I didn't know if he was talking about him growing up on the streets or how Bruce, Dick, and Tim all fight crime. It didn't really matter. I still wanted to learn.

"Just teach me," I begged.

Jason snorted. "It's just a phase. You'll get over it."

I glared. "I've wanted to learn for years. I never had the opportunity, and now that I do, no one will fucking teach me!" I yelled.

Jason stared at me for a moment. My anger faded into fear, once more. Why did I shout at him? He could kill me before I even realized he was thinking of doing so. I guess my frustration had gotten the better of me. Again. I really needed to work on that.

Jason took a step towards me. "You want to learn how to fight?" he asked. I didn't say anything. He took another step forward. I took one back. "Well, do you?"

I nodded shakily. "Y-yeah." Then, more confidently, "Yes."

The next thing I knew, Jason was throwing a punch at me. I raised my arm and ducked my head instinctively, involuntarily closing my eyes and flinching away. When I realized I hadn't been hit, I opened my eyes. Jason's fist had stopped an inch away from me.

"You want to block with your left," Jason told me, nodding towards my arm. "You used your dominant arm to block, which leaves you vulnerable on both sides."

Realizing what he was doing, I stayed in position. "Don't duck your head. A punch from underneath and in that position would probably break your nose."

Jason demonstrated the underhand punch slowly, without actually touching me.

"Don't close your eyes; rule number one of anything."

I blushed.

"You twisted your body to get away, but you put your right side – your dominant side – forward. You want to keep your body firm."

I stiffened as Jason started moving my limbs and upper body until he was satisfied with my defensive posture.

"Spread your legs a bit to give you move balance." I did so. "Bend your knees. You don't want to be locked in place." I followed his instructions silently.

"Now, when you see a punch coming towards you, move your left arm – your defensive arm – in front of you like this." He showed me. "You want to twist your upper body slightly, just to keep your dominant side less vulnerable to attack."

I practiced it a few times, with Jason correcting my moves. Finally, he was satisfied. "Not the best, but it'll do for the first day."

"Wait. That's it?" I asked, disappointed. I thought that Jason would help me a bit more than just a simple block.

Jason raised an eyebrow. I bit my lip. Okay, then. That was it.

"Do you know where the park is?" Jason asked. I shook my head. "Then come back here tomorrow, anytime during the day. We'll head over to the park and work on more defensive moves."

I bit my lip. "I'm grounded, though."

Jason snorted. "Like that stopped you from coming here today."

I shrugged. I turned to leave. Then I realized. "Wait. How'd you know I was right-handed?"

"The way you held the gun a couple days ago," Jason said. I wanted to slap myself. Duh. "And if it wasn't for that, I would have been able to tell with how you instinctively blocked the punch. People without training use their dominant arm to block."

I nodded, taking in what he said. I grinned. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it, kid," I heard Jason say as I left.

It took me a little less time to get back to Wayne Manor since I now knew the way. It still took me a while, even though I fast-walked the entire way due to the fear that I'd get mugged or something. It was getting dark and I didn't trust anyone. I ran up the street/driveway of Wayne Manor, hoping that no one had noticed I'd been gone.

They had.

Tim was waiting outside the manor. And he saw me. So I couldn't sneak in through my window. I walked up to him.

"You're in trouble," he informed me.

I shrugged, knowing that already.

When Bruce saw me, he glared at me. I looked down at the ground fearfully.

"What, exactly, does 'grounded' mean?" Bruce growled. I flinched. "You left the manor after I specifically told you not to." I didn't answer. Bruce sighed, frustrated. "Go to your room. You are not to leave until breakfast tomorrow. No dinner."

I walked off, not regretting my actions, but fearing the Batman, even out of costume.

"And don't think about sneaking out again; Dick is watching your window," Bruce called.

Great. Now how was I supposed to meet up with Jason tomorrow?

Tuesday, July 3

I was watched like a hawk all day. I was never left alone. Even if I couldn't see anyone watching me, I could feel eyes on my back. It frustrated me.

I helped Alfred make dinner. And then I actually managed to convince Bruce that I wouldn't leave if all of the Batfamily went out that night. Of course, around one in the morning, I did the exact opposite. I made my way to Jason's apartment, doing my best to avoid the alleys. I just hoped that no one would see me.

I knew that Jason was out being Red Hood, so I scrawled a note of apology and left it where he could see it. There was no way I'd be able to get out of the manor the rest of my punishment, but I had to let Jason know that I was still interested.

I hurried back to the manor. I ran, actually. I hope there weren't security cameras set up around the building. Otherwise, Bruce would know I snuck out. Again. But I wouldn't do it until the week was over. I would play the part of the obedient girl.

And then, at the end of the week, I would go back to being the rebel.