A/N - Ok, here we go. If there ever was a chapter to divide a community, here it is. Many people (hah, like many people read this…) will be slightly peeved at what I am about to do, but it makes sense in my head, so deal with it. Though I am open to criticism, suggestions, ideas and inspiration, this is my fic.

Deal with it.

Also, I am searching for a Beta reader, though no one has bitten. Despite being a Beta reader myself, I would love to have a second opinion, and it would speed up my writing immensely. The frequency of updates will of course decrease, but for now, just enjoy my backlog of chapters.

Suggestions and requests for where this story will head are always welcome, and don't forget to review. Even if just to say how terribly _ this is.

His Lilac Queen: Part 0 - Due Divergence Due Reward

Chapter 3

- Harpy of Britannia -

"I can deal with my knight, Lulu," she answered, voice hard and firm. Her eyes narrowed in determination as if readying herself for the coming storm. Her fists tightened, fingers digging marks into the fabric of her white gloves.

"I'll make him see..."

Suzaku paced directly outside the mouth of the cave, but his eyes never left the entrance. He had searched every inch of the interior, certain that there was no other exits, only partially assured by the witch's sincerity. It was no surprise the two had a lot to discuss, judging by their actions within C's World, there was much unsaid between them. Maybe they were romantically involved, or if not already, would be by the time they exited. He shivered at the idea that Lelouch could be naked in there. Some things, were best left unimagined, especially the sex life of your mortal enemy.

Or was it best friend? What other friends did he have? Lloyd was just his employer, who valued nothing more than his simulator scores. Cecile was just as likely to discard him should he ever be discharged from duty. He had no fellows within the ranks, as all the Honorary Britannians hated him, and the purebloods treated him like filth. Kallen hated him, Shirley had suicided, and he possibly killed Nunnally. He knew for sure he had killed Guilford, so now Cornelia wouldn't be even sane around him. Schneizel unsurprisingly treated him like a tool, Villetta was with the Black Knights, and Nina was in depression and hiding because of his actions in Tokyo. Even the student council had forgotten him, and he had just watched as they were rewired like pawns for the Emperor's sick amusement. Wasn't it he that said Geass was nothing but evil, yet wholeheartedly had served its most malevolent user? Lelouch at least had purpose, no matter how violent it had been. Lelouch was the only person who had even remotely tried to be there for him, even after he had rejected him, threatened him, revealed him, thrown him in front of the Emperor for a spot in the Rounds, rewired his friends, participated in wars designed just to draw him out, and killed his own sister. He had no doubt lost whatever trust Lelouch held in him.

But Lelouch was no different. He had murdered, deceived, brainwashed, manipulated, all for his own selfish revenge. And he had forced...had forced…

Euphie, it always came back to Euphie. Just like Lelouch always did everything for Nunnally. He had forced her to start a genocide, defaced her name, destroyed her ideals, watched her kill millions, and then shot her. It was irredeemable. Just like he was irredeemable for Tokyo, Lelouch would follow him straight into hell. Of course, that would be after Suzaku works out a way to kill himself, the bastard had taken away even his own ability to suicide. Maybe if he…

"Sir Kururugi." Suzaku's head snapped to the emerging figure of Lelouch, who for some reason appeared happier than ever before. Almost as if...'Pleeease don't tell me they actually did it in there.' Curse his prudish nature, Suzaku couldn't even stop the blush from emerging. Something Lelouch was quite eager to point out. "Oh, does flattery get you flustered so easily? How Euphie survived you I'll never know..."

He didn't...he didn't just…

His hands were around his neck before the prince could even blink. The knights rage filled eyes bore into him, forcing his fingers tighter and tighter around his throat, all his musings forgotten in the face of this being of evil incarnate. How dare he! How dare he! "How dare you speak her name!" he roared, spittle flying into Lelouch's face. "You, the one who ruined her, who killed her!" He was right, there was no humanity left in him, in either of them. White and black, two sides of a coin coated in innocent blood.

But Lelouch never lost his smile. It was taunting, knowing, hiding something from him. "I think you should learn the facts before you preach them." What? What did he mean? He knew the facts, Euphie was brainwashed, he could see it in her eyes. Her lax, unfeeling expression, devoid of warmth and colour, fit the descriptions for Geass perfectly. She had even fought it off at the very end, and he could see her eyes lose their reddened hue that declared her a pawn of Lelouch. But he knew something. Lelouch had once loved Euphie, and even if he never showed remorse, he never openly joked or laughed about it, never denied it. He had learned something in that cave.

"What." he demanded. "What could you possibly claim that would change anything!"

Lelouch forced a chuckle through his constricted airways. "It's not so much what I could say, but rather…"

"But rather what I shall."

That voice, it was a mockery. A joke, a lie, a cruel play by the gods. A voice that brought back times of peace and simplicity, of happy memories and almost no worries. A voice that haunted his dreams and fueled his actions. A voice whose memory drove him to be the person he was today. A voice he'd both hoped and dreaded hearing again. Because that would mean...that would mean…

That he was wrong.

"Eu-euphie?" he whispered, snapping to face her, releasing his hold on her brother, and drank in her appearance. She didn't look a day older than when he last saw her, on that fateful in the Special Administrative Zone. So lost in his exuberance, he missed the narrowing of her eyes, and the tightening of her fists.

"My name is Lady Euphemia, Sir Kururugi." she spat, shocking the two men with her vehemence. Her lilac eyes bore into his emeralds, freezing the Nihonjin in his tracks. "Only those who I call friend can address me in short."

"Euphie?" Lelouch breathed. "What are you doing?" Even if she had witnessed his descent, that wouldn't erase the history between the two of them, it wasn't like her! Maybe it wouldn't be rainbows and unicorns, both united again in bliss, but he never imagined this. Why was she so inflamed? Suzaku had been living for her, doing everything she...everything she…

Everything she hated.

He had dedicated his life to upholding her ideals yes, but had he followed through? He had thrown Lelouch to the Emperor, to use as a stepping stone for his own success. He had sat and watched Charles toy with his friends, erasing the memories and times they all held dear. He had destroyed the Tokyo Settlement, erased millions of lives from existence, just to escape his fate. And Euphie said she had seen everything. She would have watch him burn down livelihoods in flame, trying to impose his ivory cage upon the population, selfishly forcing others into submission to suit his ego and ideals. And every time, every time, she would have heard him scream…

'This is for Euphie!'

But still, this was Euphemia, surely she would forgive him! She cared for him, right? Even Lelouch, though he now detested Suzaku and everything he represented, could understand, and potentially let go of his resentment towards his former friend and his follies. His naive heart had led him astray, just as Lelouch's own had been stained in apathy and guilt. After all, the path to hell is paved in good intentions. But if he, Lelouch vi Britannia, a man whose whole life was centered on revenge, on his personal dream, could resolve him for his mistakes, why couldn't she?

Of course, because she loved him. Because she had entrusted herself to him, and he had shown his true colours. Colours that belied everything he was and had ever been. A selfish, idealistic, naive, brat. To self-absorbed to see the impacts his actions held. The antonym of everything Euphemia had seen in him. Even indirectly, he had lied to her. Broken her trust. She would never forgive him, never trust him, most likely never stand him again. All she had to hold onto in C's World were his and Suzaku's actions, and her memories. Memories he had stained with falsehoods, with doubt of his true intentions. With the new memories created by his hate. Hate, all of it in her name.

"Euphie? What's the matter, it's me!" Suzaku obviously hadn't cottoned on to this yet, and still had yet to notice the signs of just how deep her anger ran. "Kami, I've missed you so much-"

"Silence Sir Kururugi, I do not want to listen to your whinings." she roared, shutting him up once more. "Do you know how infuriating it was, watching all the pain you've caused, all the lives you've ruined!?" She was screaming now, losing all semblance of composure. "The way you treated your friends, your underlings, my memory!?" The knight began to take trembling steps back, suddenly more afraid than ever before in his life, even his 'live' command was screaming out in anguish, trying to force him away from the danger this young woman represented.

"But most of all, what you did to my brother!" Venom was flowing in streams, cascading off her words and right into Suzaku's heart. What did he do to who? Lelouch? But he…

"...But he killed you!" he yelled back, desperate to calm this beast, this thing that was anything but Euphemia, the sweet teenager he spent his days with, who he fell in love with. What was this...thing? "He deserved it, he murdered the people of the SAZ!" He tried to walk back towards her, but had to force every centimetre of ground gained out of his legs. "He killed civilians with poisoned gas, he started a rebellion, he forced you to become a monster!"

"What idiocracy is this?" she spat. "Even now you're made of nothing but lies!"

How didn't she...oh course! She didn't know he was Zero! The purple suit he wore had been replaced in C's World with some strange Geass clothing. "Euphie, don't you know? He's Zero! He's the one that hurt you!"

"I knew he was Zero far before you ever did." Suzaku was silenced once again. "We talked, face to face in the SAZ, he even agreed to help me in my quest, as naive and hopeless as I now see it was." She advanced right into his face, grabbing his shaking collar and pulling him forward by his pilot suit. "And he didn't kill me." she whispered directly into his pale face. "Not by choice. Didn't Lulu just tell you to 'learn the facts before you preach them'?"

"B-but...I...I saw him shoot you! Y-you were Geassed!"

"He did, after all hope for me had vanished. Don't you see how that killed him inside, to shoot the first person he had ever loved?" she released him, throwing him harshly to the ground, and turned away. "Of course not, you were to busy in your little black and white fantasy world to see the suffering of others."

Suzaku clutched his bruised wrist, wincing in both pain and fear. She had dropped him with considerable force, force he was sure she didn't have before. His arm had been caught under him when he fell, and was most likely broken. He wasn't sure how much more he could deny the 'live' command, especially after his physical injury. "B-but, G-geass…"

She spun back around, and threw him a cruel smirk. "Do you want to hear something funny about Geass, Kururugi? It's really quite interesting." I She leaned over him, imposing her smaller physique in a way that put the Emperor to shame. "I met this nice lady called D.S, and guess what she gave me?"

"My very own Geass!"

Both males were thrown into shock, or in Suzaku's case, more of it. Lelouch took it slightly better, already accepting the possibility the moment she had explained her time in C's World. But what would drive it? All Geass were created and shaped by the person's inner desires. His was from his wish for people to obey him. C.C had wanted love. Mao wanted to understand what happened in people's heads. Euphemia...what would she have desired? Alone, sitting abandoned in C's World, with only D.S for occasional company. Constantly watching the pain inflicted upon Lelouch, forever wanting to help him, but always out of reach. She would have felt...embittered. Betrayed, vindictive, furious. She would have wanted to…

Hurt those who betrayed them.

"Should I give you a demonstration, Sir Kururugi?" she taunted, cruel mirth etched into her eyes. "Or would you like to just pretend you still have a chance of getting into bed with me? Sometimes I wonder, was there any other reason for putting on that facade for so long? A bit of fun with a princess?"

"I w-would never..I could never do that to you! I love you Euphie!"

…

…

"Disgusting."

And with one word, Suzaku's world died around him, collapsing in an avalanche of broken dreams. The walls of his mindscape were already weak from guilt and anger, and finally fell down in a shower or splinters. She had rejected everything he was, his person, what he represented, what he dreamed. He had nothing. No rank, no love, no friends, no goals, and only the last threads of his sanity. He didn't even have a Knightmare anymore. He only had...only had…

...nothing.

Euphemia finally relented, both disappointed and relieved at not actually using her Geass. He had suffered, and would suffer more in time. No need to destroy him, not before he was absolved in her eyes. "From now on, you shall live in penance. Not for your father, and not for me. You shall live for the millions killed at your whim, the billions impacted by your actions. The friends betrayed in your hubris. I never got to show you my Geass, but if you're wondering…"

"It's called the Geass of Absolute Torment."

With that, she turned on her feet, and walked back into the cave, even if only to avoid his dead eyes. Dead eyes caused by her hatred. It was hard holding up that act, but it needed to be done. Needed, if Suzaku was going to become the pawn required of him, the mindless trump to help bring their plans to fruition. Though she no longer held love, or even a basic friendship with the boy, he didn't deserve the burden placed on him. He had been pressured, and he broke, hard. And because of his fragility, others suffered for him. And that was inexcusable.

…

…

It was silent outside, the wind dead and the animals scared away. Neither man dared breath. That final statement had brought avalanches of snow down their spines, stunning them both to the core. Although Lelouch's face still held the shocked disapproval he had maintained for the entire speech, Suzaku had finally broke. No tears came, in fact none had, not once did he cry. He didn't relieve himself, nor did he run away. But he had broken. His eyes were now empty, filled with nothing but self-loathing and despair. He couldn't die, couldn't live, and didn't even fully exist. He had nothing.

"I...I'm so sorry."

Surprisingly, it was Lelouch who had spoken. No man, even Suzaku, deserved that torment, not from the one they cared about most. Lelouch would have broken far sooner say, if Nunnally had done the same, rejected him for what he had done in her name. Maybe, she would've already, had she not died in Tokyo. "I didn't think she'd...god I'm so sorry."

"Stop." Suzaku whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. "Just stop." Lelouch complied instantly, unwilling to torment the man any further. "I deserve every word. Every accusation, every insult. She's right." Silence held for a seemingly endless moment, before being broken once more by the prince. "Just, please, tell me the truth."

"I...I'm guessing you mean what happened in the Zone, right?" The knight merely nodded. "I...I don't think I should be the one to tell you." Lelouch admitted. "But I blamed myself...hated myself...more than anything else. I don't know if what I say will be...what you need to hear. Nobody else was there, well, except for...her. But I don't think you and Euphie should ..." Suzaku nodded once more.

"There is one other, but, yeah, I suppose she'll do. Her name is D.S, she knows everything. She...watches me, what I do, what I've seen. She's...I guess it's like a Geass. But she's your best bet, unbiased and all." Lelouch cursed himself for his bumbling, but couldn't even formulate proper sentences at the sight of his shattered childhood friend. He couldn't bring himself to say what really happened, the hopelessness, horror, blunders on all their parts. But her couldn't face the tiny flicker of hope still lingering on the knight's face, hoping for the truth.

So he ran.

A/N - Well, that happened. Now, before you start typing away your rage, let me remind you of a few things. Suzaku is in a state of unrest and/or depression, and seeing Euphie in the flesh, before he has contemplated the idea of Lelouch using Geass, would send him into a state of euphoria, as demonstrated. However, before he could actually have a half-decent train of thought, Euphemia revealed herself to have witnessed every single failure and atrocity he had committed in her absence.

The unimaginable feeling of guilt, coupled with the acceptance that you were being denied by the very person you committed them for, shell shocked the guy. And before he could recover, his spluttered admissions of love were rejected in the most brutal way imaginable. That set him off on a train of thought culminating in his acceptance of unworthiness. He would feel too ashamed to pursue her affection, and would be too busy trying to seek absolvement in her eyes and in his own.

Now, that in itself could come undone should he have been given the opportunity to consider foul play. But Suzaku knows that Geass is a one time only thing, due to his knowledge of the spying operation centred on Lelouch during his amnesia-brainwash period. He knows that Viletta was chosen because she had been Geassed before. He also knows, from the confrontation with the Emperor, that it doesn't work on other Geass users. So because he knows she was already Geassed, and then when Euphe admits to both knowing about Geass, and having her own, it sets off another part of the butterfly effect that culminates in his breaking.

Lelouch's final admission of guilt and horror at his treatment only cemented this, as it consciously and subconsciously informed him that this wasn't his intention.

So suck it and weep, or laugh and smile, because Suzaku is now a wreck. He won't be a puppet, or anything too dark, but rather a quieter, darker, guiltier version of Akito. If you actually made it through to this sentence, past that entire explanation/rant, good job. I like you.

I like you a lot.