PART 1B THREE: Living the Life

Elle

What does 'living the dream' mean, anyway? From what I know, it's supposed to refer to the American Dream: family, money, property, job, freedom. That's what I think a lot of people believe the saying means.

But this is the 21st century. Not everyone wants a family. Most people don't own their own property because they don't have the money. Money is hard to come by. The well-paying jobs are the most difficult to get into. And freedom depends on the person you ask.

For some, freedom means you can do whatever you want, as long as it's legal. For others, they really only care about religious freedom or freedom of speech. Maybe it's the freedom to own yourself instead of someone else controlling your motions.

In my mind, freedom is the first thing that I listed. I think that I should be able to do whatever I want, with very few restrictions. I think that bending the rules is okay – speeding on a road where no one else is driving, killing someone because they killed first – as long as it doesn't get out of hand. My morals might be a bit twisted, but I don't exactly see the world as black and white, so it's okay if my definition of freedom is in the gray area.

I don't have that freedom right now, and I probably never will. I live in Wayne Manor, after all. Bruce hates guns. Alfred is very strict with his teaching me how to drive. No one in the family – except Jason – sees the gray and uses it to their advantage. Jason does, but he's not exactly seen as a hero.

So, back to living the dream. I don't have freedom, as I define it. I guess you can argue that I have money – Bruce's money – but it isn't the same. I sort of have a family with the Bats, but I don't have my family. I don't own property – but Bruce does. I don't have a job, but that doesn't really count, seeing as I'm still in high school.

Note how most of the things I have are due to Bruce. I don't like that. I want to create a name for myself, not just take what is Bruce's.

In a way, I'm living the dream.

But I'm not living my dream.

Thursday, September 10

School hadn't gotten any better. I was barely passing my math, science, and art classes. The only reason I didn't have a failing grade in art was because of the boy who sat beside me. I'd learned that his name was Nico. He helped me in class just enough so that I wouldn't fail. I really appreciated it.

This art class was different, though. Nico and I were doing sculpting, as per the teacher instructed, and he was helping me to smooth the edges out. The room was quickly growing louder as students had to shout over each other to hear their conversations.

It was when no one was paying attention and no one could hear us that Nico turned to me. "Elle, I, uh, will you go out with me sometime?"

I was so startled that I pinched the clay too hard. I blushed deep red. I avoided looking at Nico, overwhelmingly shy, but excited at the same time. I couldn't stop the wide smile on my face, nor could I stop my hands from shaking.

"U-um," I stuttered, biting my lip. I glanced over at Nico. He looked nervous, even while hiding behind a confident attitude. Did I want to go on a date with him? I barely knew him. I mean, he was nice and he helped me in class, but a date? An actual date?

I shook away my nervous thoughts. It was just one date. That was all. My first date ever. And Nico seemed nice. "Yeah," I said, my voice quiet. I cleared my throat and lifted my head to meet Nico's gaze. "Yeah. Okay."

Nico let out a breath. I pretended not to notice. I found it really cute how he was so nervous. Around me. About me. No one had ever been nervous because of me. It felt nice, actually.

"Great," Nico said, grinning. I still couldn't wipe the smile of my face. "Tomorrow okay? At five?"

Without thinking, I nodded. "Sure. That sounds good."

"I'll pick you up then?"

I shook my head. I didn't want Bruce to know. Not to mention, did Nico even know that Bruce was adopting me? I worried for a minute that he only wanted me to get money, but it was just one date. I wasn't signing my life over.

"We can meet somewhere," I said.

"You know where Mel's Diner is?"

I nodded. I'd eaten there before, with Bruce and Tim. The bell rang. Nico helped me clean up the clay and tools. I was a bit irritated – I could have cleaned up on my own – but at the same time, it was sweet. Maybe I just needed to let someone help me, instead of always needing to be in control at all times.

"So, five?" I asked one more time before we parted ways.

Nico smiled. "Five it is."

We stood around awkwardly for another three seconds before we both separated. I couldn't stop smiling all the way to my locker. I had butterflies in my stomach, but they were the good kind of butterflies. My hands still shook as I gathered my books.

I decided not to tell anyone else about Nico. Knowing the Batfamily, they would become way too overprotective. And, as I'd wanted to be for a while, I needed to be more independent. This was a good step in that direction.

Out in the parking lot, I was surprised to see Jason waiting for me. I glanced over at where Alfred was parked and Tim was putting his backpack in the trunk. I had another split-second decision to make. This one was all too easy. I walked over to Jason.

"Elle!" Tim called over to me, seeing who I was with.

I shrugged apologetically at him and climbed onto the motorcycle.

"Don't worry, Replacement, I'll have her home for dinner," Jason called over to Tim. I giggled and held on to Jason as we raced off before Tim could get another word in.

"So what's with picking me up from school?" I asked when we were at a stop light.

"Faster," Jason said simply.

We had met up four times since the first weapons practice, the only times I wasn't learning how to drive with Alfred or Jason wasn't busy. I'd discovered how much I really, really enjoyed using both pistols and boot knives. Jason then began teaching me maneuvers that incorporated those weapons.

Today was more practice with those maneuvers. I really enjoyed these meetings with Jason. A part of me hoped that the rest of the Batfamily would never see how advanced I'd become. I mean, I was still very much a beginner, but I wasn't new to fighting anymore.

I was skilled with dodging, agility, reaction timing, and hand-eye coordination. It was when a move required strength that I had the most difficulty. I was only five foot four and, despite the number of push-ups I was able to do now, I was still not very strong.

But, while sparring with Jason at the end of our practice, it hit me. I wanted to fight crime. I wanted to use my new skills – however poor they were – to help Gotham. I wanted to be one of the vigilantes that the media reported about. I wanted to save innocent lives.

And, more importantly, I wanted to have a bit of fun.

Fighting was fun for me. Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was only the thought of fighting crime, but I still thought it was fun. I was already learning moves from Jason. Why couldn't I become someone like him? I was all for an eye for an eye. I didn't care what I had to do, as long as criminals were off the streets – dead or in jail, I didn't care.

The thought plagued me the rest of the afternoon and evening, even when I had returned to the manor. And then it turned into excitement. I wanted to do it. I really, truly wanted to. If Dick could become Robin at, what, eight years old? Then why couldn't I become … someone at seventeen?

Friday, September 11

I was all too excited for five o' clock. I couldn't pay attention in any of my classes. Tim noticed my good mood, but I shrugged it off as having a good night of sleep. Since Tim knew about my nightmares, now, he believed me. I mean, I hadn't been this happy and excited since I learned the Batfamily was real and was going to adopt me.

In art class, Nico continued to help me with my project. He let his fingers rest on my for a few seconds too long, making me blush. I couldn't stop smiling or glancing over at him. Or blushing. Luckily, my hands didn't shake as much as they had yesterday.

"Five o' clock," Nico reminded me with a grin after class.

I nodded, biting my lip. I shifted my feet nervously. "Oh, um, right, I …" I found a sharpie and wrote my cell phone number on a corner of a piece of paper. I handed it to him. "Th-that's my number," I said, even though it didn't need explaining. Nico raised his eyebrows teasingly. "S-sorry. I'm just nervous."

"Nothing to be sorry about," Nico reassured me. His expression turned sheepish. He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm a little nervous, too."

I let out a small laugh. "So, see you later."

We parted. Back at the manor, I rushed to my room and tried to find the perfect outfit. I usually didn't care at all what I wore, but I wanted to impress him. He was the first person who had ever asked me out. I didn't want to screw it up because I wore the wrong outfit.

I finally decided on white-washed boot-legged jeans, a green fitted shirt, a black sweater – it was September, after all – and brown lace-up boots. I brushed my hair, for the first time wishing I had a hair curler, or whatever those things were called. Also for the first time, I wished I had makeup. I never wore any, but now would be a good time to start doing so.

At four-fifteen, I grabbed my purse and started to leave. I'd rather be really early than late. But then I thought of something. I ran to Bruce's study and knocked. I entered hesitantly.

"Hey, Bruce?" I asked carefully. Never had I asked him for anything before. "Can I borrow some money?"

Bruce looked up at me. He observed my outfit. I hoped it wasn't obvious that I'd tried very hard to look nice. "Going somewhere?" he questioned.

I didn't want to reveal that I had a date, so I used the next best thing as my excuse. "I'm meeting up with Jason. Just to hang out," I added quickly at Bruce's stern stare. "No sparring or anything. We're getting McDonald's, and he's tired of always paying, so …" Please, please work.

Bruce studied me for a moment before pulling out his wallet. He handed me two twenties. "Eat something better than McDonald's," he told me. "And be careful."

"Jason's not that bad," I half-whined, but not wanting Bruce to change his mind about the money, I added, "Thanks for the money. I'll pay you back eventually."

Bruce grinned a bit. "No need."

I hesitated another minute before finally leaving the room.

I hurried through the streets, all too aware that I was, once again, alone with a purse when it was beginning to get dark. Stupid autumn.

I went to a store and bought makeup. A little bit of everything. I didn't know what I should use, or what I would use, so I bought eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss, and cover-up. Plain black eyeliner and mascara. A pinky-red lip gloss. I also bought pepper spray, which would definitely make me feel a lot safer walking around Gotham.

I headed into the bathroom of the store and carefully applied the makeup, just copying how girls did it in the movies or in the school restrooms. It took some time, but I finally managed to look okay. I used cover-up to hide the dark circles under my eyes; for once, I hated being a night person, always having nightmares, and still getting up early.

I took a breath and exited the store and headed to Mel's Diner. Nico stood waiting outside. I smiled.

"Sorry," I said, thinking I'd made him wait.

"Don't be," Nico said, holding the door open for me.

The date was amazing. We laughed and joked while eating. I actually had a good time. We shared a slice of cake, and then I persuaded him to let me pay for half of the bill, which actually wasn't bad. We went to a movie afterward. He bought the tickets and I bought the popcorn and soda, even though we'd already eaten.

I learned that he was seventeen and lived on his own because of some family problems, so he got emancipated. He didn't own a car, but was saving up for one. He worked at a deli during the summer and four or five days a week during the school year.

He was nice. That was the biggest thing.

He held my hand as he walked me to the library – I'd told him that I could walk the rest of the way from there. I did tell him that I was being adopted by Bruce Wayne, just in case he didn't know. He'd only laughed and said he didn't care. He cared about how sweet and kind I was. And he also understood that I wanted to keep our relationship secret from my soon-to-be adopted family.

At the library, we stood awkwardly, making awkward small talk for a few minutes. When it was silent, I was just about to leave, when Nico leaned over and kissed me. I was surprised and didn't respond. Nico pulled away apologetically.

"Sorry," he said. "If you're not ready to kiss, then …"

I shook my head, laughing slightly. I brushed a strand of hair behind my ear, blushing. "That was my first kiss," I admitted quietly.

Nico nodded. "Well, generally, you're supposed to kiss back."

I bit my lip. Boldly, shaking away my shyness and insecurity, I leaned forward. "Like this?" I whispered. I pressed my lips to his carefully. It was awkward and I didn't know exactly what I was doing, but we did sort of get the hang of it.

Afterwards, we both laughed.

"Just needs some practice," Nico said, brushing a hand through his hair.

I grinned. "So we'll be doing that again?" I asked hopefully.

"Same time next week?"

I agreed and then headed back to Wayne Manor. I couldn't stop smiling. Luckily, I didn't pass anyone in the halls, so I didn't have to answer any awkward questions.

In my room, collapsed onto my bed and brought a hand to my lips. My first kiss. My first date. My first … could I call him my boyfriend? Maybe not yet.

And, hopefully, I would soon have my first night out as a vigilante.

But only if Jason agreed.