Warnings: domestic abuse, language

Part 1B ELEVEN: Living in Fear

You never want to live in fear. Unfortunately, most people find themselves doing exactly that. Cops, even if they like their job, constantly fear that one day they'll die, or that they won't be able to save someone. Teenagers fear high school and fitting in and rejection. Children fear the great big world. Adults fear getting fired or not being able to support themselves or worse.

I feared rejection when I was younger. I still do, although I'm better at hiding it. Living with my foster family, I feared each and every one of them. Living in Wayne Manor, I fear I'm not good enough. I fear being thrown out. I fear Nico's anger. Anyone's anger, really, especially when it's directed at me. I fear that I'm going to fail.

Living in Gotham, I fear for my life.

And yet, I do not fear death.

Saturday, October 24

I woke up early the next morning. I left a note for Jasmine before sneaking out of her house. I could do this. I could. But what if I couldn't? What if I failed? With each step I took towards Nico's apartment, the more erratic my breathing became, the sweatier my palms were, the more I chewed my lip.

But I had to do this.

I knocked on the door after standing in front of it for a few minutes. The door flung open. I flinched. I almost backed down, almost ran away, almost burst into tears. But I braved it and stepped into the room as confidently as I could.

"I knew you'd be back," Nico said, sounding so smug that I wanted to punch him.

I took a shaky breath. When I spoke, my voice was barely above a whisper. "I-I think we should break up." There. I'd managed to say it.

Nico snorted. I backed away as he stepped closer. "No one breaks up with me." He leaned his face close to mine. "No. One." He took a step away, only to backhand me. I hit my head on the wall before falling to the floor.

"You're mine!" Nico yelled, grabbing my bad shoulder and slamming me against the ground. I shrieked in pain. "So you do as I say!" And so began the onslaught of kicks and punches.

I couldn't take this. I couldn't do this. "I'm sorry!" I pleaded. "Please stop! I'm sorry!" This had been a bad idea. I just needed to be better for Nico. Leaving him would only make him angrier; I saw that now. He needed me.

He got bored a few minutes later and went to his bedroom. I went to the bathroom and applied more cover-up.

Afterwards, I crept hesitantly towards Nico's bedroom. "C-can I go home?" I asked quietly. "I-I don't want them to be worried." Why was I asking permission? Why couldn't I just go? I hated myself. I hated this situation. I was so stupid.

Nico gave me permission. I had to struggle not to wince or limp while walking all the way back to Wayne Manor.

As soon as I'd entered the room, I was attacked with a hug from Dick. I didn't realize this as it happened, though. I flinched and forcefully pushed him away from me while simultaneously backing up a few steps. Hurt covered Dick's face.

"We were worried," Dick said. He took a step forward. I took one back. He raised his arms in the universal sign of surrender. He tried to catch my eye but I found the ground much more interesting. "You didn't tell any of us where you were."

I shrugged.

Dick cautiously took a step forward. Although I tensed, I stayed rooted to the spot I was in. "Can you look at me? Please?" He sounded so overly calm and concerned and like I was a skittish animal. Perhaps I was. I was stupid enough to be one.

I slowly lifted my gaze to meet Dick's. His eyes traced my face. Please, don't see. Please, save me. Just go away. Please, just leave me alone.

"What is this I've heard about a boyfriend?"

"It's nothing," I said, perhaps too quickly. "Just-just a guy I met."

Dick nodded, more to himself than anything. I swallowed thickly. He observed my outfit. "Where did you get that tear?" he asked, gesturing towards my skirt.

Lie, lie, quick, lie! I had to protect Nico. "I tripped." Yeah, like Dick was ever going to buy that.

Dick sighed. He sounded so sad, so distressed. He shouldn't ever sound like that. "Elle –"

"It's nothing!" I said. I couldn't handle this anymore. I ran as best I could up to my room, ignoring both Tim and Bruce.

Later that night, when they thought I was asleep, I heard the three of them plus Alfred talking right outside my door.

"All signs point towards abuse," Dick said.

"She's never mentioned him before," Tim said, a little hurt. I held my teddy bear to my chest. "Why would she hide the fact that she has a boyfriend?"

"She flinched when I hugged her," Dick added.

"She was terrified of me," Tim agreed. I buried my face in the teddy bear's head. "When I cornered her at school. She was scared. Of him, too."

"Might I add that her marks are slipping as well," Alfred put in his two cents worth. I closed my eyes.

"And have you noticed the cover-up?" Dick asked.

"We can't just make assumptions," Bruce said.

"But Bruce," Tim protested. "All of the signs are there. Not to mention, this guy is known for being abusive around the school."

"So why isn't he in prison?" Bruce demanded.

"Friends in high places."

"That's what I was afraid of."

"If I may, sirs," Alfred said. "But I believe the current problem that needs solving is how to get Miss Elle out of this unhealthy relationship." A tear slipped down my cheek.

"You're right," Bruce said.

They separated, then. Maybe going to bed. Maybe not. I didn't know.

I didn't know how to feel about my situation anymore. I was tempted to run off again, but my exhaustion pulled me into sleep.

Sunday, October 25

Dick insisted on taking me out to the city. He also insisted that I drove us. I had difficulty parallel parking near the arcade but finally managed to do so with Dick's encouragement. And teasing. But no matter how lighthearted he pretended to be, I could still see the serious and concerned emotions in his eyes.

I was glad that he didn't bring up Nico right away. We hung out at the arcade and then went to some other places. We ended up at the park. It was then that Dick decided to bring up Nico.

"Elle," he began slowly. "We were all talking…" He didn't need to specify who 'we' was. "And we think that you need help."

I feigned innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Dick frowned. "Yes, you do." He sighed. "Elle, I want you to answer me honestly." He turned to face me. "Does your boyfriend abuse you?"

"It's not abuse," I said before I could think.

Dick looked upset. "Does he hit you?" he amended his question. "Kick you? Call you names? Make you feel like you're nothing? Does he –"

"Stop it," I said, my voice cracking. I was ashamed by the tears in my eyes. I wouldn't cry. I refused to.

"You have to tell me," Dick pleaded. "Let us help you."

"I said stop," I repeated, firmer this time.

"I can't just let this go."

"Then can we talk about it later?" I begged quietly. Dick looked like he was going to refuse but sighed.

"I'll get some ice cream," he said, spotting an ice cream vendor. "Chocolate?"

I shook my head. "Strawberry, please."

Dick went off to get the ice cream. And, just my luck, Nico appeared out of what seemed like nowhere. How long had he been watching me? Had he been following me?

"You cheating on me, slut?" Nico demanded. I shook my head hastily.

"N-no, I –"

"Slut," Nico hissed again. He hit my bad shoulder and then kicked my feet out from under me. Why didn't anyone help? Why didn't anyone care? Where was Dick?

"W-were you following me?" I managed to ask despite my pain and the tears. That earned me a kick to the ribs.

"I had to make sure you weren't cheating on me," Nico said. "And you are. Slut." He kicked me again. "You're a cock." Kick. "Sucking." Punch. "Whore."

"Hey!" I heard Dick yell.

Feeling slightly more confident with an angry and overprotective Dick on his way over, I smirked weakly. "That's my brother." I pushed myself into a kneeling position. "And he's gonna kick your sorry ass."

Nico ran off like the coward he was. It felt good being in control, even just barely. Dick handed me my ice cream as he helped me stand.

"Let me guess; asshole boyfriend," Dick said darkly.

I bit my lip. "He's not usually that bad." No, he was worse. Dick easily read between the lines.

"Let's go back to the car. I'll drive." The unspoken "we'll talk about this later" hung in the air as we ate our ice cream.

'Later' ended up being the minute we got back to the manor. Tim, Bruce, and Alfred all asked me questions – was it really that obvious now? – but Dick led me away, saying quietly as he passed them, "Let me talk to her, guys."

I sat on the couch across from Dick, staring at my lap. I fiddled with the bottom of my shirt.

"Why don't you break up with him?" Dick asked, not unkindly.

I shrugged. "Wouldn't let me."

"Elle –"

"It's fine," I protested. I sounded fake and pretend even to my own ears. "Really. It's fine."

"No, it's not!" I jumped and looked up at Dick with wide eyes. "He's hurting you. It's abuse. Break up with him!"

"I can't," I said, breaking down in tears. "I tried, but it only made him mad." Dick went to say something but I cut him off before he could. "It's my fault, anyway."

"What is?" Dick asked warily.

"Everything," I sobbed. "I'm not good enough. I've never been good enough. And I'm stupid. So, so stupid. No wonder he hits me."

"It's not your fault."

"If I was better, he wouldn't be angry all the time." I sniffed. "He used to be so nice and sweet. We loved each other."

"What he's doing to you isn't because he loves you," Dick said. "It's because he's selfish and an asshole."

My cell phone beeped. A new text message. Dick grabbed my phone before I could look at it. I slouched in defeat as he read through Nico and my conversations.

"This is abuse," Dick repeated. "I don't know how to get through to you except to keep telling you what it is."

"It's still my fault," I said softly.

"Would you stop saying that!" Dick yelled, standing up and throwing his arms up in frustration.

My body reacted accordingly. I flinched away, bringing my arms up in front of my face. I brought a leg up to shield my stomach. I closed my eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

"Oh, God, Elle," I heard Dick said, horrified. "I'm not going to-I would never –"

I slowly relaxed my body. I looked over at Dick. He sat beside me on the couch. I flinched. He put his hands on my shoulders, ignoring my flinch. He stared me in the eye, ignoring my terrified expression.

"You're not gonna hit me?" I asked, just to be sure.

Hurt flitted across Dick's face, which was quickly replaced by horror. "No. Ellie, no. I would never, ever hit you."

"Why?" I blurted.

"Because it's wrong. It's not right, not at all."

I started crying harder. Dick brought me into his chest. I stiffened. He ignored that and just rocked me, hushing me. I cried hysterically onto his shirt.

"Why does he hit me?" I asked, broken. "What did I do?"

"Ssh, Ellie," Dick said quietly, holding me tighter. "You'll be okay, little sister. You'll be okay."

Dick must have told Tim and Bruce not to bother me because neither of them hounded me with questions the rest of the day. Alfred, though, had to check my bruises.

"You are going to have to remove your shirt," he said. I blushed. "I have to make sure there is no serious damage."

"And we can't call a doctor …?" I tried to weasel my way out of it.

Alfred was not amused. "I take care of the Master Bruce and Master Timothy when they are injured, and Master Richard when the situation calls for it." Right. Bat business. Couldn't let it get out who the Batfamily was. "Now, if you'll please remove your shirt."

I did so reluctantly. I crossed my arms in an attempt to cover myself up. Alfred's eyes widened at how many bruises littered my body.

"Your trousers, as well," Alfred said. With a sigh, I removed my jeans. I shifted awkwardly as Alfred observed the bruises, being very careful not to touch me or get too close to me. For that, I was thankful.

Alfred poked my ribs a bit and declared a few of them bruised but not broken. He did some other tests and then looked at my shoulder. He cleaned it up better than I did and put a bandage around it. I showed up my hand. He did the same thing.

"Miss Elle, I have to ask," Alfred said, breaking the awkward silence. "But did this man ever …" He trailed off, but I knew what he was asking.

"He tried," I said, staring at the ground. "I ran off before …" Before bad things could happen.

Alfred let me get dressed at long last and then allowed me to help cook dinner, probably knowing that I needed to get my mind off of Nico.

That night, I couldn't sleep. I ignored any and all texts from Nico. I bit my lip as I went through my contacts.

ELLE: I'm sorry. You were right.

A few minutes later, I gained a response.

JASON: Tomorrow. Target practice. Don't be late.

I grinned.

And then pushed the teddy bear off my bed.