Warnings: language, violence

Part 1C TWO: Living on the Edge

Elle

Living on the edge is such a strange saying. On the edge of what? Of glory, according to Lady Gaga. Maybe on the edge of a cliff, so that every step you take could send you over if you're not careful. Or maybe it's just living on the edge of life. After all, most people live in the same way, more or less. They all crowd into one "lane," so to speak. So living on the edge of life is like being on the outside of the group, where you're different from the others.

But one thing's for sure. It's a risk to live on the edge, no matter what you're on the edge of. You're bound to draw attention to yourself. I mean, that's kind of the whole point, isn't it? Or maybe it's not, depending on what you're doing, but you'll still be noticed. Whether it's in a negative or positive way is impossible to tell.

You could be seen in both negative and positive ways, as strange as that sounds. Some people might view you badly because you're different from them. You're not following the "rules" that everyone else is. But you could also be seen in a good light. You could become hope for someone else. You could start a chain reaction. An example of this is the Pride Parade for LGBTQ rights. Some people don't like change and look down on the people who walk in this parade. Others think they're brave and might find the courage to come out or organize something in their own town. It completely depends on the person.

I am in no way prepared for the backlash I know I'm going to get by being Cougar. I don't know if my face is even out there yet, and it's unlikely that anyone knows my name. But I know that a lot of people are not going to like me. The police don't like vigilantes, much less criminal vigilantes who are willing to do whatever it takes. A lot of people probably will view me as they view Red Hood; dangerous and a criminal. But some people, the people I help, the people I save – I hope that they'll take my presence in a positive way.

I'm not a hero. I won't pretend to be one. I won't pretend that I've become Cougar for all the right reasons. But I hope that someone will look at me and realize that I'm not a villain, either.

Wednesday, October 28

I wore the same outfit to school as I did yesterday. Not that anyone would notice; it was a school uniform, after all. I reapplied cover-up to my face and neck, stole ten dollars from Jason, and then headed to school, stopping only to get a muffin at Dunkin Donuts.

Just like yesterday, I struggled through my classes. True, I understood a little more than I had before Jasmine tutored me, but not much more. Jasmine helped me with math and science in study hall again. In art class, Tim and I talked. Nico wasn't in class, to my relief. Dick texted me after school while I was playing video games with Tim, asking me what the fun fact was. I'd completely forgotten about it, and had hoped that he would have, too. Obviously, that was not the case.

ELLE: Is this going to become a daily thing?

DICK: Yes.

I sighed. Tim looked over at me.

"Ask me something about me," I said dully. "It's time for today's fun fact," I added in mock-joy.

Tim thought about what to ask for a few moments before speaking. "What's your favorite food?"

"That's an impossible question to answer." I stuck my tongue out at Tim. "I have a favorite breakfast food, a favorite lunch food, a favorite dinner food, a favorite snack, a favorite candy, a favorite dessert …" I teased.

Tim raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, come on!" I pouted. "Seriously?"

"Yup."

I groaned. Tim grinned. "Breakfast food: ham and cheese omelets. Lunch: PB&J with grape jam. Dinner: Pork chops. Candy: rolos. Dessert: Lemon meringue pie. Snack: pizza flavored goldfish."

Tim went over to the list of fun facts, which was taped to the wall of the living room, and wrote down what I'd said. I texted the "fun facts" to Dick, as well.

"Can we get back to the game now?" I asked Tim. Tim nodded and picked up his controller. Before we could start playing again, Bruce entered the room.

"Something is going on downtown," Bruce said in his Batman voice. He glanced between me and Tim. He obviously wasn't about to say any details with me in the room.

"I'll just … go," I said awkwardly, standing up.

Tim stood up, too, apologetic expression on his face. "Elle, I'm sorry –"

"Don't be," I said, trying to grin. It hurt that they wouldn't talk about anything in front of me. "Be safe."

I headed upstairs to my room. I tried to do my history and English homework, but I just couldn't understand it. English I was able to fake my way through. History, on the other hand, was too difficult for me to figure out. Biting my lip, I glanced at my cell phone. I sighed.

ELLE: Can you help me with history homework?

JASMINE: Sure. You have skype? Might be easier.

ELLE: No. But I can set one up.

A few minutes later, Jasmine and I were on skype. For the next hour and a half, she helped me with my history homework. By the time we'd finished, it was almost 6:00. I looked around the manor for Alfred, but he was nowhere to be found, meaning that he was in the Batcave.

Whatever was happening must be important.

I left a note for Alfred, saying I was going to hang out with Jasmine, and then left. Glad I'd taken money from Jason, I took the bus to a stop a couple blocks away from his apartment.

"You stole ten bucks," Jason said as soon as I let myself in.

I shrugged. "I can't ask Bruce for money all the time."

Jason snorted. "Why not? He's rich."

"I feel bad taking money from him," I said.

Jason glared at me. "So you're perfectly fine with stealing money from me?"

I grinned. "Yup."

I grabbed my Cougar outfit from where it was hidden and changed in his bathroom. As I walked away, Jason yelled over to me, "Then maybe you should get a job like everyone else!"

"Where would be the fun in that?" I called back, hurriedly changing.

I headed back out to where Jason was. "Switch the gloves," he said to me, handing me another pair.

"Why?" I asked, bemused, even as I did as he asked.

"These are SAP gloves," he explained. "They help you pack a better punch and helps to prevent wrist injury."

I nodded, not quite understanding, but accepted the gloves all the same. "Thanks."

We headed out. I didn't really understand what we were doing. I just followed Jason around. We stopped a mugging and two drug deals. It was still hard for me to fight due to the bruises, but because I'd already done this once, I could figure out what I did wrong ahead of time. I didn't make the same mistake twice. The SAP gloves also really helped my punches.

Later in the night, Jason and I came across an attempted kidnapping. There were two guys and a five year old girl. Jason and I fought the guys. The little girl ran off. Long story short, I managed to stab one of the guys in the shoulder before he twisted the knife out of my hands. I raised my gun and shot his dominant arm and left leg. The asshole deserved to suffer for going after children.

Hearing the cops coming, I panicked and couldn't kill the guy. Luckily, Jason did it for me. I grabbed my knife and followed Jason to one of the rooftops. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I was not a big fan of heights, but Jason wanted us to use the roofs to escape. We jumped from roof to roof, me with a lot of difficulty and fear of falling.

We headed back to Jason's apartment. I changed back into my casual clothes, hid my Cougar outfit with Jason's Red Hood outfit, grabbed a handful of chips, and then took the bus to the bus stop at the library. I walked back to the manor. In the dark. Not fun.

No one questioned why I was out so late. I guess whatever had happened earlier was really important. Yay for important stuff.

Thursday, October 29

I was getting my cereal when I heard my name. Or, rather, Cougar's name. In a conversation between Tim and Bruce. I was scared that they'd figured out it was me, but I knew it was just my paranoia. Deciding to do the smart thing and find out what they knew, I walked over to the table.

"Who's Cougar?" I asked, sitting down.

"Red Hood's sidekick," Tim said. Bruce shot him a look. "What?"

I pushed back my annoyance at being called a sidekick. Jason and I were partners. "So, who is sh-he?" I hurried to correct myself. Most people say 'he' when referring to an unknown person. If I'd said 'she,' they might think I knew something. I hoped they didn't notice my slip.

They didn't. At least, they didn't show it. "We don't know who she is," Tim told me. "But she's just as dangerous as Red Hood."

"Enough, Tim," Bruce said lowly.

"Hey, I wanna know," I protested.

"Knowing too much could put you in danger," Bruce told me. I shot him an irritated look but decided not to remind him that I was friends with Jason.

I was surprised that they didn't connect the dots. I mean, I was a girl. I hung out with Jason. We were friends. How could you miss that? Of course, they hadn't seen me – er, Cougar – face-to-face yet. Not to mention, they'd never seen my fighting style. Dick had seen me in the early days. They didn't know how good – or, not so good – I'd become at fighting. Not to mention, they probably had no idea that I was perfectly okay using guns on criminals.

"How old were you when your family died?" Bruce asked, cutting into my thoughts.

I stiffened. "Why?"

Bruce shrugged. "Fun fact of the day."

This question was anything but fun. Tim shot a look at Bruce. Alfred took my dishes as I stood up to leave.

"Fourteen," I said as I walked out of the room. I fought back the tears, picked up my backpack, and went down to the living room to wait.

Tim didn't say anything on the way to school. Neither did Alfred. For that, I was thankful.

That night, Cougar and Red Hood made an appearance. After Jason had killed someone, we turned to go and patrol – was that even what we did? – but then Batman and Robin appeared. My throat tightened. My stomach was in knots. I couldn't do this. It would be seconds before they recognized me.

No. I had to be Cougar, and Cougar had to be confident, snarky, not … Elle.

"You're under arrest," Batman growled, holding a batarang. Robin looked ready to fight. I assumed a defensive position as Red Hood chuckled.

"Wow, Bruce. You think that's going to stop me?"

"You need help, Jason," Batman said. "You're not thinking straight."

Is this what happened every time they met up? Arguing and using their civilian names? What was I, chopped liver?

"You know," I said as loudly and confidently and not-Elle-y as I could. "I really don't like how you're talking to my partner."

"Who are you?" Robin demanded.

I smirked. "Ladies first," I mocked, ignoring the guilt I felt. It was fun acting like this, but knowing that I had just said that to Tim made me sick to my stomach.

Jason forced a laugh. "She's got fight in her, this one," he said. Mockingly, he added, "Cougar, meet Batman and Robin."

"Jason –"

Jason shot at Batman, initiating the fight. Robin came right at me, throwing three birdarangs. I avoided two but the third one nicked my arm. I hissed in pain. Unfortunately, in my split second of distraction – stupid, stupid me – Robin punched my stomach and then pounded my back as I bent over.

Wanting to prove myself, and maybe a little angry at how easily I was being taken down, I grabbed my knife and slashed at Robin's leg. He avoided it, and I used my momentum to stand back up. I lunged at Robin, punching him in the face once before he flipped away from me.

We circled each other, watching the other's moves. I was already breathing heavily. Robin seemed unfazed.

"Who are you?" Robin asked me again.

I watched him carefully as I responded. I refused to be taken off-guard. Again. "Cougar."

"I meant underneath the mask," Robin said, annoyed.

"You tell everyone who you are?" I retorted.

I feinted left before attacking to the right. I tried to stab his side – hey, it was all or nothing – but Robin caught my arm. I brought my knee up and hit him in his other side and then elbowed his neck. Robin's grip on my arm loosened, which I used to break free.

"You don't have to do this," Robin said.

I ignored the pathetic attempt to get me to stop fighting, to stop being Cougar. I blocked a couple kicks and punches before attempting my own again. Robin used my movement against me and flipped me onto my back. I dropped my knife. Robin kicked it away.

I managed to trip him and headbutt him before he held me to the ground. I glared at him, trying to think of a way I could escape.

"You know, for someone who carries a gun, you don't seem too keen on using it," Robin observed.

"You seem to prefer hand-to-hand fighting instead of using your fancy gadgets," I retorted, trying to lower the tone of my voice. It would probably be much easier for Robin to recognize my voice now that he was pinning me to the ground.

Suddenly, Robin was thrown off of me. I quickly stood, grabbing my knife.

"I don't appreciate my partner being molested by kids in leotards," Jason mocked. "Got that, Replacement?" He raised his gun to Robin. The other gun was trained on Batman.

No way was that going to stop either of them.

Red Hood fired a few shots before running off. I ran after him, ignoring the pain. Note to self: fighting was not a good idea if I already have a gazillion bruises on my body.

It took another twenty minutes, but we finally managed to lose Batman and Robin. We headed back to Jason's apartment, making sure that we weren't being followed.

"The adrenaline rush is great and all," I said, breaking the silence between us. "But you have got to teach me how to fight better on my own. I keep getting my ass kicked!"

"We'll work on it," Jason said simply. "For now, go home."

"What home?" I said before thinking. Jason didn't respond. When we reached Jason's apartment, I changed into civilian clothes and then headed back to the manor.