Disclaimer; I am neither Andrew Lloyd Webber nor Gaston Leroux.
Author Note; So Erik, as we probably all knew anyway, is not a 'smooth talker'. And he thinks way too much, so the guilt is already starting :-( Luckily he has sensible Nadir and clueless Pali on side to help him, with much well meant abuse and insults all round. Yay for Erik's crew :-D
A huge thank you to my lovely reviewers; Filhound, ListenToTheRainS2, TMara and MarilynKC. It's so interesting to see what your thoughts are :-D Reviews are, as always, very much appreciated!
TMara- Christine knew her last name was Daae as she can recall everything up to her father's death, which is about the first seven years of her life. Sometimes I get so caught up in writing the action that I forget to clarify these things, lol :-)
I will now cease my ranting and present to you...Chapter 5.
Five- A Plan To Sing
The tent, with all its patches and drooping fabrics that were worn from years of use in all weather, was gorgeously warm and smelt strongly of food and spices. This homely aroma wafted from the slightly open flap, tickling Erik's senses and beckoning him in with that promise of comfort and ease. But nothing could comfort him now, not when he felt ancient with exhaustion and weary with the constant battle his emotions were fighting inside him, so he prepared himself for the onslaught of eager questions that were bound to follow, before seizing the rough material of the sagging tent and bursting inside. As the warmth kissed his face and made his shoulders droop with the relief of being able to flop down somewhere, his eyes trailed over the brightly coloured interior and soon found Nadir and Pali arguing comically over cuisine.
Nadir was in the middle of his passionate defence of the Orient, his arms gesticulating wildly and his face flushed as he tried to describe one particular dish, but as he turned to see why there was a sudden burst of cool air sneaking in he noticed the sullen looking man dressed only in black, lingering like Death in the entrance, and immediately the amusing argument fell from his lips into silence.
Pali, his usual oblivious self it would seem, did not take note of the tired look on Erik's face- how his skin was grey and drained of life, how his legs were trembling, how his shoulders sagged, or even how his yellow eyes took in the scene before him without even a flicker of amusement. Nadir instantly feared the worst- he had cursed Erik bitterly after he had stormed away into the trees, spitting his thoughts out venomously to a silent Pali, demanding no-one in particular to explain to him why Erik could never be sensible. But though he might curse and complain bitterly, Nadir knew he was only this angered by Erik's stupidity because he cared for the complex man as if they were brothers, and he could not bear to consider that Erik had suffered again this morning.
"Erik!" Pali exclaimed brightly, leaping up from his position on the floor in one boisterous bound, much like a dog or monkey. Even though the gypsy was a fully grown adult, the same age as Erik in fact, it was impossible not to smile when he leapt about the place or made his oblivious comments- even Erik looked as if he might give a fond sigh. "Did you find your opera singer, then?"
The faint glimmer of amusement faded instantly, and Erik pointedly ignored Pali's question, walking straight past the bewildered gypsy only to sit heavily down on the floor next to Nadir. Nadir looked warily at Erik, sensing his friend's agitation and knowing from experience that such dull silence was always followed by a fiery outburst.
"Old friend?" he probed gently, and Erik automatically gave an irritated sigh, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "Did you-"
"Yes, I found her, you irritating wretches- there is no need to leap at me and look so pathetically worried!" he growled in a low voice, glowering at each of them and colouring a little as Pali stared back-unaffected- and as Nadir shook his head, as if noting to himself that this was another childish outburst of Erik's. Such a thing, combined with the odd pangs of guilt that had begun to swirl sickeningly since he had begun to weave his lies to Christine, was enough to seal Erik's bad mood and he continued his rant with unnecessary venom. "I found her, of course I found her, and she did not remember a thing about me- all recollection of me is gone from her mind! I talked to her, tried to be as amiable and gentle as any perfect man could be, yet she remained hostile, scared, cold, declining any offers I dared to make- she did not even seem to care that I was kind and flawless! She was...she was different...she cannot be Christine! She is gone, taken from me forever- my Christine is gone!"
Erik flung the words out as his composure spiralled and collided with insanity with cataclysmic effect, throwing his head back and letting one angry yell explode into the otherwise calm tent. Pali's previously unaffected and mildly amused expression was now tainted with the first hints of concern, and as he made to step forwards and encourage Erik to sit down- the gypsy never seemed to be scared to approach Erik, even when he was reduced to such states as these- Nadir stood up and made the few angry strides towards his seething friend.
His wise, old, leathery face was staring into Erik's, who was red and furious, with a look of complete disbelief and there was even fury dancing in his always gentle eyes. Erik brought both hands to his temples, massaging the tender place on either side of his head and grimacing, trying to ignore the look of utter outrage that had now crept across his friend's features.
"Erik, I think I must have heard you incorrectly. It can't be that I have endured a year of searching all over France with you, sleeping in disgusting hovels, stretched to the limits of my sanity and exhausted only for us to stumble upon the stupid girl and for you to decide that you have changed your mind!" Nadir bellowed, his voice having become louder and more outraged with every word. He reached for one of the brightly coloured cushions littering the floor and hurled it straight at Erik's head. "No, Erik, no."
"Did I once say that I had changed my mind?! You know nothing, Khan- you know nothing of how I am feeling, and I hope you never have to understand such horror as what I feel now!" Erik yelled back in reply, steadfastly ignoring Pali's pathetic pleas that they both calm down and talk sensibly. Nadir was too outraged and exhausted, and Erik felt as if a hurricane of emotion had just blown over him and left his insides in complete chaos. "To find her in this stinking place that tortured me as a child, to know what she must have witnessed and felt in such a place as this, to find that I am as good as a stranger to her now despite all we had, to realise that I have lost her forever and that there is no way to bring her back out of that emptiness- my mind is unchanged! I love her as desperately as the first day, perhaps more so! BUT SHE DOES NOT EVEN KNOW ME!"
"Yes, she does, you utter simpleton." Nadir fumed, stalking off on a maddened pace around the tent, kicking the cushions furiously out of his way rather than picking them up and moving them. After the third brightly coloured cushion went flying across the tent he seemed to realise that he was destroying someone else's property, and in the manner Erik had come to expect from his righteous friend, Nadir coloured and proceeded to pick them all up and dust them down. "The problem you face, Erik, is that your plan will fail. I don't quite know what you expect to come from lying to her and crafting some new relationship if what you want is to return to how things were, before all this mess. I don't know if recalling the memories she has lost is possible, but if it is, you will never trigger these memories if you lie! You must coax her Erik, gradually re-introduce her to all she once knew and wait for the memories to come back."
Nadir's words seemed to appeal to the guilt that had bubbled up in Erik since his talk with Christine this morning. It seeped into his veins and spread feelings of self-hate and despair all around his body, and with a slight tremble of the lips he collapsed to the floor in an exhausted heap.
"But how can I possibly do such a thing?" he wailed miserably, losing all his anger and dissolving into a hysterical heap. Nadir's logic often had this effect on him, once his anger had fizzled out- there was something so dependable and paternal about the Persian that simply made Erik crumble like a child and want to dump all responsibility onto him rather than try to endure it himself. "I can't just put on my old white mask and hover around her all day, waiting for her to remember!"
"Oh for goodness sakes man, must you be so dense?" Nadir groaned. "Sing!"
Pali, upon seeing Nadir sit heavily down a few metres away from Erik, joined them on the lumpy ground and peered at each man warily, trying to decipher if there were likely to be any more hysterical outbursts from either of them. Anxious to prevent any physical fights, he made sure that he sat between them with his arms extended a little as if he was trying to keep them apart. Little did Pali know that fights between Erik and Nadir were verbal and sounded bitter, as if they would hate each other for all eternity having screamed such horrid things, but they always ended swiftly with forgiveness guaranteed. Suffering through near death experiences, fear and Erik's own insanity in the days of Persia and Paris had forged a bond that was far too strong to be broken by mere words.
"I told you already, Khan, she declined any offers I dared to make- she did not want to sing with me, despite our conversation about music and her father and all my compliments. Oh, Nadir, I must have sounded like a silly young fool, throwing compliments at her with every opportunity, but still she was not persuaded!" Erik gave a great sigh, the dramatic part of his personality relishing in this melodrama.
"Well, that is hardly surprising, as you had supposedly only just made her acquaintance and probably seemed far too eager, coming up with an idea like that on the spot." Nadir shook his head as if in despair. "I did try to tell you, Erik, that we should plan such important things as these rather than go charging headfirst..."
"No, Khan, I did not dream up this suggestion to sing in the moment- it was always my plan, my first original plan that sprung to mind in those tortuous hours waiting for Pali to wake and explain himself. It seemed a good idea, to have her sing all the old arias from when I taught her and when she at last sang on the opera stage, to attempt to bring back her past through the music she lived and loved at the time...who knows what could come from such a thing? Perhaps even returning to the Populaire? All the old faces and the sights, the smells, the sensation alone of being in such a place- that would surely be enough to help her rediscover her past, Khan, surely?"
Pali looked up at the desperate yet defeated tone of Erik's voice, his mind replaying the words and stumbling upon a brainwave, a brilliant idea that would solve all their problems! With a sudden gasp of elation, he began to forage in one of the many piles of clothes and cushions and meaningless nonsense in the tent, digging through the possessions like a madman, a dog on the scent, and when he found at last what he had been looking for her pounced upon it and with a triumphant cry threw it at the concerned looking Nadir and Erik.
Both men stared down at the piece of paper that had been thrust into their hands, unsure as to why Pali looked so delighted to have found an old, torn and barely legible paper advertisement for the gypsy clan. It was a boastful piece of exaggeration and fiction, claiming to be home to all kinds of acts and to sell all kinds of potions and charms that would supposedly cure you of any ailment and bring you good fortune. Erik remembered these from his childhood, the large and often misspelt posters with lies plastered all over them that would lure in the paying public. Claims that the clan had with them the living death, the son of the Devil himself, had certainly attracted very many indeed.
"I fail to see the relevance in this tatty work of fiction, Pali." Erik said acidly.
"Then stop moaning and let me explain, Erik! The problem you face is that your out of the blue and no doubt worrying offer to sing with her, though she had only just met you and was no doubt a little concerned as to why you were so desperate to talk to her, failed." Pali said bluntly, making Nadir smother a snort of laughter. There was a twinkle in the gypsy's eyes and he continued to look very pleased with himself. "But what if we arranged this singing differently? What if, for example, the clan decided that we were in desperate need of a new musical act- a good pair of singers, to perform every night for paying customers? We are sadly lacking in good quality entertainment, so we would simply have to place our two best musicians together...you and Christine!"
Erik realised what Pali was suggesting, and as he looked back down at the pitiful paper in his grip, he felt his opinion on this matter divide into two opposing sides. Part of him thought that he should leap at the chance- it would secure him a position within the clan whilst he was trying to win Christine over, it would allow him to sing with her daily and try to prompt her memories and, he hoped, Christine might be happier if she could have conversations about her father and music with someone who cared; she had seemed to light up in the conversation today, until his impatience had ruined everything.
But, of course, there was also the fact that he already felt guilty concerning the lie weaving and the lack of truth, and he hated to think that Christine would be miserable and blame him for being forced into another act by the gypsy clan. She had already been hostile towards him this morning, and Erik didn't know if pestering her was a good idea. Nadir's stern facial expression told him what he already had guessed- as usual, his righteous friend would be firmly against anything remotely reckless and unfeeling that Pali suggested and afraid of feeling even guiltier, Erik felt inclined to take his cautious approach rather than leaping in head first.
"I don't want to force Christine to do anything that she will loathe, even if in the end it results in her remembering me." Erik said firmly, Nadir nodding in agreement.
"It doesn't have to be a matter of forcing her, you know. I could try asking her if she would agree to a new arrangement that would result in her singing with you. It might seem more natural coming from me, rather than a stranger." Pali suggested brightly, refusing to have his optimism tarnished by Erik and his constant gloominess. "I can ask her as if it were a favour, give her a definite choice and ensure that she doesn't feel pressured to agree. Though I still don't understand why you can't just tell her about her past and enlighten her that way, if the pretending is making you feel uneasy..."
"And would you, Pali, believe a person you could not recall meeting if they told you a past that you could not recollect, especially if the said past was as terrifying and unbelievable as Christine Daae's past is?" Nadir demanded, though sounding fond of the overly optimistic gypsy. "Though I do like your proposition of talking to her and offering her this new singing arrangement. We must be gentle and considerate- so long as nothing threatens to take her away from us again, we have all the time in the world to take a well planned approach to helping the poor wretch, and piecing the details back together to discover what precisely has happened to her. We must, above all, remember that she is a person, memories intact or not."
"Indeed." Erik agreed vehemently, nodding briskly. Nadir looked a little astonished by Erik's lack of resistance to his opinion, not used to having such enthusiastic agreement. "But what if Christine...what if she still refuses?"
Nadir, encouraged by Erik's sensible and calm approach now that his temper had well and truly died down, picked up the clan leaflet again and stared thoughtfully at it simply for something to do whilst his mind considered the question. His frown was one of concentration, his eyes focused. When it came to Erik, Nadir exhausted every effort in trying to help him. He knew that Erik would do the same for him.
"If she does refuse to agree to the suggested arrangement, then we must return to the idea of you befriending her through 'chance' meetings and the like." Nadir replied eventually.
"But I doubt it will come to that, Erik. Christine will like being with another musician- you know she misses her father greatly, and as he was a musician you surely would remind her of him and be a comfort to her." Pali chipped in with another almost dopey smile, eager to encourage Erik in his idea. "And you can be devilishly charming to ladies, I'm sure."
As Erik blushed a little, Nadir snorted a laugh and earned a light prod from his beetroot coloured friend. Pali watched this and found himself questioning how such good friends, with such a brotherly relationship, could be at each other's throats one moment and acting like carefree youths the next. He decided that it was a mark of their honest friendship, and smiled broadly at them both.
"It wasn't even supposed to be funny, Nadir." Pali grinned, making the Persian man snort a laugh again as he slapped Erik lightly on the back, all three of them standing up and stretching their legs with similar grimaces at the pains of being sedentary for too long. Pali could tell from the light that was beaming in through the slight gap in the tent opening that it was around midday- to him, that was a sign it was time to act. "So, are we agreed? Is this our plan?"
"I suppose that this is our agreement." Erik nodded, the reality of the plan dawning on him and making him feel a little uneasy. "Pali...she'll think that I asked you to arrange this, given that I already suggested that we sing together. Please don't let her think that- make whatever lie you need, just do not let her think that I asked for this."
"Oh, Erik, I'm not an idiot you know. Of course I will play with the truth just a little, to make my case believable." Pali nodded with a slightly wicked grin, heading for the tent opening and preparing to step outside into the cool breeze. "I'll go now, then."
Erik's head turned sharply towards his old gypsy friend, searching for any hint of teasing or humour on his weathered face, but he could not find it. Both he and Nadir looked at Pali with grave expressions, he slightly more nervous than the Persian, but both of them very aware of how much relied upon this one conversation. Erik felt sick at the swirl of nerves in his stomach and the adrenaline throbbing at his temple.
"Now?" he repeated hoarsely, and Pali nodded with an untroubled expression.
"There would be no point in delaying." The gypsy reasoned in an easy voice, not at all concerned for the aghast look on Erik's now bone pale face. "Besides, I don't see why you need to be nervous at all. Even if she turns the offer down, it will be to me, not to you."
"He does raise a fair point, Erik." Nadir added quietly, trying not to sound as if he was ganging up on Erik and bullying him into an agreement.
Erik, feeling pressured by their equally grave faces with their unshakeable arguments, felt reluctant to voice the reply he knew he had to give. As Pali said, there was no reason to delay. Unable to force the reply, he nodded first, and saw relief flicker across the others' faces.
"Fine." He finally managed to say in a hollow voice. "Just...please be kind to her, Pali."
"When am I anything else?" Pali replied warmly, and then before Erik could utter another word or try to stop him, the smiling gypsy had danced happily out of the tent, seemingly unaffected by the truth that Erik's fate rested on his happy shoulders.
In another tent, somewhere else in the camp...
Christine Daae cursed bitterly under her breath as the coarse fabric she sewed up rubbed her still delicate fingers raw, the sinister stain of blood smearing onto the ugly sacking, discolouring it a little. Not that it really mattered- no one cared what the inside of a tent looked like. Christine bit back the tears that sprung into her eyes as the tender flesh stung, and she had to take a deep breath before returning to her frantic stitching, wincing at the pain the harsh fabric inflicted on her raw fingertips.
It was a task she hated, sewing up these rips and tears and snags caused by a lack of care when handling, or by tree branches in the wind. It was such a demeaning and insignificant existence, constantly hunched over what felt like acres of painful material, with no end in sight. There always seemed to be rips that needed mending, clothes that needed washing, fires that needed tending or caravans that needed cleaning and it was always her and the several other girls who the clan had scooped up from somewhere or other, willingly or unwillingly, who seemed to be given these arduously boring chores.
She felt as if her situation made the tasks worse- the other girls chatted throughout the day, gossiping about everything and nothing, kidding themselves that they were a group of friends on a social visit, not stuck slaving away in a gypsy camp. There seemed to be friendship and honest loyalty between them; some were family so remained close, some had forged bonds of friendship, some spoke the same language so held onto that as their reason to be together and not alone. They all always seemed to have someone to talk to, someone just like them that they could brave each day with.
Everyone except for her.
Christine knew, really, that it was her own fault that she was so isolated and excluded from this group of women who survived together. She had not helped herself, ignoring everyone unless they spoke to her first, not even attempting to find if she had anything that could make her similar to another one of the women- but then Christine often wanted to be alone with her thoughts, and it was only on a few rare occasions such as these that her lack of friendship with anyone truly bothered her. She could sing to herself to pass the time and keep herself sane; old Swedish lullabies straight from the blissful days of childhood, and also the old stories and riddles that she and another child had shared.
She clung to that memory- of her and a little boy, whose name she was sure had been Raoul, playing and talking and laughing away together. They had tried to scare each other with dreadful horror stories in the dark attic of the old house, giggling more often than they screamed. Their games had been brilliant fun for the both of them, Raoul succeeding in vexing his governess by falling into muddy puddles or diving into the sea to fetch her scarf simply to make her smile.
It was the thought that if she could find this boy, this Raoul, who she was sure must still be alive and remember those childhood days as she did, that kept her going through these endless painful days. For if they had been childhood friends, she was sure that he must be able to help her rediscover all she had lost...maybe...
Christine pulled the needle though the fabric and pulled the sacking taught, checking that her stitched were neat and strong as had been requested. Her fingers were numb now, no longer protesting and throbbing with pain, and as she saw that the large, ugly rip had been mended and made whole again she found herself wishing that she could sew up the hole in her heart as easily as this. It was a hole made by a year of pain, a year of feeling so lost and a year of failing to unlock a past she had once lived. Her own life was a stranger to her. Who had she been? What had she done?
"Christine? Ah, there you are, hiding away in the corner there! Hello-oo!"
Christine, feeling mortified, turned her head with all the other girls, looking up to see the gangling, grinning figure of Pali strolling up to them having just erupted into the tent like a riot of happiness and silliness, his face alight with some hidden joy that no one could really decipher. Upon seeing that he was intending to walk all the way over to stand beside her, Christine awkwardly stood up and hurried to close the distance, to stop him from continuing to stroll across to her in that oddly excitable manner. She was painfully aware of the countless pairs of eyes locked onto her, and as she moved to lay her sewing down with a frown, she noted that the other women seemed to be half curious, half fearful on her behalf. For a reason she could not understand, seeing that made her want to cry.
"Yes?" Christine asked in a voice that did not convey the unease she felt, fighting with the urge to back away in alarm as Pali grabbed her by the arm. His tiny, childlike hand was warm on her skin and she hated it, feeling terribly uncomfortable and knowing what the cattier of the women would decide this meant in cruel gossip later- as much as Christine liked Pali, compared to the other gypsies, she did not want to be thought of as his mistress.
"Come on." He said in a cheerful voice, tugging gently at her arm to encourage her onwards, not hurting her but leading her as a father might take lead of a troublesome child. Christine debated resisting, making her unease and unwilling known to him and the other women, hoping for assistance in being left alone or simply to restore her reputation and not be thought of as a mistress, but she couldn't. "I need to talk to you, Christine."
Of course, she had no choice but to stumble after him, out of the tent and into the open air. As soon as she was near the exit of the crowded and too warm tent, the chatter rose again and the relief that the women were focused on something other than her enabled her to walk with conviction. However, her unease and wariness as to what this sudden interruption could mean remained; what could Pali, harmless and gentle as he was, possibly want with her that could not be stated in front of the other women? The excitement and jittery nervousness sparkling in his eyes clearly contradicted the claim that he only wanted to talk to her, and although Christine doubted that Pali had ever held a malicious intent in his life, she still narrowed her eyes and prepared to stand her ground. Perhaps he had been sent on behalf of the elders, as he often was due to his friendly personality- already they had tried to force her to add extra elements to her singing performances, additions that had all involved degrading herself further to the level of a singing, dancing prostitute and she had refused them angrily. If Pali was here to persuade her, he would fail.
"What is this all about?" she asked when he led her to a space behind the tent, not quite having the nerve to demand an explanation as she wanted to. "Only I have a lot of sewing that needs to be completed by this evening-"
"Christine, you are an excellent singer." Pali cut her off with a broad smile. Christine took a step back warily, her face guarded. Why was everyone suddenly so complimentary of her singing? It wasn't as if she was even that good a singer, stuck in a stupid little sideshow that was hardly renowned for great talent. "We are in desperate need of a new musical act, you know. I was thinking about what might be popular, and I decided that a duet might be the answer- two excellent singers, excellent music. The attraction is obvious, of course- people love singing. Especially good singing."
Christine reached out to her right and found the soft, brightly coloured side to the material that formed the outside of the tent. Her sore fingers stroked the smooth fabric and it brought feeling back to her raw fingertips, almost soothing them. In that moment she wished she could close her eyes and savour a brief respite from reality, rather than stand here awkwardly and wonder why Pali was being so gentle and kind; after all, if he wanted to replace her or ask her to sing, it was not a matter of asking- she had to do what they said.
"And how does this involve me? Surely you are not simply telling me this for no reason?" Christine asked, her tone defeated. Pali did not seem put off by her utter lack of energy.
"Christine, don't you see? You simply must be one of this duet, your seraphic soprano tones mingling with those of an equally talented male!" Pali enthused valiantly, trying to spark and interest. His lanky arms gesticulated wildly, and Christine found herself wondering if it was this constant movement that made him so scrawny and thin. "Can you not imagine it? You and Erik, your talents heightened by each other-"
"Erik?!" Christine flared up, the embarrassment from her conduct earlier making her stomach squeeze as she recalled the look on that shadowy man's face. He had made her feel strange even just talking, so she felt terrified by the thought of singing with him. "Did he ask you to do this? Dear God, can he not understand that I do not want to sing with him?! I have no inclination, no reason or will, no enjoyment for singing! I knew that he was like the rest, never willing to just let things go, to accept my reply and move on!"
"Christine, I do not understand." Pali looked confused, and again Christine felt colour flare up on her cheeks as she realised how hysterical she had seemed with that outburst. "I didn't know that you had met Erik- he has not asked me to do this, I am asking you first. I thought, or rather I hoped, that you might take comfort in another musician who is an...an outsider to this clan. He is very talented, you know, an excellent musician and composer."
Christine hugged herself tightly, again wanting to close her eyes and forget that this conversation had ever happened. Again, she had leapt to the entirely wrong conclusion simply because Erik made her feel strange, and she still felt incredibly sad and pathetic at the word 'musician'. She was still angry at her fate, angry that the last thing she could remember was her father's death, angry that she had somehow ended up trapped in this place she so loathed and unable to change that. Could there be a fate crueller?
"I met Erik just this morning." She replied eventually, in a quiet voice. "He did mention that he was not part of the clan, that he was a musician...he was very kind."
Pali seemed to register this and perk up again with that same excitement that had no reasonable justification. It reminded Christine, with a twinge of annoyance, that Erik had told her that it was Pali who had told him her name last night. Why he had been so open with such information when normally the gypsies were reluctant to reveal any kind of information to anyone outside of their exclusive clan?
"Then...if he was very kind to you, will you sing with him every night in this new duet act that I have devised?" Pali asked hopefully, and Christine again wondered why on Earth he was bothering to ask when he knew as well as she that she had absolutely no choice in such matters.
"You know that I will do what is asked of me." She replied softly, looking away again. "It's not as if anyone gave me a choice before, Pali, so you need not use this great persuasive act. You and your clan decide what I do now; I will do what you ask."
Pali cleared his throat in a manner than seemed awkward and nervous, shifting from foot to foot where he stood, so when Christine turned her weary eyes back to him she was actually taken by surprise to see hurt in his dark brown eyes. Her words had clearly bothered him, as he tried to hide the fact but the truth could not be concealed soon enough- Christine knew that he had never done anything bad to her personally, so felt a little guilty, but she was glad that he felt remorse. Perhaps then he would talk to his elders and persuade them to let her go at long last.
"I like to think that you have not suffered with us, Mademoiselle." It was Pali's turn to sound uneasy and quiet. Christine had a hundred and one replies she wanted to shoot back in his face- well what did you expect me to say, that I love it in your slavery circus? What does it matter what you like to think- what about what I think? Why should I listen to your remorse, is it supposed to comfort me? Why can't you just let me go?!
She knew she could not give these replies, no matter how she desired to do so, and in the end she settled a for a quiet yet biting response that she hoped would make him think about her and her wish to be somewhere else all the time until it became too great to bear.
"I remember nothing else, except a distant childhood with a dying father. Not pleasant memories, but they are all I have- and yet I cannot say that life in this clan is in any way preferable to those horrid days that I remember." She said icily, far too stung to care for her rude tone anymore. "And whilst it is true that I am not ill or dying here in this travelling circus, I still wish for my freedom. But I suppose you might argue that I owe your clan everything, so the right is no longer mine."
"Christine...I cannot offer you things that are out of my authority, but I do offer you freewill and choice in this matter. This time, the choice is entirely yours, and it makes no difference to me if you agree or decline." Pali spoke in that same quiet, defeated and ashamed voice that still shocked her, as she had expected anger after her rude reply. "I do not wish to persuade you, or pressure you, but I might advise that you accept. If you feel as alone as you say, perhaps a friendship with Erik would be good for you. You said yourself he was kind, and he is not part of the clan- he would no doubt consider it an honour to sing beside you."
Christine thought back to earlier, to the conversation that had provided fifteen minutes of escape, lost in a normality she had thought was gone forever. She had felt disturbed by Erik, her heart drawn to him as if she knew that he was kind and someone who might offer some unchanging peace and comfort in this endless turmoil- but that must just be her fantasising, for how could she know something like that about a man she had never met before?
Once she stopped dwelling on her rudeness and her embarrassment for such acts, she could recall with surprising simple happiness that he had complimented her and spoken about her father, seeming so anxious to appease her, even as a complete stranger. Such kindness certainly suggested good things about him; everyone else drank and grabbed at her, swore and laughed at her, took her and put their rough hands all over her as if she were an object to please them and their disgusting needs.
"I would be far more honoured than he. I will sing with him." Christine decided and spoke firmly, cutting off her worrying thoughts with a shudder and facing Pali with a cool, calm attitude that seemed to surprise him.
"Well then, Christine." Pali smiled, the gloom forgotten as he extended a hand for her to shake, which left her staring at the outstretched palm in complete confusion. "I suggest that you come with me, then. You can tell him yourself, if we manage to find him- come along."
Pali resumed his hold on her arm and started to try and guide her along again, but Christine did resist this time, her feet glued to the hard ground beneath her. Pali looked confused, but she spoke before he could.
"My sewing. I cannot abandon my duties." She reasoned, glancing at the tent and craving that quiet solitude in a way she never had before. But Pali did not react in the way she expected- he simply laughed as if it were the funniest thing he had ever heard, using the temporary lapse of obstinate strength to pull her along behind him, smiling again with that dizzyingly happy expression that, this time, annoyed Christine to the point of anger. "What on Earth do you find so funny?!"
"Oh, nothing- only that if I get my way, Christine, you will never scrub and sew in this clan again!"
As she was tugged along by the bouncing, laughing Pali, Christine Daae actually smiled; charmed by his reply that made no sense but was so cheerful she had to be happier to hear it. She looked up at the open sky above her and the few birds that flew through that expanse of nothingness, free to do as they pleased, and she promised herself that soon she would be that free. But now, in a manner that she could scarcely believe, she actually felt happy as she walked along through the open air.
She didn't have the courage to admit it to herself, having no justification for her feelings, but Christine knew that a great proportion of that happiness came from the excited anticipation she now felt at the thought of seeing Erik again.
Pali noticed her smile from the corner of his eye and threw back his head to laugh jubilantly, scaring a group of birds in the branches above them and scattering them noisily into the open blue sky.