Disclaimer: I am neither Andrew Lloyd Webber nor Gaston Leroux.
Author Note: Hey all, sorry that it's been a while but I'm back at school now and WOW the work load is huge. So many notes, so much studying! I'm going to try and keep updating weekly but if I miss a week it's because I am drowning in textbooks and lever arch folders.
This chapter is bit of a strange one- it focuses on the new uneasy truce between Raoul and Erik, and also should explain some more about Pali and why he sometimes behaves the way he does.
Thank you so much to those lovely reviewers; TMara, MarilynKC, phantomslove01 and Billy4Me. I'm always thrilled to hear your thoughts on the story :-D
And now, over to Erik...and Raoul!
Fourteen- Your Enemies Closer
"Erik?"
The sound of his name, spoken so casually by one he despised for the second time in what had been an incredibly exhausting day, made Erik look up from the grimy tabletop he had been staring blankly at for the last goodness knows how long. This inn, though far better than most of the filthy hovels he had stayed in, still had the usual grim hygiene problems; sticky tables, unswept floors, food that made you wonder if you ought to write your will before daring to take a bite. But Erik could hardly complain, because this was a place of rest and warmth, and so far he had not discovered anything too unsavoury-unlike the time he and Nadir had stopped at an inn during their mad year long search around the country, only to find that the place was in fact a brothel, from which they had made a speedy exit with embarrassed blushes adorning their faces. And, of course, this inn was charity- the charity of Raoul de Chagny, who had just spoken his name in his soft gentleman's voice, the very voice he had so often heard laughing and talking and whispering to Christine as he ground his teeth and tried to hold back the urges to rip the fop's hair out.
But now they were not in the Opera Populaire swearing to kill each other- they were sat opposite one another at a sticky table in the corner of the grubby bar, well away from the afternoon rush of people, steadfastly ignoring each other and the curious stares and pointed looks that the other customers shot them amid their conversations. There was no one from the clan in the bar, luckily, but Erik did not let such a fact calm him to a state of easiness- every five minutes or so, he would turn around and let his eyes trail over every inch of the dingy room, delighting the various repugnant individuals who gawped and probed his face with their eyes, puzzling over him. What was it that thrilled these vermin, Erik wondered darkly as he took in their obvious gawping; was it the fact that he was wearing an ill fitting and ugly facial covering, or that he- a mysterious and angry looking man- was sat alone with a young, handsome member of the aristocracy?
Oh de Chagny how you have fallen, he thought in wicked amusement, this scene hardly befits a man of your wealth, your status, your... grandeur. But Erik could not even relish in this amusing contrast, for it only further highlighted that Raoul had abandoned all his comforts and lifestyle simply to search for Christine, just as he had. Suddenly his selfless searching act had been overshadowed by this young fool, and Erik could not help but feel a little vulnerable. It seemed that the foul pattern of Paris had resumed- no matter what he did, Raoul de Chagny would manage to trump him in a no doubt charming manner.
Raoul did not seem perturbed by the stares and inquisitive glances from the other customers, his eyes drifting lazily to the window every so often to look at the sun and the sky rather than to peer in paranoia at his fellow drinkers. But now, having spoken Erik's name, his eyes were narrowed slightly in unease and it was clear that he was still a little wary of addressing Erik at all. Erik rolled his eyes and fought back the urge to glare menacingly, asking himself why the miserable little slimeball even bothered to talk to him if he was just going to quake like a rabbit whenever he did so.
"What, de Chagny?" he muttered darkly, remembering that he had to try to be civil to the fop but still not bothering to make an effort. His eyes went on their brief sweeping search again, attracting the curious stares of two burly men seated at the bar, but realising with relief that there was no one from the clan present. "I know Saint Nadir has insisted that we must cooperate if we want to get Christine out of that travelling slavery circus, but I have no wish to engage in menial small talk, with you or anyone for that matter."
"Saint Nadir?" he asked, and Erik sighed and wished he had thought before speaking. "What do you mean?"
"I was referring to his incessantly stoic attitude. The Daroga is infuriatingly good." Erik answered bluntly, and was surprised to see that Raoul had to smother a chuckle of laughter. Was the insolent wretch laughing at him?! No- Erik recoiled slightly from the realisation, shaking his head in confusion; Raoul de Chagny was laughing in amusement. He had made the Vicomte laugh.
Ugh. Why had he done something so utterly stupid? Now the fool would think that he had somehow scaled the hostile walls Erik had put up around his true self, when in fact he was still a firm outsider.
"Monsieur Khan certainly does seem to be quite...optimistic. And logical. You called him Daroga- is that from your days together in Persia?" Raoul's happy voice immediately dulled as Erik scowled at him and his casual references to Erik's own past. He cringed under Erik's fierce glare, fiddling with the greasy rim of his glass, his delicate fingers trembling again. "I'm sorry." He said uselessly. "I know that Nadir did not have your approval to tell me about your past actions and troubles, but I asked him to tell me and I do not regret that fact. I wanted to tell you that- that I think what you have suffered and endured in your lifetime is atrocious and I cannot say enough that I regret any quarrels we had in Paris."
Quarrels? Erik almost snorted at the use of that word which came straight out of the nursery. Did the boy really imagine that such lordly behaviour, such gracious forgiveness and understanding, not to mention the use of such bland terms, would change anything? Ordering an assassination was slightly more than 'quarrelling'.
"I was under the impression, Vicomte, that I had already made my feelings quite clear- I don't want your pity, or your understanding." Erik snarled, his yellow eyes glinting with malice. "We all make choices and I made the wrong ones. There is no excuse, no flowery way of phrasing what I have done in my life. So I strongly suggest you stop trying."
"Then...then I won't pity you! Or try to make excuses for your unsavoury behaviour." Raoul continued urgently, seemingly unaffected by the malice in Erik's glare, or the fact that his fists were balled and resting threateningly on the table top. "But tell me, I implore you- tell me why, Erik. Let me understand you, at least. We both love Christine and I know that we would both do anything in the world for her- I think that makes us similar."
"Don't even THINK about uttering ONE more patronising word to me, Vicomte!" Erik hissed, stung to the core. "Do you have any idea what you have just said? What claim you have just made?! Calling yourself, a privileged dumb innocent, in any way similar to me, an antagonist who has inflicted more horror and misery on others than the villains in your childhood fairytales...you have no idea what a stupid, offensive thing you have just said! No idea at all!."
Raoul shook his head mildly, not put off by the distinct note of hysteria that was building in Erik's voice.
"But that's just it- I really don't have the faintest idea." Raoul leant forward earnestly, as if he were a young child, a pupil who was desperate to listen and to absorb the wisdom of a great tutor, his eyes in no way mocking. "Nadir has told me facts, as if they were some morbid fairytale- he has told me that you were incarcerated as a child in a gypsy clan, THAT gypsy clan. He has told me, in great detail, of how you travelled the Orient and that somewhere between chasing you and helping you flee he started to see a real man rather than the name he had been given to apprehend. He tried to explain your connection to Christine, why she meant so much to you...but I want you to tell me. Nadir was right in saying that we must work together to save the woman we both love. But that isn't all we must do- I'm no longer content just to ignore you, Erik. I'm stunned by how civil and moral you can be. It leads me to believe that you're a lot less the monster myth would suggest you are, and after being one of the ignorant masses now I want to understand you."
Erik moved his chair back from the table, trying to move away from Raoul, unnerved by this little speech. He felt as if he were on show again, displayed to the masses for them to scrutinise and try to 'understand him'. The sunlight was streaming in through the window, bathing them both and the table in brilliant golden light, but Erik cringed from it and wanted nothing more than to run back into the shadows, into the mystery and privacy of darkness. He wanted to escape back to where he knew he was unchallenged, rather than stumble through this sunlit world and constantly feel vulnerable.
"This is all good and well, this moral quest to probe me and examine me, to bestow appropriate pity on me in your superior manner." Erik replied scathingly, disgust lingering on the words. "But I don't want to share my past with you- why would I explain myself to a man I despise? I despise your ridiculous wealth that you squander meaninglessly whilst us lesser beings scavenge and fight for the dregs, I despise your stupidity and your infuriating ignorance of the real world and, most of all, I loathe you for proving me right."
"What?!" de Chagny sounded astonished. "I haven't-"
"Oh yes you have." Erik hissed. "I had hoped, stupidly, that for once the ugly beast might get the chance to earn love, to savour a happy ending. But no matter what ridiculous hopes I clung onto, like a deluded fool, I still knew the truth- that the ugly monster, the spawn of hell, would never succeed. Not when the always successful, charming, handsome, irritatingly perfect gentleman is present, a stark reminder of what is preferable rather than the hideous beast!"
"Erik, stop! You have said it yourself- you believe Christine chose you that night. Your claims, they are false! It's nothing to do with such farcical matters-"
"Oh, really de Chagny? Don't you think it's odd that as soon as I achieved that dreamt of love, she lost her memory and consequently does not remember anything at all about me?" Erik laughed, a cold and humourless sound. "She will remember you, you know- not as the patron whom she fell in love with, but as a childhood friend, the one key to her past. You will waltz in, the epitome of all she would ever want and need, and once again I will be forgotten. Knowing my luck and hideous fate, your arrival will likely trigger her memories to return and she will see that I lied to her and hate me even more."
Erik studied the young man across the table from him carefully, after he allowed his eyes to venture on another sweep of the busy room. Raoul looked stunned by what he had just listened to, and also a little hurt that Erik once again seemed to be directing all his wrath and bitterness at him. But there was one thing that was unshaken by his guilt and attempts at sympathy, and Erik could see it in the Vicomte's eyes; his love and determination to reunite himself with Christine remained strong. They would both fight as hard as they could for her- there would be no gracious standing aside, or gentlemanly duelling for her hand. This would be a fight that employed all backstabbing, underhanded and downright cruel tricks with no cease in the desperate crusade until Christine had made her choice and sealed their fates once and for all.
Erik knew that they each believed themselves, honestly, to be the true love of Mademoiselle Christine Daae. But she had lost all recollection of romance with either of them before she could confirm the truth, which left rather a precarious situation.
"We might as well come out with the whole truth." Erik mused darkly, clenching his fists with the sadistic urge to get up and inflict pain upon one particular drinker who was staring openly at them, even smirking to his companions about it. Raoul looked surprised again- this time to hear that Erik was talking, not accusing him of something or shouting at him. It was almost as if he wanted to hear Raoul's opinion- intentional or not, Raoul could not fathom, so he remained silent. "We could tell Christine the whole hideous story. She wouldn't believe it, not until we scared her half to death with all the proof we can muster, and she would certainly loathe me for all I've done. But at least then we could return to hating one another with fiery confidence, instead of having to force painful conversation every tedious afternoon for the rest of time."
Raoul considered it, and the fact Erik had mentioned earlier- that Christine would remember him. True, it would not be in the way he would have liked- a childhood sweetheart, from the days when holding hands and presenting one another with daisies was courtship, was hardly equivalent to being madly in love and engaged- but it was a start. He and Christine had been the best of friends in those sweet days, so he did not need to worry about making a bad impression. And if he really was the only key to her past she knew of, it would make him invaluable to her. She would need him, want him even. And that was a good start.
"No, we shouldn't do that." Raoul eventually replied, taking Erik by surprise. "I want to make a deal with you about that, as a matter of fact."
"A deal?" Erik repeated slowly, not quite sure where the conversation was headed. "With me?"
"Well, not exactly a deal, more of...more of an agreement." The Vicomte flushed as Erik narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "There will be no telling Christine the truth. There will also be no backstabbing and telling tales of murderous Phantoms or stupid Vicomtes. We will work together, honestly, and Christine will gain her memories in an unbiased way, so that she will choose fairly once this is all over."
"Hm. That agreement is of huge benefit to me, seeing as I have the most to lose once the truth is out. Also I have already established a bond with her as she is now- that agreement would allow me to continue to play the part of the perfect man who is her one friend in this harsh world?" Erik asked suspiciously and Raoul nodded. "But what do you get out of all this? What do you want?"
"We won't tell her the truth, you can continue your 'perfect man' act and I will never reveal your past as the Phantom to her if you allow me to come with you when you go to see her and if we never tell Christine that it is all my fault that she lost her memories and was taken by the gypsies." Raoul said in a calm, cool voice, and Erik felt uneasy as he considered the terms.
He didn't want Raoul to meet with Christine- he knew she would be thrilled to have a key to her past and that once again he would be overshadowed. But would Raoul really reveal all his dark past as to Phantom to her if they didn't secure such a deal? It was a risk Erik knew he couldn't afford to take, so he nodded once.
"Fine." He said in a soft voice. "I suppose it is in my interests to keep the ugly truth from her as long as possible. Once it is out, and she knows the truth, I know she will despise me. You know, Monsieur le Vicomte, I think I am beginning to realise that I want to cross back over bridges I have long burned. But I can't change anything now. What will be, will be."
"I don't understand." Raoul said in a slightly way tone, as if knowing that with Erik despair could quickly turn to fury.
"No, you wouldn't." He replied in a murmur. "It comes down to one fundamental point, Vicomte, that has been recurring throughout my life. You asked for my past, so I will tell you this; some people are simply not meant for happiness."
And with that, he stood up as if in a daze, and walked slowly up the stairs, presumably to his room. Raoul watched him go with a heavy feeling in his heart, feeling sad that Erik had come to such a bitter conclusion regarding his life. But even knowing that Erik would go upstairs to languish in lonely misery, the Vicomte made no attempt to reach out to the Phantom. He simply did not understand him enough to do so...yet.
Meanwhile, in the woods beside the gypsy camp, an irate Nadir was explaining his difficulties to a less than obliging Pali. The gypsy seemed to have put walls up- refusing to accept what Nadir was saying, refusing to show any interest, and when Nadir finally gave up and yelled in frustration Pali merely bowed his head and said nothing.
"Pali, you know more than anyone that Emilian is the certain kind of evil that will, undoubtedly, inflict pain and misery on everyone. You are lucky that Erik hasn't come to kill you for what you did, holding him back from rescuing Christine- if you obstruct him again, he will not be best pleased." Nadir tried to get a reaction from the gypsy, swearing uncharacteristically when he had no such luck. "Listen to me, you selfish bastard- you don't have to be involved with our plan. You don't have to lift a finger to help us. I only ask that you give me assistance in the form of one answer to one simple question, that is it!"
Pali looked up from the woodland floor, his eyes filled with tears and narrowed into slits as he glared at Nadir, looking nothing like his normal self.
"You don't understand, Nadir, how could you ever understand?!" he spat venomously, making Nadir worry that he had been too harsh in his single minded determination to make his idea into a successful plan of action. "You weren't there in the gypsy clan, when Erik was a child locked in a cage- it was unbearable! Javert was a monster, a true monster- he would torture Erik until he screamed, such haunting screams-! Those crowds flocked to him, to gawp and to stare and to jeer as he was whipped and burned and set upon by animals and we lived off of that profit. We lived off of Erik's blood and pain and tears and I was helpless to do anything to stop it! All I could do, all I ever did, was sit outside his cage and offer some useless chatter to pass the time- I couldn't save him! I just stared as he suffered and writhed in pain and wished with all I was that I might somehow act and take him out of that suffering. But I was useless!"
Nadir felt sick to hear the descriptions, to see the tears roll down Pali's face as he clutched at his temples, as if trying to claw those horrific memories out of his head. Nadir could see the pain in his eyes- the guilt, the self inflicted misery that came with regret and anger. He regretted calling Pali a selfish bastard- this odd man, who was so often annoying and stupid and morally questionable, was the opposite of selfish. It was clear to Nadir then that he and Pali were the same- they both cared blindly and totally for Erik and would do anything they could to stop harm befalling him. Why else would Pali offer them the chance of touring with the clan to earn money, if not to ensure that Erik had income and food and a bed at night? Why else would he go as far as to knock Erik out and drag him out of the camp, if not to protect him? It was all to make up for the years of being powerless and unable to help Erik when he had been suffering, and Nadir was certain that he would be haunted by this scene for the rest of his days.
"Now I am no longer useless. I can stop Erik from suffering- I can make sure that he goes nowhere near Emilian." Pali fiercely wiped his streaming eyes. "I haven't told Christine anything. I'm letting her think that Erik abandoned her. She will be well looked after in the clan, I will ensure that she is safe. You must take Erik and you must leave. I will not let him suffer at the hands of my people again."
"Pali!" Nadir roared, sympathy forgotten again. "Do you understand nothing?! Christine is the most important thing to Erik, she is all he cares about! If she is trapped in the clan, he will be suffering at the hands of your people, because he will be without her. Don't you see? The only way to end Erik's suffering for good is to reunite him with Christine and give him his chance at the love he has craved his entire lifetime, the love he has always been denied. I know you want to protect him and I know you want him to be happy, so please, realise that the only way Erik can ever be happy is if Christine is beside him."
Pali looked down at his feet again, his face unreadable, and Nadir sighed and threw his hands up in a gesture of irritated helplessness. This was a complete nightmare- if Pali was really this set upon making sure Erik never went near Emilian, he would probably do something as mad as to keep Christine from him, perhaps even make her hate him in the deluded attempt to turn Erik away from her and the clan.
"Emilian would take that offer." Pali's soft voice shocked Nadir out of his angry thoughts.
"What?" he replied unintelligently. "What offer?"
"If a theatre offered him money for a performance from Christine. He is meticulous and careful and highly suspicious, but if there was a large enough sum of money to be had his greed would overtake all his ruthless paranoia and he would agree." Pali explained lightly, and Nadir realised with an ecstatic swing in his stomach that this was Pali's way of saying he agreed to help them.
"That is good to know." Nadir nodded. "Pali..."
"You know Erik far better than I do, Nadir. And if Christine really is the only way he can ever be happy, then who am I to stand in your way?" he said simply and Nadir reached out to pat him on the shoulder. "I suppose you want me to tell her everything?"
"Yes." Nadir nodded, relieved that everything was in order again. "And, would it be possible to somehow arrange for Christine to see Erik again? I assume that the security of the camp is far increased, given all the recent changes-"
"It is. Christine is constantly guarded in the day, she is never allowed to be alone." Pali said in a blank voice. "But she spends the nights in my tent, under my 'guard'. It would be risky, and would only be very brief, but Erik could meet her under the cover of darkness." He paused, seeing Nadir's elated expression. "Maybe, given her misery at the thought of being abandoned, it would be best if she was informed of the truth tonight. Erik should come to the edge of the camp when it is past midnight...I will bring Christine out to see him."
"Thank you, Pali. Your assistance is invaluable."
Once the Persian man was gone, Pali sat heavily down on the woodland floor and felt the stupid tears well up again. He wanted to help Erik, of course he did, and deep down he knew that he would never be able to hold Christine here against her will and deceive her for long. He knew that this plan, despite the risks, might just work and that would mean happiness and freedom for all the people he cared about.
But when he closed his eyes, in the darkness of his mind he still saw that poor child in the cage, still heard the sobs and the screams, and he knew that he would do anything to ensure Erik never suffered in that way again.
No matter the consequences.