I – Bruised
Not many people can say they've been punched by a rock. But I can. Several times in fact.
Everything's been just a downward spiral as of late. A blur of bruises, blood and bad decisions over the past few months. I barely remember my life before leaving, even more so the people I care about. Back in the first months, I could barely stand lying to them all about where I was or what I was doing. I told dad I was with Tenzin and I told Tenzin I was with dad. In reality, I was wandering the world, aimlessly searching for peace, a way to recover.
Now I'm here, in some underground Earth Kingdom fight club, barely keeping balance as my opponent throws me around like a ragdoll. I can't remember her name – probably a concussion messing with my memory – but it didn't really matter as I was barely standing, unable to keep up with my enemy.
My vision is blurry, I think I've got dust in my left eye along with the massive bruise forming over it. I still have enough cognizance to roll under a stone slab, but not enough to anticipate the pillars that shot from the ground. I was in the air for a good three seconds before I came crashing down on my side. Lucky for me the pillars pushed my shoulder not my torso, otherwise I'd be dealing with some broken ribs.
Still hurt though.
I don't know how, or why, but I pushed myself up, eyeing my opponent and returning to a battle stance.
"Is that… all you got? Come on!" I wheezed, my head spinning and vision blurring. I blinked once, then twice, then three times as my perception of my opponent blurred, her appearance shifting, blinking out, and turning into her again.
Me. Or is it her? Was I her or is she me?
I can barely remember anymore as her blank, white eyes stared me down. She pulled a chain from out of the ground and began swinging it at me. I brought up a wall to my left, blocking the first hit, and attempting a counter-attack with an earth column. She pre-emptively kicked, destroying the columns right before they hit her.
She stepped forward, slamming her foot on the ground and bringing up several medium-sized boulders. My opponent kept her offensive and she was putting me on the ropes. I was barely able to return the hits she dealt, and it wasn't looking good as I was being pushed back further and further. After an intense exchange of earth bending between us, she launches herself to the top of the wall and bends a rock I shot at her straight back, sending tumbling into the far wall.
She used the opening to launch a volley of rocks at me. I quickly rolled forward, dodging most of them. My plan was to get back on my feet and returning fire, but one of the rocks got under my guard and nailed me right in the stomach. The air was shoved out of my lungs, and that was the opening she needed for her to launch one last rock at me. It struck me right on the side of my head.
I felt myself fly through the air before once again plunging to the ground. My thoughts were like mud as I tried to focus on standing up, to fight her, but my body gave out regardless. And as I laid out on the arena floor, exhausted to the bone, the only thing I could see or even care about was the apparition of my former self, glaring at me with her cold, glowing white eyes.
The eyes of the Avatar. The eyes I once had all those years ago.
It was after my fight the crowd left. My head was pounding and I had a few new aches all over my body, but otherwise I was alright. I sat up, rubbing my head, wincing in pain as I touched a very sore spot, likely where the boulder hit me.
I sat on a waiting bench on the outskirts of the arena, unfurling the wraps around my hands. I took the time to survey my surroundings: the arena was basically empty, with the exception of one or two fighters, some cleaners and the owner. Speaking of whom, said owner noticed I was awake and approached me. I stood up, ignoring the bout of dizziness that shot through me, and faced him.
"Here." He said, tossing something at me. I managed to catch it, examining it in my hands. It was a stack of cash, not very thick, but not exactly thin either.
"For your lackluster performance."
"Thanks." I responded. I kept my words as indifferent as possible, too morose to give a proper answer. I began counting the money, running through my head how much I had for food and a place to stay.
"You know, you look very familiar." The owner said thoughtfully, before a look of recognition crosses his face. "Yeah, you… you kinda look like that Avatar girl!"
That statement should have freaked me out – and it probably would have three years ago. Especially since now I'm hiding from my friends and family. However, I simply threw the money in my duffel bag and blankly responded:
"I get that a lot."
I slung the bag over my shoulder and walked off with a tired look in my eyes.
"Yeah, I guess. Say, what ever happened to her anyways?"
"I wouldn't know." I didn't even glance back as I walked out of the arena and back onto the street.
As soon as I left the building, I took a deep breath. The air was tinged with a mix of dust and burning coal. I can't remember exactly where I was. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was somewhere in the lower ring, but I'd only gotten here by following my visions. By following her.
I sighed, slouching as I walked with no direction, just letting whatever happens happens. Although the first thing I need to do is find someplace to sleep, otherwise I'm going to be lying on the sidewalks again.
I kept walking, the bitter cold night stabbing at my skin. It was probably a bad idea to be wearing sleveless, but it was one of the last clothes I had after selling my Water Tribe garb for some food.
It wasn't until I'd reached the end of the block that my aimless walking led me to something. Something that would change everything.
"Hey." Someone said. I kept walking, unaware that the voice was calling to me. "Hey lady."
I perked up a bit and looked around, my dead eyes searching for whoever spoke. I found my answer in the form of a man, stepping out from an alley. He didn't seem like anyone special: he looked to be at least in his mid-twenties, so only a couple of years older than me. He had long, unkept jet black hair, a sharp chin and brown eyes that dispite their color, seemed to burn with some undescribable fire. He was handsome in a rugged sort of way, and the cigarette in his mouth, letting off a trail of smoke and glowing eerily in the night did sort of help his image.
He did look slightly out of place though, wearing a Republic City-style clothes in the Earth Kingdom: a deep red tangzhuang under a black duster, with black pants tucked into knee-high boots. The whole outfit, however, was thrown off by the addition of a straw farmer's hat, tied around his neck. The hat looked like it'd seen better days, as it was pretty much falling apart, but somehow still stayed together.
"You need something?" I asked, clenching my fists, ready for a fight. However, the man took a step back, putting his hands up in the air.
"Woah, hold your ostritch-horses! I come in peace." He said and I relaxed, but I was still on guard. "I saw your fight earlier and I just wanted to talk to you."
"Who are you?" The man hit himself on the head and smiled.
"Oh, yes, sorry about that." The man said, taking a drag of his cigarette before puffing a cloud of smoke. "The name's Huang TianBao, but you can just call me Tian."
The man – Tian – held out his hand, and I reluctantly took it. I looked at him, a huge grin on his face. I grugingly smiled back, although it looked more like a grimace more than a smile.
"You got a name or do I just call you 'Smiles'?" he joked. My breath hitched in my throat and I let go of his hand, my mind running a million miles an hour.
"It's… uh… Song. Yeah, Song." I lied through my teeth, but Tian had no reason to mistrust me – as far as I knew.
"Song? Cool. So, Song, I saw your fight earlier, you're a pretty good earthbender." Oh if only he knew that I couldn't just earthbend.
"Seriously? I lost." I deadpanned, but he just took another puff of his cigarette with a smirk.
"Yeah, you did. I mean, did you see how long you were in the air?" Tian lauged, and I raised an eyebrow, getting less suspicious and more annoyed. "Sorry. Sore subject."
"What is it you want Tian?"
"Okay okay, look, I can tell you're a very talented bender. You just had a bad night that's all. And I can tell – from the state of you sorry to say – that you desperately need a job."
"And what kind of job are we talking about?" I said, my susupicion returning.
"Well, the details are still in progress, but the pay's good and the benefits even better." He reached into his duster, pulling out something and tossing it to me. I caught it, examining it in my hands. It was a small plain white syrette; it had something inside, but I couldn't exactly tell what it was just by looking at it.
"What is this?"
"Think of it as an advanced employee benefit. It's a new kind of… product I'm putting out on the streets. Part of that job offer involves that little concoction in your hand." Now my guard was really up as I contemplated the little syrette in my hand.
"This isn't legal is it?" I asked and Tian took another drag of his cigarette before replying.
"Ehh, not really. Well, it doesn't actually exist yet, again, still working on that front, but that's why I'm here hiring you Song." I got the feeling my face was one of extreme concern as Tian took another smoke before sighing, pale smog flowing from his lips.
"Okay okay, it seems that I'm not really painting a clear picture here. Think of it like this: you got any demons Song?" His question took me aback. It took me a few seconds to process, seconds which he used to smoke more.
"Yeah, a few." I said, recalling the image of my past self trying to mutilate me with rocks.
"Well, this little baby will get rid of those for you. Your demons? Your painful memories? All gone, poof! Just like that. And you feel like a million yuan after as well. This drug will make all your worries dissapear and your dreams come true, all at the same time. Just find a vein, stick it in and squeeze. That simple."
This was bad. I didn't need to be a detective to know that something was wrong here. But Tian's words somehow captured my attention. Maybe this was it? Maybe this is the answer?
He said this'll rid me of my demons and painful memories. And spirits know I've got a whole three years worth of those. But is it worth the risk?
Yes. No. Maybe. I'd heard of some doctors in Republic City giving new kinds of medicine for traumatised soldiers. Maybe this is the same thing? I don't know. I can't decide whether I want to take the chance or not. But if this drug does work…
"I'll think about it." I said, pocketing the syrette. He smirked, taking one more drag of his cigarette before throwing it on the ground and stomping on it.
"Yeah, good idea. Well, if you do make a decision, just come by the arena tomorrow. I'll be waiting. Or don't, your choice." He blew smoke into the air before turning on his heels and walking away. He pulled his straw hat over his head and shoved one hand in his pocket, waving the other in goodbye. "Be seeing you Song. Remember, employee benefits! Room and board included!"
"Yeah." I muttered as he dissapeared down an alley. I then too turned and walked away.
It wasn't long before I went back to my previous state: depressed and wallowing in my own self pity till I find a place to spend the night. I was so out of it, that I didn't notice I'd walked onto the street. The glare of high-powered headlights and a honking horn brought me out of my rumination, and I barely avoided being run over by one of those new Satomobiles.
This sudden evasion left my head spinning, and I ambled to a nearby alley, catching my balance on the wall. But as my head spun and my thoughts swam, I looked ahead to see something that made my blood run cold.
She was back.
"You again." I growled. Her face remained emotionless as she flung a length of chain wrapped around her wrist at me. I shot a fireblast at her, but it bounced off her uselessly sputtering out of existence. The chain wrapped itself around my hand and I fell to the ground. She then moved closer, trudging forward as if she was walking through mud, but I panicked nonetheless.
"Leave me alone!" I blasted her with fire once more. However, she suddenly just dissapeared – blinked out of reality like she wasn't even there.
My fireworks did, however, attract a attention. An old lady who saw me firebend came close, attempting to hold my shoulder.
"Young lady are you alright? Can I take you to a doctor?" She asked, but I shrugged her off, standing up and briskly walking away.
"No, I-I don't need any help."
I got away as fast as I could without drawing any more attention. As I walked, I remembered the events of the past three years. Leaving Republic City, the year of uselessness I spent in a wheelchair, Mako, Bolin and Asami, constantly wrtiting to see how I was doing, lying that I was feeling better, or just not replying at all. Then there was when I decided to run away, hiding my identity, cutting my hair short and then all the events leading up to this point.
I was once again so lost in thought, that I didn't notice I'd walked into an abandoned part of the lower circle. Everything was a shade darker than it should be, the dilapidated houses, the broken streets, even the air itself seemed to be heavy with a flow of gloom. It was then I'd figured out that I've stumbled onto somewhere I shouldn't be.
A gust of wind whipped around me, and I was forced to spin to the rear from the pressure. Behind me was her again. She kept that same blank stare, with her glowing eyes and eerie atmosphere piercing my very soul.
"No. You're just in my mind, you aren't real." I said, but my voice was shaking. Her eyebrows twitched, and she slammed her fists at me, a wave of fire shooting out from them. I was too shocked that I was unable to stop myself from being launched a good ten feet, the heat of the flames and the burns on my forearms very real and definitely not in my head.
I slammed into the wall of a building, landing face first into a puddle. I forced myself up, only to see her trudging forward. I panicked and launched a tendril of water at her, but she moved faster than the wind, standing in one spot and then appearing somewhere else.
She retaliated by launching a boulder and another fireblast. I dodged them both, but was caught off guard by a third attack: a stream of water from a nearby sewage drain. I rolled on the ground several times, ending on my back. My body barely reacted to my thoughts, but I forced myself to move as she came down on me with a flaming knife kick. I rolled out of the way and instead of fighting, began to run.
I could say it was a tactical retreat, that I needed to regroup my thoughts. But then I'd be lying again. The truth was that I am scared. Scared out of my mind that what is chasing me is real, and that if I don't get away I'll be dead.
I tried to shoot air blasts at her, but she effortlessly avoided them. I jumped up, using a mini tornado to propell me further into the sky. My plan was to use the buildings to get away, but she likely saw this coming. She unfurled the chain, smashing it into the ground before flinging it at my leg. It wrapped around said appendage and my balance was thrown off, sending me careening down into the ledge of the roof.
As I frantically clawed at the tiles, I dared a glance backwards to see my worst nightmares come to life. A pool of familiar silver liquid pooled around her feet. At the sight of this, my brain went into a state of panic as I shouted and struggled to pull myself up, but to no avail. Then, she began to sink into the pool, dragging me down with her.
"No!" I shouted. Now I was really desperate. My grip was slipping and the chain threatened to rip off my leg if my grasp on the roof didn't give out first. I was running out of strength and willpower. I shut my eyes tight, ready to accept my fate, until something stirred in my memory.
"Your demons? Your painful memories? All gone, poof! Just like that." Tian had said that the drug would get rid of my demons. Would she count as one of those. I had no other option, it was either the drug or certain death. You can guess what I chose.
I reached into my pocket, gripping the syrette in my hand, uncapping the needle and preparing to stick it into my neck. However, just as I was about to, my other hand slipped and I began falling, pulled by the chain towards the liquid-metal pool below. I had no time to hesitate, plunging the needle deep into my neck and squeezing.
The effect was almost instantaneous. It was like the entire world just exploded with color. I could taste the colors around me. See the sounds of the world. Touch the smell of the air. Everything slowed down as I felt myself drift through – what I could only describe as – a waking dream. I sighed, my breath tickling my lips as I closed my eyes and let the feeling of pure extacy wash over me.
Then the experience was over just as fast as it started. I was brought back to reality when I fell back first onto the ground. I cried out in pain as I clutched the bottom of my spine, hoping to all the spirits that I didn't break anything.
But wait. Shouldn't I be dead?
I looked around, frantically searching for any sign of her, but everything was normal. The abandoned buildings remained abandoned, and the night was quiet as there was no trace of her ever being here. Not even an upturned stone or broken window. It was like she dissapeared, like she was…
"All gone…" I muttered, standing up. I felt the area where I stabbed the syrette, to find it still sticking in my neck. I pulled it out, wincing in pain as I examined it in my hands.
"It worked. It really worked." I said to no one. Suddenly, I smiled, for the first time in six monthsI smiled in true happiness. She was gone. She was gone.
And that feeling. I've never felt anything so… so… glorious in my entire life. Nothing in all my years as Avatar made me feel this way. It was a whole new experience, a jolt of pure joy and rapture that I could've gotten nowhere else.
And I wanted more.
I needed more.
And I knew just where to get it from.
Boom. First chapter. So, if you didn't get the warning before, I'll say it again: there will be a lot and I mean a lot of illegal substance abuse in the future. You have been warned.