Goodbyes Part II:
Cathodette Lyte, 17, District Three Female
Breathe in... Breathe out... I have to keep reminding myself that, I need to calm myself down. But I can't!
I just can't!
Starving for air, I clutch onto my chest as tight as I can as I feel my heart racing at a tremendous speed, and my lungs shallowly rising and falling. My body switches to autopilot and I stand up quickly, then pace around the room. Pushing the curtains out of my view, I stare out the window and only see the outer area of The Square.
Everyone's left, except for a few family members that I see. My District Partner's parents are going to visit him. Although this is calming me down just a little bit, I'm still feeling nervous – still dreading the fact that my parents might come to talk to me; my Dad's probably gonna come in drunk, and Mom won't help with how delusional she is.
Suddenly I begin hyperventilating, and I can't get a good grasp on air. My throat is so dry and I can feel the sweat trickling down my forehead and onto the tip of my nose. No one is around yet, but there will be people. But I don't want to see them, especially not my parents – not anyone right now!
The thought of security pops into my mind, and satisfaction was something I looked forward to, but it was just a distant memory. An invisible force crashes into me from every possible direction, and it feels like there are multiple ghosts just shoving my body to one another. Each and every second submerges me with fear and leaves a permanent mark on my fragile heart, and a vivid imagination makes its way into my mind when the door handle begins shaking.
Bracing myself for my Dad to walk in, I straighten myself up and rush back to my seat. Just relax. Just be cool. Just be calm, I tell myself. Think about how safe you'll be, away from him. Coming to a sudden realization that I won't be anywhere near my Dad for the next two weeks, my body stops tensing and relaxes. It's like all my muscles come to ease and the air that I was so desperately looking for just rushes into my nostrils and out my mouth.
I'll be away... No more of these horrible attacks, no more of these disastrous attempts of escaping, and no more sexual abuse. He won't be able to hurt me anymore; he won't be able to yell and shout and tarnish me with his disgraceful words; and he won't be able to touch me anymore. Especially not... N-Not if I win.
If I win, I can move into the Victors' Village all by myself and leave my old life behind. I-I wouldn't have to be anywhere near my family ever again, and they'd never gain any access to reach me. But then there's the other option – death. One makes it out alive, and twenty-four go in. Whether anyone else thinks it or not, I see this as a win-win situation.
Being dead means that my Dad won't be able to reach me, and if I win, he still wouldn't be able to reach me. This is my one opportunity, my one chance at freedom! I can finally go away, and possibly forever, too!
When the doors swing open, I hold a smile and stop myself, somewhat, from trembling until I see that it's Vivi who's walked in to visit me. Stepping forward quickly, I spring into her warm arms and dig my face into her shoulder, smiling instead of sniffling and crying like she would expect.
''Oh, Cath!'' She cries. ''I-I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I-I-I wish it didn't, you d-don't deserve any of this!'' Trying to keep her emotions under control, she whispers in my ear, ''It's gonna be okay, I promise. You can do this, Cath, I know you can!''
Keeping my voice smooth and solid, I say, ''Thanks, Vivi, that means a lot to me. Listen, I'm just going to go in there and play the Games how I can. Maybe work with a knife or some type of blade or something, and when I get into that Arena, I'll try to survive. Either way, I'm not disappointed.''
''What do you mean you're not disappointed?'' Vivi questions. ''Cath, what's going on? You never fill me in on anything, and I get that you don't want to, but... But sometimes you have to let your friends know what's going on. Is this about your family? Something's going on, but I have no clue what it is. Possibly your parents arguing or something? If that's the case, we can talk and I can hel-''
''No, you'd just get in the way,'' I say sternfully. ''I don't want to talk about anything, there's nothing to talk about. My parents aren't arguing, and I'm not being weird. Why are you saying things like this, it's none of your concern!''
''Whoa, first of all, I never said you were acting weird, Cath,'' she states. ''And second, why are you being so defensive? I just asked you a question and told you that I was here to help you, as your friend, not as a stranger who's trying to invade your personal life.''
''I don't care, Vivi, you don't need to know what's going on in my life,'' I push her away. Honestly, she doesn't need to understand my life and how I feel about it. I've pushed my emotions all the way to the back of my body for a reason, and I've built these walls up to keep people from getting anywhere near them. ''Just stay out of it.''
''Okay, I will,'' she agrees. ''I just wanted to know what's been going on. You've always kept everything a secret from me, and it feels like it's pushing the two of us apart. If that's what you want, I can respect that. You don't have to open up to me, but I've just been worried about you; I'm sorry if I'm wrong for carrying.''
''No, you're not you for caring, but I'd rather you not get involved,'' I manage. Vivi nods her head and gulps, then slowly averts her eyes down to my left arm, where my uncovered bruises lie. She furrows her eyebrows a bit and then looks up at me.
A feeling in my body makes me want to just yell something out, but a knock on the door comes and a Peacekeeper pushes the door open. ''Out you go, kid,'' he says softly, pointing out the door and into the hallway. Vivi stares down at that specific area on my arm for a second, then she looks me in my eyes, and walks out without a second glance.
''Bye, Cath,'' her voice drawls down the hallway. The Peacekeeper shuts the door closed and I just hope – pray, wish, ask for a blessing – that my father doesn't enter my room. If anyone does, please let it be my mother. She's out of her mind. Crazy, in fact, but it's better than my father. He wouldn't let me leave District Three easily. He's never let me do anything easily.
Unfortunately, my hopes are worthless because my father enters the room only a minute or two after Vivi leaves. And like usual, he's drunk. Uncontrollable over his actions, he wobbles and hops towards me, a delirious smile on his face – a smile that I would see on my mother's face, but she's not like this.
She's nowhere near this bad.
Quickly, I bring my head down to my lap and try to hide. ''What is t-that?'' I hear my father's cruel voice ask. I'm not quick enough to slide down the sleeve of my shirt as he grips my arm tightly, and twists as hard as he can, leaving a huge red mark on the surface of my skin.
The next thing I know, a knee collides with my stomach and I drop to the floor, writhing in pain as I try not to cry. My father laughs in joy as he quickly brings his foot to the bottom of my jaw. Soon, blood is spilling from my mouth, but I roll away and get up. ''Come here!'' He grunts, gritting his teeth like a wild animal.
Gripping my shirt and pressing down on my collarbone, he collides his knuckles with my cheekbone and breathes in my face, his breath wreaking of alcohol. With blood dripping from my mouth and all over the lavish carpet, my father throws me on top of a nearby glass table and pushes one knee onto my gut, and stands up on the other leg with his hands wrapped around my underjaw.
''Please stop!'' I let out. ''I-I'll d-do anything, p-please... S-Stop!'' I choke out. Trying my best to get away, I stab my claws into his wrist and watch him howl back in pain. Out of nowhere, he takes out a glass bottle of a random substance - probably alcohol - that is dripping from his coat pocket and rushes at me, swiftly, like an eagle.
With no time to react, he pushes me away and my body goes crashing down through the glass table right behind me. ''Don't worry,'' he breathes, still intoxicated. He's always been like this, whether intoxicated or not; the only thing is, he knew how to hide it when he was sober. ''I'll stay on the low for awhile, and when they ask you where you got those cuts from, you can just tell them you tripped back and accidentally fell. Nobody needs to know what I did to you, and nobody needs to know what I'm going to do to you. Just don't mention a word.''
He smashes the glass bottle as hard as he can against the broken glass, and shards fly above my head and land near me. Using the broken glass bottle, he presses it against my shirt and draws a line downwards, ripping the cloth off. Removing the top of my shirt, he leaves me exposed to the cool air with only my pants and bra on, and then he goes in to remove my bra.
I just lie there, waiting for it all to end, but it never does – it's like a repeating nightmare, one that happens over and over and over again. It's happened ever since I was nine; the rape, the torture, the blood. I'm just so used to it by now that I just find a way to block it out by closing my eyes and pretending to go into my own little word.
But really, there never was a way to block it out. I always feel everything, and never once have I not cried. It hurts, the pain that he's always given me. And just when I feel my pants sliding down and my underwear being exposed and grabbed, my father lets out a grunt and falls to the side. The same Peacekeeper from before spares me one glance before dragging my father out of the room by his foot, and I can do nothing but thank him.
But I don't thank him with words. I just lie on the carpet next to the broken glass with a smile on my face, and wait for my screaming Mentors to arrive.
Because that's all I can do.
Clarence Loom, 14, District Eight Male
''Sorry this happened to you,'' some random Peacekeeper whispers into my ear. He holds my hands behind my back, gently nudging for me to move along and away from the stage of The Square. Tightly, I hold Nylon's book and keep it close to my back, making sure that my grip is firmly compressed to it.
Tilting my head up, I pay attention to the dreary sky and watch as smoke seeps through the funnels of the factories in Eight. Huh, factories. Doesn't that bring back memories – both good and bad. This must be so boring for the Capitolites to watch, since it's so monotone and nothing good is happening.
That must be why it starts raining. After all, the Capitol does control the weather, and weather plays a huge role in everything when it comes to them. Rain washes my face of the nonexistent sweat, droplets clinging on the lobe of my ears. Immediately, with my left hand, I pull the black hood over my saturated form as I saunter in the soft rain, small pellets of water spitting on my hands as the remainder of the drops quench the scattered puddles decorating the wooden stage floor.
Listening carefully to the commotion, I slightly tilt my head to the right and make out my District Partner struggling against the grip of a Peacekeeper, kicking her legs and throwing a small tantrum. She flails her arms up and down, smacking against his mask as she does anything she can to escape. '
When she was Reaped, she didn't falter whatsoever. She just stood there, pretending as if she wasn't Loralei. A smile was on her features, and she just waited it out until they recognized her. Continuing to push and struggle, two more Peacekeepers rush to the first one's aid and try to help him out but to no avail.
''Can you stop squirming and shouting like such a bitch?'' I ask, my face stony and composed. ''I've never seen a human act so childish in my life before. Any similarities between you and someone of my species is purely coincidental.''
She seems taken aback by my rudeness, but not hurt. I sense how she's feeling, but I don't care. ''You might-''
''You might want to shut up,'' I interrupt her. ''I honestly want to see things from your point of view, but I don't know how to get my head that far up my ass. You've been Reaped, deal with it.''
Taking one step forward, I lead myself into the Justice Building and wait for the Peacekeeper to open the doors and accompany me to a Goodbye Room. He calmly pats the back of my shoulder, whispering quiet apologies, telling me that it's such a terrible thing that I've been Reaped. ''It's unfortunate that this happened to you,'' he says. ''I've been accompanying kids to their deaths for years now, and I can't stand seeing their reactions. Just know that I wish the best for you in the Arena, and that you'll have people supporting you.''
A kind and sympathetic Peacekeeper? No, that's bullshit. There's no such thing as a kind Peacekeeper, everyone knows that. ''You'll have people supporting you,'' I mimick. ''Shut up. Who in their right mind would be supporting me? You think this lousy District cares for any of the tributes that go in? They're just thankful that it's not them who's called.''
Moving away, I shove my elbow into the Peacekeeper and hold Nylon's book in between us, keeping the both of us separated by an important piece of me. ''They will support you, I can promise you that.''
''I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in front of me rather than in front of the public, because you saying that District Eight will support me is absolutely ridiculous.''
''Come on, kid, when will you lighten up?''
''How about never? Is never good for you?''
''…Why are you so rude..?'' He says quietly.
''It sounded like English, but I didn't understand a single word that just came out of that unimportant mouth of yours,'' I step aside again. Once we arrive to the Goodbye Room, I look straight into his eyes; they look hurt, but too bad. Sucks for him. Boo-hoo. ''You've done enough, but if things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me and never walk with another tribute ever again.''
Turning around, I enter the Goodbye Room and sit down, patiently waiting as I stare down at Nylon's book, keeping the cover of it shut. People always talked about rain as a steady sound and a gentle ''pitter-patter'' in this District, but to me, raindrops on the dry verandah crackle like an old radio that's desperately coming back to life.
Just as I draw my finger along the edges of Nylon's book, the door handle to my Goodbye Room shakes and turns slowly, then gets pushed open. My parents both walk in at the same time – two people who I've grown apart from.
''Clarence!'' My Dad calls, smiling at me. I guess today is one of his actual good days. I drift my eyes downwards, watching as he grips my Mom's wrist as tight as possible, even to the point where I hear a small crack. It makes me flinch inwardly, but I don't show any emotion. ''My son's going into the Hunger Games, Mary!'' He sounds proud of it. ''You're gonna do great, I know it. You can win and come back, and then I can tell everyone about just how amazing our family is!''
I can't stand this man. We used to have such an amazing bond until I was seven and caught on to the way that he was treating my mother. For so long I thought they were just playing, but abuse is not something you have fun with. When I confronted him, he hit me for the first time in my life, and I began to try and convince my mother into getting away from him.
That worked, but... ''Clarence!'' Mom yells out, grabbing my shoulders and bringing my body close to hers. She basically smothers me in her outfit, but I resist and push myself away from her. ''You don't deserve this, I'm sorry that it happened to you- agh!''
I watch as my Dad squeezes tighter against her wrist and wraps his other arm around her waist as he holds tightly. ''Don't feel bad, Mary. Clarence is a boy who knows how to take care of his own, he'll do well!'' Now pressing her body against his, he gropes her hair and says, ''I don't agree with the Hunger Games, but imagine all that Clarence can do for us!''
He's so annoying... On bad days he's always screaming and condescending, unnerving in general. And her... she's all types of wrong, being abusive and unappreciative; not to mention how emotional and vindictive she is. ''Do what for you?'' I snarl. ''You guys act like I'll give you the Worldif I win. I'd never give you anything, not after what you've done to me!''
''Clarence, that's not a polite thing to say,'' my Dad grunts. ''We've cherished you and given you all of our love. Your mother even brought you back to me after you stopped working at the factory and forgot about that little home that you bought. And that book, who let you keep it after the accident at the facto-''
''Jonathon,'' Mom interrupts. She inches towards me and places a hand on my chest, but I quickly swipe it away and deny her of any affection. What have they ever done for me? She never wanted me in the first place, so why should I care for them? ''You'd surely be grateful, wouldn't you, Clarence? I know that you've gone through a lot, but-''
Keeping what I want to say inside, I just smile at her and shake my head. ''Sorry, but gratitude is for those who actually deserve it,'' I joke, but keep my face the way that it was in the beginning. The expressions on their faces look disapproving and upset, but I guess they now know how I felt after the betrayal that I suffered. ''Oh, you thought I was joking at first? Ha, isn't that amusing. I never knew it was possible for your mind to be so open that your brain and ability to think realistically falls out!''
''Clarence, I'm sorry for everything that we've put you through,'' my Mom apologizes. ''We never meant to hurt you, we just want things to go back to how they were. We don't have to flee from your father anymore, and you'll be safe now. You won't ever almost meet death again, and-''
''I won't ever meet death again?'' I ask sarcastically. ''My, aren't YOU clever, Mom. Hey, guys, look at this, I'm going into the Hunger Games but I'll never have to meet death ever again! Wow, the intelligence in this one is strong!''
''Clarence, please, just understand that we love you and appreciate you even being able to talk to us,'' she says. That's bullshit. That's pure and other bullshit.
''Yes, I totally appreciate you two coming to visit me,'' I lie. ''Whatever kind of act of sympathy you were trying to throw my way, I hope you know that you missed.
''We're... We're not trying anything, Clarence, we love you!'' My mother cries.
You lying bitch, that's not how you felt when you were arguing with him and admitted that you regretted not aborting me like all the others... Just how many others did you abort? Why was I the lucky one?
''Cool,'' I smile. ''If I throw a stick, will you two go away?'' They both pipe down, but my father seems to take a step closer to me. I quickly open Nylon's book and bury my face in it, pretending to read despite me having finished this book multiple times.
A shrill shriek escapes my mother's lips when my father looks to hold her hand. He grips her tightly, dragging her by her hair, unfortunately. ''Listen, I don't appreciate your tone, and you know I raised you better than this. Don't upset me, son, please. I have a lovely wife, and a child who will grow to be a-'' Mom screams again. ''Quiet, Mary!'' He stops and then regains himself. ''-and a son who might be a Victor of the Hunger Games and allow us to grow and prosper in a better life! Go out there and make us prou-''
The same Peacekeeper from earlier pokes his head in the doorway and asks my parents to leave. Dad smiles at me and tries to ruffle up my hair until I move to the side, and Mom goes in to kiss my forehead but I ascend Nylon's book right in between us and stare into her eyes, furrowing my eyebrows and baring my teeth as I do.
''Leave,'' I snarl.
The both of them turn around and leave the room. For about five minutes or so, I patiently wait for my only friend – after Nylon's death – to come visit me. Unfortunately, it seems like she won't come visit me, because Milliona Webster enters my Goodbye Room, accompanied by Loralei and Jackson Tellapas.
Ignoring them, I still think about Taylor not deciding to at least talk to me in the end. I know that our friendship was never really close, but we shared something similar that I really enjoyed, but I would never let anybody know that. My chest thumps quicker than usual, and an uncomfortable sensation hits me, making me feel almost weak and... vulnerable.
''Ahem!'' Milliona coughs, grabbing my attention. ''Are you coming with us or not? You really don't have a choice, just hope you know that.'' She picks me up by the sleeve of my shirt and helps me straighten out my body, but then looks at my book. Stepping back, I hold it in place and keep myself at a fair distance from her.
Hey, people who've actually invited me in their... group. You know, I really like this. It's nice being in the presence of others; I just wish I had the social skills to get along with people, but then I remember how conniving and untrustworthy some can be. And sometimes they end up dying and leave you to be alone.
''You lonely, buddy?'' Loralei asks, looking down at me. Glaring at her, I shake my head and show no emotion at all.
''No, I just like being by myself and keeping my peace. Seems like you're different than before; first being a tantrum-throwing loser, and now you're all extroverted and out here making conversations with people. Must be a great feeling, huh?''
''A better feeling knowing that I don't carry a large ass book around with me everywhere I go. Also, a better feeling knowing that I don't have to talk down on others to make myself feel better. And a better feeling knowing that people take their time to visit me, unlike you who had five minutes of what, talking to your inconsiderate parents? They zoomed in on their faces at The Square, honey. I don't think they looked worried at all.''
Milliona and Jackson both snicker at the same time, and I'm at a somewhat loss of words. I can feel my face growing a hot shade of red, but I manage to keep myself controlled and keep my wits ahead of me. ''But that was their decision to look strong, and a smart one at best. Unlike the poor ones you'll make when you end up dying in the Arena.''
''Sweetie, my decisions will change the world. Just know that,'' she warns. ''The actions I take will have an impact on you and some of the people that you might know, so calm down with all the big talk you put up. After all, not everyone can back it up – but I sure can.'' She concludes, then turns and walks out into the hallway. ''So, is anyone coming, or?''
''Yeah, we're approaching, just like your inevitable death,'' I reply.
She turns around and looks at me skeptically, but then changes her expression into a sly smile. Absentmindedly, I walk right past her, a little bit confused, and continue to hold my face in place, making sure to show no emotion whatsoever. I don't care for these people, I just want to get through this and out.
After all, none of these people matter to me. Nobody ever will anymore. The only thing that matters now is Nylon's book, because he was important. And I'll take this with me wherever I go in the Capitol – it'll always be the most important thing on my mind, and by my side.
Taisiya Danshov, 16, District Nine Male
''NOOOO!'' I scream, spazzing my body wildly. ''I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU! LET GO OF ME! MOM! MOM! BURN MY BODY, BURN IT TO HELL WHEN I DIE!''
The Peacekeepers that are forcefully holding me back struggle to keep me calm, so I continue to make it rough on them. Shooting my foot up, I slam the bottom of my shoe into one of the Peacekeeper's face. Groaning, he stumbles backwards and gives me a free space to push my foot down.
''LET GO OF ME!'' I demand, slamming my feet onto the floor. My prostetic leg makes a loud thud emit from the floor, and I try to scurry away before two more Peacekeepers rush forward and hold me up. The one Peacekeeper who's holding my arms keeps me in the air for what feels like an hour, making me anxious and scared.
Twisting my head to the left, I ferociously bite down on the arm of the Peacekeeper who's holding me up by my arms, causing him to let go and leave his hand wide open. Quickly, I let go of his arm and chomp on his hand instead, digging my teeth deep into his palm.
Like a rabid animal, I frenziedly shake my head and haphazardly continue to press my teeth downwards. His screams cause an uncomfortable atmosphere to surround the room, and the other Peacekeepers just stare for a couple of seconds. When I bear my entire weight on the bite, the Peacekeeper pulls away with a loud scream.
The deep slice in his clenched fingers quickly show, and while staring at his bleeding fingers that are partially-severed, I give up enough free time for the other Peacekeepers to smack me upside the head and knock me to the floor. I want to yell out and shake, but my body won't let me. My vision goes blank and stars circle the sight in front of me.
My body gets lifted back into the air, and then a door clicks open, leaving a beautiful scenery in front of me filled with lavish furniture and amazing sunlight. They quickly seat my body on one of the chairs and turn away, tending to the Peacekeeper's broken fingers.
I want to abscond and just get the hell out of here but I can't! The door is locked shut, so my only other option is to smash the windows open and jump out. Pressing my face against the window, I slam my head into it roughly, which ends up doing nothing. A zap hits me and my body fries for a second, keeping me stunned.
No! I don't want to accede to their games, this is ridiculous! Why is it me, why is it me?! Rushing forward, I charge myself straight into the door and ram my shoulder into it as hard as I can. Continuing to push, I bump and bump and bump until my shoulder begins to lose feeling and I just can't continue any longer.
Unfortunately, I have to abstain myself from trying to escape because there's no use in doing so. Deciding to take a seat on my chair, I cross my fingers together and sit there in silence. ''Why is it me... What did I do to deserve this? Why am I going into the Games and not someone else?''
The handle of the doorknob turns and in comes my twin sisters, younger brother and sister, and my parents – no Nikola. I pick my head up just a bit and stare straight in between them, causing them all to give me puzzled looks, not sure on what I'm staring at, exactly. Shaking my head, I go back my thoughts.
''That damn Escort, that damn bowl with my name in it, this damn District!'' I mutter under my breath. Someone calls out my name. ''This is so much bullshit! I hate everything!'' Once again, someone else calls my name, and this time a hand touches my shoulder. Two people are speaking to me at the same time but I'm not paying them any attention, instead, sustaining my small talk. ''Why?!''
''Taisiya!''
''WHAT?'' I scream, quickly standing up and breaking free of my parents' hold - who were both holding onto my hands. Irisa and Inessa both eye me questioningly, Irisa more quiet and a bit distant from me, while Inessa immediately comes to ask me how I feel. ''Don't ask me that, you know exactly how I'm feeling. Did you not see my reaction up on the stage?!''
''Calm down, Taisiya,'' Irisa warns, getting upset with me. ''Don't you see that she's just worried about you, there's no reason to yell! Be grateful that we even decided to come visit you, because you know who didn't?'' Unsurprisingly, I begin to shake. ''Yeah...''
''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you like that,'' I sigh. Family is different from most people to me, I'm somewhat decent with them. ''Thanks for worrying, I'm just upset, as you can see.''
Irisa turns away and goes to lie her back into a corner, while Inessa strokes my arm. ''I know, I'm just worried about you,'' Inessa confirms. ''Don't be upset, sweetie, I just want to let you know that you're gonna do great. When you're in that Arena, I'll be painting portraits of you out there, despite your disadvantages from some! It's okay, trust me! And just watch, Nikola is gonna love the paint-''
''DON'T SAY HIS NAME!'' I yell out, feeling my veins pulse incredibly fast. Roughly, I push Inessa away and shout at her again. ''YOU'RE NOT WORTHY OF SAYING HIS NAME, NONE OF YOU ARE! ONLY I AM, DON'T YOU EVER LET ME HEAR HIS NAME COME FROM YOUR MOUTH EVER AGAIN!''
Stepping closer to her, I huff and puff until my Dad grabs me and pulls me away. While away, I walk to the other side of the room and stand right behind the small chair in the center of the room. Isolating myself from everyone else, I sit there and try to calm my breathing. Glancing behind me, I look straight at Katerina and growl.
''And you!'' She looks at me and gasps, the only thing she ever does besides eat, sleep, and annoy the shit out of me! ''You're always so quiet, like you have nothing to say! You have a mouth for a reason, you annoying twit! You're gonna be the most boring person ever when you grow up, and you'll have no life and you'll be dull and unimportant to everyone in your life! You're unimportant now!''
Dad stays quiet and looks even more depressed than usual. He says nothing and just turns to the door, getting ready to leave. Irisa looks at him and does the same, waiting for him to exit. Well, not until Kesar opens up his mouth and says, ''Taisiya, calm down, don't get mad because you're stuck in a situation like this. We've all been through tough things, but it seems like you have a stick up your bum with this attitude of yours – although this is nothing new to us, am I right or am I right?''
My family all begin to laugh and almost tear up, even my Mom. She's stayed quiet for most of the day, but now she wants to speak. ''Taisiya, I hope you know that we're gonna be cheering you on, and that we wish the best of luck to you, honey. We'll miss you, but we have confidence that you'll do great. Just-''
A Peacekeeper walks in and pulls my Dad, who's leaning on the door, and Irisa, who's right behind him, out of the room. He then grabs Inessa, Kesar, Katerina, and another Peacekeeper enters to drag my mother out, who hasn't even finished uttering the final words that she wanted to say to me.
''I hope you remove that stick from your ass, Taisiya!'' Kesar shouts back. ''You're gonna need a brighter personality if you plan on being liked and want to survive!'' He manages to peak his head back into the doorway, just a little bit, and says, ''Just kidding, but- agh!'' The Peacekeepers push the door closed and trap his lips inside the doorway, until they pull him away and a loud plop sounds throughout the room.
Now I just sit here, panting, doing my best to keep calm. Inessa's voice recycles in my mind over and over again, the fact that she said Nikola's name making me even more furious.
But then... he opens the door to say goodbye to me.
''Nikola!'' I quickly get up and give him a warm embrace, acting without thinking about my actions. He stays quiet and his body gets pushed back by mine. Stiff as a rock, he just stands there, his hands at his sides and his body barely moving.
Pulling me away, he looks the opposite way and decides not to say anything. ''T-They said your name, and I told them not to. T-They didn't deserve to say a single word about you, not after what they did to us – not after they tried to isolate us and keep us away from each other..! I-I-I was so mad at Inessa for saying your name, she made me want to lash out and hit her!''
He's still silent.
''H-How are t-the experiments going?'' I try to fill in the silence. ''I know that you would do amazing as a-a Capitol scientist, you're gonna get there one of these days. I-I hope that p-part of my leg and arm was worth it, I know they were important parts for you. Whatever you did with them, I know that it was great.''
''A-And my eye, too!'' I chuckle. ''I know that I gave you some important parts already, but I wouldn't have had a problem with giving you more if we weren't kept away from each other. But I got the eye out before something like this happened. I just want you to know that if I come back out, I'll let you have anything you want, but I hope that the bodies at the morgue are good enough for now...''
The room is completely quiet, and Nikola is just glaring at me. He turns his head away, no emotion on his face at all. Walking away, he sighs deeply and effortlessly and says, ''Thank you, Taisiya.''
After doing so, he walks out and leaves me be. I didn't even get a chance to say a legit goodbye, but quickly after, my Mentors and the girl who was Reaped walk into my Goodbye Room. Immediately, Lilac begins talking.
''That's your twin?'' I don't answer her. ''He's so weird and... uncomfortable. I mean, all he does is glare at people and stay away. Being that distant, I don't understand why he even came to say goodbye to you. Like, what have you done for him? I doubt anything ever comes out of his mouth, not at family meetings, not at dinner, not at-''
''SHUT UP!'' Calling out, I storm over to her. ''AT LEAST HE'S NOT A MIDDLE-AGED BITCH WHO JUST JUDGES EVERYONE ON WHAT THEY OOK LIKE AND DO! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM, SO SHUT UP!''
''Hey, hey, stop that. I don't understand why you're being so-''
Turning around, I swing my good arm at Demetri – the other Mentor – and stick him straight in the jaw, and hit him once more in the nose. He's pushed back just a little bit, but ultimately grips both of my arms tightly and holds me down.
''YOU'RE JUST AN AGING BITCH, AND YOU'RE JUST A WANNABE EXCUSE OF A GAMEMAKER! SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU, YOU'RE SO ANNOYING! YOU JUDGMENTAL FUCKS, DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT NIKOLA LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN, AND DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!''
''We have a fiesty one here, don't we?'' Demetri sighs, shaking his head in disappointment. ''It's been so long since we've had someone like this. It's sad, really, he's gonna be like all the others: stubborn, hot-headed, threatening, no allies, no friends, and certainly no sponsors. Think we can get him to change his attitude?''
Lilac doesn't even move. ''Already looking at him, I can tell that he's a lost cause. I want to say that we shouldn't waste our energy on someone like him, but it's our job. Only time will tell if he'll decide to change or not, and if not, we did the best we could.''
Gritting my teeth, I begin to become even more infuriated. Already, they're saying that I'm gonna be a goner and we've been in this room for less than five minutes together! Why are they talking about me this way? It's pissing me off!
There's a low humming noise, sounding like a held in sob, coming from the right of me – and when I turn to check, it's the Reaped girl balling her eyes out, and the sound of it is annoying me to no end. The tears continue to drip, her lips continue to quiver, her face begins to wrinkle and I just don't like this at all.
Everyone here is so damn annoying!
And all I can do about it is yell. Yell at the top of my lungs and not hold in the emotion that I feel right now by cursing them all out. But in the end, that gets me nowhere.
Ceres Morrisey, 17, District Eleven Female
Breathing restlessly, I keep my body still and continue to walk according to the Peacekeeper. The tears in my eyes are on the verge of spilling, but I don't allow them to. I clutch my eyes shut tightly, sighing deeply and maintaining my composure.
Reopening my eyes, I stare up at the built Peacekeeper who looks like he's staring right through me, as if I'm nonexistent. I shake my head and whip my hair at him, allowing it to slap his shoulder. He peers down at me and laughs. ''What's the point in pretending as if you don't want to cry?'' He asks; I ignore him. ''You know that you're gonna let those tears shed eventually, so why not get through with it all now?''
''Because no matter what, I won't show my weaknesses to the Capitol. And certainly not to some Peacekeeper who thinks that he's superior to others,'' I don't hold back.
''What?'' He laughs. ''Are you kidding me? You know just as much as I do that once you enter the Arena, you're gonna be balling your eyes out. You know why?''
''Inform me,'' I sarcastically retort.
''Because you're weak,'' he states. ''Everyone from Eleven is weak. Last year, you guys had both your tributes die in the Bloodbath. Do you really think that acting hard and pretending as if you have no emotions will help you win? No matter what you do, you know just as well as I do that you're not going far.''
''When did I ever say that acting this way would help me win?'' I give him a deadpan stare. ''And you judge people too early. But what more should I expect from an overconfident asshole like you?''
He chuckles, amused by my responses. ''I like you, kid. You say what you want to say, when you want to say it. That's something I admire in tributes like you, the ones who are hard on the outside and want to act fearless, but are softer than a fat ass teddy bear on the inside. Maybe I was wrong about you; you might survive until day two.''
''Cool, whatever, think of me how you will,'' I roll my eyes, still holding in my tears. He's too judgmental early on, underestimating people just because of where they originate from. Just because I'm from Eleven doesn't mean that I'm an early death, not all of us die. We have Victors for a reason, some people just don't understand. Never count someone out. ''Can you just go f-fuck off already?''
''Once again, I like tributes like you.''
''But I don't like bitches like you,'' I dare, not holding back at all.
''You really are weak on the inside.''
''I could care less what you think of me,'' I drawl. Noticing that we're closer to my Goodbye Room, I wiggle my arms and bump the Peacekeeper on the shoulder. ''Can you let go of me, I want to enter my Goodbye Room freely and without your restraining hold on me. It has to be done that way or else I'm not going in, I don't care what else you do.''
He says no, and just as he opens the door, I drop to the floor and begin to roll around. Grabbing me, he tries to pick me up by my throat, but I look down and think about what I'm about to do. He has no protection on his hands besides these thin gloves, so a bite would make him recoil.
Going through with my actions, I bite down on his hand, fitting three fingers into my mouth. He grunts and rips his fingers away, jumping back. Looking down at me, he rubs his hand and sighs. ''Fine, have it your way.''
Now standing up, I shake my hands loose of their numbness and step into the doorway of the opened room. Turning around, I gaze at that Peacekeeper and just stare at him for a couple of seconds. What I want to do right now is kick him straight in the genitals and turn away, but if he saw my family coming, he would instantly take them to The Square and whip them because of my actions – or worse, kill them.
And I can't deal with another death, not when it comes to the people that I care about.
When the Peacekeeper shuts the door, I sit down on the nearest couch. Still, that doesn't mean that the emotions that I felt have gone away. Placing both of my hands on my face, I gently pat my eyes and blink away the first tear that I feel will drop.
Brick by brick, I can feel my walls crashing down and my body becoming weaker. Just a few seconds after, I hear the door open and in comes my family and best friend.
Without a pause, my mother walks over to me and brings me into a hug. Elissa – my best friend – runs over and comes to hug me at the same time my mother does. ''Ceres, I'm so sorry that this happened to you!'' Elissa cries. ''Why you? You don't deserve this! Out of all people, and you've been through so much. I'm so, so, so sorry. I should've Volunteered and taken your place-''
''Elissa,'' my mother stops her there. ''I-It's not your fault, you can't blame yourself for this.'' She pats Elissa's back and then looks at me. ''Listen, Ceres, you're a strong and smart girl. I know you, you can do amazing things. You pay great attention to detail, you never underestimate anyone, y-you can win!''
Aster, my brother, saunters over to me. ''Thanks, mom.'' Wiping the tears and snot away from my face, I turn and look for tissues or just anything, really. Aster is already on it, without me saying a word, and grabs a box of tissues that hang on the lunch table on the far side of the room and hands it to me. ''Thank you.''
''No problem,'' he smiles. ''Sylvia couldn't make it to say goodbye because, well, I think the baby might be coming today.'' When he says this, I smile. Everyone does, really. It brightens up the mood, but then he switches the subject back to me. ''I'm sorry this happened to you, baby sis. Just keep being strong, be who you are and work like you always do. These Games won't be difficult for you if you have faith in yourself.''
''Yeah, listen to what your brother said,'' my father joins the conversation. He wraps his arm around Elissa's shoulder and pulls her closer into the family circle. He's always been one to treat others like family. After smiling down at her, he looks back up. ''Just be you, stay the same way you are and don't change for anyone. You're gonna do great, I know you will!''
He's trying to keep a masculine voice and stay strong for me, but I can hear the faintness of it. ''No, guy,'' I sigh. I've thought about it long and hard, and I know what I'll be doing during my time in the Capitol, and in the Games. ''I'm gonna get better, not stay the same. I'll work with sickles more, I already have some usage with them. Just... Just not on humans, but I know that I'll have to work hard.''
''Yeah, but like you usually do, don't you think that paying attention to people and what they're doing is more important? Like, scoping them out and seeing who you want as allies, not getting a target on your back by getting better? I mean, I understand wanting to improve your sickle skills, but you're already decent, what's the point on learning more and being seen as a threat?'' My brother asks.
''Mommy, Mommy!'' Poppy, my little sister – the age of three – runs from behind my Dad's back and makes her way into the middle of the group. She's picked up by my mom, who then gives her to me. Turning her head, she goos and smiles and laughs, the drool making its way down her chin. ''Sis!''
Setting her on my lap, I wipe away her drool with another tissue that I take from the box. I hold her tightly pressed against me, but not to the point where it hurts her. It hurts me, thinking that this might be the last time I'll ever see her again.
''That just won't do, Aster. Sure, my sickle skills are alright, but what's the point in keeping them the same if all I've ever used them on were fields of grass?'' I counter. ''I'll still be the same person. Of course I'm gonna watch people, I'll find out who's the strongest and most likely to be a threat during these Games and know who to stay away from and who I want to be allies with. When it comes down to the combat, maybe I won't know how to use my sickles against another person.''
''But maybe you won't have to! Just avoid the other competitors and play it out properly, try and stick with your allies until the amount of tributes left becomes scarce. Overall, a ton of tributes have won that way, it shouldn't be too hard for you to play the Games the right way!''
''The right way? No, Aster, you're wrong. There is no right way to play the Hunger Games, and the way you described that strategy, tributes haven't won like that in years. I don't remember seeing a tribute win the Games by hiding ever since I was a little girl. Maybe it was like that when you were born – two years before me – but it's never been the same. It takes physical contact to win now, and even if I do play it like that and make it to the end, I'm bound to eventually meet up with the final tribute. And then what? You want me to run and hide? Play it the right way?''
The room goes quiet.
''No, I won't do that. And the Capitol is sure to get bored of me,'' I hiss. ''I'm not saying that I want to fight people, I'm not saying that I want to kill. But when you think about it, when reality comes crashing down on you, you realize that you can't win the Hunger Games by being a coward and keeping away all the time. If I do have allies, I don't want to be the first to turn on them, but I know that there's a breaking point in every team – and there's also a breaking point in every person, whether it's when you're being murdered by another tribute, or you are the person murdering the other tribute.''
''Sis, what does murder mean?'' Poppy asks. I don't say anything, and neither does anyone else in the room. ''Come on, tell me, tell me, tell me,'' she begs. ''Pleaseeeeeeeeeee!''
Smiling down at her, I pet her hair and kiss her forehead. ''Stubborn as usual, I see.'' Aster groans. ''You're never gonna change for anyone, no matter what. You're always gonna be that defiant girl who goes by her way and her way only because she thinks it's right, even when it is wrong at times.''
''And?''
''Sometimes I think of you as a lost cause–''
''You know I don't care what you think of me, right?''
''—but other times, I know that you're right, and that not changing for anyone is what you've always done. That's what I've respected the most about you, and that's why I love you. No matter what people think of you, you don't care and never let them knock you down. You do you, Sis, and I'll always support you no matter what. I hope you know that.''
''I do, and that's why you guys make me so happy that I–''
''Out, out, out all of you go!'' The Peacekeeper from before comes in. We all stay silent, and my family begin to beg for just two more minutes to say goodbye properly. ''No! You've had plenty of time to say goodbye,'' he accuses. ''I don't care if you didn't finish properly, it's time to leave!''
Just when my family begins to depart, Elissa turns around, bends over, and kisses me on the cheek. She holds my hand and says, ''Ceres, I'll always love you. You're my best friend, and I want you to do good in the Arena for me, okay?'' She leans over and whispers. ''Now, I'm gonna buy you guys some time and distract the Peacekeeper. I don't know how long I'll have, but I'll do this last thing for you before you go. I'll see you later, okay?''
With her tears escaping, she runs at the Peacekeeper and hugs him, then begins dragging him out of the room along with herself, somehow. She's always been selfless, doing the most honorable of things that make anyone smile. But her true strength always shows in the end, when it counts the most, and I'll miss that about her the most.
''Ceres, we love you,'' my mother pants. ''I want you to carry out with your plan and work as hard as you can, and promise us that you'll come back, please!''
''I promise.''
''And Ceres,'' my father smiles. ''You'll always be my little girl. We're gonna be here, rooting for you no matter what. The decisions that you make are always for the better, and be confident with what you do. If you believe in yourself, there's no doubt in my mind that you can win these Games. We'll see you later.''
Dad reaches down and caresses my hair, then kisses my cheek. I wipe the tears away from his eyes and kiss him back. Aster doesn't say a word, he just embraces me for as long as he can and then lets out a struggling breath. I breathe slowly and force a laugh, telling him that everything will be alright. He nods his head and turns away.
''Where is sister going?'' Poppy asks.
''She's going to a bigger place, with children just like her, Poppy,'' Mom says. ''Go kiss your sister goodbye, you might not see her for a while.''
''Will she be coming back, Mommy?'' No reply. ''Will you be coming back, Sis?'' She asks as she turns to me. I nod. ''Good, because I want to see you again. Come back quicker so that we cans plays together and haves so much fun.''
''I will, and we're gonna have the most fun ever, okay?''
''YAY!'' She hugs me and kisses me. There's grunting outside, and just as I look, I see Aster pulling Elissa away from the Peacekeeper's grip and apologizing, saying that she has a hyperactive personality and can't control herself at times. The Peacekeeper doesn't say a word, rather coming back in here to make sure that everyone is out – and they are, everyone has left now.
Running my hand through my hair just as the Peacekeeper closes the door, a breath leaves me in a quiet exhalation. Narrowing my eyes, I step into a lean and soar away from the chair and drop to my knees on the floor, with my back pressed against the door.
As much as I try to hold it in, the pain comes out in an uproar from my throat in a silent scream. The beads of water come flowing down my face one after another, showing no sign of stopping. I slam my fists into the wall, wanting to scream, but alarming the Peacekeepers is what I'm trying to avoid. They don't need to see my tears.
But that's why my voice melts and the muffled sobs wrack against my chest. Everything around me turns into a blur, including the sounds. The sadness in my brain hurts. And the worst part is that I haven't had a feeling like this ever since I lost Oatis.
This pain is the only feeling that's ever been equivalent to how I felt back when he died.
A/N: Ayeeeeeee! So there was no school today (I wrote this yesterday and didn't touch it until today) and I was like, ''Yo, lemme get an update out,'' and here an update is. So hopefully this chapter was up to standards or whatever, I honestly have no idea what that means but it sounds nice. Just wanted to apologize for Cath's POV. Alright, so I know that I said in the beginning that there would be no disclaimers, and I meant that, but the situation that she was in was definitely a sensitive thing for some people, and there's more of her that people obviously don't know about that's also sensitive, so if you've ever been in a situation like that and it hurt, I'm sorry about that, but hopefully you skipped it once you caught on to what was going down between her and her Dad.
As always, let me know if I fucked up your character or not. And once again, just PM me if you wanna know when your character gets shown. I don't mind letting ya know, you know? So I hope everyone's having a wonderful day! Sorry that I'm not really updating quickly, I'm just in the final week of school now and just got all of my study guides for my exams, so I'm spending most of my time studying for them and crap, so yeah. But luckily school's over next wee, so once Summer hits, I'll do my best to go HAM on these updates and get into the Games as fast as I can, cuz I've got a lot of plans for these tributes already. Also, I half-assed proof-reading like shit in this chapter, so sorry if there are many mistakes. I didn't care anymore and just wanted to get this up.
Anyway, not much else to say during this A/N. But, if you guys need a SYOT to submit to, you should definitely go check out ''Emblazoned'' by Glitchkin, who's in a need of tributes. It has a really cool twist, so you guys should definitely go check that out! So yeah, that's all for now. Time for the questions!
Thoughts on each tribute?
Out of the 16 tributes that you've seen so far, who do you think has the best shot?
Favorite POV and tribute?
Least favorite POV and tribute?
So, how are you? ;)
Anyway, yeah, that's all for now. I'll do my best to get the first Train Rides POV up soon, I think you guys will enjoy the upcoming tributes and the relationships between District Partners. Eh, we'll see, but I think you all will. So yeah, that's it. See you guys next time, byee! ^-^