Plans Part 4
(MINATO)
"It's nice to see you up and moving for once, Minato," Kushina said as she walked into the hospital room where Minato rested.
"You didn't have to convince Jōnin, Kushina, just a bunch of almost-Genin. I don't care what your defense is, you most certainly did not have to put me in the hospital to accomplish that."
"Well, it was Kakashi's idea, -ttebane."
"No, it wasn't, I know it was yours. A few weeks ago, you were the one who asked what would happen if you—"
"Okay, fine, it was my idea and I bullied you little Genin into going along with it, but you're not dead, so there. You could have faked your death right then and there and It would have probably fooled the Hokage."
"Kushina—never mind, you won't listen. How long until Tsunade releases me?"
"That's why I'm here, but you're put under house arrest for another few days."
"Why do I feel like that was more your idea than hers?"
"Because it was all my idea and Tsunade thinks you don't get enough sleep."
"You better have planned out something to do."
"Yep! Remember that old room we've been stashing stuff in for awhile?"
"What about it?"
"Well, I think Kakashi has been living on our couch for too long."
"He technically has his own place."
"Which he rarely sleeps at. Besides, the boy is ten, he needs someone to take care of him and so do the rest of your Genin."
"They're Chuunin now, Kushina."
"Bah, I don't care. By the time we made Chuunin, the two of us could run circles around any decent Jōnin. There's three of them and they can't agree on which way is up."
"They're not that bad. Our teamwork is a once-in-a-generation anomaly. We can't hold everyone to the same standards."
"So you're lowering your expectations for your Genin?"
"No, I scare the hell out of them when I want something done and let them act however they want when it doesn't really matter. They'll catch on eventually."
"They may catch on, but will it be fast enough?"
"Probably not, but I can't force them to work together or they'll never trust each other."
"Come on, let's go clean out that room of all the stuff we've forgotten about."
(-.-)
"This might take weeks!" Minato said as he surveyed the piles of odds and ends filling the dusty room.
"I'm pretty sure we can throw out most of the stuff, the rest we can seal away for when we need it."
"I left a lot of my father's things in here when I moved in."
"I remember bringing some of Sakumo's stuff from the Hatake compound."
"Remember how we used to hide seals we weren't supposed to be making from the Sandaime?"
"I always wondered where you put those."
"There should be a small, black metal box that won't open for anyone but me. Both my mother and my father had one and they carried papers in them, mostly identification and their will, I never went through them, but I hid those seals we made in them."
"I remember those. You used to keep them under your bed at Sakumo's house."
"I kept a lot of boxes under my bed."
"Yeah, most of them were clan records that you stole, right?"
"I'm still not entirely happy you read those, but it's ancient history now."
"Yeah, I suppose it is."
Without another word, the two began to sort through the mixture of trash and memorabilia.
A few hours later, Minato stumbled upon a small innocuous black box. He opened it and shuffled through the papers. At the very bottom was a folded letter tied with black string and the name of Minato's mother written on the top in his father's handwriting. Minato glanced across the room where Kushina sat buried in papers before opening the letter.
(-.-)
My Kotone,
It's been a year and a day since your death. Part of me wishes the memories would fade, that I would forget you, but I know I won't forget. I'll always remember you smiling, of course, and the way you used to stand at my shoulder and fix whenever I was about to mess something up. I know I'll always remember the way you would silently make sure I didn't forget anything. I hate that I never did tell you how much it meant to me. Worst of all, I fear I'll never be able to forget the way you were just lying in the center of the street. I wanted nothing more but to just die with you. Sometimes it terrifies me that I nearly ended my own life there. Other times, I wish I had. I wish I had died there and taken our son with me to avoid the pain, to avoid watching my boy and myself fall to pieces without the woman we both built our life around.
Minato still remembers everything about you. On his good days, he tells me stories of things the two of you did while I was on missions. I expect you to walk through the door at any second and smile as you add in a detail only you would know. His favorite outing was when you brought him to the top of the waterfall and held him over the edge, the water rushing down beneath him. He felt like he was about to fly. I know the place. I remember how I leapt off the falls on a dare. I also remember how you pulled me out of the water at the bottom and never explained why. Minato always continues the story, but I never know what he says because I'm so lost in my own memories.
Most of the time, I know I'll be fine. I know I'll keep surviving. I promise you I will be. Eventually. I remember us promising to always live on when Minato was born. I remember how you made me swear Minato would always have a mother and a father. I couldn't keep that promise, Kotone, I'm sorry. I promise you I will make sure our child grows up well, but you're the only mother he'll ever have.
It wasn't long ago that Minato started at Konoha's Academy. I hate it, and he does as well. He skips, just like he used to avoid the children's program in Taki. The smartest child there is the dead last of his class. Fortunately, the irony makes me smile. The Hokage has mentioned it to me a few times. I told him to speak with Minato about it, the boy is responsible for his own grades and attendance after all. I know exactly what his answer will be. Maybe it will spur the man to alter the curriculum for the better.
We need you here, Kotone. I need you here. My worst fear is that Osamu won't be happy with the tentative peace we've made. I fear he will return. I fear that I will be the next to die in his quest for power. I fear that Minato will be there to see it. He went mad for a time when you died, he slaughtered the man who killed you. I never thought my own child could terrify me like Minato did that day. He was possessed. Now, I know it was grief, but if it happens again, who will be there to stop him? Who would be capable of stopping him? Our boy is strong, Kotone. I know he can become the strongest shinobi since the Sage of Six Paths. I saw it in him that day and his empty eyes nearly dragged me into the madness that consumed him. I pulled him out of it once. It felt like hours before he stopped crying about murder. When the madness wore off, he was so broken. For days I couldn't bear to let go of him, it was like holding a newborn. He wouldn't eat or sleep, I don't think he heard a word I said. He only kept mumbling about the pain. Sometimes he would start scrubbing his hands, trying to scrape off the blood, even after I bathed him so many times.
The look in his eyes was worse than the most broken of shinobi. He's so young. He's supposed to be laughing and playing with the other children. He's supposed to be learning to read kanji and exploring Konoha's wonderful library, not curled in a corner staring at old clan texts he's read hundreds of times. Most days I can pull him out, I can take him outside, persuade him to interact with the other children, but some days I can barely get up and take care of myself, much less my son. The rest of the clan is terrified of him. I hate them for it. Can't they see that he's just a broken little boy I'm trying to piece back together?
Yesterday, he asked me about death and murder and right and wrong. How am I supposed to explain to a five-year-old that his mother died because of his uncle's lust for power? How am I supposed to help him reconcile with the fact that the frightening bedtime stories we used to tell him were all real? How am I supposed to answer him when he realizes that all of those stories were actual events, sanitized for his age? How am I supposed to tell my boy that he's a murderer? How am I supposed to make him understand that it's not his fault?
It's worse during the night. He hasn't been sleeping well, to put it mildly. Several times a night he wakes up thrashing and screaming. He runs to the bathroom before I can stop him and will spend hours scrubbing his hands and trying to wash off the blood that isn't there If I let him. I've come home from missions to find he's scraped most of his skin off with a kunai. After one overnight mission I returned to find my baby boy had attempted suicide and would have succeeded had I returned a few minutes later. He was four! How can one so young, barely out of infancy, think of such an awful act? Why do I have to make my boy promise to be alive when I return?
They say the first year is the hardest, but I can't see the grief going away. The clan teaches us to rationalize our emotions, but grief and doubt are things we never learn to come to terms with. I can rationalize what I feel but I can't stop feeling. How can I help our son if I can't help myself? I want nothing more than to give my boy a few more minutes with his mother. I know that could never happen.
It won't be long now before Minato wakes from his nightmares. When he does, I'm going to actually be there for him. I won't be going anywhere or doing anything until he understands. The pain has gone on long enough. I hope I can convince myself as well.
With my love,
Masao
(-.-)
"Your father was a good man, Minato," Kushina said as she read the letter over his shoulder.
Minato leaned into her embrace. "I still remember them, Kushina. I remember their faces, I remember the melody my mother would hum when she was alone, I remember my father teaching me tricks, tricks that have all kept me alive at some point—" Minato broke off.
"We've never really talked about our lives before we met."
"Because most of the time is filled with too many clan secrets."
"Well, I knew your father."
"Really?"
"Not very well, but well enough."
"How?"
"He was a part of the team that brought me from Uzushiogakure."
"I wouldn't have guessed."
"Yeah, he managed to get there right after the village was destroyed. His team managed to drive off the scavengers but there weren't any survivors except me. My parents had locked me in the basement and collapsed the house on top of me, killing themselves and the enemy team attacking the house. It had been almost five days before your father's team arrived and found me. There was another kid trapped in a hasty stasis seal, but by the time I managed to release him, he was dead, help had come too late."
Minato put an arm around her waist and they sat together in front of the box with the letter draped across it.
"Since your father was a medic the only one on the team with a kid, coincidentally the same age as me, they put him in charge of making sure I got pact to Konoha in one piece. For the first day of the trip back I hated him. I thought he was too happy and inconsiderate and a slew of other unfavorable adjectives. But I couldn't sleep that night. I knew he should have been the most exhausted of the team, but he sat up with me next to the fire. At first he tried to persuade me to rest but I flat out ignored him. We spent the rest of the night just staring at the fire. The next night was the same, except I was the one joining him in the vigil.
"I asked him why he couldn't sleep. He answered that it was because another family had been senselessly destroyed in another quest for power. I asked what he was talking about and he responded that his own clan had been decimated under circumstances not much different than my own. I tried to tease out details, but he just stared at the fire and ignored me. I guess I deserved that.
"On the third night I told him how I had watched my parents' fight with the team through cracks in the floor. I told him everything, how I watched my mother killed by a katana through her back. Your father looked incredibly sad when I told him that but I ignored the expression and told him how my father hadn't died in the explosion that brought the house down. He had been slowly crushed to death by a beam of wood and the heap of rubble. It took him three days to die, slowly suffocated by the weight. I had put four chairs together and a table on top of them so I could lay directly underneath my father and talk to him, beg him to be alright, sing to him. The rubble had broken his back. He couldn't move, otherwise he would have pushed the rubble off himself. All that time and he couldn't even respond. I couldn't even see his face."
Minato kissed the top of her head and ran his fingers through her hair.
"I don't remember exactly what your father told me, in fact, I don't remember much of what happened, but he helped me work through the grief, come to terms with the fact that my parents, my friends, my clan, were all dead. He was the one who made sure I wasn't overrun with hatred, that what happened didn't irrevocably change my disposition. I do remember he mentioned that I would find a great friend in his son if I cared to try. I guess he was right, though I doubt it came around like he expected."
"It most certainly did not. I'm sure he didn't expect you to put me in the hospital after countless missions."
"Hey, they weren't all my fault!"
"No, of course not, just most of them."
"If you were anyone else, I would have beaten you over the head for that."
"Yes, but you love me, so you're going to beat Kakashi over the head for telling me your entire plan last night."
"He did not!"
"Yes, he did. I hope you've been taking care if Itachi since you unceremoniously dropped me in the hospital and placed me under house arrest."
"I'm just as good as you at information-gathering and I made sure Rin took him straight to the hospital and showed him you weren't really dead, and it was all just a test—"
Minato groaned. "Fugaku is going to murder me, and when he's done, he's going to resurrect me and give Mikoto her turn. Itachi has the Sharingan."
"Most of the Uchiha develop it at some point—"
"He's two!"
"Really? I thought he was five. Is he tall for his age?"
"No," Minato deadpanned.
"Well, the little bastard is taking a nap in our room, since I didn't want him to roll off the couch. We really need to get this room cleaned out."
"Right, because we really need a room to justify taking in all of our little strays and making Kakashi share his living space with little strangers."
"Kakashi is still little. He can deal with a few temporary little brothers and sisters."
"This discussion won't ever really be settled, will it?"
"Probably not."
"Mm, then, since this is your project, I'm going to settle down right here and take a well-deserved nap."
"You're lying in my lap."
"I do believe I am, Kushina. I see what you like so much about human pillows."
"So does that mean you'll stop griping when I—"
"Most certainly not! At least I don't slobber all over you and treat whatever is in my grasp like a piece of food when I'm asleep."
"I do not slobber!"
"Sure you don't, I am just very particular about the fact that I am not your ramen and food is not to be slept with."
"You may have a point, but how am I supposed to do anything right now with you lying on top of me?"
"Look to your eight o'clock. There's a nice big box labelled 'Sealing Theories of the Shinobi Nations' just within arm's reach that was supposed to be your birthday present that took me most of this war to steal and compile without you noticing. Happy Very Early Birthday."
"You're just trying to get a nap on your wife."
"No, I just know you've been deployed to the Kiri front, effective tomorrow and I want an hour or two of peaceful sleep before you leave."
Kushina didn't turn to open the promised gift, she bent and kissed Minato's temple while she removed the hitai-ate that had barely left his head in years and laid it beside her own. Gently, rhythmically, she started to brush her fingers through his hair, humming the only soft tune their childhoods held in common. "My love, my love, sleep sweet and safe, for demons will n'er draw near this place. Sleep sweet and safe…"