AN: Here we go, another chapter.
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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For the hour of the day, there had been few people in the streets. Carol couldn't focus on them, one way or another, as she'd walked with Andrea toward the building out of which the town's doctor—simply Doc to everyone—operated when he wasn't going out to see his patients. The people they passed were almost a blur to Carol and her head was swimming to match the feeling in her stomach. If people were staring, they might have had a great deal to stare at. Andrea, herself, drew attention in the streets. Carol felt, too, that she might draw attention if she looked as unwell as she felt. The fact that Andrea naturally took her arm, half-supporting her when her legs started to shake and protest her movement forward, would have been another grand reason to draw the attention of any passers-by.
But somehow they made it to the building and Andrea knocked on the door of the Doc's office with the hand that wasn't holding to Carol like she might bolt and run away.
It was a great stroke of luck that the man happened to be in. He opened the door to them and looked confused for only a moment.
Doc was an older man with tiny spectacles that were meant to sit higher on his nose, but somehow they always worked their way down to the end of it. If he moved his head wrong, he had a habit of dropping them, but years of wearing them that way had almost taught him to anticipate such a thing. His movements to catch them, even when they weren't falling, made him seem to have some kind of nervous tick if a person wasn't aware of what was happening.
"Miss Harrison," he offered, looking at Andrea because he knew her best. Andrea had a long running contract with Doc and, even if much of the town found her profession disagreeable, Doc wasn't a man to judge. Those who needed his care simply needed his care. Besides, Carol knew that Andrea paid Doc a handsome amount of money to retain his services for herself and her girls whenever they might require them.
"Doc," Andrea said, nodding her head at him.
"Are you ill? You could've sent one of the girls," Doc said.
Andrea shook her head.
"I ain't here for me, Doc," Andrea said. "You took care of me as good as I could've asked. I'm here for my friend."
The doctor only then seemed to notice Carol. He redirected his attention in her direction.
"And you're..." he started, turning his attention to Carol.
"About to part company with what I've eaten," Carol offered quickly.
The man grabbed her by the arm and pulled her inside. Andrea followed after her and closed the door to the doctor's office. The doctor gave Carol a bucket and she released the contents of her stomach into it just as she'd warned him she felt prepared to do. Thankfully, at that moment, Andrea took over for her.
"This is Carol," Andrea said. "You might remember her? She used to work for me."
"I know her," the Doc said. "It's just—I thought she'd left your home. I thought..."
"She's married now," Andrea said. "Working in town here as a schoolteacher."
"I'm afraid I don't understand," Doc said.
"I think I'm expectin'," Carol said. "But—I weren't never expecting before. Not except—I thought I was the one time and then I wasn't. But that's the only time that I—ever thought I was."
"You treated her a few times when you came around," Andrea said. "But none of those times was she ever actually expecting. At least—not so as there were any tells."
"Are you working with Miss Harrison again?" Doc asked.
Carol shook her head.
"No," she said. "I'm married. Happy to be so. My husband he's—he's a farmer. A good man. Daryl Dixon."
"I've never met him personally," Doc said. "But I believe I've heard the name. I'm—I'm afraid I don't understand."
"Doc—you can leave the profession," Andrea offered, "but the profession don't exactly leave you. Not here. Not in town. Carol was lookin' for someone to bring her here. She don't wanna upset her husband by telling him that there's to be a child if there isn't. I simply acted as her escort. I'm here as a friend, not a madam."
Doc nodded his head and looked at Carol.
"You're not wantin' me to help you rid of it?" Doc asked.
Carol shook her head.
"So much the opposite," Carol said. "I'm wantin'—to know for sure that it's there. To know—it's gonna stay there. At least until it ain't fit to stay there any longer and it comes time for it to be borned."
The doctor opened and closed his mouth for a second like he was having a hard time figuring out the words that he wanted to let come out of it. Then he nodded his head and pushed his spectacles upward on his nose where they would remain for only a short period of time before settling back down to their normal position.
"I see," he said. "Well—I can certainly examine you. Talk with you about what I find. What I think. But you understand Mrs..."
"Dixon," Carol offered, seeing that the man was having a difficult time holding onto her name.
"Mrs. Dixon," the doctor repeated, "that I can't offer you any guarantees. The female body can be tricky—especially when it comes to pregnancy."
"Doc—can't you at least settle her mind a little?" Andrea asked. "We barely made it here for her nearly falling over her own feet. She's gotta know something."
The doctor stared at Andrea and then nodded his head.
"Of course I can examine you to see if you're—showing the signs of pregnancy," Doc said. "I can tell you that."
"And if I'm not?" Carol asked.
"Then I can tell you that you're not?" Doc said, a little confusion settling over his features. He looked to Andrea for clarification, but it was Carol who helped to alleviate his confusion.
"Can you tell me if I will be?" Carol asked. "If—it's possible?"
"Mrs. Dixon, I don't know what the future holds," Doc said. "All I can tell you is what is there. Not what's gonna be. And that's true whether or not you're expecting a child."
Carol nodded at him.
"I understand," Carol said. "Please? I want—I need to know. And it won't be long before I gotta ride back to my home. If I'm not? I'm gonna need time to get myself together. And if I am? I wanna tell my husband."
"Certainly," Doc said. "You'll need to disrobe. Miss Harrison—would you care to wait outside?"
"She can stay," Carol said quickly. She felt her cheeks burn warm at how quick she'd been to insist that he not dismiss Andrea to stand outside the building during his examination. She knew, though, that it wasn't unusual for any of the girls to request that Andrea stay with them while Doc made his rounds at the house. "I want her to stay. She—makes me feel better and...I haven't been gone so long from her house that I've gained some modesty that wouldn't permit her staying."
"Very well," the doctor said. "I'll wash up. You disrobe. Then I'll begin the examination. We'll see if we can't set your mind at ease a little."
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Carol thought that her body might feel like her own again the moment she had an answer one way or another, but it wasn't so. When she left, she still left on Andrea's arm. Her mind was still turning, though now it was turning for an entirely different reason.
"Sweetheart, you said it would be a blessing," Andrea said. "Seems to me that congratulations would be what was in order."
"No—it is," Carol said. "It's just—what if he ain't right?"
Andrea laughed to herself and ran her fingertips over Carol's hand while she stood with their arms interlocked.
"I ain't never knowed Doc to be wrong when he said a baby was set for comin' into this sorry world," Andrea said. "I don't reckon that today's the first he misread."
Carol felt, for the first time, like she might actually break down and cry over the whole situation. Since she'd first suspected it, the tears had felt like they were pressing against the backs of her eyes, but now it felt like they might actually manage to find their way out. The oddest thing about it was that she'd heard the news that she most wanted to hear. She'd heard what she'd dreamed about hearing. Doc had confirmed her suspicions and with all of his poking and prodding, had told her that she was several months into the whole thing already.
For months, it seemed, Carol had been carrying a child that she wasn't even sure about. For months, she and Daryl hadn't know that they were set to be parents. They'd gone about their lives just as if the child wasn't there and set to come.
And still the little thing was there. Still her body hadn't betrayed her. She was able to do—because she was doing it—just what every other woman around her seemed able to do. And she hadn't even known about it.
When she should be the happiest, and when she felt the happiest despite her still-queasy stomach, was also the moment when she felt like the tears that had been threatening to get out would finally escape from her eyes.
"But what if he's wrong?" Carol asked, feeling herself choke on her own tears. She saw Andrea's concern for only a second before the tears blurred her vision. Anyone who saw them then, would've seen the madam wrap her arms around Carol and pull her into a hug.
"But, sweetheart, what if he's right?" Andrea asked. "You're gonna be a mama. And it isn't proper for you to cry about it in the street after you said, just an hour past, that it would be the best thing that could happen to you. You ain't wanted a thing more. Now you don't gotta want it."
The comfort from the hug seemed to transfer into Carol's body because she felt some calm there that wasn't there before. She pulled away from Andrea and wiped at her eyes. Her hands were shaking, but she hoped the shaking would subside soon.
"I'm gonna be a mama," Carol said. "And Daryl—he's gonna be a father. I'ma give him that."
Andrea laughed to herself and nodded her head.
"Except in the case of bastards? That's usually how it works," Andrea said. "Shall I leave you here? I can walk back to the house on my own and—you've got to get back to your farm."
Carol shook her head.
"I don't feel steady enough to ride yet," Carol said. "I don't feel steady enough to even—stand here on my own two feet. I didn't know—not for sure—that there was a child this morning and now? I know it's there and I feel almost too frightened to move. Like—knowing it? It'll just be gone."
Andrea visibly swallowed.
"Carol—they're harder to get out than you think, OK?" Andrea offered. "Trust me. It was there this morning just the same as it's been there every single day for months past. And it'll keep on bein' there until it's time for you to bring it into the world." Andrea patted Carol's hand. "But now you gotta go on back to your life."
"Walk with me to the store?" Carol asked. "Just—long enough to make sure my legs don't give out on me?" She laughed to herself. "I know it's a terrible thing to ask and—I already asked so much of you. But I'm just not ready to be alone yet. I'm not ready to make the ride back. I wanna be steady first."
Andrea licked her lips and looked around them. She looked at Carol, the concern still not erased from her features.
"You're sure your husband isn't gonna mind that you were about with me?" Andrea asked.
Carol shook her head. There was still a dull ache in her throat, but the choking sensation of earlier seemed to have past.
"He's gonna be so happy that—he ain't gonna care," Carol said. "And—if they don't want me workin' in their town? They don't gotta have me. Besides—I'm not sure that I'll keep on working. Not if—not once Daryl knows that there's to be a baby. I'm not sure he'll like the idea of me ridin' in every day."
Andrea nodded her head.
"Come on," Andrea said. "I'll walk with you to the store. And then? You'll head on back before it gets dark. It doesn't matter if I'm out all night. But it isn't proper for you. And you don't want to worry your husband."
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So as to limit the amount of disruption that her presence might cause, Andrea stood outside of the general store while Carol went inside. Mr. Wagner allowed Andrea and her working girls to enter his establishment—though some businesses in town required that they remain outside the threshold or enter through a back door—but Andrea had insisted that she didn't wish to disturb any of his current clientele.
Carol knew, though few did, that Andrea had helped pay for the general store. And some years prior, when Mr. Wagner had found himself in something of a difficult situation financially, it had been Andrea that had offered him the money that he needed to keep it running. She wouldn't disrupt his clientele, but none of his clientele realized that they were only there because of her generosity. They failed to realize, without a doubt, how much of the town, itself, was still there because of Andrea's generosity. And they'd rather see her, unworthy as she was to stand in their presence, outside in the street instead of inside a respectable establishment that she'd practically paid for with money earned in what they saw as a shameful manner.
Mr. Wagner's current clientele only consisted of Carol, a man who had nearly tripped over his own boots trying to watch Andrea through the window, and a woman who was trying desperately not to "notice" Carol or Andrea.
Inside the store, Carol carefully combed her way through everything that Mr. Wagner had on offer and, every time that he asked if she was looking for anything in particular, she shook her head at him and thanked him for his interest in helping her. From outside, Andrea apparently put in an order to the man, because he abandoned Carol long enough to wrap up some purchases himself and deliver them to Andrea where she stood waiting.
It was only with the realization that time was ticking on—and that she had no idea what she was there after—that Carol decided to make some sort of selection. She requested, as she often did, thread from Mr. Wagner and several yards each of a few different fabrics that she selected. He approved of her selection, pretended that he hadn't noticed her approach to the business with Andrea, and wrapped up everything she'd requested before he accepted her payment.
Her package in hand, Carol stepped out and found Andrea still standing there, smiling and nodding at every person who passed by. She had a reputation, after all, to live up to. And her reputation was that she was one of the friendliest women in the territory. It was true, but it wasn't always an easy reputation to hold. Still, she was able to act that way, it seemed, even though Carol could tell that the laudanum she'd forced her to drink was beginning to lose its effect.
"Would you like me to walk you back to the house?" Carol asked Andrea as they walked a short distance off from the store.
"I'm seeing you to the school," Andrea said. "Or dreadful near. The house would put you out of your way, Carol, and it'll be dark before long. You've supper to make and a husband to tend."
They continued walking and Carol realized that, in fact, Andrea was slowly leading her back toward the school.
"Andrea—I can't thank you enough for—for coming with me today," Carol said.
Andrea laughed to herself.
"I'm not sure it won't cause you more trouble than it caused me," Andrea said. "But—for what it's worth—you're welcome. You're always welcome. In my home and...in my company. In my life. You're not one of my girls any longer. And I'd never wish to see you as one again. But you'll always be my friend. Even if—the time comes when you don't feel it proper to acknowledge me should you see me in the street."
Carol's chest caught.
"I'd never do that," Carol offered. "Never. I wouldn't turn my head at you."
"You might," Andrea said. "And if you do? I just want you to know that—it'll be OK."
"No," Carol insisted. "I wouldn't and I won't."
Andrea smiled and seemed to dismiss the subject. Silence fell between them as they walked and Carol matched her steps to Andrea's.
"What'd you buy?" Carol asked.
"Some gloves," Andrea said. "Some nice cloth for bedclothes. We don't need it, but Lila enjoys sewing of an evening and—Mr. Wagner appreciates my making purchases."
Carol laughed to herself.
"He appreciates all money," Carol said.
"And he doesn't turn a soul away that wants to spend it," Andrea said. "For that? I'll make my purchases with him when I need to, and sometimes even when I don't need anything." She sucked in a breath. "If I didn't tell you before, congratulations, Carol. You're going to be a wonderful mother. And your husband?"
"Daryl," Carol offered.
"I know," Andrea said. "I remember his name. Merle says it enough. He likes to tell stories after...he likes to pay extra to stay a spell. I don't dictate how he can spend his time." Carol nodded her understanding. Andrea was the kind of whore who believed in giving the customer what they wanted—just as long as they knew that everything came with a price. "Daryl's going to be a wonderful father."
Carol smiled to herself. There was a feeling in her chest like a warm rush of water made its way through her body.
"I know," Carol said. "I'm so excited to tell him. He's going to be—he'll be so happy, Andrea. You can't imagine."
Andrea laughed quietly.
"No," she said. "I can't. But I'm happy for you."
"I can't help but worry, though," Carol said.
"What do you possibly have to be worried about?" Andrea asked.
"What if—what happened before? What if it was to happen again? I mean—Daryl wouldn't deny me like Ed done. He just—he just ain't gonna deny me because I can't give him no child," Carol said. "But what if it happens that way? It's gonna—break his heart."
"It'll break your heart too," Andrea said. "And broken hearts hurt worse than broken bones. I know—I've had both more'n once. But, like the bones, the hearts'll mend. Besides—you don't got a reason to worry, and you shouldn't worry just for the sake of it. Makes you old and sour."
Carol smiled to herself and nodded her head. Walking beside her, Andrea let out a sigh that didn't seem at all related to anything that they were talking about. Thinking that Carol wasn't watching her for the moment, Andrea's facial expression changed too.
"I've kept you out too long," Carol said. "You're tired."
Andrea resumed her more light-hearted expression, but Carol knew now that it wasn't as sincere as she might have believed before.
"I've been tired for as long as I can remember," Andrea said. "You didn't do nothing wrong."
"You're uncomfortable," Carol said. "You don't feel well. I can see it in your eyes. Promise me—you'll drink the laudanum when you get to the house? Have Lila look out for you?"
"I promise you that I'm not your concern," Andrea offered.
"Andrea—can you please make me the promise?" Carol asked.
Andrea sighed.
"I promise you that...I'll drink the laudanum if you promise me that you'll go now," Andrea said. Carol looked up from where she'd been somewhat watching her feet and Andrea's feet while they walked. She hadn't realized that they were at the school. "Go home to your husband. Tell him that you're carryin' his child. And—live your life. And if you'll do that? I'll drink the laudanum tonight when I'm sure the girls are fed and ready for bed."
Carol nodded her head and opened her arms to Andrea. She accepted the hug that Andrea gave her in return for the one that she offered.
"I love you," Andrea said. "You know that. You just keep on knowin' it."
Carol laughed to herself.
"I love you too," she said. "And I'm always gonna."
"Now go love your husband," Andrea said. "Be a good wife." Andrea pushed at Carol to send her in the direction of the schoolhouse so that she could get Toby and Jubilee to head home. Carol glanced back over her shoulder to see if Andrea had left, but she saw her standing there, her package in her hands, watching. "Stop lookin' backward, Carol," Andrea said. "There ain't nothin' to see there but what'cha already seen. You gonna fall over your feet that way."
Carol laughed to herself and turned around.
She wasn't looking backward. Andrea was right. There was nothing to see there that she hadn't already seen before. And she had a lot to look forward to.