"You did not!" Lee was laughing so hard he was almost falling out of his chair, but the note of admiration in his voice was unmistakable nonetheless.

"I did! And Billy backed me up," said Amanda in a virtuous tone that was completely undermined by the grin on her face.

"With a straight face?" spluttered Lee.

"Yes – but not for long," admitted Amanda.

It was the second night in a row he'd gotten to have dinner with Amanda; she'd actually shown up with the promised homemade soup the night before, along with a bag of grapes. "Food for invalids," she'd quipped when he'd groaned. It hadn't just been soup, of course – it had been a soup so thick with meat and vegetables that it was almost a stew, along with bread fresh from a bakery – "I didn't have time to make any" – and a Tupperware container full of cookies – "I already had those made" – of course she did.

He'd put up a token protest that she hadn't needed to bother, not really, and she'd simply laughed and said it was no trouble.

"You know I wouldn't be able to look Billy in the face tomorrow if I hadn't followed orders. Besides, Mother knew I was with someone at the hospital the last couple of days, so she didn't even blink when I said I was dropping by to check on you."

"You're not staying?"

He hadn't even bothered to hide the disappointment in his voice. He'd been away from home for almost two weeks and they'd barely talked properly, what with being tossed headlong into the hunt for the Barnstorm list.

Her smile had lit up the room. "Well, of course, I'll stay if you want me to. I thought maybe you'd want to rest though. You haven't really yet, have you?" She'd given him that look then, that one that said she was scolding him and laughing at him at the same time.

"A change is as good as a rest, Amanda. And it'll be a restful change to just sit quietly for once, won't it?" he'd wheedled, pleased when she'd laughed and pulled off her coat.

Despite her promise to Billy, the next morning she'd only dropped in long enough to help him put his case notes in order and help him fill in some of the blanks, before offering to take them into the Agency for him.

"I thought I was your assignment?" he'd teased her.

"Billy says that but I still had a desk full of work when I left to pick you up at the airport and I haven't been back since. At the very least, I need to make sure that's being looked after."

"So I won't see you until tomorrow?"

"Oh no, I'll be back to bring you some dinner. I don't trust you not to try and survive on moldy cheese and stale crackers."

"Well, you'd be half right. There's still leftover bread from last night." He'd grinned at the laugh she gave off. "But I don't want to distract you from your family."

"Oh, that's no problem. The boys are on Spring Break and they've gone skiing with their dad."

"Skiing, huh? That sounds like fun."

She could read the slight question in his voice with no difficulty whatsoever. "Oh yeah, Joe's still sucking up to them big time." She shrugged and looked away. "I'm just glad they're all getting along so well. Jamie can hold a grudge pretty well but Joe's winning him over."

"He wants a dad," said Lee quietly. "He's lucky he has such a good one."

Amanda looked at him for a moment, then nodded. "You're right," she answered and he wasn't entirely sure if she was agreeing with both things or not.

She'd returned in time for dinner, bringing everything for a simple home-cooked meal and several weeks' worth of office gossip, culminating in the story she had just begun to tell now, impish smile on her face as if she was just bursting to share it with him.

"Tell me the full version," begged Lee. "I can't believe I missed all the fun."

"I went in to deliver your notes to him, and Francine came into his office while I was there. Well, you know what she's like, so instead of just asking how you were, she made some crack about how nice it must be to have been promoted so that I could boss you around. So I just said, 'Yes that's right, I'm an AO-16 this week, so if you could just be a dear and file these for me, that would be lovely. And maybe a cup of coffee while I chat with Billy?' And then Billy said 'Yes, Francine, you know how I like it, cream, two sugars – and why don't you get one for yourself and come back and join us? I need you to take some dictation.'"

"What did she do?" asked Lee in awe-tinged tones.

"She puffed up like an angry kitten and was just getting ready to blast both of us when Billy couldn't hold it in any longer and started to laugh, which set me off – and that was as long as it lasted really."

"And then what happened?"

"Honestly? She went and got us all coffee and settled in to hear how badly behaved you've been."

Lee put a hand over his heart and put on a hurt expression. "You wound me to the quick. And here I thought I'd been the perfect patient."

"Well, you're a better patient these days." She smiled shyly at him.

"Maybe I'm just enjoying a better nurse," Lee's eyes were bright and warm and… she put that thought firmly aside.

"What?" he asked playfully, noticing the sudden flush in her cheeks.

"Oh, I was just thinking you have nice eyes," said Amanda without thinking.

"Well, I'm just glad I still have them, thanks to you," he answered, toasting her with his water glass.

"I didn't do much," she shrugged. "The car did most of the work."

"Amanda, don't sell yourself short," he scolded her. "You showed great instincts through this whole thing."

"Not really, you made most of the connections on your own this time," she said lightly. "I just followed you around and mothered you into getting your rest."

There was a moment of silence as they both recalled him telling her he didn't need mothering, before he gave a light laugh and said "Well, God knows I needed it. I wasn't behaving very sensibly – as usual."

Amanda didn't say anything, but her lips twitched as she gazed at him across the table. He had been even more than his usual childish self, but she had to give him credit, it had had everything to do with him wanting to protect his 'family' and not his usual grumpiness at being incapacitated.

And Francine really had been quite sweet this morning – in a Francine kind of way – offering to come by and do some relief babysitting, even if she had ruined the effect of the offer by immediately asking Billy if she could get a promotion out of it too. And she still owed her for that 'cozy' crack the other night in Lee's bedroom; she'd known the second Francine walked in that she was re-evaluating the conversation they'd shared in her hospital room. Fortunately, exhausted and easily baited, Lee had missed the wry smile she'd given Francine at her jab, too busy responding to it himself with annoyance.

"You can just never resist, can you?" she'd scolded her later when Lee was asleep and they were alone in the kitchen, Francine watching Amanda efficiently making coffee for the horde of people in the living room.

"Oh, you know it's irresistible, Amanda. He rises to the fly every damn time – how can I not?"

"Well, could you try not to until he's feeling better? He's already not doing himself any favors worrying about that list when that concussion is making him cross-eyed."

Francine had actually, momentarily, looked a tiny bit ashamed of herself before rallying. "Okay, Mom, I'll leave him alone." She fell silent for a moment before asking, "How's he doing really? I can't believe you actually got him to lie down."

"It wasn't easy, but we mothers have our ways. Hopefully he'll actually get some rest - he's really worried about his contacts." Amanda had held out a cup to her, but she'd waved it off.

"No thanks, I just wanted to check and make sure you were okay before I left."

"If I'm okay? Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"Because everyone else is conveniently forgetting that you just spent the night sleeping on a very small bench in Lee's room. Did you even get yourself checked out after the car crash or were you too busy worrying about Lee?" She gave her a pointed look as Amanda flushed guiltily. That's what I thought. You need to look after yourself too, you know, not just your boyfriend."

"Francine! He is not my - " She caught the knowing smile too late and let her shoulders sag. "Point taken."

"Good – now I need to get these back to the Agency and see what the hell they are." She jiggled the small bottle with the mystery pills in it, with a scowl.

"Oh my gosh – did you take your medicine?" she asked, jumping up from the table and heading for the counter where the pill bottles were stacked.

"Amanda!" Lee groaned. "They leave such a bad taste in my mouth!"

"I'll take that as a 'no' then," she replied, pouring the antibiotics out into her palm.

Despite his grumbling, Lee took the pills she brought back, washing them down with the glass of water she'd filled at the sink. "You're really letting this 'senior agent' thing go to your head," he muttered. He looked up to see her observing him carefully. "Yes, I really took them this time," he said, holding up his hands to show they were empty.

If he wasn't so attuned to the way her eyes reflected her mood, he might have missed the shadow that crossed them, and he frowned, wondering what had caused it. She picked up the glass and headed back toward the kitchen, not having responded to his joke. He stood up and followed her, concerned about the sudden mood change.

"You doing okay?" he asked casually.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" she replied, her light tone sounding slightly forced.

"You just seem distracted," he answered, trying not to sound concerned.

She didn't answer at first, opening the pill jar and emptying the pills into her hand.

"You know I just took one of those right?" he asked, wondering what she was doing. Amanda stared at the contents of her hand for another few seconds before carefully scooping them back into the bottle and snapping the lid shut.

"Yes, I know," she said. "I was just double checking that there was still the right number in there."

"Checking I didn't skip the morning ones when you weren't here to check up on me?" he teased.

"No, checking that you hadn't taken the evening ones already and forgotten," she answered in a terse voice, leaning with both hands on the counter

Lee had to laugh a little at that. "Have you forgotten who you're dealing with, Mrs. King? You really think I'd forget already taking them when you know I only take meds under duress at the best of times?"

She glanced up quickly at him, then back down at her hands. "Or when I tell you to," she answered.

Bingo

He leaned back on the counter and ducked his head slightly, trying to get her to meet his eyes. "Amanda," he sighed. "It's not your fault I almost took those pills from the hospital."

"No it's my fault you didn't take them," she said. "If I'd known you were going to be sneaky, I would have tried harder to catch you at it, and then you really would have taken them and then-" she caught her breath, stopping in mid-ramble unable to go on.

"Amanda! Stop! Nothing about that was your fault. Anyone would have done the same. If I'd stayed at the hospital like I was supposed to, one of the nurses probably would have made me take them."

"No they wouldn't have," she said colorlessly. "Because they would have had the sense to check your chart before handing you any medication."

"Well then, I would-"

"No, you wouldn't have taken them if you'd found them there," she interrupted. "You would have flushed them down the toilet or something, but you wouldn't have taken them!"

He couldn't actually argue with her on that point – he'd seen them on the hospital table while he was getting ready to sneak out and had ignored them.

"Amanda," he began again and watched her shoulders sag. "Amanda, you can't worry about things that didn't happen."

"Why not?" she almost whispered her reply.

"Because you'll make yourself crazy. We spend our days trying to prevent bad things that might happen, right? That's being proactive. Worrying about things afterward where nothing went wrong is just a waste of energy."

She did turn to look at him then, eyes searching his expression.

"When I was growing up, my friend Barney used to tell me 'never trouble trouble 'til trouble troubles you'. I didn't take the pills, nothing bad happened, you won't do that again, right? So, why go looking for trouble where there isn't any?"

She pushed the dirty dishes around in the sink and sighed. "You're right," she admitted.

"And since I'm stuck on rest duty and you're stuck on babysitting duty for the rest of the week, that's three more days where nothing can go wrong." He knew he'd gotten through to her, when she made a quiet scoffing noise.

"Nothing can go wrong? Like that'll happen," she muttered but he could hear the smile was back in her voice.

"You never know – miracles can happen," he said solemnly, before tugging her out of the kitchen. "Okay," he said coaxingly, "I've taken my medicine like a good boy and behaved all day. So come and tell me a bedtime story or something."

"You don't like being mothered," she said as she let him lead her back to the living room and curl up in an armchair.

He heard the lingering hurt in the flatness of her voice and knew he was the cause.

"I do not need to be mothered," he'd complained to her in his bedroom that night, his pounding head and exhaustion making him speak more sharply than he'd ever meant to, then reaching out in panic when her face had shown the hurt and she'd gone to leave.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean that."

"Yeah, you did," she shrugged. "You withdraw when you're not feeling well. You needed to work, you didn't need me to worry about you."

"Yeah, I did," he said, reaching over from his spot on the couch to lay his hand over hers for a moment. "Need you to worry about me, I mean. And I did appreciate what you were trying to do, you know. Just like I appreciate the dinner and the company tonight. It was just, well... you caught me at a bad moment."

"I have that knack, don't I?" she said wryly. "Especially since I'm the cause of most of them."

"Amanda!" he started to protest before he saw the half-smile flit across her lips. "Not most of them," he changed tack, hoping to tease her out of this odd mood. Her eyes flew up to meet his, wide with surprise, then crinkling with humor when she saw his answering smile.

"I really am sorry," he said earnestly. "I was just worried about my contacts. Lana and Sally were both panicking and I was boxing against shadows, you know?" Amanda was nodding; this was something she understood. "I didn't know who had the list, I couldn't be sure who was on the list, or how fast they'd act – and even if I'd known all those things, I didn't know who'd betrayed us…"

"Do you know now?" she asked, watching him with concern.

"Yeah," he sighed sadly. "It was pretty easy to narrow down when he'd left himself off the list." He sat back against the sofa cushions, staring up on the ceiling. "It was one of my old German contacts. We'd been introduced by Harry – Hollinger, not Thornton," he added at her questioning look.

"Oh," she said, nodding again. He could see the understanding dawning in her eyes. "And when Harry went to jail and you were the reason why…"

"That was the end of that little gravy train and he didn't trust me enough to contact me for help."

"Dumb guy," she commented, a note of scorn in her voice. Lee looked at her inquiringly and she went on. "Harry was always going to be a bad bet – anyone with sense could see that. If he trusted Harry, but not you, well, he's gotta be a dumb guy."

Lee sighed. "Well, dumb or not, he had just enough information to decide his retirement to the Caribbean could be funded with the list."

"He could have done a lot of damage," she said.

"They're civilians, Amanda, they're helpless against the kind of attack that could have been coming their way. They're not trained, they're not agents - they're just people who want to help make a better world." He knew without looking that she was thinking about their conversation at the Cumberland too. "They're my family and they're-"

"They're your Achilles heel," she said.

"What?" His head snapped toward her.

"Oh, not in a bad way," she said. "But it's like you said the other day – you'd do anything to protect them, and then you did, even when you could barely look after yourself."

"It's my job, Amanda!" he protested.

"Lee, sweetheart, I know that – that's not what I meant. Of course that's your job – nobody knows that better than I do." He was certain she hadn't even noticed using the endearment as she rushed to explain. "And you're good at it – I mean, look at all the things you've ended up having to save me from when I do stuff without you to back me up. I lose microdots at laundromats, I end up in jail for murder or counterfeiting…" her voice faltered for a beat - "Anyway, that's not what I'm saying. You're protective of people you care about and sometimes it means you don't think straight and someday someone's going to take advantage of that. From what you told me, Brody wanted that list just because it was yours."

"Yeah," Lee sighed. "Neumann was convinced I had some names on that list that weren't just civilians that he could use but Brody was doubling down, knowing I'd come after him."

"That's what I mean," Amanda was nodding at him. "He knew there'd be bidders for any info that could be used to draw you out into the open. Your family might be a secret but the fact that you'd do anything to protect them isn't."

"So what are you saying? That they're a weakness and I shouldn't care about them?" he asked in an outraged voice.

"Of course not," she replied. "I would never say that! What I am saying is that you need to remember that you're not Superman but that instinct is your kryptonite. You were injured, you weren't thinking clearly, Billy had given you all those resources to take the weight off you – and you were still trying to do everything by yourself as if everything was your fault."

"It was my fault! They were in danger because they were loyal to me!"

"Not all of them," she reminded him.

"No, not all of them," he acknowledged. "But most of them are -"

"Worth a walk through a blizzard at midnight," she finished. She got up and came to sit beside him on the couch, taking one of his hands between hers. "Now look, you know I've been seeing Dr. Joyce right? Since that whole thing with… Karl Eagles." She took a deep breath and waited for him to nod. "And we've been talking a lot about blame. About how to not take blame for things that aren't your fault – and it's not your fault that one desperate man gave into his demons and sold that list."

"Amanda King, are you seriously giving me the same lecture I gave you fifteen minutes ago?"

Amanda stared at him wordlessly for a minute, then nodded. "I guess I am," she agreed. "Maybe we're more alike than you think. Apparently I also have a 'predisposition to internalize blame'."

"Well I'd disagree with you but the next words out of your mouth would be 'pot, kettle, black'," he said, tapping his chest.

"Two of a kind," Amanda agreed, her expression lightening ever so slightly.