Mama, I hope you're proud of me. I took all the awful things they did, and turned them into empathy. Mama, I hope you're proud of me, I may have let their poison under my skin, but I let it drip out of my fingers as poetry. – Mama by Nikita Gill

It'd been nearly a week and she's beginning to think that she's scared him off. Which is precisely why she's here, lingering at the open doors of the squad room, bright blue eyes searching for him.

"Skylar?" She jumped as Carisi appeared behind her and whipped around to face him, blonde ponytail momentarily blinding her. "Can I help you with something?" He asked, giving her a curious look at the way her gaze seemed to settle anywhere but his face. "Are you looking for your fa – for Detective Stabler?"

Skylar licked her lips and nodded. "Uh…yeah, I gave him my phone number that night at the diner." She explained and wrung her hands nervously. "I just…haven't heard from him in a few days and I'm worried that I scared him away."

"…Right then…" Carisi clapped his hands together as he looked around the squad room, pursing his lips inward. "He usually the last to take lunch," He glanced down at his watch – 3pm. "You can try upstairs." He gestured to the stairs just to their left and gave her a friendly smile. "You can try up there."

Skylar nodded thankfully, and he chuckled as she adjusted herself to as close as presentable as possible it seemed; she looked just fine to him. She gave him a thankful smile and headed for the stairs, eyeing the movements around her – the excitement, the smiles, the cowering woman having her statement taken in the corner over there.

"Detective Stabler?" She murmured as she came up behind a set of broad shoulders, which tensed at the sound of her voice. "I-I'm sorry about this, I was just…"

She felt a little sick.

She didn't mean to come to this so quickly – begging like a puppy for table scraps. She didn't want to disrupt his life which was why she hadn't said anything when her social worker had given her the information from her file.

"I-I really am sorry. I know where you work is probably the last place where you want to see me – if you want to see me at all, but I just…" Skylar faltered sighing under her breath. "I just wanted to make sure I hadn't scared you away." She licked her lips and ducked her head as he turned around his seat to face her.

Elliot did his best not to sigh as he spun around in his chair to face her. "You didn't…scare me away." He replied, giving her a sympathetic gaze. "I just needed some time to…process everything. And I did mean to call you – text you – whatever it is kids do these days."

Skylar laughed quietly, a small smile on her lips. "We mostly text these days." She murmured, a slight note of teasing in her voice that had Elliot's lips twitching in an almost smile. "So, do you think we can talk?"

He sighed, and saw the instant panic on her face and shook his head. "It's okay…just a random sigh. You're fine sweetheart." He almost bit his tongue for letting that slip out – but it was habit. "Let's go into one of the rooms. I don't want people eavesdropping."

Skylar nodded and let him lead her into an empty office, very much aware that there were heavy eyes on them but she didn't look because she would get more nervous than she already was.

"I tried to wait." She admitted as he closed the door behind them, lowering herself into one of the chairs.

"I shouldn't have made you wait." He sighed for real this time, slouching into a chair of his own. "I was in shock though…kind of still am."

"It's a bit of a process."

"Just a bit."

Elliot laughed lightly, letting blue eyes identical to hers flick over her frame. He noted the clean, but well-worn school uniform, the backpack that had seen better days and the definitely not winter appropriate jacket. "You go to St. Christopher's." He muttered, both a statement and a question. "It's a good school…hard to get into."

"I'm on scholarship." Skylar stated, gaze flicking around the room. "Apparently, by some miracle, my grades were good enough for them – gives me a chance for a future I guess." She gave a one shouldered shrug and flashed him a warm smile. "Aside from the obvious shock…how're you taking all of this?"

Elliot blinked, hating how familiar that deer-in-headlights feeling was getting. Here was a girl who'd been carrying around this information for who knows how long and was asking him how he was doing. Had he entered the Twilight Zone?

"It's just – I know that you're married and that you already have kids…most who are grown up. I don't want to be a burden to you." Skylar continued, picking at her fingernails nervously. "If my being around is going to cause trouble for you – I'll leave." She said firmly, determination flashing in her eyes that mirrored his own. "Trust me when I say that I'm not anyone worth troubling yourself over."

Elliot shook his head and leaned forward in his chair a bit. "No, no…if you really are my daughter – and somehow, I have no doubts in this world that you are, then are worth every trouble."

Skylar gave him a tired smile. "I just don't want it to – I don't know what this will do to the other aspects of your personal life."

She spoke so maturely.

"It's going to be hard to break to everyone." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "And Kathy…God, Kathy." She would leave him for real over this.

"Kathy's your wife?" Skylar asked softly, cerulean eyes both apologetic and filled with sympathy. "I'm not worth wrecking your marriage over." She murmured, jumping slightly as he reached over to wrap one of her hands in his.

Elliot licked his lips, pursing them inward momentarily. "Yes, Kathy's my wife and we've been having some hard times – although I think this might take the cake." He answered lowly, silently berating himself as Skylar ducked her head. "But so far we've gotten through it."

Skylar looked at him, gaze deep and piercing as if she were trying to see into the bottom of whatever soul he had left – maybe she was. "I could meet her on my own – on her terms." She suggested calmly. "That way she can take her anger out of me and it doesn't look like you're taking my side by being there."

"No." Elliot shook his head. "No, this is something we need to handle was a whole. Either way, I'm picking a side in her eyes." He paused. "We have to do this together, and she's going to have to meet you. I can't keep you a secret forever."

How many times had he been close to just blurting it out? Over dinner? Coffee by the sink? In bed, while she hummed over a book and he stared at the ceiling, lost? He'd wanted to tell her for a while, but feared what the repercussions would be.

He was a coward.

"Then you determine where and when we meet." Skylar told him with an encouraging smile. "Whatever you say, I'll do."

Elliot pondered her words for a moment, a pensive silence stretching between them as he continued to hold her hand in his – even rubbing his thumb over the back of it. She was being so patient with him – letting things go at a pace he controlled. God, he already didn't deserve this girl.

"You could come over for dinner tonight." He suggested after several more moments of silence, watching her face for her reaction. "It would give Kathy the home territory so to speak," Elliot continued, hating how he sounded like he was planning a mission in the Marines. "But I know that would be hard for you."

Skylar shook her head, a soft smile of her lips. "Like I said, whatever you need, I'll do." She repeated gently, even going so far as to squeeze his hand reassuringly. "Even if it means facing your wife's anger."

"She's going to come after both of us." Elliot stood, dropping her hand and walking to the window. "And it's going to be bad. I don't know what to tell her. I don't remember any of this."

Skylar sighed, looking down at the floor. She didn't want to do this, she didn't, and yet she also did want to. She wanted a real family – one that didn't resent her very existence and she had been wanting to get a hold of Elliot for years now, but had never taken the official steps because he had an actual family of his own.

She didn't want to be a bother – a burden…especially given how she was conceived.

Skylar blinked for a moment, swallowing around the sudden lump in her throat. "…You mean you want me to meet her tonight?" She asked hoarsely, fiddling with the end of her ponytail. "I-Do you really think that's a good idea?"

Elliot nodded, scrubbing a hand down his face before sighing heavily. "I can't keep this from her forever." He insisted and gave her a sympathetic look. "The longer I keep this from her, the angrier she'll be."

"Yeah, I get that." Skylar murmured, nodding her head as she adjusted her backpack on one shoulder. "If it's alright with you…I guess I could wait around here."

He didn't mind as it turned out, and Skylar would never admit to the excitement which was really making her hands shake and not just nerves.

She was torn the rest of his shift, between staying out his way and trailing behind him like a puppy.

Everyone one was so nice to her – it was strange. She always expected detectives and those they worked with to be hard and mean, worn out from years of seeing the worst humanity had to offer. But if anything, they seemed so much kinder and nicer than any people Skylar had met.

She debated the law with Barba when he stopped in, discussed psychology with George and shamelessly encouraged Carisi's flirting, fended off Amanda and Mike's terrible jokes and even managed to get a laugh out of Nick while joking with Fin – all while watching how this tight knit squad interacted.

And yet, her stomach dropped when Elliot said it was time to head on home and if she was ready.

She and Elliot pulled into the driveway of a beautiful two-story craftsman style home and Skylar felt her breath get trapped in her chest.

This was real. It was happening. She was going to meet Elliot's wife – it didn't feel appropriate to call him her Dad yet.

"You ready?" Elliot asked, placing a reassuring hand on her knee and giving her an encouraging smile. "We can wait here a moment if you want."

Skylar shook her head, ponytail falling over her left shoulder. "No, I'm ready. I can do this." She said taking a deep breath as she pushed open the car door. "Can't avoid this forever, right?"

"Right." Elliot answered lamely after a few moments, watching as Skylar swung her backpack over one shoulder and took in his and Kathy's house. They'd moved out of the old one after the precinct shooting, both agreeing that it held too many dark memories to truly be a home anymore.

Finding this home, in this neighborhood had been a blessing. There was a good elementary school five blocks away for Eli to attend, and it was close enough that their other kids came to visit often…like tonight.

"Why are all these cars here?" Skylar asked, having noticed them the same moment Elliot had. "Are there other people in the house?" She could hear the panic and nervousness seeping into her voice as she looked at Elliot, blue eyes expectant.

Elliot pursed his lips inward, mentally cursing himself. "I forgot tonight was our weekly family dinner." He explained, coming around the car to stand in front of Skylar. "My other kids are here. Do you still want to go through with this?"

Skylar licked her full lips, looking down at her black ballet flats uncertainly before blowing out a breath in a rushed huff. "I guess it's better than having to do this more than once." She murmured, no longer meeting his eyes. "I guess I can do this."

"I know you can." He paused. "But if it gets to be too much, I say we take a break and try this again later."

"I don't want to have to do this later." She rubbed over her stomach absentmindedly, sighing. "If I can't handle it once, I wouldn't want to try again, you know?"

Elliot sighed this time. "Right, right." He chuckled. "Well, I guess it's time for you to meet your family. I hope it's what you wanted."

She'd wanted this her entire life.

The silence that greeted them when they entered the house was palpable as Kathy and the kids turned around in their seats at the dining table, Kathy's brows drawing together at the sight of Skylar standing just behind Elliot. "Who's this?" She asked, wiping her hands off before standing and coming over to greet Elliot.

"Uh…this is Skylar." Elliot explained, almost feeling how Skylar tensed up and her breathing became shallow. "She's um…she's my daughter." He finished, looking Kathy dead in the eyes.

Kathy's piercing blue eyes flicked away from Elliot's to focus on Skylar who took a step back, wrapping her arms around herself instinctively. "How did this happen?" She hissed lowly, aware that their children were within hearing range. "Did you cheat on me?"

"Of course I didn't cheat on you!" Elliot replied incredulously, voice low. "I don't have any idea how this happened any more than you do." He murmured, half-raising a protective arm in front of Skylar.

"Well I want answers." Kathy stated harshly, pushing past her husband to stand in front of Skylar – very much in the girl's personal space. "I'm going to give my husband the benefit of the doubt and trust that he didn't cheat on me." She said, crossing her arms over her chest as Skylar felt her hands start to shake. "So that means, I'm going to need to get answers from you."

Skylar wanted to look at Elliot desperately, swallowing thick in her throat, feeling it almost got caught on a lump that had settled there.

"I-I…" Skylar shook her head, taking a soft step back; this was a bad idea. "I don't-I don't really…"

"Kathy you're scaring her." Elliot said, trying to be quiet; the kids were taking an interest in the scene. "We don't have to do this know."

"You're the one that came in and immediately confessed." Kathy pointed out, trying to keep herself in check.

Skylar glanced between the two of them, feeling dread pool in her stomach. "I-I'm just gonna go." She stammered, somehow managing to get her shaky hands to cooperate and pull open the front door. "I promise not to come back. I'm sorry."

She was halfway out the door when Kathy stopped her, wrapping a slim hand around Skylar's upper arm. "Wait!" Kathy called out, causing Skylar to turn her head. "Look, I don't know how this happened. But, I'm willing to bet that it'll be explained eventually."

"I will…explain everything, that is." Skylar murmured, managing to maintain eye contact with Kathy. "Would you please let me go?" She asked softly. "You're hurting me."

Kathy let her go as if burned, curling her hand into a fist for a moment with a look of disappointment on her face before she immediately went to scratching the back of her head.

Elliot looked between the two of them, felt the awkward tension, and looked over to the kids. They looked terribly confused, and Elliot felt terrible for this; for not having an explanation, for not remembering any of this.

How had he not known he'd conceived a kid? How had he not known until now? Wouldn't social workers have contacted him if he was on the certificate? Maybe be wasn't. It would be a start to explaining this mess.

But it wouldn't make him feel better at all.

"How about…how about we eat?" He offered, breaking the silence; Skylar gave him a nervous look, Kathy was unreadable. "No sense in making everyone wait…"

Kathy nodded, giving Skylar a mildly sympathetic look. "Yeah…the least we can do is not send you home hungry." She murmured, guiding Skylar back into the house and showing her where she could drop her backpack.

"Thank you." Skylar replied softly, moving so that she was closer to Elliot and slightly behind him. Elliot gave her a sympathetic smile, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"Come on, you can sit between Maureen and Kathleen. They shouldn't bite." He managed a low chuckle, earning a small smile from Skylar.

Maureen gave Skylar a warm smile, while Kathleen patted the open seat between them. "Yeah, sit down." Maureen said. "We promise not to bite."

"Thanks." Skylar breathed softly as she lowered herself into the seat, staring down wide-eyed at the plate of food Kathy placed in front of her. When was the last time she'd actually eaten that much? "Thanks again." She replied, giving Kathy a grateful smile.

Kathy nodded, expression still closed off as she settled at the other end of the table – opposite from Elliot who sat at the other end. "You're welcome." She murmured genuinely before reaching over to help Eli cut his meat.

Skylar didn't say anything for a while, letting the kids try to piece together conversation, Elliot and Kathy replying the best they could and all while trying to ignore the abrupt and borderline terrible meeting at the door. She picked at her food, unsure whether her stomach could handle more than a few, tiny bites at a time – she didn't want to chance it. She was already nervous enough.

"Mom and I found the cutest little boutique yesterday morning." Kathleen chirped around her food, cutting in delicately. "It's right down the road, in the Old Town district. I think they just opened up."

There was a pause and Elliot sighed. "You bought something, didn't you?"

"It was small."

"It was sixty dollars."

"It was still small." Kathleen urged at her mother, cheeks pink and her fork shaking slightly in her hand from containing herself. "And it was really pretty."

"Well," Elliot contained a sigh, leaning back in his chair. "What was it then?"

"It was a dress." Kathleen informed him, picking at her food again. "I was thinking…a birthday present?"

Elliot shook his head, a wry smile on his lips as he stabbed a piece of broccoli with his fork and pointed at his daughter with it. "Fine, but only because it's for your birthday." He laughed lightly and Skylar felt the knot in her stomach loosen slightly.

"Thank you!" Kathleen smiled, shooting her mother a victorious look before she continued eating. "It really is pretty."

"Pretty expensive, you mean." Maureen teased, watching as Skylar finally managed to take a few bites of meat and potatoes.

"So why have you just shown up now?" Elizabeth questioned, ever the blunt one. "I mean…I'm willing to bet you've known who your dad was for a while now." She paused and fixed Skylar with a serious look. "So why now? Why turn our lives upside down?"

"Elizabeth!" Kathy scolded sharply, giving her daughter a disappointed look. "This is dinner, not one of your Dad's interrogations."

Richard rolled his eyes. "Like you don't want to know." He countered, resting his elbows on the table despite the scolding look from both his parents, leaning forward to stare at Skylar who leaned back in turn. "So come on, why did you pick now to show up?'

Skylar pursed her lips inward, willing her stomach not rebel just now and moving her gaze around the table. "I got a concussion during the ferry accident and I guess I told my doctor that Elliot was my dad." She paused and looked down. "I honestly never planned on telling anyone. I didn't want to screw up anybody else's life more than I already have."

"It's not necessarily screwing up as it is confusing." Kathleen shrugged, eating her food confidently, appearing completely unbothered by the whole issue. "I'm just saying I would've wanted to talk to my dad if it had been me."

"He had all of you. He didn't need me." Skylar murmured, setting down her fork; Elliot could see her retreating. "I had at least planned to say something…way after you were all grown and out of the house."

"But now seems just fine." Richard grumbled, hostile.

"Well we are out of the house." Maureen countered, giving her brother a stern look. "At least the majority of us are." She added, giving Eli a smile. "I mean, would you rather she have showed up five years ago when things were the way they were?"

Elizabeth snorted under her breath. "Yeah, we definitely wouldn't have survived that." She muttered, giving her twin the side-eye. "We had more than enough issues to go around."

"And me." Eli piped up, giving Skylar a bright smile – he was only nine. How much did he really understand about what was happening?

"Yes and you, little monkey." Kathy said warmly, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "Now eat your food."

Richard rolled his eyes, ignoring the disapproving looks from everyone in favor of pinning Skylar with an intense look. "Did my Dad cheat on my Mom to have you?" He asked bluntly, tone almost accusatory as he stared down Skylar. "We have the right to know."

"Elliot didn't cheat on your mother." Skylar murmured in reply, lowering her gaze down to her food but also feeling something spark in her chest – anger? A want to protect her father? "And frankly, you don't have the right to know." She paused and looked up. "Your mother has the right to know, and that's a conversation better had in private."

They all shared a glance, which flickered back and forth between their mother and father, slightly confused by Skylar's sudden boldness. It seemed to be over though, as she retreated to that kicked puppy look, but at least she was eating again – if for no other reason than to avoid answering questions.

"Then I think we should have that conversation after dinner." Kathy stated, not skipping a beat in her meal; Elliot was genuinely terrified of her cool demeanor.

"I think it would be best to wait." Kathleen tried in earnest, catching her mother's glare. "You just heard this, too much at once…"

"She's right mom." Elizabeth murmured.

Kathy fixed her children with a stern look. "I believe Skylar just made the same point that I am." She stated firmly and Skylar felt something warm at Kathy coming to her defense. "What we discuss about the situation is none of your concern until we tell you it is."

Silence fell over the table, as the kids looked down at their food – thoroughly chastised.

"So Skylar," Kathy continued and the girl's gaze shot up to look at her. "Why don't you tell us a bit about yourself." She suggested, although it didn't exactly sound like one and gave Skylar the warmest look she could muster.

Skylar ducked her head for a moment. "Umm…what do you want to know?" She asked, flipping her ponytail back over her shoulder. "I'm not that interesting of a person."

"I beg to differ." Elizabeth murmured.

"Stop that." Elliot snapped quietly, staring at Skylar with his own interest.

"I take it…iffy foster home and a crap case worker." Skylar gave Kathy an almost amazed look but the woman shrugged. "My husband's a detective. I can spot you a mile away."

Skylar almost chuckled. "Fair enough." She smiled a little though. "And almost true, they're not bad people though."

"But they can't give you a proper jacket." Kathy eyed the worn thing on the back of her chair.

"They're not exactly rich." Skylar defended, brushing her bangs of her eyes. "They do the best they can with what they have." She murmured, not entirely sure why she was defending her foster parents in the first place. Obligation, maybe?

Kathy nodded, eyeing the crest on her blazer. "St. Christopher's is a good school. Although they don't typically accept kids from the foster system." She commented, a small smile on her lips. "You must be very smart to have gotten in."

Skylar nodded, giving her a warm smile. "How do you know so much about the foster system?" She asked. "Are you a social worker?" Her gaze was guarded as she looked at Kathy expectantly.

"No, I'm not a social worker." Kathy shook her head softly, giving Skylar a reassuring look. "But I have spent some time in social work." She paused and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "So I guess you could say I know what to look for."

"Okay, cool." Skylar murmured, laughing quietly to herself. "Umm…so, aside from that…I just turned fifteen, I go St. Christopher's, I've been to 9 different schools before this and 11 different foster homes before this one." She paused, tapping one finger against her lips. "Oh and I work at Spotlight down near Broadway."

Maureen grinned. "My friends and I love that place." She said excitedly. "You guys are all so talented. I actually wanted to work there when I was younger, but didn't have a good enough singing voice."

Skylar smiled, taking a few more bites of food as she attempted to avoid Elizabeth and Richard's gazes. "I love it. Gives me something to look forward to most days." She paused and licked her lips, before looking first to Elliot and then to Kathy. "There's actually something I think you should all know about me from the get."

"And what's that exactly?" Kathy asked tightly, setting her utensils down to give Skylar her full attention.

"I-I umm…" Skylar clenched her hands to stop them from shaking, as the kids and Elliot followed suit in giving her their full attention. "I-I have a…kid."