Chapter 5: Oolong's The Not So Terrible

(A/N: Oolong's debut is going to be rather short.)

Riding into the empty Aru Village, our "heroes" found themselves in a seemingly deserted ghost town. Bulma got off her motorcycle to find around, and she was in another outfit that Ace had given her. Apparently, most of her clothes feel into a pile of mud thanks to Goku and Ace's practicing their kata leaving her reliant on Ace. Thankfully, Ace was still not a complete jackass about it. Bulma was now in a bright red dress with low-cut straps, white cuff socks, and white gym shoes. The dress was a bit too low cut for Bulma's taste, but Ace had given her a scarlet jacket reaching her abdomen with the Capsule Corporation logo on the right sleeve. Bulma would never admit it, but she liked the jacket.

"Note to self, make one like this when I go home. But I want it in indigo." Bulma said in her thoughts.

"It's quiet…too quiet." Ace said deliberately making a movie reference.

"Really, Ace?" Bulma said to him annoyed.

"Where is everyone? This pie is still warm, so someone has to be here." Goku said taking the pie off the windowsill of the one of the homes. "Well if no one's here, I guess I won't waste it.

Goku ate the pie much to Bulma's ever growing annoyance and Ace's amusement. The trio wondered through the empty village until Goku finally decided to open a door to one of the house and got an axe to the head for his naviete. The axe shattered into a million pieces, and the pain on the Goku's head was more blunt force trauma.

"Damn it!" Ace said leaping in front of Goku with his sword in hand.

Bulma had to check on the bump on Goku's head which was rather bulbous. The attacker, who just a mere man backed away in fear.

"Oh no, he's not dead….and he's multiple!" He said backing up. "Please don't take Pochawompa. Not my innocent daughter!"

"First off, we're not Oolong dumbass, and you should be lucky my bro here is tough enough to survive that attack." Ace said angrily before calming down. "You're a Mr. Sherman Priest, right?"

He nodded to confirm that was his name.

"I'm Ace. We have come to your village to defeat Oolong and save your village from his terror." Ace said sheathing his sword. "At a price."

"Name it, we'll do anything." Pochawompa said getting in front of him.

Bulma dragged Ace outside a good distance to talk about what he just said. Pochawompa took to tending the bump on Goku's head introducing herself to him. Goku still checked if she was girl with a pat-pat though. Ace would have taught him better, but to Ace, this was too funny.

Bulma yelled at me firstly for saying we'd help them out. I retorted that someone in his village must have the Dragon Ball, and it'd be an easy way to get it. Bulma was worried about our safety, but I pointed out that I have a plan. I lied to Bulma that I read up on criminal elements. Easy way for me not to reveal that I already knew things were happening

"Just trust me on this, and follow my lead." I said to her calmly.

"Well all right, fine." Bulma remarked still not fully trusting me.

So, I had the town gather at the Priest's home to discuss a deal. I named my price, the Six Star Dragon Ball, mentioning that our scientist (Bulma) was tracking them. Grandma Paozu stepped out the crowd holding the jewel.

"While this has been in my family for generations, I suppose I can part with it if it means no more of that demon." She said. "You have a deal."

"I get to fight this Oolong guy, Ace." Goku said determined to get into the fray.

I nodded, but one of the villager's father asked how I going to catch Oolong.

"Simple. I'm going to use bait by giving him a better prize than Pochawompa." I said to the villagers. "I get why Oolong wants her. She's pure, and thus can be made submissive. However, he'll forget her when I put out some bait."

Bulma turned to look at me and realized I was going to use her as bait. Reluctantly, she agreed. To the villagers hid back in their homes, leaving just us three again.

"Bulma, I know this is risky, but don't fear anything. Just seduce him and before he'll even touch you, I'll have myself and Goku rush him." I said trying to reassuringly. "Unless you have a better plan."

Bulma suggested the plan she would have used in canon, but I pointed out that it's too easy for that to backfire. I also pointed that he would be more distracted with her.

"Bulma, I won't let him so much as touch you." I said. "But when he comes ask Oolong to change into more alluring form. Just say it."

Bulma nodded and we set into the motion our plan. Bulma stood there, and Oolong came in his oni form exactly like in canon. Now Bulma just had to not screw this part up.

Ace and Goku hid on different sides of the villages with Goku waiting for the signal to jump out with Ace. Bulma was shaking with fear, but took a gulp to swallow her fear.

"You must be Oolong…" Bulma said still shaking.

"And who might you be?" Oolong asked in deep oni voice.

Oolong wasn't going to get another word out of Bulma before she was too shaken to speak. Ace was inwardly cursing good green Kami for Bulma freezing up.

"I should change out of this form for something a bit more approachable." Oolong said changing forms.

Gone was the oni, and in entered the handsome man form. Bulma went from scared and have hearts in her eyes for him. Ace groaned, but was glad this was going along well.

"Hello stranger, my name's Bulma." She said with hearts in her eyes. "And trust me, you won't need Pocawatha…I mean Pocawhompa."

"And why's that?" Oolong said arms crossed.

That jacket she wore to cover up the low cut was tossed off like it was on flames as said, "That's because why have a pure little girl when you can have a full woman with perky 34-Cs."

"Damn it, go down!" Ace said quietly a bit aroused by Bulma saying those words. "I swear, Oolong, you won't get the pleasure of feeling them!"

"With a girl like that, I'd be set for life!" Oolong said in his thoughts with glee going into a gleeful fantasy of groping a pair of breasts. "Besides, I'll get Pocawatha after."

Before he could actually touch Bulma who will more than willing to let him, Ace jumped out of hiding screaming, "Goku! It's go time!"

"All right!" Goku said jumping out from the right.

"Oolong, your time is up!" Ace said with Rakurai in hand.

"It's been five minutes already! I'm out of here!" Oolong said fleeing in fear.

Ace had to do a double take before realizing what he said, and Goku chased after Oolong. Now Ace had to deal with the wrath of Bulma.

Bulma had me by the throat infuriated with me scaring off Oolong saying she wanted him to touch her. I took a deep breath to calm myself.

"You do know, that's he a shapeshifter, right? And that's not even his real form!" I said getting her to release me. "But I do know his real form and have a picture."

Bulma was piqued by this, so I merely show her his real form on my BlackTab which Bulma fuming steam.

"And to insult to injury, he's underage. Per my sources, he's about…what…nine?" I said to her.

Bulma kneeled over to throw up and went into complete rage. I swear she had a trace of ki glowing off her sending screams and curses so foul that the drunkest sailor would be in shock to hear.

"Bulma, calm down. I don't think you can gather the balls if you blow a blood vessel." I said spawned a cold beer to give to Bulma.

She took and drank it before calming down. Goku came back telling us he lost the guy, but met a pig. I had calm Bulma before she flipped. I assured her that I would personally beat him up with Goku, and that prevented her manic attack. So, the next day, and I, of course, provided something for Bulma to wear. At this point, I'm surprised that she didn't question my BlackTab.

It had been just an hour for our heroes, and Bulma was ready to watch a beating. She even had popcorn in a bucket sitting on a lawn chair. She didn't care about the outfit Ace gave her some blue-black-and-white sports bra and tights set with black biker gloves, upper arm bands and white socks. Simply, Ace raided Sonya Blade's closet and Bulma didn't question it. Ace and Goku were waiting in the middle of town, with Pocawhompa (or Pocawatha if you're a Funi dub fan) behind them. The whole town watched from inside the Priest home.

"He'll be here. Ready yourself." Ace said getting up from his meditative stance.

"Right." Goku remarked.

Oolong returned in his giant robot form with a bowl of wonton soup in hand.

"Hand over the girl or I will dip you in the so.." Oolong said before Ace threw Rakurai at the bowl knocking it out of his hand.

"You do realize that we are skilled in karate and kung fu, right?" Ace said. "And I am personally going to see to it, that I'll kung fuck you up!"

"That so, huh?" Oolong said. "Then I will…gurrkk!"

Goku had slammed his fist into Oolong's stomach send him crashing through a house.

"Same here, even though I don't get what Ace just said." Goku said ready for more combat.

Oolong realized he was utterly screwed at the moment. This kid punched him through a house. He shuddered with fear in his eyes.

"I might be able to shapeshift, but these guys are the real deal!" He said before changing forms into a bat. "And I'm out of here!"

Batlong took off with Goku on the chase with his Kinto'un in hot pursuit. Ace took to his bike, Kageyama to go after them taking Bulma with her on the backseat on them.

"Bulma, hang on! I'm shifting up to high-pursuit mode." Ace said flipping on a switch on the bike.

Kageyama glowed a bright red before the two were blasted off at higher speeds than normal to keep up with Oolong and Goku. Oolong shifted to a speeding rocket just to try and elude but to no avail. Time was up for the pig as he ended up back in his normal pig form falling towards certain death. Of course, Goku had saved him being the good guy that he was. Ace circled back with Bulma seeing the skirmish in the sky.

"Good, he's been caught." Ace said with a smile. "Now, we can get the girls."

We all returned to Aru Village with Oolong. I had Goku not tie him up, because I had Rakurai to his throat. I insisted I didn't want to kill him, so he willingly lead us to his "shack".

"Those girls must be deathly afraid!" Sarah's father said. "Damn pig!"

"I doubt that." I said. "Considering that the mansion is right in front of the village, they could have walked back anything."

"Mansion?!" The villager before I pointed out the luxurious mansion Oolong.

"You call that a shack?" Goku said looking at the sheer size of it. "How did you get such a big house?"

"It wasn't easy, because I had to rip off a lot of people." He said crossing his arms.

"And you're proud of it?" Goku asked.

I led them on and of course they found their children in the lap of luxury. Hell, Sarah was drinking bourbon and Little Flower had scotch whiskey. Alexi was working out. The odder thing was they looked a hell of a lot older. Heck, Pocawhompa looked older now that I looked at her. Why did I have a shitty feeling about this?

"Oh hey smookums. I hope you got the nail polish I asked for." Alexi said using a nearby towel to wipe the sweat off his face.

Sarah turned to face her parents and said in a snooty tone, "Oh sorry, I would have walked over to see you, but I've been busy."

*cough* Bullshit. *cough*

"I would have left, but free booze and all the gifts is a deal too sweat to pass up. Oh, Oolong! We're out of beer." Little Flower said putting down her glass.

"Wait, let me get this straight. You three could have left at any time, and you didn't even to say, "Hey, we're fine!"" Pocawhompa said angrily. "I thought I was going to be tortured!"

The three girls (or I should say young women) shrugged. Jeez, their fathers were pissed. That was our cue to leave. We got our Dragon Ball and we were on our way. Not before saying goodbye to Pocawhompa first!

(A/N: This one is rather short, mostly because there's not much to change. Plus, I had a real dark joke for ending in mind, but I backed off. It was a bit too far, remnants of it are in there though. If you are curious about said planning joke, you can leave a PM.)