Chapter 11: Pilaf, Ace hardly took ye seriously (The Arc Finale)
(A/N: The finale of the Emperor Pilaf Saga, and I am feeling good about this. Remember when Pilaf was a threat? I do. Ace doesn't.)
So, we were riding on through the desert. I was riding Kageyama. I knew what was coming and honestly, I was hoping for it to happen. I badly wanted to get to training with Roshi. Besides, when was Pilaf after a threat? Only when he released a greater evil. Pilaf's basically a goofball.
"So Bulma, what are you going to wish for on the dragon?" Oolong asked her.
"I'm going to wish for the world's greatest boyfriend." Bulma said with a confident smirk.
"Remind us again how we benefit from that?" I ask sarcastically.
"You got to travel." Bulma said.
"And nearly get killed for your greed, you bitch. We should wish for wealth, so we all get a share." Oolong chided.
"Yeah, traveling was fun!" Goku said with his heartful chuckle.
"Oh, when this ends, I'll take my payment…out your ass." I said sniggering.
Bulma blushed at that, Oolong was laughing, and Goku was clueless. Classic. Good thing, I "borrowed" Bulma's Dragon Radar.
In Pilaf's Castle, Pilaf was pacing with his Dragon Ball while Mai was scrambling to fix the Global Dragon Radar when was falling apart. Mai wasn't no programmer and was failing at getting it to work. Programming was Shu's specialty.
"Mai, I swear if you don't fix it, I'll feed you to the alligators." Pilaf said gesturing to the alligators in a glass case.
"Pilaf-sama, if you do that, how am I going to cook your meals?" Mai said. "I was going to make stew."
"Oh right, I can't feed you yet. I need that delicious stew!" Pilaf said drooling. "The succulent meat, spiced potatoes, and add the ramen."
After kicking the panel, the machine started working once again. Detecting a Dragon Ball, Mai relayed the instructions to Shu. His response? Tackle Pilaf to take his ball. Before Pilaf could call out the boneheaded action, a robot messenger bird flew to inform that six balls are nearby.
-(A Few Minutes Later)-
Mai was standing on a mushroom watching our "heroes" drive by in the hovercar, motorcycle, and cloud.
"What a bunch of weridos, and they're just kids." Mai said to herself before issuing the attack.
Shu, in a Pilaf Machine, fired a missile which sent Bulma and Oolong to the searing ground and destroying the hovercar. Ace's Kageyama was scratched and that pissed him off. Goku was unharmed. Shu came out in the mech to snag the briefcase with the Dragon Balls and Bulma's DynoCaps.
"You bastard! You scratched my bike!" Ace said saddened.
Then he switched to a pissed off tone screaming, "I'll tear your limbs off and feed them to you!"
Shu was smart to ditch the machine after Ace and Goku took chase because Goku assumed the machine was the person and Ace was busy tearing the machine apart to fix Kageyama's minor damage.
"Sorry Bulma, but if it makes you feel better, I still have mine in my sack." Goku said pointing to his sack tied to his Power Pole.
"And I have the Radar." Ace said riding back to group on a fixed Kageyama. "Those douchebags owe me for paint!"
"Well how are going to get there? Your bike can only take one thing person and Oolong's not pure enough to ride the Nimbus." Bulma said to Ace.
I told Bulma that I pegged for help. That was a blatant lie, but Yamcha showed up. Bulma went all squee and excited to see Yamcha diving in the car with him. She was thanking me for getting him to help. Before Yamcha could say a word, I raise my sword to say don't a damn thing. So soon after we were off on to Pilaf's castle. I had the Dragon Radar to prevent that little scene between Bulma and Yamcha. I was personally dedicated to make Yamcha's life hell. We arrived at the castle, and I knew there were traps. I had a plan though. I waited outside and tossed Bulma the radar letting them all ahead of me. I return Kageyama to it's capsule to put it my duffel bag. I knew they were running into a trap, and so I had planned ahead.
Goku, Bulma, Oolong, Yamcha, and Pu'ar were trapped in a room. Goku and Yamcha were punching the walls to no avail.
"I bet that asshole, Ace, knew about this trap." Oolong said.
"Ace! He's not trapped! He could save us!" Bulma said overjoyed.
Pilaf came up as the video screen immediately taking Bulma by a robotic arm into the main room. Bulma saw Ace sneaking past, and he mouthed distract them. Ace slipped away.
"Now where's the Four Star Ball?" Pilaf demanded.
"Fuck you, you blue imp bastard!" Bulma said flipping off the emperor.
"My mother was married, you harpy! I'll just have to give you "The Treatment"." Pilaf said darkly.
Shu and Mai were frightened as Pilaf…blew a kiss at Bulma. Shu and Mai turned away in embarrassment. It's the moment that pretty much killed their credibility as a threat to Bulma. In fact, she was mad and disappointed. Oolong was too, he already had his pants down to "enjoy" the show. Now he had to pull them back up dissatisfied. Hell, Shu and Mai were acting like kids like what Pilaf was a big deal. Ironic, that Mai (and possibly Shu and Pilaf) were the same age as Goku at this point.
"So you ready to talk?" Pilaf said to her.
Bulma darkened.
"Are you freaking kidding me? Blowing me a kiss? Oh please! You're weren't going to strip me naked, make me blow you and your ninja hounds, or at least 69 your female minion!" Bulma fumed.
"Yeah, you tell them!" Oolong and Yamcha in unison.
Pilaf, Shu, and Mai were blushing and pale over Bulma's triade.
"Dear kami, what a perv." Mai said under her breath.
"You said it." Shu said in agreement.
"Augh, what a diseased mind you have! How could you think of such hideous acts?" Pilaf said before using the arm to return Bulma to her cell.
He turned to his cohorts.
"I fear we've met someone worse than that minion who tells Dr. Slump jokes!" Pilaf said to them.
"Sir, may I suggest using Yellow #3 to knock them out and we could search them?" Mai suggested.
"That was my next plan, now hop to it." Pilaf said with a bead of sweat down his head.
Sleeping gas poured into the room slowly knocking out each member of the Dragon Ball Gang. Then like a moron, Pilaf walks in their prison without a gas mask. Mai and Shu walk in with gas masks to begin the search. The sight of Yamcha brought a brief blush to Mai's face.
"Between the Dragon Ball might be between his legs." Mai said hiding her blush under her gas mask.
"I hate dirty jo…" Pilaf said before he falls over asleep.
They began searching until they found Goku's ball. Before the Gang woke up, the Pilaf Gang left leaving them trapped. In a few hours, they were ready to summon the dragon. Too bad, they forgot about Ace and didn't know Goku fired a Kamehameha in the wall for Oolong and Pu'ar to escape as bats.
So the trio summoned the dragon, that was good. Exactly in the spot like in canon, I buried myself under their feet, and I jumped out scaring the three.
"I am the Eternal Dragon, speak forth your wish! But be warned, I can grant only one!" Shernon spoke.
"Mighty dragon, I wish for my sword to be able to have elemental powers! Please!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.
"Wait, what?!" Pilaf, Shu, Mai, Pu'ar, and Oolong say in shock.
"Your wish is within my power and shall be granted!" Shernon said.
A bolt of lightning came down on Rakurai and it seemed to connect with my BlackTab. On Rakurai's metal, craved into it was "破壊的要素" (Destructive Element). It looked even cooler than I thought.
"Your wish is granted. I bid thee farewell, and a thank you. No one had asked nicely in years." Shernon said to me.
"Oh, you'll be seeing my face again soon. So it's only fair." I said with a bow.
Shernon even smiled before vanishing and the Dragon Balls scattered. Pilaf was furious, but I didn't care. I bolted leaving canon (or what's left) to happen. The Gang were in that steel trap and Pilaf's gang of dumbasses were asleep. Now, I stood on top on the cage.
"Hey guys." I said calmly.
"Ace, you ass! You stole my wish for a boyfriend." Bulma yelled. "And I let you have fun on the trip."
"It was that, or let Oolong wish for you naked in a hotel room for him to screw!" I snapped back.
"Damn it, I was going to wish for panties! That would have been a better idea!" Oolong exclaimed.
Bulma kicked him up into the ceiling.
"Actually, I'm here to tell you a legend. Or Goku is because there's a full moon out tonight." I said.
"Oh yeah, there was a monster that comes out on a full moon. Smashed Grandpa's big house and killed him. I don't remember, but I was asleep though the whole thing after I looked up at the moon." Goku said casually.
Ace mouthed it was rather was Goku who transformed, but has no idea to the gang just to scare them. They told him not to look up, but I told him to anyway. Why? I wanted to be a dick to Pilaf. So while Goku was about to start his transformation, I ran off. Bulma was swearing a stream of profanity, but she'd forgive for this. In Pilaf's Castle, I snag jewels and cash for Bulma. Diamonds are Bulma's best friend. Then I get to Pilaf's room. He and his cohorts were asleep. Perfect. I look over at Mai who's in her nightdress. Still can't believe she's younger than me. Carefully, I steal her panties right out between her legs. Those were for Oolong. After, I wake them up, and Pilaf is mad to see me.
"By the end of this, you will fear me. Because I brought an army." I boasted.
"You and what army?" Pilaf said with their guns raised.
Oozaru Goku tore apart as he bellowed a great howl. I smugly smirked and pointed to him.
"That army." I said.
They screamed frantic to flee to which they did. I made sure to rig their plane which a note.
"Screw you, Pilaf. Love, Ace."
Heh. I was such an asshole. I go down to rejoin the Gang, and get them to safety. I let Goku go on a rampage throughout the castle.
"Wait, you have a tail too? Why aren't you transforming?" Oolong asked me.
"Simple, I'm wearing someone to block the moon's blutz waves. I only had enough materials to make one, and no, I can't make one for Goku." I said to him.
I could make one for Goku, but I didn't want to. Canon came first. So, I finally slice off Goku's tail with Rakurai, returning him to normal. He was naked, asleep and peaceful.
"We'd better not tell him that he stamped his grandpa to death. It would just break his little heart." Bulma said to everyone. "I assume that's why Ace didn't tell him."
I nodded.
"I'm sorry, I took the wish. I had to, but I have something to make up for it." I said.
Then Pilaf showed up with Mai and Shu.
"My castle is ruined! I'll kill you all for it." Pilaf said with a gun in hand.
I turned to them and glared at them. I raised Rakurai and the metal grew hot as the desert sun before bursting into flames.
"Run." I spoke.
Pilaf, Shu, and Mai took off running.
"Damn." Oolong said. "I'd hate to see you transform."
"I can, and unlike Goku, I can control it." I said to them. "I was with Gohan when he was dying. I swore to keep the secret of how he died until Goku was an adult."
Everyone nodded.
"Before we set camp for the night, I got something for Oolong. Bulma, I have something for you too." I said pulling out Mai's panties. "For Oolong, I stole it off Mai."
"Awesome!" Oolong said taking the panties in his hand.
"They are worn because I took off of her while she was asleep. She is literally going commando right now." I said with a smirk.
Oolong's eyes twinkled as he hugged me.
"I will treasure these forever." Oolong said putting it over his head.
"Ace, that's disgusting." Bulma said to me.
I opened my duffel bag and pour out the diamonds. Bulma's mood changed and I got pelted with so much kisses that Yamcha was jealous. Didn't help I was smugly smiling at him. It's then we set up camp, and I was glad that Pilaf was dealt with. I got the pleasure of "guarding" Bulma in her room in the capsule house we found. Yamcha had to sleep on the couch with Pu'ar and Oolong. I was in her room with her. Yamcha might become her boyfriend tomorrow, but I made sure to ride Bulma as much as I could that night. Bulma wanted me to go just as much.
Bulma woke up with her legs sore from the sexual encounter from Ace last night. Bulma got dressed, and got Ace awake. He dressed and bolted out for Goku. Using his BlackTab, he spawn a pair blue pants, black shoes, and white tank top for Goku to wear. Ace went ahead to retrieve the Power Pole as Goku awoke.
"What happened last night? I remember looking at the moon and then nothing." Goku said getting up noticing his tail is gone. "Where's my tail? Did it run away?"
Goku found the clothes Ace left and put them on. Bulma was still sore from both the session she had with Ace and not getting her boyfriend wish. Yamcha was sore from the couch and still being shy with girls. Both of them looked to them to decided might as well. Ace returned to see the two making eyes at each other.
"Yamcha, you dumb bastard. I'll make sure to keep Bulma warm while you're not paying attention to her." Ace thought. "Geez, when I become salty."
"Congrats." I said dryly. "Either way, the Dragon Balls are gone for a year disguised as stones. So our quest is over for now."
"That means Grandpa's Ball is gone." Goku said sadly.
I nodded.
"So me and Goku are leaving you guys. We'll go see Roshi and get training." I said released Kageyama out it's capsule. "I assume you all are going to West City."
"Uh…yeah. We are. I figure I'd let Yamcha move in." Bulma said to me surprised I knew where she lived.
"Yeah, well. Be seeing you. I'll visit." I said with a smirk. "I'll miss the times we had."
Bulma blushed and Yamcha was confused. Yamcha sent a jet out of his capsule and everyone (except me and Goku) climbed in. Goku called up his Nimbus, and I got Kageyama. We took off together before bidding goodbye once more before we took to our separate ways. I was going to miss Bulma and Oolong and so was Goku.
"Well Goku, let's pass by the house to get some stuff. Then it's off to Roshi." I said jetting off on Kageyama.
"Right." Goku said keeping up on his Nimbus. "There are certainly a lot of different people in this world."
(A/N: The Emperor Pilaf Saga is done at last. This chapter is a complication of the final episodes/manga chapters of it. This was a blast to write and I want to thank you all of you for your support. There will be one bonus chapter, call it a gift!)