Honestly, I didn't know Nick was dead until I read the reviews and Private Messages sent to me.
Wow...
What a bummer...
I really liked Nick, but oh well...
Time to get this chapter (in my opinion the MOST IMPORTANT ONE) over with!
Judy kept her attention focused away from the flashing lights and the muffled, crackling sounds of walkie-talkies being used coming from all around her. Her eyes and acute ears scanned the poor-looking crowd just beyond the thin, yellow strips of police tape that shut off the scene to the public
Behind her was a small warehouse that had been used as a distribution center in the stolen valuables trade. It was built in the rundown section of Savannah Central that bordered the huge canal that separated the city center from the outer districts. A little ways downriver was the Dolphlyn Bridge and Nick's warehouse, but she didn't bother looking in that direction. That was the past, and this was the present.
She had returned to Zootopia the same day she had visited Nick's grave, and the very next morning she had come into work normally. She had tried to act like her old self again and cover up what had happened, but she couldn't bring herself to smile, and in the past two days she had been nothing but quiet and reserved. Clawhauser seemed to know something emotionally traumatizing had happened to her, but he didn't press the issue and kept a respectful yet friendly distance from her. Aside from him, not many of the officers at the ZPD had seemed to notice her reserved attitude save for those who knew of what had happened. They had looked at her with sorrowful and regretful expressions and bent their heads in respect as they passed her, but she knew what hey were thinking deep down. She was the one who was guilty for killing Nick.
Surprisingly she hadn't thought about that much in the two days since she had returned from the MGRI. She had tried to keep her mind distracted, and most of the time that was fairly simple, but during times like this when she could only focus on monitoring groups of mammals her mind tended to wander. She wouldn't let that happen; not while she was on duty.
There was a tall white wolf in a turtleneck sweater that stood out in the otherwise short and poor-looking crowd, and Judy turned her full attention towards him and began to study him. He didn't look like he was doing anything illegal, but he did look suspicious as he intently watched the handcuffed hyenas and coyotes who ran the illegitimate business escorted from the building and to the cruisers surrounding the scene with both his paws in his jean's pockets. Was he the mastermind of the operation? An accomplice? Just some mammal passing through who had nothing to do with the criminals?
Before Judy could answer herself she felt a gentle hoof on her back, and she nearly jumped out of her fur at the unexpected touch. She instantly flew her eyes to stare at the mammal who was touching her, and for a brief second her eyes locked with the Chief's stern and dark ones.
She hadn't talked privately with her superior since their last conversation just outside of the MGRI, and as far as she knew he was still disturbed at how she knew she was guilty for killing Nick. The one mammal she loved.
He didn't speak to her, instead only sending her a solemn nod that told her to abandon her post and to take a short break. She reluctantly nodded in acceptance, not wanting to follow his order but also not wanting to risk being sacked from the department for insubordination.
She strode away from him strongly, her body stiff and back completely straight, and she could feel his eyes incessantly boring into the back of her skull as she walked across the wide, concrete courtyard filled with both officers standing idle and those escorting suspects. It was only when she rounded the side of an armored BEAST van that she felt the burning touch of his eyes cease, and she breathed a light, almost silent sigh of relief.
But she still didn't feel even the slightest bit relaxed, even as she approached her own red-and-blue flashing cruiser and jumped up onto it to sit on the edge of its slanted hood with her feet dangling out into the air. She moved her paws beside to her sides for extra support and turned her gaze upwards to stare at the dark, early morning sky covered in every direction with clouds.
After several silent seconds that seemed to draw on for an eternity she quietly and curtly exhaled, and her expression became even more serious as her eyes fell downwards to stare at the ground.
The fact that she hadn't told both Voltaire and Finnick about Nick's death only added to the already expansive feeling of guilt plaguing her. That wasn't completely true, though; she had rung both the day of her return to the city, but only the former had answered her call. Voltaire seemed saddened and disheartened by the loss of who had been a longtime acquaintance and business partner to him, but when she revealed to him that she was to blame for her own partner's death he didn't seem to believe her. He'd come around eventually...
Yet her experience with Voltaire wouldn't be even a tenth as emotional as her talk with Finnick would be. The bartender had been one of the few members in Nick's social circle, but from what she remembered they had shared a more formal and business-like relationship than a friendly one, and while Nick and Finnick also shard a business relationship she could tell that they had been much, much closer as friends. It would probably tear his tiny heart in two that he was gone now - just like it had torn her heart to pieces.
As if on queue her phone began to vibrate in her pocket, and she pulled it out and hit the answer button without looking at its screen or moving her eyes up from the concrete below her. The quality of the call almost spurned her to hang up, because as soon as she moved the phone up to her ear all she could hear was the strained and quick breathing of Finnick. She could only guess that he was drunk when he had heard her message to call her back and was still hammered right now.
"Morning, Finnick," She formally greeted as she straightened herself and rose her eyes off of the concrete to stare at the side of the BEAST van opposite her cruiser. The short fox didn't say anything back to her, but she heard a subtle change in his breathing over the immense static so that it almost sounded like he was hysterically wheezing. She stiffened her already erect ears, alarmed by the muffled sounds coming from the other end of the line.
"Finnick, did Voltaire tell you what happened?" Judy asked, taking a moment to listen for an answer, but when none came she continued. "If you need a moment just tell me."
The hysterical wheezing coming from the other end of the line suddenly erupted into equally hysterical yet grief-stricken laughter, and Judy frowned in alarm and worry. Finnick hadn't taken the news well.
But before she could tell him about her guilt in the crime his laughter cut short and subsided into hysterically sad giggles. The tone of his strained voice changed completely in a mere instant, no longer sounding like him, and Judy felt her eyes widen in steady realization as she listened to the changed voice speak.
"I'm not that easy to get rid of, Sweetheart," It weakly said between heavy wheezes.
Nick sat on the darkness, stared at the darkness, lived in the darkness. But this time the darkness also stared back at him much colder and emptier than it had been before. It wasn't the same darkness that had surrounded him, from what it had felt like to him, an eternity prior. It was even darker and number than that. It was the darkness that signaled the end of his Primal Self and the end of him.
He was on his knees, his back hunched and his head hanging limply from his neck. His eyes were bulging from their sockets and his jaw was clamped shut to the point where his teeth ached. He still felt the killing pain in every corner of his body. He didn't have the strength to fight it, either. His body had been convulsed and ripped apart with such painful intensity that he found he could barely raise his head without grinding his teeth and clenching his paws into fists.
But the physical damage to him couldn't even compare to what he was suffering mentally. His body had lost all its life, but his emotions had been so horrendously scarred that even the slightest thought of his partner brought tears to his unblinking eyes. Even now as he limply kneeled in the eternal blackness tears were dripping down onto the cold darkness directly under his head.
I touched her... He thought with raw and powerful despair, his jaw muscles giving out so that his mouth was limply hanging open. He didn't have the strength to hold it shut anymore.
I was there... He continued, his mind still in a state of miserable shock. I was back by her side...
"And now you're not," A dark voice called out from the blackness. "Times change, and mammals die."
"But it was me," Nick weakly commented, partially raising his head upwards as his eyes traveled along the blackness endlessly stretching out before him. "I won. I was with her again."
"Like I said before, times change," The dark voice continued, its tone becoming contently sinister. "Now, then, let's talk about your friend Judy."
"She was more than that," Nick painfully corrected, raising his head up further so that he was staring straight ahead into the nothingness as the incessant yet tiny tide of silent tears dripping from his eyes rolled down his cheeks. "I loved her. And she loved me."
"And where has that love taken you now?" The voice harshly yet honestly questioned. "It's what's hurting you. It's what killed you. It's brought you nothing but pain!"
"That's wrong," Nick corrected yet again, beginning to find it painful to even speak, and a small, toothy smile crawled onto his otherwise miserable face. "Love is a blessing."
"Not for you, it wasn't," The voice angrily argued as its volume raised. "It didn't do you any favors over your pitiful existence. It was love that drove you away from emotion with the death of your mother, and whether you realized it or not it was love that drove you to truly feel again. That is, feel pain! Don't you remember the times when you worked in the underbelly, when all you cared about was profit margins and sticking it to the system? That was a time without love, without heartbreak-"
"But that was leading me down a criminal path!" Nick weakly protested as he began to pathetically wheeze, the tears streaming down his cheeks only growing in number. "It was Judy who I feel in love with! She's the one who changed me!"
"Changed you by killing you," The voice furiously continued, audibly frustrated. "We're finished with our little talk. You're dead and separated from her forever. What you're feeling for her is only going to make this eternity even more unbearable; so just let her die. Stop loving her."
Nick felt his jaw drop and eyes grow even wider at the voice's command, and for several seconds he remained absolutely silent, disturbed by the notion of ending his feelings for the one mammal he loved. He hadn't loved any other mammal more than her, ever. He couldn't just give up on her in an instant! But the voice had a point, even if it was a radical and disturbing one. Maybe the end had come. Maybe it was time for him to just give in.
"Don't make me," He quietly and pathetically begged to himself, overwhelmed by fear and loss and a thousand other emotions. "I don't want to. I love her."
"Not anymore," The voice coolly reminded, its tone suddenly calm and almost soothing. "What other choice do you have?"
Nick remained silent for several seconds, trying to find a reason - any reason - to go against the voice. But no matter what perspective he thought from he couldn't come up with a counter, and he hung is head to defeat as his already deathly limp ears became even more so.
"None," He unemotionally answered, his eyes slowly closing shut as a subtle numbness consumed his body. His exhaustion was too great for him to remain sitting for any longer, and he let physics follow its constant path and pull him downwards onto the blackness. It was even colder than before, and he let the feeling consume him completely.
Without opening his eyes he rolled onto his back and let a massive, toothy, and utterly wretched smile take its place on his face. He began to sadly wheeze again, his breaths no more than difficult huffs, and he moved his paws up to forcefully press into his eyes just as he let loose a dismal sound. At first it was quiet, but he quickly raised it so that it reflected the torturous feeling all over his body as much as a sound could resemble such an emotion. The last tears held within him flowed out of him during the scream, and when his sad wheezes returned all he could feel was the cold beneath him and his cheeks damp with half-dried tears.
"I'm so sorry, Carrots," He weakly and regretfully apologized, his voice filled with absolute agony, and bit by bit he felt the warm, fuzzy feeling in his heart begin to fall out of him and into the darkness below like a boat sinking into the darkest depths of the ocean.
"I'm so sorry..." He quietly and miserably continued, his words trailing off as the last of his strength faded into nonexistence. The warm sight of his partner's devious yet warm and loving face began to disappear from his mind's eye, and along with it went the last of his feelings for her. Her long ears, her twitching nose, her puffy cheeks, and her gorgeous eyes - oh, god, they were beautiful - all faded into the blackness in his head one by one. She vanished from his mind completely, as if he had never met or fallen in love with her at all, and the last holdouts of his body fell to the coldness consuming him just as the last of her grey fur disappeared.
"Sorry-" He choked out as his scrawny, ragged form began to flick in and out of existence, and he barely heard the dark voice echoing from the darkness growl in content as he let his paws fall limply to his sides. His tired eyes were still tightly shut, but he carelessly cracked them open, feeling no need to keep them closed for any longer. The blackness below was pulling him downward. Where he was going that one color would be all he'd ever see.
But the darkness stopped its advance, and the coldness halted along with it. A tornado of heat, almost like an oven, was suddenly swirling around his body, and the unmistakable sight and crackling sounds of fire surrounded him from all directions.
Nick felt his eyes grow in astonishment at the spectacle, but he was too emotionally dead to be curious or worried about it. He pulled himself up from the black, letting its tendrils that had curled around him break and fall into the fire now forming a dome around him, and he weakly stood up with his back hunched and trembling arms out to his sides to provide the extra support necessary to keep himself out of the flickering flames nipping at his equally orange fur poking out through the rips and tears of his uniform he had donned for all these years.
The flames were whispering to him, and Nick intently listened, his wet cheeks drying from the heat coming from them. A calm, feminine voice echoed from the fire, and he was almost tempted to step closer to the familiar sound. It was soothing and sweet, but it wasn't his partner's.
Realization slammed into Nick like a freight train, and a terrified expression made its way onto his face as the flames continued to roar in upheaval. He had been here before. The fire, the cold, the soothing voice, all useless on their own, but when they were put together...
He was back in the car. He was so young and naive at the time. He was arguing with her over something stupid, and she turned down to yell at his defiant face. But she made and mistake, and they were hit head on by an unseen truck. Their car went flying, and when it landed it hit a brick wall and erupted into all-consuming flames. He felt its sharp bite from one end of his body to the other, and he feebly crawled out of the crushed vehicle with a bruised head. He limped around the hood of the car, trying to find her among the burning wreckage. He scrambled towards the driver's door, pulling back pieces of malformed metal and yanking the door open with all his might.
But it had been too late for him to do anything. She was laying there, looking up at him with a smile, pinned underneath her own seat as fire consumed her legs and the worn black dress she was wearing. There was a gash at the top of her forehead, and a steady stream of deadly, dark red blood was streaming down the side of her unworried, calm, and above all love-filled face.
"Mom?" Nick breathed, his voice as unstable as an earthquake yet as weak as a tremor. He whirled his head around in all directions, his body once again filled with energy, and his eyes scoured the flames, searching for the slender figure he knew was blending into them.
"Nick," A dainty voice lightly called out from behind him, and Nick whirled his head around to face in the direction it had come from. He stared into the flames intently, his mouth hanging open in grief-filled awe and his body trembling in fear and nervousness as the heat swirling all around him dried his already watering eyes.
A figure began to take shape out of the fire, and Nick watched as the mass drifted out of the flames with angelic grace. The fire seemed to flow around her, connecting her to the flames and making her float above the blackness as if she was unable to touch it. She was just as stunning as he remembered her, and her dark green eyes stood out from the fire like emeralds in a dark mine.
Nick couldn't bring himself to move a muscle, and he stood motionlessly in a complete state of shock even as her arms curled around his neck and an unconditionally loving smile became rooted into her face.
"It's good to see you again, my big, strong fox," The flame-cloaked figure warmly yet quietly greeted, her green eyes filled with amusement and love as they stared into Nick's shocked and glossed ones. "Look at how much you've grown."
"Mom-" Nick choked out, moving his paws upwards to shakily grip the fox's burning forearms. His whole body felt like it was on fire, which it almost certainly was, and the almost unbearable heat passed up the sides of his face as his mother's paws traveled up from his neck to gently rests against the sides of his face, her thumbs gently stroking his ever-so-slightly damp cheeks.
"I'm so sorry-" He tried to say, but his words were slurred and crackly, and he forced himself to stop mid-sentence. He couldn't decide what he was feeling. All he knew was that is was miserable yet joyous but overall overwhelmingly passionate. It was as if a civil war was being waged inside his head.
"I- I never think about you..." He continued, his voice just as shaky as before, and he could feel the water that had built up in his eyes dripping down and sizzling on his mother's flaming paw. "I- I- I try not to- I- I-"
"Love me?" The figure finished for him, her smile only growing, and Nick weakly nodded in conformation. He couldn't bring himself to say it.
His mother's gaze fell in sadness, yet her smile remained on her face, and Nick opened his mouth to explain himself. But before he could utter even a word her gaze traveled back up from the darkness to stare into his, and she leaned in towards his face as her burning paws wiped away the tears continuing to fall from his wide eyes.
"Nick," She gently began, raising an eyebrow in jovial suspicion. "If you love me, then why haven't you thought about me?"
"Because it hurts," Nick choked out, gripping her burning arms even tighter as his legs violently trembled in both physical and emotional exhaustion. "I can't think about you because... because-"
"I'll stop you right there, my beautiful son," Ms. Wilde soothingly said, moving one of her fingers to rest against the end of his muzzle. "Do you remember what I told you in my final moments?"
"That you loved me," Nick barely breathed, his voice plagued with grief as more water began to well up in his miserable eyes.
"And what did you tell me?" She continued, hovering a little closer towards him.
"That I loved you," He answered a little louder yet just as dejected as a fragment of a repressed memory flew into his mind, and he saw them both sitting with one another, their paws gripped together, as the flames consumed everything around them. "I still do..."
Nick felt his mother's paws tighten around his cheeks and the sides of his face, and her flaming green eyes slowly became glossed with emotional tears that gently rolled down her burning cheeks. She leaned even further towards him, her expression remaining joyous even as a small twinge of melancholy pushed its way onto it.
"Nick, you're not the stubborn little fox that I raised," She lovingly commented, the tears in her eyes drying up as the flames consuming her face forced them to evaporate. "You've grown up. When I died, Nick, it was your love for me that drove you away and onto the streets, and when you worked in the underworld it was your love of money that kept you there. But it was when you lost it all that you realized you loved your life, and that's what pulled you away from a life of crime. When you met Judith it was only a matter of time before you fell in love, and whether you realized it or not it was your love for her that brought you back to the good side of society."
"But none of that matters now, doesn't it?" Nick rhetorically choked out between wheezes weighted down with sadness as a melancholy, tooth smile took hold on his face. "I'm dead, Mom. No love can bring me back from the dead."
"Can't it?" Ms. Wilde questioned, her voice a little rougher than it had been before and her expression stern. She was visibly frustrated by his cynicism. "Haven't you ever wondered why you suddenly 'woke up' after Judith was reunited with your body?"
Nick feebly shook his head, his mind suddenly intrigued by the question while his eyes didn't dare to move from his mother's, and she brusquely and strongly nodded at him.
"It was the blossoming of your love for her into a romantic feeling that brought you back from the dead," She passionately explained, love pouring out of her voice and eyes as fresh water built up in them only to be immediately evaporated. "It's been your love for her that's changed you! Don't you see that?"
At first Nick didn't know how to respond. He could hardly believe what his mother was telling him. He opened his mouth to speak, to say something in protest or doubt, but before he could his mother's expression changed yet again. Her eyes flicked shut and she leaned further towards him, moving her paws up from the sides of his face to rest on his temples with her thumbs on his forehead. He watched her calm and concentrated face with silent curiosity and nervousness, but he gasped in surprise and awe as his vision was stolen away.
It was replaced with memories. Hundreds of them - thousands of them - from all moments of his life. Year by year his childhood flew past him, filled with youth and happiness and without a trouble in the world. Then he changed; he was muzzled, and a little bit of love left him. Over the years more love slipped out of him, and sometimes a little of it would return to his worn body, but never completely like it had been in his joyous youth. But then something changed.
He met Judy, and he felt a warm, bubbly feeling consume his frozen heart. Love began to return to his body, coming in wave after glorious wave as the memories of the Night Howler Incident and his career with her flew by. He saw himself leaving for Arctic One, and then he relived his death. It was utterly horrible, but soon he found himself face to face with his dumb bunny again, and his heart leaped with joy only to be crushed again when the all too familiar darkness returned.
But it wasn't what he saw that left his mind bewildered and inspired; it was what he realized. His mother was right. Love was the main factor - the only factor, in fact - that had led him through his life's story to stand here, in the unending darkness. Yet it wasn't unending; just as his memories caught up to him now as he stood with his mother the darkness lifted for a mere instant, and beyond it was light. Beyond it was life. There was hope hidden somewhere within the depths of the blackness, and that hope was his dumb bunny.
"Mom," Nick gently began in understanding, the curtain of shock from his mind lifted, but before he could speak any further Ms. Wilde shoved her forehead against his. He widened his eyes in surprise as he stared at her still closed eyes, the green life within them shadowed by flames and plagued by tears that miraculously began to drip down from her face and onto his. Her arms and legs began to tremor horrendously, and the fiery dome that surrounded her elevated form embracing his now strengthened body began to flicker and die, as if its passion was being extinguished.
"Nick..." His mother barely breathed, her voice weak and trembling. "I can't stay for any longer. My power's waning. I- I- I love you, Nicholas. Now make me proud and love Judith."
"Mom," Nick gently yet worriedly began, a careful expression coming onto his face as his paws moved up from her trembling arms to rest against the sides of her face. "I love you too. I always have! And I saw the light! There's a way to bring myself back to life, isn't there?"
"Yes," Ms. Wilde painfully answered, her eyes slowly opening to reveal two sad yet proud emeralds as the dome of fire became extinguished around the two of them. "It's not moral or natural to go against death, but you have the strength and, more importantly, the love to do so. You're going to have to beat your Primal Self. If you do that, then you'll be reunited with Judy."
"I can do that, Mom," Nick hurriedly reassured with a farewelling smile, only now noticing that his mother's fiery form was retreating up to her face. "I'll do it for you and Judy. I love you."
A weak smile came onto Ms Wilde's face the second before the last of her burning body disappeared, and she pressed against his forehead a little harder and gently shut her proud and tired eyes in the same instant her flame-covered face burned out. Nick was alone again, his paws that had been clutching the sides' of his mother's face only a second before now only raised out in the darkness a few inches in front of him.
"See you later, mom," He lightly said as a small smirk took its place on his face. He felt both depressed yet satisfied with his mother's and his relationship, but above all he still loved her.
"Love is what killed you," A dark and savage voice coming from behind him rudely commented, and Nick whirled around to face the direction it had come from with a stern and cold expression, his eyes radiating out every degree of fire that had transferred out of his mother's burning body and that was now fueling his wounded heart.
It didn't even take him a half-second to spot where the voice had come from. Not even twenty feet away from him was his Primal Self, with its thin and ravaged body sprawled out on the cold blackness while its freezing eyes were staring directly into his. Its head was raised in a wary position and no emotion other than brooding neutrality was present on its face.
"You!" Nick snarled, feeling the fire inside him driving him forward several steps towards his Primal Self's dirty and messy form. "You're the one who took me away from Judy!"
"I am," His Primal Self calmly acknowledged, its voice coming from its mouth yet its lips remaining absolutely still, and it raised from its lay to stand on all fours, its head bent downwards as its face continued to lack any kind of revealing emotion. "But I am you, Nick. Have you forgotten that? I'm that one voice in your head who keeps you in line, who keeps you safe. You have no one to blame for bringing you here but yourself."
"That's true, but I'm the one whose setting things straight," Nick passionately growled, moving his right foot in front of him as he raised his paws, now clenched into fists, into a fighting stance. "I need love in my life. I need Judy. More than anything else in the whole universe. You're the only obstacle blocking my path to her."
"If you want to see her again then'll you'll have to kill me," His Primal Self maliciously informed, the first signs of fury and hate forming on its face as its lips pulled back in a snarl and as its head bent lower towards the ground in its own fighting stance.
"Then I'll kill you," Nick countered, raising up on his toes to provide maximum mobility as memories of years of hand-to-hand combat training on the force poured back into his mind. His Primal Self only snarled in response, its sharp and pearly white teeth now openly bared as its head fell lower towards the ground and as its muscles tensed. Its green eyes were like blocks of arctic ice while his were like furnaces fueled by gasoline, yet neither of them could subdue the other just by staring and ebbing away at the other's morale. They were both too passionate to be that easily overcome.
Nick stood in silence for several seconds, waiting for his Primal Self to make the first move so he could counter, but no attack came. His Primal Self was using the same strategy he was.
Nick growled in annoyance and anger, still wary of making the first move, but the fire within him drove him forward and he soon found himself sprinting towards the fox he had grown to hate with his fists clenched out just in front of his chest, ready to strike.
In the same instant he decided to make a move his Primal Self did as well, bunching its leg muscles and leaping at him with its sharpened claws extended out in front of it and its mouth wide open, ready to snap shut as soon as he overextended himself. It was driven by its own forces of hate and malice.
They met exactly halfway between one another. Nick couldn't get a swing on its face without risking injuring himself so he settled on gripping his Primal Self's shoulders with his unsheathed claws in the instant before its body and jaws collided with him. All the momentum it had built up from its initial leap was dissipated into nothing, and his Primal Self scrambled for a moment in midair before landing on its hind legs and slamming its claws into his shoulders to mimic his own stance and balance itself.
Nick visibly gritted his teeth in pain as his Primal Self tore into his shoulders, pulling flesh from bone, but he forced his mind and face to remain calm. No matter how hard he pushed against the blackness beneath his feet, his Primal Self wouldn't budge, and he violently squeezed its shoulders with his claws in frustration. Blood began to well up from the punctures around his own shoulders, and he underneath his claws he could feel his Primal Self's blood doing the same.
His Primal Self sneered at him, its jaw snapping at his noes mere inches away from it, but Nick kept a careful distance. He'd have to be careful if he ever wanted to see Judy again, but what he was doing now was a waste of energy and life.
A small surge of fire burst from within his chest as he pushed his Primal Self away from him, and the bleeding, vicious fox stumbled back several feet, still remaining on its hind legs with its back partially bent over and its tired eyes focused towards the blackness.
Nick threw himself forward again, intent on throwing his Primal Self to the floor, but his opponent threw himself back into him in the same instant he collided with him, their paws connecting with one another's shoulders again and drawing more and more blood out and onto their furs. They were like animals fighting over a kill.
"We're too evenly matched, Nick," His Primal Self sneered, an evil smile coming onto its face to accompany its already vile expression and savage gaze. "We'll be here for an eternity!"
"I'm not quite sure I believe you," Nick passionately grumbled through clenched teeth, the furnace in his chest now running twice as intense as it had been before. "It's been you who my indecisiveness and fear's been feeding. But I'm not scared anymore, and I've made a final decision. To kill you!"
Suddenly Nick gained the upper hand in their duel, his strength almost doubling as images of his partner and her long, slender ears and soft, grey fur flew by his mind's eye. It was her who was fanning the flames inside him, and by god she was going to be the force that brought him back.
Finally his Primal Self made a mistake, taking a step backward to try and regain his balance and launch a counterattack, and Nick threw all his weight forward in the instant that his Primal Self's foot was in the air. His opponent snarled in anger and fell backwards, its claws coming off of his shoulders to try and catch itself, but its attempts at softening its impact were futile and its body collided with the hard blackness with a sickening thud.
Nick took another opportunity and fell with his Primal Self, landing on top of its chest with his legs straddled over either side of it. All he could think about was his partner as he rained down punch after hard punch onto his Primal Self's smiling face. He didn't even notice his opponent had feebly raised his bloodied paws to try and stop the blows until the horrifying sound of its jaw cracking entered his alerted ears.
Nick felt his eyes widen at the sound, and he took a moment to stop his barrage and stare down at his Primal Self's broken face. It was bloodied and bruised from its ears to its neck, and its jaw was twisted and snapped at the halfway mark so that it more resembled a mass of flesh and teeth than a functioning body part. Yet a smile was still on its face. A mocking smile that dared him to attack again, as if it wasn't afraid to absorb even more blows.
Suddenly the beautiful image of his partner's round, soft face disappeared from his mind's eye, and he began his attack again as the love fueling his fire began to transform into hate. He despised his Primal Self more than Prophit or Bellwether or any other mammal he had ever met. It was the savage force who had done him the most harm, and he had willingly taken it. But now, in his final moment of triumph, he could enact the revenge he had only now realized he desired so very much.
Yet as his brutal strikes continued and the raw feeling of hate flourished inside him the fire in his chest that fueled every ounce of his worn body began to die, and little by little he felt himself become weaker and weaker, the furnace in his chest now cold. His teeth were bared in a brutal, furious snarl, and he became outraged as his Primal Self began to wheeze in laughter, rudely mocking him. He wanted to rip its throat out.
But as soon as he opened his serrated mouth and forced his gaping bite towards his opponent's exposed throat his Primal Self surged up from underneath him, its defeated attitude and mocking expression merely a rouse to get him to overextend himself.
Nick realized his mistake too late, and as his Primal Self flipped him and landed on top of him he scrambled against its broken body, scratching against it with his front claws while he tried to snap at its throat with his still furiously snarling mouth. But he was too weak to even pierce his Primal Self's fur, and the monstrous fox on top of him began to respond to his attacks in kind.
Nick howled in pain as his Primal Self raked his claws down his stomach and chest, feeling gashes all across him beginning to spill blood onto the blackness. He lifted up his right paw to try and push away the snapping jaws merely inches in front of his throat, but felt the sharpened teeth of his Primal Self wrap around it and tear his flesh from his bone. Nick howled in pain again, refusing to close his eyes and ignore what was happening, and he jerked his paw out of his Primal Self's furious and blood-craving mouth. His opponent's teeth tore at his paw one last time as he withdrew, nicking an artery and making blood pour from his wrist like water from a waterfall.
Not even a moment later his Primal Self's broken jaw was clenching down on his throat, and Nick thrashed in defiance, trying to shake the fox on top of him off him. His Primal Self tightened its grip around his throat the more he struggled, only drawing more blood and making it even more difficult for him to breath. Blood began to flood out of his gashes as he threw himself back and forth against the blackness, but gradually his attempts at escape became weaker and weaker, until he was merely rocking himself back and forth.
He felt tired, defeated, but above all dejected. He had been so close to winning - to breaking free -
"And you still are!" A familiar, motherly voice screamed at him, and Nick weakly perked his ears and widened his half-closed eyes. "You let it enrage you! Your Primal Self made you hate it, and it used that hate to gain the upper paw! Use love! Get back on top!"
Nick wasn't sure if he nodded or not, but he felt a sense of solemn resolve flood over him at the voice and followed its command. Blood was pouring from him, draining him of the last of what little life he had left, but regardless he began to snap at his Primal Self's head that was mere inches in front of his jaw. He summoned up all the strength he could from his body when he finally landed a bite, and with as much power as he could muster he tore whatever he had bitten down on from his Primal Self's head.
His opponent let go of his throat, and Nick gasped for breath, clamoring for air through all the blood pouring out onto the blackness. When he finally regained enough consciousness to see what he had ripped off his Primal Self was midway through a pain-filled howl. All that remained of his left ear was a bloodied mess of fur and flesh.
"Now!" The motherly voice screamed at him, and Nick let loose a vicious snarl before he obeyed the command. His jaws connected with his Primal Self's throat, cutting short its howl, and with renewed fire he surged up from underneath his opponent and threw him onto the ground as if he was a recently-made kill. His Primal Self snapped at him with its malformed jaw, utter hatred radiating out from its eyes, but Nick stood his ground, all four of his paws digging into the lifeless blackness below him to provide maximum support.
He could feel the fire from that fateful night in his childhood all over again. It was swirling all around him, invisible yet still just as hot as it had been before. But something was different about it this time; over the sounds of his struggled heartbeats and his Primal Self's writhing he heard whispers.
"And I won't admit I love you..." The motherly voice gently sang, and Nick could feel his eyes widen slightly as he felt two warm, invisible paws grab his own.
"And that I would die for you..." The voice continued, and Nick tightened his grip around his Primal Self's throat, feeling even more blood oozing out of it.
"And I waited, waited for you..." The voice soothingly sang, yet his Primal Self continued to thrash and snap at his face, on occasion nicking his ear with its serrated teeth.
"Here, waited to promise you..."
Nick could feel the love and warmth of that moment flowing through his body, reigniting the furnaces within his chest, and his bite around his Primal Self's throat tightened even more to the point where he was expecting its head to snap clean off.
"Oh my body laid down for yours..."
The beast formerly in control of his body continued to snap at him, the hate within its ugly green eyes just as strong as it had been before, yet as more and more of its blood seeped from between Nick's teeth and as more and more of its flesh and veins were torn fear began to take hold.
"And I came close for you..."
Nick was barely conscious, the scratches along his underbelly and wrist and the horrific gash in his throat continuing to drain him of life, but he didn't notice the pain. He couldn't feel it. All he could sense in his wounded body was the heat of the fire inside and the euphoric grasp of love driving it.
"And the world fell two for two..."
His Primal Self was still snapping at him, and Nick stared directly into its scared and hateful eyes with a sullen and tired expression, and just as fear completely consumed its expression he tightened his grip around its throat that little bit more.
"But I'll be here, ready to fall with you..." The motherly voice sang, its words ending on a low note, and Nick stood completely still, his eyes unseeing and body unfeeling.
The fox in his jaws was dead; its eyes glossed, revealing no hate or pain or any other emotion other than the fear of death. Nick dropped his Primal Self's torn body onto the blackness, his jaw with bloodied teeth wide open as he struggled for each breath. His body was beyond tired; it was just as dead as the fox's in front of him, and with pained, struggled movements Nick rose from all fours and straightened his hunched back, his eyes no more than halfway open.
He turned down to look at his shivering form slowly, as if he was afraid to see what had happened, but as he looked over his torn, bloodied uniform with patches of his torn, bloodied skin visible through it a small smile took control of his face, and it was accompanied by the strongest sense of love he had ever felt. It was raw, as passionate as a dying star, and uncompromised in any way. It was utterly perfect.
"I did it, Mom," Nick barely breathed, his eyes slowly and lazily blinking as he turned his gaze up to stare straight ahead, past what remained of his Primal Self, just as the remainder of his life slipped from his grasp. One last moment of euphoria washed over him, and he basked in it like a flower in a midnight sun.
His mind became ethereal as his limp body fell forward onto the blackness, but the color shattered as he collided with it, revealing white in every direction. It was a pure white akin to that of what he would've expected to see in heaven, and he felt warmed by its touch.
Velvety paws wrapped around him, and he could feel the soft press of a mammal's tuft of fur on his chin. He didn't know who was hugging him, and he couldn't even speculate on who it was. His mind was on a different level of existence, free of thought and ideas and any other emotion besides love. But from the endless white branching out in every direction he heard a voice echoing just beside his ear.
"Congratulations, Nick," The voice emotionally whispered, and Nick smiled just a little bit more at the pride held within it.
Slowly the paws wrapped around his body retreated, and the tuft of fur tickling his nose ran with them. The endless white gradually faded until it became a soft grey, just like his partner's stunningly soft fur, before it darkened even more to a medium grey, then a dark grey, and finally to black. The endless darkness had returned.
Yet it wasn't endless, nor was it black.
It was simply the darkness of a place devoid of sunlight, and as Nick weakly stroked it he could feel its plastic edge. It felt like a fabric, and he feebly raised his paws from whatever grainy surface he was lying on and pushed against the material. There was something beyond it that was crushing him and preventing air from reaching his drained lungs, and at first he couldn't find any deformities in the surface as his paws gently wandered against it, but as time went on he found what felt to be a zipper.
Nick felt his half-closed, tired eyes widen slightly as he realized where he was, and he moved his pained, almost numb arm up to the furthest end of the body bag and slowly zipped it open. Dirt began to rain down on him immediately, and soon the entire interior of the half-opened bag was filled with dampened earth.
Nick struggled against the tide, closing his eyes and firmly clenching his mouth shut, and with whatever strength in his weary body he could muster he began to dig through it. His lungs screamed for air, but his pace was constant, his paws steadily pulling and pushing dirt as he forced himself out of the tight opening he had made in the bag and through the tons of dirt atop him.
After what seemed to be an eternity of painfully slow digging his paws broke through the surface, and Nick struggled through the last few feet of dirt and burst through the churned earth gasping for breath.
The air was cool and fresh, and it almost hurt his fragile lungs. A gentle breeze blew past his dirt filled ears, and through the dirt covering his eye sockets he could just make out dim light. With a new wave of strength he shook the earth covering his face and pushed himself out of his grave further so that his chest and head were completely out in the open.
His vision was cloudy and shaky, but as he slowly turned his vision in a circle around him he could still see everything. He was at the edge of a forest, and above him was the endless night sky, with its stars like pearls in the ocean. It was beautiful. Clouds were retreating far off, no doubt the source of rain that had dampened the earth around him.
But as soon as his gaze turned up to the sky it fell back down. Straight ahead of him, past darkened, fuzzy hedges, was the unmistakable glare of artificial light, pouring out of the windows of a massive, white and grey building only a few hundred feet away from him.
He smiled in joy and weariness at the sight, and the numbness in his lower section began to be slowly replaced by pain and stiffness. His heart began to beat faster and faster, speeding up from its previously deathly slow pace, and it almost felt like it was thawing, sending another wave of pain through his body. Yet he wasn't worried by it at all, and as his vision improved and the world around him became less and less fuzzy he smiled.
"Well, world," He jokingly began as the image of a certain rabbit took completely control of his mind. "I'm back. Now where's my sly bunny?"
Aside from the negativity from the past few chapters, life's great! While I do think it's far from perfect, this is the chapter i am most proud of.
Primal: A Zootopia Fanfiction Chapter 19 - February 28
A Fox in Shining Armor: A Zootopia Fanfiction Chapter 6 - February 28
This chapter was last edited February ?, 2016