Disclaimer: Don't own Phantom. Wish I could but I don't.

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Chapter 21

Empty. Lonely. Cold.

Tick. Tock.

The cold tea glared at him and the shattered teacup snarled from its place near the wall. The last flickers of flame disappeared, leaving reddish coals burning in the fireplace, removing the main source of light.

Not that it really matter.

He could see in the dark after all and no one else needed the light.

No one else at all.

Cold seeped into his bones, easily entering through the thin shirt that draped about his skeletal body. moving his eyes from the flame, he glanced down at his hands and lower arms, noting the thin layer of fat that clung there precariously.

She had tried to take away the skeleton in the only way she knew how.

Three meals a day, even if he refused to eat at least one of them on principal once a weak.

Tick. Tock.

His traitorous stomach growled, reminding him how delicious her food had been, while his mind reminded him of her playful banter over the dinner table. Until he had started to ruin things, their relationship had been perfectly wonderful. Until he had started to feel, she had been happy.

He hadn't missed her weary eyes during the past month.

He hadn't forgotten anything.

Tick. Tock.

Something had drained her and it had to be him.

She must be so happy now.

Curling closer to himself, he balanced his boney chin on sharp knees and wrapped his arms about his legs, effectively turning himself into an angular ball.

Tick. Tock.

His pocket watch reminded him again of the passing time. He snatched the thing from his pocket and hurled it against a wall, blocking away the sound. As the silence once more resumed, tears trickled down his cheeks.

Time passed slowly, his face itched occasionally but he ignored the feeling, preferring to remain curled in his chair in the silence.

I am a monster.

I ruined her.

With that thought, he remembered the first time he had ever met his Spanish fireball. She had slept so peacefully in Christine's bed. So quietly. She had been resting perfectly when he had restrained her, demanding she declare her presence.

She had merely snapped at him, declaring a gentleman wouldn't restrain a lady.

It had been her only flinch. She'd never batted an eye at him.

That mad little Spaniard.

Every time he grew angry with her, she had matched his temper. His harsh words hadn't brought tears to her eyes…until now.

She'd been crying when she left his home. Did she think he hadn't noticed?

A monster he surely was but unobservant wasn't a fault of his.

He loved her, of course he would have noticed if she cried. If only he had a few of those tears to hold close to his heart. A last memory of her. What was there left to remember her by?

His mind panicked for a moment as he couldn't remember if she had dimples or not.

No, she had not.

He should have drawn her when he had the chance.

His fingers ached as he uncurled and glided into his room, grasping at pieces of paper until he found a blank one. from memory, he sketched her likeness, smiling up at him from the two-dimensional paper. Those brown eyes, lined gray in his drawing, sparkled daringly and her wild dark locks twisted about her face, cutting him to the quick.

It was better for her that she leave.

Better for her that she never experience a monster's obsession.

What had he done to Christine? Ruined her as well. Nearly killed her with his love. He knew, oh, he knew. He never spoke of it but he had known of her illness but until now hadn't connected it.

Two women he had sinned against by loving.

She was so fortunate to escape before he found himself on his knees begging for her to stay. Even if she hated him.

The drawing was pinned the wall and his pencil began again.

Best record all his memories before they faded into oblivion.

E-OC

"Good morning, Candela. Did you sleep well?" Nadir turned to face her and frowned at the red eyes and weary appearance of his unexpected roommate.

"Well enough. Your bed was very nice. If it hadn't been for everything going through my brain, I might have rested peacefully." She settled into a chair and poured herself a cup of tea and added sugar before glancing at Darius, occupying himself with at the stove. "I assume, Darius, you caught him up on everything that I told you last night?"

"Yes, Candela, I did. I hope you didn't mind that?"

"Not at all. I'm glad you did. At least I won't have to repeat it. So, you see my problem. I turn down a perfectly good proposal of marriage, find out who my father is, discover I'm in love with my employer, and find myself imposing on my friend's house because he kicked me out without reason." Her dark eyes glanced around the room, a scowl plastered over her face.

"Well, we could-" Nadir began to talk before he snapped his mouth shut and turned to face her. "What did you say?"

"A good bit. Anything in particular I need to repeat?"

"I thought you said something about your father."

"I did." She replied draining her cup before filling it up again. "Apparently, the late Comte de Chagny traveled through Spain about nine months before my birth, with the Marquis, and conceived a child." She gestured to herself and grinned. "Me. I am the daughter of the Comte de Chagny."

Both men stared, unbelieving, at her.

"Yes, I'm just as surprised as you."

"This…this is wonderful!" Nadir exclaimed as his brain finally recognizing the possibilities of her parentage. "Surely you can go to the new Comte and request a small sum to support you for the rest of your life? You'll never need to work again!"

Candela sighed and accepted a dessert crepe from Darius and nibbled on the pastry.

"No. I have no proof of his being by father except for the Marquis's belief that I'm the daughter of his late love. My birth certificate has no name on it. Legally, I have no father. not to mention, I don't wish to trouble the Comte or his wife. Besides, Senor Phantom was kind enough to set me for several months. I've been saving the extra he gave me. I'll be all right."

Nadir reached across the table and squeezed her hand comfortingly.

"You may stay here for as long as you like." While he couldn't agree with her decision to turn away money, he wouldn't argue. Her choices were her own. It would make sense an independent lady wouldn't wish to depend on another. And, she had proven able to care for herself.

"Thank you. I won't trespass for too long. In fact, today I intend to go out and find an apartment and another job. Allow me to finish this crepe and I shall go."

"No, no. You won't go live in a motel. You must stay here. I won't let you go find an apartment until you've found the perfect position." He assured her and took two plates of breakfast from Darius and handed one to her.

"I can't impose…"

"You're not imposing. As long as you don't object to living with a bachelor and a widower?" He glanced up from the Persian breakfast to assure himself that it didn't cross her morals.

"I don't object."

"Very well then. You take today off. Relax, enjoy a pleasant day and perhaps get some more sleep. I intend to go speak to your former employer."

"Why? He was, is, and will be completely unreasonable."

"Do you still love him?"

"Women's hearts are known for their constancy." She replied, digging into her breakfast, barely noticing the flavor. "I shall probably love his currently undeserving self for the rest of my life. At least a little."

"I questioned your sanity when I found you lived there with him as his servant. I should question your sanity now, as you declare you love him. But, I don't." He sighed and leaned back in the chair. "I intend to find out why he would throw you out with no reason. As insane as he is, he always has a reason. Usually a bad reason but a reason nonetheless." And, he suspected what the 'bad' reason was. If anything, Erik could be predictable when it concerned women.

All three shared a chuckle between them as she finished off her plate.

"Feel free to find out. And, when you do, tell me what it is. I'm very curious to know. This is the second time I've done nothing to deserve it and lost my job." She finished her cup of tea and stood up. "I should be mad at him. I really should. But, I can't find it in me." She turned away and disappeared to her room, leaving Darius and Nadir sitting at the table together.

"Is there something I can do, sir?"

"I don't know. Right now, I'm going to get my coat and I'm going to talk to the ass that kicked her out last night. The girl is emotionally exhausted after the entirety of last night. We'll give her a morning of rest and calm before anything happens."

"What do you think caused him to release her?" Nadir paused in the doorway and turned to face Darius.

"I think he loves her."

E-OC

Was it morning? Was it night? Oh, never mind. It didn't matter.

The drawing was done and she did look very pretty on parchment, not as pretty as in the flesh but one couldn't be greedy or picky.

Two-dimensional was better than nothing.

"I love you. I love you." He whispered, his voice rolling across the paper and wishing her voice would answer him. He could imagine how beautiful she would look, her dark eyes glowing and her lips curling into a smile.

Such looks weren't meant for him.

Sighing quietly, he pinned the parchment against the wall and turned away from her beauty.

"So this is what loneliness is." He whispered. "It never hurt so much when Erik didn't know what it was like to have someone."

He hung his head and wandered into the parlor and found the violin and began to quietly play.

Death sounded almost appealing.

Nadir stared, concerned, at the swaying back of the musician. Any lack of attention on Erik's part always meant something was very wrong. He'd done something, said something, seen something, or thought something that was wrong.

Settling down in a chair, far away from the soon to be surprised Phantom, Nadir called out,

"Good morning, Erik." Despite his suddenly action, Erik never dropped the violin, instead preferring to set it into case before grabbing at Nadir's neck and hissing in his face. After a momentary tensing, Nadir relaxed and scowled at gentleman hovering above him, ready to squeeze the life out of me.

"Murdering me already?" He snapped.

"Nadir, what are you doing here?" Erik gasped and pulled away, his hands shaking at his sides.

"I came to talk to you. Last night, a young woman arrived at my apartment, crying. I was not there but Darius informs me that you released her unceremoniously from your service. Why?" The Phantom's chest rattled with breath as he hung his head.

"Why? You ask Erik why." He turned away and ran a hand over his violin. "What's that saying? 'If you love something, let it go.' I let her go." Nadir sighed and rubbed his temples. Why do I always have to be right? As the thoughts passed through his brain, he realized the tangled mess between the pair, both believing the other didn't love them.

And, no matter what he might think of their sanity, his conscience wouldn't allow him to let them remain apart.

"Erik, if you loved her, why didn't you tell her?" The gaunt figure spun on his heel and gasped appalled at the suggestion.

"The last time I offered a woman my love, she nearly died. How can I do that to Candela? I'm not worth her effort and kindness. She could live a life without me, a happy life. She'll be marrying the Marquis anyway so it really doesn't matter."

His fingers clinched and Nadir shook his head.

"She's not marrying the Marquis. She refused him last night." The fingers loosened immediately and a drop-jawed Phantom spun to face him.

"She….isn't marrying the Marquis?" When Nadir nodded to confirm, he shook his head violently and wrung his hands. "She must! She must! She must go back and accept him! He's a perfectly good match for her and she'll be set for life!" He paced up and down, eyes shifting about the room. "She's mad. Completely mad."

"Yes, madly in love. Now, come with me. I believe you have an apology to give." One of these days, I should just adopt him. Grabbing his arm, he pointed towards the door. "Come on."

"Apology to whom? And who's she in love with?" He yanked his arm from his grip and shot Nadir a nasty glare, sending uncomfortable shivers down his spine. And, that is why I don't adopt him.

"Candela and I believe that is for her to tell you. Grab your cloak. I'll give you a full speech on how stupid and insensitive you've been later." The man before him hardly reminding him of the killer he had once seen in Persia, standing impassively over a dead body, or the Phantom, gleaming eyes and threatening notes.

This was a man in love.

"I can't go back." He whispered, hanging his head once more. "I can't. She won't want me back."

"I think if you offer a sufficient apology she might consider it."

"No, I'm not worth her time. She had better spend it on finding a new job."

"You don't want her back?" The Phantom reared away from him, insanity leaking into those golden eyes.

"Don't want her back? Are you mad? Of course, Erik wants her back. He wants nothing more. He'd shower queenly gifts on her, not asking a single thing in return. Not even a smile." His voice dropped to a whisper. "She could own the world if she would stay with him. She wouldn't have to love him." His shoulders straightened and quaked. "But, she would be unhappy and he would never want that for her."

"Do you think she'd come back if she would be unhappy?" Nadir prodded, determined to sound the depth of his thoughts on the matter.

"Yes, she would. She's a sweet girl." A flicker of a smile crossed his face before a frown locked into its old position.

"We are talking about the same girl? This is Candela, Erik, not Christine."

"What does it matter? Pity effects all females. That's probably the only reason she remained down here so long. She pitied poor Erik. Poor, pathetic Erik who dared to feel it might be friendship."

"You are pathetic right now." Holding his tongue proved difficult, but Nadir felt confident that there would be more time later to give him a thorough tongue-lashing. "But, we might be able to fix that if you'll come with me."

"No. I won't. Go away before I strangle you."

E-OC

"Thank you, Darius." Candela accepted the cup of tea from the servant and sipped on it. "It's delicious. Would you hand me the paper?" Darius nodded and passed it to her before settling opposite her with his own cup of tea.

Despite a sleepless night and a sore heart, she refused to bow. A day of rest wasn't what she needed at all. A day of action would help her forget and further her life. If she was fortunate, she could save most of her nest egg.

Perhaps even invest it.

After several moments, the servant inquired,

"Anything interesting?" The Spaniard shook her head and tossed it aside after finishing perusing it thoroughly.

"Nothing at all. Several governesses position and a housekeeper, must have experience running a large household. I never wanted to watch children that weren't my own or to run a large household. I suppose I'll have to find work elsewhere than the paper."

"Perhaps you could advertise? Someone surely could use a hardworking maid. I'm sure Nadir would hire you himself if it weren't for the fact we don't have anywhere to put you other than the guest bedroom." He chuckled and moved to refill his cup when Nadir entered the parlor, scowling. Both occupants looked up at him, arching eyebrows to inquire what had ruined his mood.

"He's an idiot." Nadir muttered to himself, sitting down in a chair and pouring himself a cup of tea. "A complete, insufferable idiot."

"We knew that already." The three shared a hearty laugh.

E-OC

How could she? How could she be so foolish! It could have been a perfect marriage. She, smart and beautiful, and he, kind and rich. They could have been a marriage of a century.

But no. She wasted it!

I let you go so you could be happy! So you wouldn't have to endure my love! You could have married him!

He paced his room, unable to sit still. She had thrown away the best thing that could have happened to her. She could have been nobility.

"I have to change her mind." He whispered, realizing in a moment what he had to do. He had to convince her to change her mind.

He was past caring if her marriage killed him. he was past caring that he would have to beg, cajole, and possibibly threaten her. He was past caring about anything. I will wait until nightfall and then, I will go visit her. Nadir has yet to make a lock that could keep me out.

I'll make her marry him!

E-OC

"I think I'll go to bed." Candela said, setting down her twenty-second cup of tea. "I really need some sleep." Her two companions nodded, acknowledging it was a need of hers.

"I agree. Get a good night's rest. We'll see you in the morning." After giving them a smile, she left the room and hurried from to the bedroom. Pausing in the doorway, she slumped against the doorjamb and for the first time in twenty-four hours considered what she thought of the Phantom of the Opera.

"I don't hate him. I suppose I never really did. After all he's done to me, I don't hate him." She chuckled to herself before entering her room and unlacing the back of her dress. As every hook gave way, she stared into the mirror, wondering at the girl peering back at her. Dark hair, dark eyes, the same girl that had looked back at her every time before but this one was far more tired.

Lines coursed under her eyes and a frown touched both sides of her mouth.

After shrugging off the dress, she pealed the shift off her body and slid on the nightgown before crawling into bed and pulling the sheets over her head. Her eyes fluttered close and she drifted into fitful dreams of a weary woman.

E-OC

The lock gave way easily between trembling fingers. Empty Paris streets hardly caused any trouble. No passersby noticed his coming as none would notice his going. His shoes lightly treaded on the carpeted floor, easily finding their way to the spare bedroom in the flat.

She looked so beautiful when she slept.

Her eyelids fluttered and he regretted having to wake her. Kneeling by her sleeping face, he lightly tapped her cheek and frowned when he received no response.

"How does one wake a lady?" He asked himself before lightly tapping her cheek again and calling her name. Her brown eyes flickered open and blearily glanced about for a moment before landing on his face and narrowing. He flinched back from her glare.

"Senor Erik." She said. "What brings you here?" Retreating from her bedside, he neared the door and stood there, hands folded in front of him.

"Nadir told me you're not marrying the Marquis." Brown eyes rolled as she waved at him to turn around. Once his back faced her, she slid from the bed and grabbed her robe, tucking it about her before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"He told you right." She answered. He turned to face her.

"You must marry him." Her eyebrows knitted and she crossed her arms.

"And why is that?"

"It's good for you! You'll be nobility! You'll be wealthy and…have everything you ever wanted." Her eyes flashed painfully as she turned away from him.

"I'm not a gold-digger. I didn't court him for his money, or his position. I courted him with the hope I could love him, could have a good life with a good man as my husband. But, you know, when he asked me, I couldn't do it." She turned to face him and glared harshly. "I couldn't. The words wouldn't come and I made a choice you have since made me regret!" Her voice raised and her hot temper blazed in her eyes.

"I came home last night, expecting to have a quiet chat with my employer, tell him of the party, and then go to bed, and, today to get up and celebrate Christmas with him!" The moment the words crossed her lips, she remembered and gasped, clutching her chest. "I forgot. It's Christmas day. How could I have forgotten? Why did you drive me away?" She asked, tears filling her eyes. "Why?"

Erik's hands shook violently as he grasped at the shadows, desperate to bring the conversation back into realms he understood. Such a simple demand had escalated and departed completely from his original intent. Curse the female brain!

Curse his love of this particular female!

"I had to." He whispered, lowering his head, chest heaving.

"Why? What had I ever done to hurt you? If anything, you owe your life to me." She gathered herself and walked towards him, tender and strong all at once.

"A life I never wanted. That was a suicide attempt, you know."

"I gathered as much. It's not hard to know when a man wants to die."

"I had nothing to live for. The woman I loved had left, at my command, to marry her lover and I had nothing left. Death was a welcome friend." Her hand brushed his shoulder, an expected gesture of kindness from a woman he had wronged so terribly.

"I tried...I hoped I had died when I woke but I found instead, this Spaniard living in my darling's room, commanding me to get off her. So spirited, so bold." He looked up at her, and remembered how soft that cheek had felt under his finger when he tapped her awake. "She never cried from my temper. She never backed down from a fight. I thought I could live with her and not fall under her spell." His chin hit his head and Candela stared at him for several moments, a revelation tugging at her mind.

It couldn't be, could it? He still loved Christine, didn't he? Well, it wasn't like her heart could hurt anymore so she decided to take the plunge.

"You love me." She stated. He cried, dropping to his knees before her and clinging to the corner of her robe. Tears soaked the material. Her heart went out to the sobbing man at her feet. She sank to her knees and cradled him against her bosom, allowing him to cry as long as he needed.

"Erik's so sorry! Erik's so sorry!" He sobbed, clutching with claw hands at her robe. "Marry the Marquis! Put yourself beyond my grasp!" A quiet smile covered her lips. Even if he hadn't actually said he loved her, his actions proved it enough. Exquisite happiness, dampened by his poor reaction, flooded her and she held him even closer. I have a chance against the perfect Christine!

"Don't you dare apologize. I love you too. And, I'm not marrying the Marquis, not now, not ever. Get that through your thick skull." She ran her fingers through his thinning hair and patted his back.

"Forgive me! Don't ever leave! I beg you, don't ever leave me! I never meant to hurt you! I only wanted to help." His body shook less with real sobs and rapidly dissolved into mere heaving. Her gentle rubbing, tangible through his suit coat, soothed him. He even closed his eyes for a moment to enjoy the feeling of comfort.

He was no man. A man didn't beg at the feet of the woman he loved like a dog. He'd be her lap dog if she asked it of him. His heart was hers to heel or smash. She knew so much that could kill him. His fingers released her robe, realizing what he had been doing in his fit of grief.

"I'm sorry." He pulled away, missing her touch the moment he left her arms but he couldn't clutch at her. She wouldn't appreciate it.

"I told you, don't apologize for that." She grabbed his hands. "Don't apologize for touching me, for…" She pleasingly blushed, "loving me. Those aren't things that need forgiveness for."

"What I must ask forgiveness for?" He demanded, leaning forward. "Tell me!"

"For firing me so unceremoniously." His head dropped. "I understand you had some sort of a muddle reason why but there was no reason for such an insult to my person."

"Forgive me for firing you and insulting you and hurting you. Please? I'll do anything!" His mind raced to think of ways to win her forgiveness, to earn that blessing. Perhaps jewels? Or dresses? Or my own humiliation? What would please her enough?

"Forgiven." Sweet words offered without a single bribe. His breath eased and he pressed her hands to his masked face, a few stray tears falling to her palms. As he held her hands so tenderly, his mind cast back over the words exchanged between them and landed on a set, most surprising. She couldn't have meant them?

"Candela…" He whispered, keeping his face hidden away in her hands to avoid seeing her face. She would revolt of course. She hadn't meant them way he thought she had. There were so many kinds of love. If friendship was all she would offer, he would take, greedy monster he was.

"What?"

"What did you mean when you said…said…" He bit his tongue and dared to continue, "that…you…love…me…too." Will she take them back?

"Exactly that." The brunette replied calmly, as if it were any other question she had been asked. "I love you. With all your faults, with all your failings. Do you love me?"

"How could you even ask?" He raised his golden eyes to peer into her eyes and smiled slightly. "How I could I not love you?" A broad smile covered her face as she pulled away her hands, sending a spark of terror into his chest, only for it to melt away as she embraced him, pressing her face into his shoulder.

His eyes closed and he wrapped his arms around her, too exhausted to disbelieve her. Tomorrow, when the sun rose, he would doubt her. When his mind escape the comfort, she offered, he would demand proof. But, for now, he would accept.

And, when everything came crashing down the following day, when she realized who she had confessed love for in the dark of night, he would have that night to remember.

One sweet memory among all the others.

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Author's Note:

Dear Readers,

Well, here's your chapter after a long wait! It just wasn't coming together so that's why it took so long for me to finish. It just wouldn't write! But, I hope my readership hasn't abandoned me after a month's absence. I hope to bring you the last few chapters fairly soon. I hoped you enjoy and drop a review if you want. I love reading them.

sarahandmarquis