Blaine's hurt puppy look, hurt his heart, but he couldn't help it...he felt like shit. And nothing was helping. He knew that this pregnancy was going to be tough, he was 41 years old, too old to be going through all of this again. His body couldn't handle it. Not like it had handled being pregnant in his 20's, and he couldn't stand the looks from everyone.
The sympathetic looks, the guilty looks, the winces, and flinches, and sad looks. Even from his parents.
He was in a foul mood, and worst of all, he was in constant pain. The doctors had told him that it was probably his hips aligning to the pregnancy, but he hadn't had it with any of the others, and it was so sharp. Every time he sat up to straight, or stood up to quickly, or bent over to retrieve something, he would get a sharp shooting pain through his back and his ass, and he had to gasp and ease himself down until it went away.
And it was only getting worse, the more pressure the baby put on it.
The kids didn't talk to him much, he had a tendency to snap at them, and Puck and Sam. Blaine was the only one who didn't take any of his crap, the mood swings bounced off of his husband, who was a constant for him, which he appreciated.
Blaine knew he was feeling like crap, that he hadn't really wanted to go through it again, and every time Kurt let out a hiss or gasp of pain, Blaine was there with him, holding him, and trying to comfort him.
Sam had also not been able to get close enough to Kurt, to tell them the sex of the baby, Kurt's personal space was his private bubble right now, and with him being so irritable, it wasn't a good idea.
So they relied on the scan they would be having at 19 weeks.
Sebastian seemed to be the only one other than Blaine, who didn't take his irritability personally, he could snark with the best of them, so Kurt's temper and his insults bounced off of him too. He would just smirk at him and walk away until Kurt calmed down, then go back and try to talk to him again.
He had taken over when Blaine had not been around, if he was at work, Sebastian was there, helping Kurt and keeping him company, trying to make him laugh when he felt shitty, or bringing him snacks, or making him a drink, or pushing him down into the couch when he though Kurt needed to rest.
At 19 weeks their scan revealed that it was a girl, and Blaine had burst into happy tears. Kurt let out a happy laugh, and rubbed over his stomach, as the nurse left them alone for a few minutes.
Blaine had been talking Kurt's ear off about names, and Kurt sighed contentedly, just letting blaine pick out whatever name he wanted to, it was Kurt's choice to leave it up to Blaine this time. After finding out, Kurt didn't feel as stress, he was starting to become excited, and he felt happy.
He started gaining back his weight at 20 weeks, as the sickness ebbed off, and he felt tons better. Everyone noticed, he smiled more, he laughed, he even had conversations with everyone that didn't involve some kind of stress or breakdown.
It was getting easier to deal with. If only he could get rid of the pain.
Sebastian was helping Kurt tidy the bedrooms, the kids had all been a little late for school that morning, so they had all rushed around trying to find things for school, and had left in a hurry, leaving Kurt to deal with the tidying up. It was a good thing that Sebastian was with him, because he doubted he would have been able to do it all, he was 24 weeks tomorrow, and in a lot of pain today.
His hips hurt, his back hurt, and he felt terrible. He was in Elizabeth's room, after finishing tidying up Alex's, and he had just bent over to retrieve Elizabeth's I-pod, which had fallen off of her night stand when he moved the lamp, and an almighty pain shot through and made him crumple to his knees.
He tried gasping in a breath or two, but the pain was so intense, he screamed.
Sebastian had come running in to see what was going on, and Kurt was trying to get himself up from the floor, but another wave of pain burst through him and he suddenly felt very wet.
"Oh my...fuck!" Sebastian shouted as he looked at Kurt, writhing on the floor in pain, and he stood stock still as he watched a puddle of dark blood flow around him, "Shit...shit...what do I do?!"
Sebastian screaming in shock, didn't help the way Kurt felt, he was groaning and grunting as the pain intensified and he sat on the floor, no longer having any strength in his legs to keep him up and Sebastian shot forward to ease Kurt down to the floor, before he ran out of the room.
"S-seba- Seb- b-bastian..." Kurt gasped out, feeling too dizzy and weak to concentrate, and his vision went blurred as Sebastian ran back into the room, with his phone in his hand, talking quickly to somebody.
Kurt's brain was slowing down, and above his own heartbeat in his ears, he could only make out some words.
"...pregnant...bleeding everywhere...10 minutes...please..."
Kurt felt faint, and he looked down at his pants, they were dark with something he wasn't sure what, he couldn't think, and it was a struggle to keep his eyes open.
"Seb-b-basti- S-seb..." He tried calling for his friend, but his voice was strained and breathy and he couldn't form coherent words, and Sebastian was talking again on the phone.
"I can't!...Kurt...ambulance...needs you!...so much...hurry!"
"Seb-"
"I'm here, Kurt, I'm..." Sebastian had appeared right in Kurt's line of vision, although blurry, and he grabbed at Kurt's hand, his hand shaking, "I've got you...ambulance...on...way!"
Sebastian's voice sounded far away, and Kurt felt like he couldn't breathe, and he was cold.
"...URT!"
"Ugh..." was all Kurt could say as his eyes kept slipping closed, and he felt Sebastian shake him.
"...urt!...be ok...please...don't!...Blaine...I'm sor...Kurt!.."
Kurt had stopped hearing now, everything silent. The blackness was creeping into the edges of his vision, and he felt at peace, and calm. The pain was also ebbing away, he felt numb.
"T-tell h..im...I lo...ve him..." He gasped out quietly as he felt Sebastian try to call to him and shake him, and then he let go.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Blaine had arrived home as the ambulance crew did, and he let them in quickly, ascending the stairs two at a time, to get up there to Kurt and Sebastian quickly. But when he turned into Elizabeth's doorway he paused for a moment, it was like the scene out of a horror movie, Sebastian sat cradling Kurt to him, kneeling on the floor, yelling at him to open his eyes, and there was a huge pool of blood soaking into the carpet.
Blaine was pushed aside as the ambulance crew came through the door, and attended Kurt quickly, checking his vitals and then setting up a few things, before loading him quickly onto a stretcher and hauling him back downstairs and out into the ambulance.
Hunter arrived as the ambulance was pulling away and Blaine pointed inside to Sebastian as he climbed into the back of the ambulance with Kurt.
The crew worked on him in the ambulance, keeping an I.V line in his arm, as they raced through the traffic towards the hospital, Blaine catching a few words of what they said to the hospital staff as they waited on his arrival, something about surgery and massive blood loss, critical condition, Blaine tuned them out after a while, staring down at his unconscious husband.
Kurt was pale, and cold, unresponsive. Blaine felt sick, and the grief and sadness that washed over him nearly choked him, tears were running down his face. He was in shock. He knew it.
As they pulled up to the hospital the crew unloaded him and rushed him straight through the doors, doctors and nurses talking over each other, to set things up for Kurt, and Blaine followed after them until one nurse turned him to the waiting area to sit. Blaine wanted to protest but as they rushed Kurt into the double doors into surgery he compliantly went and sat down in a chair.
As he sat he thought about what he had just seen.
It was absolutely terrifying, what he had walked in on, it made him sick with worry, and sick to his stomach too. All that blood, Kurt's body, pale, lifeless.
He shivered as the dread set in.
Blaine hated not knowing what was happening.
Kurt was in surgery and he was sitting in the waiting area, hands running through his hair, which was a mess by now, and tears streaming down his cheeks. He wasn't sobbing but the tears just would not stop.
He was literally going out of his mind with not knowing what was going on, was he losing Kurt? The baby? Both?
He needed to know.
He had been going over and over all kinds of things in his mind, different scenarios with what would happen if he lost Kurt, or the baby, or what would happen if he lost both, it made him sick. It was giving him a headache, but he couldn't stop the images from appearing.
He had been sitting here for an hour already and he needed to do something, he needed somebody to tell him something, anything. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, he wanted to rip everything apart, he wanted to punch something. He was angry, he was sad, he was depressed, he felt like his head was going to explode.
Blaine felt jittery, like his body wasn't his own, like everything had gone numb.
Shaking his head, he walked over to a nearby wall and sat against it, banging his head against it to stop the images inside, before curling in on himself and placing his head in his hands, and bringing his knees up around his chest.
He had his palms tight over his eyes to stop the water coming from them, but it was no use, it wouldn't stop, and he took deep calming breaths, as he tried to keep his headache at bay.
He sat like that for another 20 minutes, and the guys arrived, picking him up off of the floor and placing him in a seat as they all sat around him. One of them asked if he knew anything yet, but he shook his head lightly and sat with his palms over his eyes, still warding off the headache.
He felt 3 hands touch him in comfort, one on his back, one in his hair, and one on his knee, rubbing soothingly.
He appreciated the comfort of his pack, his friends, his family, his brothers, but it did nothing to ease his mind.
After another 30 minutes sitting in silence, a doctor walked from the direction Kurt was taken and called out for 'Anderson-Hummel', Blaine shot up out of his seat to shake the doctor's hand, the doctor gestured for Blaine to follow him so that they could talk, and he hesitated before looking back at the guys with a grim expression.
Puck, Sam and Sebastian all gave him an encouraging look, but the fear in each of their eyes reflected Blaine's own, and with a deep breath he followed after the doctor.
The doctor lead him down a short hallway and into a little office, asking Blaine to take a seat, as he sat beside him.
"I'm going to be blunt about the information, Mr Hummel-Anderson-" The doctor said as he looked at his hands.
"Call me Blaine, please." Blaine interrupted and the doctor gave him a kind smile.
"Ok, Blaine."
"Go ahead doc." Blaine was shaking with nerves, but he urged the doctor on.
"The baby is stable, she's been taken into the Neo-Natal Emergency Care Unit because she was extremely early and underdeveloped, her lungs weren't fully developed yet, so she's on oxygen, steroids and has a feeding tube in her stomach to gain weight quickly." The doctor explained and Blaine let out a sigh of relief.
"Ok."
The doctor nodded.
"We are very hopeful that she will make a quick recovery, babies are very resilient, and even though she was early, she is a fighter." He said as he gave a small smile.
"She gets that from Kurt." Blaine said with a wistful look and the doctor's smile faded.
"Yes, now about Kurt." He said solemnly and Blaine braced himself for bad news.
"Please, just tell me." He said as tears sprung to his eyes again.
"When Kurt was brought in to theater, he had already lost a massive amount of blood, but it had nothing to do with the baby, although the pregnancy was a complication. It was a small abruption in his birth canal, and it had probably been there for some time, before it ruptured. It caused massive internal bleeding, but we were successful in stopping the cause of it, he had to have two blood transfusions while he was in theater, and we had to resuscitate him, twice."
"He died?...Twice?" Blaine gasped.
"Nearly, but we managed to stabilize his body with more blood and medication, but his body had started to shut down while in surgery, and we had to induce a coma to stop it." The doctor explained and Blaine's face paled.
"A...a...c-coma?" He stammered out and the doctor nodded.
"A medically induced one, yes."
"But he'll be ok?" Blaine asked with a tiny bit of hope in his voice, and the doctor sighed a little before answering.
"Mr Hummel-An-"
"Blaine."
"Blaine...your husband's condition is very serious. From a strictly professional standing point, I'm not allowed to tell you that he will be ok, his prognosis isn't good, but the next 48 hours will be crucial to his recovery."
Blaine felt his heart drop into his stomach, filling him with dread as the doctor continued.
"If he makes it through the next 2 days, without any complications arising, his prognosis would look a little brighter, but as of now, from a medical point of view, I can't make a decision on whether or not he will make a full recovery."
"So, h-he...might never...w-wake up?" Blaine choked as the words left his mouth, and the doctor sighed sadly.
"It's a very real possibility, at this point. But like I said, the next 48 hours will be crucial as a turning point and will tell us where we go from there. But I can't give you false promises, I'm afraid."
"I...I understand," Blaine said while the tears came through again, "C-can I see him?"
"Not right now, the team is still assessing and setting up the room, but they should be finished in about 30 minutes, and then he should be cleared for family visitation."
"Ok, what about my daughter?"
"She should be cleared already for you to visit her, did you want me to take you down there?" The doctor said politely and Blaine shook his head slowly, feeling a little faint right now.
"No, that's ok, I'll go soon-"
"Of course," the doctor said and stood as Blaine did, showing him back out the way he had come down, "It's a trying time, even for the best of us, to be going through. I wish you and your family the best. If you need to talk about anything, have the nurses page Doctor Phillis ok?"
"Thank you." Blaine said and the doctor nodded and left.
Blaine felt numb as he walked back to his pack, all of their worried faces fixed on him as he slumped back down into his chair and then the dam burst and he wept.
"Blaine what's going on?" Sam asked frantically as he held Blaine close to him, and Puck looked like he was near to pulling out his hair.
"What's the news, man?" Puck asked with a worried face and Blaine took a deep breath as Sam and Sebastian sat him upright.
"Erm...b-baby's ok, she's tiny but she's a fighter...and they're hopeful about it." He choked out before the overwhelming sadness hit him again.
"And Kurt?" Sebastian asked as Blaine's face crumple again, "He's ok right?"
"I-I..."
"Blaine!" Burt's voice called from down the hall as he and Carole came rushing down, both with tears in their eyes and Carole rushed forward to gather Blaine in her arms.
"Oh sweetheart..." She said as she clung to him tightly and he sobbed into her shoulder for a moment, as she shushed him.
"So what the doctor say, about Kurt and the baby?" Burt asked as the guys all stood around, looking worried.
Blaine pulled back from Carole and wiped his eyes, as he threw her a grateful smile.
"Baby's fine, she's in the Emergency Care Unit," He told them and Burt and Carole both sighed a little in relief, "but she's good, she's fighting."
"Oh that's good...and Kurt?" Carole asked and Blaine felt his resolve crumpling again, and she held onto his hand tightly.
"He erm...is a-...he's in a coma." he choked out and she gasped as she covered her mouth with her hand, and then embraced him again.
"A coma?" Burt asked in shock as everyone else fell silent, and Blaine nodded.
"They can't give me a definite answer about if he will wake up-"
"If?" Puck interrupted, but Blaine continued.
"-but the doctor said the next 48 hours would be crucial for Kurt, and he lost a lot of blood, there was a rupture in the lining of his birth canal, and they had to resuscitate him twice..."
"Shit." Puck said loudly as tears came to him and he walked off a little to get his composure back.
"What happens now?" Sebastian asked shakily as he wrapped an arm around Blaine.
"We wait."
Carole could see that this news had hit Blaine hard, and she resolved to help in any way she could, her skills as a mother coming to the surface. She was absolutely crushed at the news, but her little family needed her and she glanced at Burt, sharing a look before she stood. Burt took her place next to Blaine on the chair, and she turned to the rest of the guys.
"Boys, could you help me get coffees and something to eat for everyone?" She said in a kind, motherly way and they all nodded and followed her lead, she leaned down to Burt and Blaine and whispered, "Be back soon."
Once Blaine was alone with Burt, he let go. Sobbing into his hands as his father-in-law wrapped his huge arms around him.
"Burt I-i can't..." Blaine tried to get his words out through his sobs, but he couldn't.
"Ssh, it's ok, I've got ya kid." Burt said as the tears streamed down his own face, disappearing into his son-in-law's dark curls under his chin.
"I c-can't do it...what am I...suppose to...do...without him?...I c-can't do it...I can't...l-live without him...Burt, I can't...I c-can't..." Blaine's words were so choked that Burt had trouble understanding him, and the sobs were so painful sounding that Burt felt his throat tighten up a little too.
"Hey, hey, stop. No-one has said that you're going to lose him." Burt said into Blaine's hair, and held him a little more tightly, trying to comfort him, "For all we know, no news is good news right?...We have to be positive...for Kurt and for the kids."
"Yeah, I know...but I just-"
"I know...this shit is killing me too...and I can't imagine what you're going through, but listen..." He said as he pulled back, and made Blaine look up at him, watching Blaine's red rimmed eyes and heart-breaking expression, "Carole and me, we're gonna stick around. We'll take care of the kids, the house, and the guys, and you just focus on Kurt and my new granddaughter."
"...thank you..."
"But I want you to promise me, that if this situation starts getting overwhelming, that you ask us for help, ok? We'll be all too happy to help out." He said almost firmly and Blaine gave him a small smile, before he crumpled back against Burt's chest again.
"Thanks, Burt, I-I..."
"You don't have to thank me, it's what families do." Burt told him as he gathered Blaine back into his arms, holding him tightly, while stroking one hand into his hair, trying to hold onto some comfort for himself too, "We'll be ok...we'll be ok."
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Burt and Carole were a huge help, Blaine had to think of some way, somehow, to thank them after this whole ordeal was over. They took care of his family, their family, while he turned his focus onto taking care of his comatose husband and his premature daughter.
Blaine had the nurses teach him what wires he could move aside, and what wires he needed to avoid, while he washed Kurt. He had the nurses teach him about the sponge baths, and what to do and how to do it. How to change the sheets with Kurt laying on them, how to roll him safely.
He shaved him everyday, brushed, washed and styled his hair, as best he could while in the position he was, he rubbed all of the lotions on his face and skin, knowing his mate would be very particular about his skincare, he made sure nothing was out of place.
After 2 weeks had come and gone with no significant changes, Blaine had then been shown how to do Kurt's exercises to keep his muscles from wasting.
Blaine had formed quite the rapport with all the nurses, he joked around with them, they were always interested when Blaine would regale them with a story from his and Kurt's life together, or about the kids.
His daughter was growing stronger everyday, before he knew it, she was 3 weeks old, and weighed nearly 3 pounds, in a few more weeks she would make it to optimum weight and size, and she would be allowed to go home. Blaine was so sure that Kurt would have been awake by then, but all tests and checks had turned up no change, no negative or positive, it was still the same.
Blaine was starting to lose sleep, he had been awake at this point in time, for over 50 hours, going back and forth between his daughter and his husband, sitting and talking to Kurt during the night, or while he bathed him, and then spending time with his daughter, whom he was allowed to hold now, and feeding her, changing her and cooing over her.
He had been singing to her while he fed her, after hurrying down to her after Kurt's morning shave, and rocking her to sleep for every nap time, after he had completed Kurt's exercises, he then fed her again in the afternoon, after he had given Kurt his bath, and then rocked her to sleep again before walking back to Kurt and sitting and holding his hand for the rest of the day.
His daughter wasn't allowed out of the unit, so he couldn't take her to Kurt's room, but he was allowed to hold her and that was good enough for Blaine.
So far, Sebastian, Hunter, Puck and Sam had been to visit Kurt and the baby.
Sebastian had had to be dragged away when he refused to let go of Kurt, sobbing into Kurt's chest about how sorry he is, and that it shouldn't have been him, and that he was such a coward that he froze in shock when Kurt needed him.
Blaine had tried to comfort him but Sebastian denied that it wasn't his fault, and Puck and Hunter had to drag him from the room, crying.
Everyone loved the baby. Blaine had named her Hope.
Everyone had had a chance to hold her, Blaine let his eldest children come and say 'hi' to their little sister, but he didn't want any of them to see Kurt, thinking it wouldn't be right for them to be able to see him and not touch or talk to him.
Elizabeth, 16, and Alex, 13, both held their tiny sister for ages, smiling down at her and talking to her about their dada, and Blaine had to hold back tears when they had told her she would love him when she met him, and Sam had wrapped his arms around him.
After everyone had gone home, promising another visit soon, Blaine had collapsed into a chair in Kurt's room and fell into a fitful sleep.
It had been just over 3 weeks since Kurt had been placed into the coma, and Blaine had started to feel the strain on his heart, mind and body. He barely slept, he hardly ever ate, he was stressing himself with worry, he was losing weight, and it was starting to show how unhealthy he was by the colour of his skin.
It was dull, almost grey, and he felt ill a lot of the time, but he powered through it. He didn't want to sleep because when he did they would be filled with nightmares. He couldn't eat because his stomach was forever writhing and churning with worry.
He knew that he had promised Burt that he would let him know if he needed help, or call for a break if he felt himself slipping, but he mused that his state of mind would only be worse at home, when he wasn't with Kurt and his daughter, and he would only worry more.
A couple of days later, Burt and Carole had stopped by to see how he was doing and upon seeing how haggard and down-beaten he looked they had exchanged a glance before trying to convince him to go home for a break. Carole said that with the amount of years she had known Kurt, that she could do his hair style and his face creams, in her sleep, and Burt said he would stay with his granddaughter and spend time with her, while Blaine went home to rest, eat and sleep, and spend time with his other children.
Blaine realises after about 10 minutes, that there isn't any point in arguing with them and reluctantly he leaves, when Sebastian picks him up in the car. After an awkward and uncomfortable, but restful 2 days at home, Blaine makes his way back to the hospital. But this time Sam goes with him.
Blaine and Sam become a cohesive and efficient team, taking shifts. They both promise Burt to keep each others heads above water, and to switch out when one of them sleeps or eats, and with a proud smile at both of them Burt and Carole leave them to it.
Sam had first watch over Hope, and Blaine over Kurt. Blaine felt the pressure melt off of his shoulders, knowing now that he wasn't alone, and it wasn't all up to him to be perfect with everything. He had shared the responsibility and it made him feel able to cope, made his burden a little lighter.
The next morning though, Blaine had to teach Sam all of the skin care regime, and describe what creams do what and go where, and then showed Sam how to do Kurt's most treasured hairstyle, and then how to do al his exercises, and after he felt that Sam could do everything efficiently, he left to go spend the 2nd day with his daughter.
They work in time, in shifts, like that until without even realising it, another whole week had gone past, marking it as now 29 days since Kurt was rushed into surgery. It had been a whole month, and while his daughter was becoming stronger everyday, Kurt still showed no outward signs of change, negative or positive, and Blaine had started to lose hope that he will ever see his husband's eyes open again.